—
A/N: Please note that the anime
was referenced rather than the
manga when writing this fic.
—

Choices

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At the pounding on his door, Roy came awake with a start; or, at least, his body did. His mind was still struggling to catch up. He'd been in a dead sleep—exhausted after a long week full of overtime and stress piled on his shoulders from his superiors.

The pounding came again and Roy threw the covers off himself and tread carefully around the books, clothes, and garbage scattered around his studio apartment. Unlatching the deadbolt, Roy pulled open the door and squinted at the light from the hallway.

"About time!" a relieved male voice said.

Blinking, Roy frowned and said, "Maes... What the... What are you doing here?"

"Just thought I'd stop by for a visit," Maes said with a grin. At the disbelieving look Roy gave him, Maes continued innocently, "What? Can't a guy visit his best friend every once in a while?"

"Maes, you live in Central. What the hell are you doing in East City...?" Roy could hear his feelings of displeasure weaved in his tone and hoped Maes would too. It was one thing to show up unexpectedly if it was at work, but at his apartment and in the middle of the night...

With a smirk plastered on his face, Maes rested his palm against the door and leaned in slightly. "Aren't you glad to see me?" he asked smoothly, lowering his voice now.

"Not really..." Roy said flatly, moving his leg behind the door in a gesture of 'defiance'. Roy wasn't a strong man physically—his power lay in the mind and in his alchemic abilities—and he knew that if Maes tried to force his way in, he was ill prepared to stop him.

Maes's face fell. "Well, that's not very nice... I came all this way just to see you and—"

"That's the problem," Roy returned bluntly. "I live in another city. It's the middle of the night. You have a family... You shouldn't be here 'just to see me'."

Maes glanced down for a moment, then shook his head. "You know I can't just forget about you that easily... I needed to see you..."

With a sigh born of weariness and exhaustion, Roy said, "You made your choice years ago. It's something I had to deal with, and I did. I've moved on. I already told you that." Or at least, he felt like he had mostly moved on. He was still attracted to Maes physically, that was just something he couldn't really help, and sometimes he missed him a lot, but the devastating loneliness was gone now. The fact that Maes was suddenly at his door and telling him exactly what he'd wanted to hear all those years ago...

Shifting the pack on his shoulder, Maes pushed a little on the door, but with Roy's leg in the way, it didn't move. "Come on, Roy..." he pleaded. "At least let me inside."

"I don't think so," Roy said mildly, not wanting to be tempted too badly. "I think you should leave." Besides, he knew manipulation when he saw it—being one to use it rather frequently himself.

"It's the middle of the night... Just let me in for tonight, I'll get a motel tomorrow."

Roy frowned. "Just how long were you planning on staying here in East City?"

"Until Sunday," Maes answered. "I thought we could spend Saturday together and then I'd go back Sunday. It was supposed to be a surprise."

Roy was definitely surprised... "I'm working tomorrow," he lied.

"I already checked before I came. I was told you've been going at your current project like a work mule, but that would only be until Friday and that you'd have the weekend off." He paused, then added, "I was also told by a reliable source that you'd made it known you were planning on taking it easy all weekend."

Roy gave him a bland look. "I don't appreciate you poking your nose in my business."

"I'm in investigations. That's what I do," Maes said with a grin. "Now let me in." He pushed on the door again, harder this time, and Roy gritted his teeth and pushed back with his knee.

"Stop it," Roy demanded. "I'm not letting you in. If you want to meet up tomorrow for lunch or something, that's fine, but—"

The door across from him opened and the head of a woman poked out. He knew her well enough as they'd been neighbors since he moved to East City and he'd even taken her out on a casual date once. Generally, she was a pleasant woman, but right now her eyes were glaring daggers at him. "Roy... I swear, if you and your friend wake up my kids you'll regret it!" she hissed.

He glanced from her to Maes who was still applying pressure to the door and sighed before moving aside to let him in. "Sorry, Melinda..." he muttered. Giving a curt nod, she pulled her head back inside and closed the door quietly.

