I walked down the hall and watched as he hesitated to open the black door at the end of it. "I don't know about this. I might fall", he said looking afraid. "Someone is going to catch you", I told him and stopped beside him.
"No. No one is going to catch me. They don't want me. They want me to fall. I thought I was strong, but I have already fallen." I saw a tear rolling down his cheek.
"Then there wouldn't be anything to be scared for if that's true", I said coldly.
"Is it true? Because I'm not sure", he asked me.
"You sounded sure. You just don't want to be. Don't whine about it. They don't care about you. That is true. But I do. Now open the door", I ordered him.
"You will catch me?" he asked still uncertain. I could see his thin legs quiver inside his loose black jeans.
"I promise. I love you, remember. Now you must face what you have done and then you can come back to me. I will love you", I told him reassuringly.
Then he opened the door quietly. The darkness escalated to loneliness. But soon it would be clear a way to awaking life. "Go on", I encouraged him gently.
He slowly stepped inside holding his breath. I shut the door behind him. He was alone now, but I would be there waiting for him to open his eyes.
Dying wasn't easy sometimes and it definitely wasn't easy for me. I had succeeded in half dying, but fully wasn't what I could accomplish. Because Bella would be there, always waiting there for me to open my eyes. And I couldn't betray her, even though I always hurt her. She just would always be there. Waiting.
And I would be waking. Waking from the grips of death. I just couldn't leave from it's touch on me and I was always coming back to it. And then always back to Bella. To life.
Both of them were painful and both were so kind. I couldn't decide.
"Edward", I heard her whisper. Then I felt her warm, soft lips on mine cold, dry ones. I couldn't answer the kiss, but she knew I wanted to. I just didn't have the strength right now. If ever these days. Her tears fell on my cheeks.
"I love you. But you must stop this Edward. Don't hurt yourself like this. Eat and drink, I beg you. Don't take the knives and cut your wrists, please. Don't gulp all the white pills, I beg you. Don't leave me, I love you."
"I won't leave you", I managed to whimper. "But I can't promise you anything, because I can't promise it myself. I can't trust myself anymore, so you shouldn't too. And I am truly sorry for that."
I opened my eyes now and saw the hospital bed beneath me that I had figured out earlier. I always woke in a hospital. Never in a casket. It even seemed like I was more waking up in the hospital then in my bed.
"I help you. I heal you. Soon. Soon you're good", she said holding my hand tighter. I was fragile and I hoped she wouldn't hold my hand any tighter. It might broke. But I wanted to feel her touch. More than ever so it didn't actually matter if she broke my hand with her own. I just wanted to feel her again.
"Don't let go", I begged tears in my throat. How could I ever want to leave her? She looked at our hands and I finally could hold her hand as well when I put all my strength to it. "Never", she said strongly.
"I love you", I told her for the thousand time. "You will come back to me. And I will wait you", she said as a matter-of-fact and sat to the little chair beside to the bed. Never letting go.
I have never wrote anything this long in English, so that's probably why this sucks. But I hope you understood it a bit. I tried my best. Sorry if it wasn't good enough still.