Buh-Bye Young Master...

(By darkblaziken and snowylavendermist)

(yes, two people are co-writing this)

There was a tiny, almost timid knock on the door.

Hector, Supreme Marquess Extraordinarie of Ostia, defender of good and slayer of evil, villainous bosses, Nergal and lumpy fire dragons, looked up from the mess of paperwork on his table (Elimine, doesn't simply he hate looking at accounts and diplomatic junk. Why do people even bother…After all, what can't be solved using an axe), expecting to see his darling, lovely and absolutely gorgeous-in-red-lingerie wife at the door.

His jaw dropped.

Not because his wife was standing there in red lingerie.

"Matthew, since when did you knock on the door before you came in?" The last time he came in, he sneaked up and scared the living daylights out of him, making him spill ink all over the 94 page documents for Bern's diplomatic negotiations (yes, they had problems) and he had to write all that 94 pages of incomprehensible words all over again…

Matthew strode in, completely unaffected by what Hector had just said. He wore the professional expressionless spymaster I-kill-without-batting-an-eyelash look which he only used on missions and when he wanted to try and prevent himself from committing a murder on Ostian grounds and creating a nice dead Serra.

Hector shuddered. This was downright creepy.

"Milord. I have something for you." He dropped a brown envelope neatly on top of the financial statements Hector was working on.

Hector's jaw, if possible, dropped even further.

Firstly, Matthew was never one to go through all the proper paperwork (in his own words, screw the red tape and bring a pair of scissors), and here he was, with a brown envelope, complete with the wax seal used by the head of the Ostian spy network (Hector took a while to recall this; he hadn't seen this seal ever since he promoted Matthew, who usually just left all the paperwork to the paper shredder).

. Next, Matthew had called him milord. According to past experience, Matthew called him 'young master' within earshot, and 'that lumbering lout that I am slave to' out of earshot.

"Um. Matthew. You. Urgh. Matthew. You. Are you feeling alright today?" He sought for possible reasons to explain the peculiar behaviour. "Did Oswin threaten to send you shopping with Serra for clothes again? Did Serra threaten to ask Lucius to marry the two of you in secret again? Dammit, can you stop giving me that look? If you really want to know, you are starting to look like Jaffar when I told him that his hair looked like a Christmas porcupine!" Hector snatched up the brown envelope with great annoyance, and tore the seal open.

Out fell a piece of parchment titled "Resignation Letter".

Hector's eye twitched.

This was not happening.

Matthew took another step with great difficulty, then stopped to rest, panting. He was hot, tired, sweaty and had been walking for the past three hours and finally, the gates of Ostia was looming over him.

Finally…

Looking downwards, he glared his feet. "Alright, I'm at the Ostian gates."

No response.

"I said, I'm at the Ostian gates!"

Still no response.

"Would you two please kindly let go of my feet?" he snapped in annoyance. "I've been dragging the two of you for the past 20 miles. Isn't this a little extreme?"

No response.

"Serra, Lord Hector," Matthew sighed. "Could you PLEASE let go of my legs now?"

"Never!" Both the weights clamped onto his legs cried unanimously.

"Matthew, how could you leave me alone in Castle Ostia?" Serra screamed, on the verge of tears. She tightened her grip on Matthew's leg, her painted fingernails digging into his trousers. "Won't you miss all those lovely goodnight kisses I give you?"

Thank Elimine her aim was trashy. So far, he had always managed to dodge her pudgy pink lips smeared with lip gloss, lip liner, lip balm, lip moisturizer, lip refresher and lipstick. The walls behind him, of course, never had much luck.

To think that day Oswin was complaining about dubious pink glittery things on the walls.

"Matthew!" Hector howled. "After all that we have been through, is this how you repay my kindness to you as a servant?" He tightened his grip on Matthew's leg too, cutting off the blood flow.

Kindness? Yeah right. Two threats of impending death, three murder attempts and 2 gold a month was very kind indeed.

Only if your definition of kind is the mistreatment of your loyal servant.

Matthew shifted uncomfortably. Both his legs were going numb. According to Guy, Priscilla had said that Erk's mentor's mentor's father had said that when your legs go numb, they would turn black and fall off soon.

Personally, he thought that Karel's hair was of a nice colour, but he did not particularly like the idea that his legs were going to turn the same shade of charcoal, even if the charcoal was glossy, silky and sleek.