Shutting his own door, Roy locked the deadbolt and turned on the light. Maes was already lowering his pack to the floor and opening it. "You can't stay here," Roy repeated.

"Just for the night. I'll sleep on the floor, I swear." Maes said, not looking at him but still searching in his pack.

"Why don't I believe you..." Roy muttered, then frowned even deeper when he saw what Maes was pulling out.

"I brought some wine," Maes said with a smile and heading toward the small kitchen area. Roy followed him and watched him take down two glasses from the cupboard.

"I don't drink anymore," Roy said flatly.

Maes glanced over at him with an odd smile. "Since when?"

"Since right now."

"Well then it won't be any big loss if you start up again," Maes said, pouring wine into the glasses.

Roy shook his head, frustrated at his friend's tenacity, but knowing that was also one of the things that had gotten him where he was in his career. An investigator has to be someone who was stubborn and not willing to give up, that's just the way it was.

"That's it, I'm going back to bed," Roy said irritably, glancing at the clock. It was just after two in the morning. He gave Maes a fleeting glance and noticed the look of desperate disappointment painted on his features. Sighing heavily, Roy held out a hand for one of the glasses.

"Alright, what's this about?" he asked as Maes slipped the glass into his hand.

"I wanted to see you..." Maes murmured, taking a sip of his wine.

Roy shook his head. "No, it's something else. You made a decision to give up what we had for what you wanted with Gracia. In the years since then you haven't looked back." A pause. "Until now. What's changed?"

Bringing a hand up, Maes gently touched Roy's cheek. "Let's not talk about that right now..."

Roy gave him a bland look, not willing to be sucked in by Maes's charm. "Talk or go home," Roy said.

Maes dropped his hand and his lips pulled down into a deep frown. "As I recall, you weren't too happy about me leaving. I thought you'd be glad to see me..." There was a long moment of silence as Roy refused to take the bait.

"Alright..." Maes grumbled moving around the couch—which happened to double as Roy's bed—and sitting down. "I love my family—you know I do, Roy, but..." He stopped and Roy could see he was carefully considering his words. "It's not the same anymore. Before Elysia there was this burning passion between Gracia and me; even when she was pregnant it was there." He took a sip of his wine and continued, "But after Elysia was born, I get more excuses than anything else. 'I'm tired' or 'I don't want to chance Elysia waking up' or—"

"Okay, I understand," Roy interrupted, walking to the couch and moving his pillow so that he could sit down on the other side. "If you're having problems with your wife, she's the one you should be going to, not me."

"I've tried to talk to her!" Maes said, his voice radiating stress and frustration. Glancing at Roy, he said, "I just need some physical companionship..."

They stared at each other for a long time before Roy finally said, "No."

"Why not?" Maes asked, clearly at a loss. Apparently he'd expected Roy to simply jump at the chance of being with him again.

"I'm not going to be your side fling and I refuse to be the one who you cheat on your wife with." Roy had once felt bitterness toward Gracia for stealing Maes away from him, but he'd since come to know her and she was a good woman. She didn't deserve this kind of shit. Besides, Roy had no intentions of becoming Maes's 'mistress'. If he let it happen once, it would surely happen again.

Instead of speaking, Maes simply stared at Roy, draining his glass in two large gulps. Glancing down at his own glass, Roy decided that this wasn't the time for wine and set the glass on the end table.

He wanted to be strong—for Gracia and for himself—but his friend wasn't making it easy. Glancing up, Roy saw the hungry predatory look in Maes's eyes. It was the same look Maes often gave him years ago when he wanted sex and Roy wondered if Maes knew how hard this was for him. Probably... No, Roy was sure Maes knew. He had no doubts that Maes was doing everything he could to get him to give in.

"You can't stay," Roy finally said. "You can't. You have to go."

Setting his glass down on the end table near his side of the couch, Maes moved a little closer and said quietly, "Why? I'm just sitting here... I already promised I'd just sleep on the floor..."

"You also promised that you were waiting for me in the letters you sent me when I was in Ishbal," Roy shot back, feeling a stab of the old bitterness and pain. It had been so hard, coming home to find that he was going to be dealing with the trauma of war alone. Oh, Maes had still been there for him—but as a friend, not his lover.

"That's not fair..." Maes said, looking hurt.

"You're right," Roy said resentfully. "It's not."

There was a moment of silence before Maes reached out and rested a hand on Roy's knee. "Roy, my feelings for you never went away, but..." Roy raised an eyebrow, waiting for the excuse. "Let's not talk about this. Let's just have this time together..."

"You're lousy," Roy said, then pointedly plucked Maes's hand off his knee. "The truth is that you like to run when the going gets tough. I needed you when I came back from Ishbal. I needed the man who said he would stand by me through everything. But you couldn't handle being a lone for a measly six months and when you realized what a mess I was in, you didn't want to handle it."

"Now, that really isn't fair!" Maes objected indignantly. "I was there for you—"

"When it was convenient for you," Roy finished. "Now life isn't the sparkly fairytale it was and you are trying to run again." He stopped and searched the face he'd fallen in love with so many years ago, then said, "You're not going to run to me. Go back home and deal with your problems like a real man, Maes. You have a wife and a daughter to think about. It's not all about you anymore."

Was it ever? Roy wondered, thinking about what he and Maes had once had. The silence was thick and the only sound to be heard was the ticking of the second hand on the clock.

"You know I'm right," Roy said softly.

Finally, Maes nodded. "You're right..." he said faintly. "I just..." He dropped his gaze. "I don't know what to do..."

Roy sighed and stood up tiredly. "Why don't you go back to Central, get a babysitter for Elysia, take Gracia out to a nice dinner and maybe dancing, take her to an expensive hotel where you arranged for the room to be filled with flowers, and spend some quality time together."

Maes nodded thoughtfully. "Not a bad idea..."

Grabbing Maes hand, Roy pulled him up and started leading him to the door. "Of course it is; it came from me. I'm full of fantastic ideas," he said wryly.

Roy grabbed Maes's overnight pack and thrust it into his arms. "Well?"

"Now?" Maes asked, blinking in surprise. Roy stared at him silently. He was not letting Maes stay here. There was no way he would be able to resist Maes picking away at his defenses all night. When Maes didn't say anything, Roy walked over to the door, unlocked it, opened it, and motioned with his hand that Maes was to leave.

"You're serious," Maes finally said, walking over to the door. With a heavy sigh, Maes stepped halfway out, then stopped and looked at Roy. "Not even for one night, huh?"

"No."

"Roy..." Maes said, serious now. "I really do still have some feelings for you..."

With a tired sigh, Roy groaned and dropped his head. "Don't do this to me, Maes..."

"Please don't make me go," Maes pleaded softly.

Roy closed his eyes and breathed in calming breaths. He was so close to giving in. It was so hard to ignore the voice telling him that no one would know, that it would only be for one night, that just once wouldn't hurt... But he did ignore it, because he knew they were just lies. Eventually, someone would find out, if he let it happen once it would happen again, and in the end someone would end up getting hurt.

Opening his eyes and lifting his head, Roy looked steadily into Maes's eyes and said, "There is no reason for you to stay here." He lifted a hand and pushed Maes the rest of the way out the door. "Go home."

And with that, he closed the door firmly. Securing the lock, Roy stared at the door for several minutes before turning and glancing around. The bottle of wine was still on the counter, and a glass sat on each end table, but other than that there was no evidence Maes had ever been there.

Feeling suddenly alone and depressed, Roy turned off the light and stumbled back to the couch, where he picked his pillow up, tossed it back on the couch, and laid down. In the darkness, he honestly admitted to himself that he wasn't so sure if he was glad that he did the right thing or not, but sleep was quick to arrive and he didn't have to dwell on it for long.