Which man in Elibe would want sleek legs?

He paused for a minute. He could think of someone, and that someone was the person he was hoping to see a day from now. Hopefully, he would accept his request to stay and help out at the orphanage…

"Look, I have to go now," he glared at the two burdens clamped to him. "Really, Lucius is expecting me tomorrow, and it wouldn't be nice to be late on the first day of work."

"I don't care!" Serra whined. "Mattie-poo is mine!"

"I don't care!" repeated Hector. "Matthew you were Ostia's and the crown's and therefore my brother's and therefore mine!"

"You really won't let go?" Matthew huffed, crossing his arms. "Not even for a mascara wand and a one-way ticket to the arena?"

"Never!" Hector and Serra had never ever worked together in perfect coordination before. This was a first.

"Not even for two mascara wands and a two-way ticket to the arena?" He was getting a little nervous. His nerves had more or less stopped working in his legs.

"Never!" This was in perfect coordination with a tightened glomp.

"Not even for the entire of Lady Louise's mascara set, face masks and lipstick collection and a permanent residence in the loft of the arena?" He was sweating, and turning hysterical. He could almost see his flesh turning dark, shiny and smooth through the thin fabric of his trousers.

Nooooooo! I don't want hairless long gleaming black legs!

He gritted his teeth. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He whistled to the butcher in his stall along the road. "Hey! I need you're the biggest wyvern leg that you have!" He tossed the bewildered butcher a red gem.

Screw the red gem. I need to save my legs.

The butcher handed him a slab of meat as big as himself.

"Oof!" Matthew staggered under the weight. If it had not been for the two weights holding him down, he would have toppled right through the gates of Ostia.

Propping himself straight, he took careful aim.

Here goes nothing…

He dropped the slab of wyvern leg onto the two heads latched onto his legs like two leeches.

Instantly, the two pairs of arms let go. The heads were pinned to the ground by the wyvern leg. He wished he could have seen Serra's expression at being covered by a stinking carcass, but her face was buried under a sea of sunflower yellow fat that was oozing.

Now, I make my escape on my saved hairy legs.

Whistling, Matthew wiped the oil on his hands onto Serra's cloak, then stuffed them into his pocket before making his way out of the gates of Ostia.

Finally, I am a free man once more.

Authors' Notes:

Darkblaziken: laughing uproariously at her own fic now

snowylavendermist: laughing uproariously at darkblaziken's reaction

Both: We hope you have enjoyed this and please review and give suggestions! Oh, and if you have special requests, please tell us in a review and we would do our best to put it into the story! BTW, this story is mainly about how Matthew got replaced by Astol since we feel that there is this stark contrast in abilities, both appearance-wise and occupation-wise. So we would have many characters coming up to try their luck! Be prepared to be bedazzled by the shimmering Lucius, the taciturn Raven, the talkative chatterbox who wears lip balm, lip stick, lip refresher...(we all know who that is), the marvellously Christmassy and festive Jaffar and many more!

*We hope to have cameo appearances from other continents...if we can somehow invite them over...

Matthew: Hey everyone! Hanging around too to see how Ostia fares without me! Now Hector will finally regret mistreating me. 2 gold pieces a month, what kind of salary is that! That's purely worker abuse!

Darkblaziken: Hey Matthew! How's your new job!

Matthew: Yeah, it's well, kinda heavy...

snowylavendermist: You mean the kids at Lucius' orphanage are overweight?

Lucius: HEYYYYY!

snowylavendermist: *ducks Aureola* *gets hit by Luce* *gets fried by lightning* *dodges divine* *faints from concussion due to heal staff*

Matthew: Well...you see...Serra and Hector were...kinda hard to drag you know...kinda heavy...*ducks Serra's mend staff* I meant Hector...*ducks Wolf Beil* But anyways...it's like now, I have like 4 people glomping me?

*camera shifts to focus on Matthe's body*

Matthew: This one here is Chad *raises right leg*. This one here is Cath *raises left leg*. This one here is Lugh *raises right hand* and this one here is *Ray*. And for all fangirls! CHAD IS NOT MY SON! Period!

*Lucius tries to clean Matthew's mouth with a bar of Louise's fragrant bath soaps*

Darkblaziken: Sigghhhhhh~ Anyways, stay tuned!