AN: So I read somewhere that Cissnei was raised in an orphanage, but I also remember her saying she was raised by Shin-Ra, and that she was found on their doorstep. Does anyone else remember that, or am I just making things up? Well, whatever. Correct me in the reviews.
A name does not matter. You are only given a name so that people have something to call you. Names can be changed. Names mean nothing. Your name is not a part of you. All that matters is your name, and your skills.
Cissnei hasn't had that many names, but she had had enough names to know that a name doesn't matter. After all, her life began on the doorstep of Shin-Ra; without a name, without a mother, without a past. No one knew why she was there. Was she a bastard child of President Shinra? Daughter of his son, Rufus Shinra? Child of a SOLDIER? Sibling of a Turk? No one knew. She was faceless, nameless, a blank canvas. Just what Shin-Ra needed. Another child they could train to be emotionless, the perfect killing machine.
She didn't have a name back in those early years. Mostly just 'girl' or 'brat' or a long string of numbers that she can no longer remember. Those early years are not particularly memorable. It was a strange life; a life of training to fight since the day she could stand on her own. A life of being fed Shin-Ra propaganda and being told those lies were the truth. A life in which she was always being watched. A life without siblings, parents or friends. A life in which she was always alone, and had to learn how to fend for herself in a cruel world.
Cissnei lived a lonely life. She didn't mind though. You can't miss what you've never had. And while she always felt like something was missing, Shin-Ra was all she'd ever known. She didn't have a good life, but it did make her strong. Living just a strange childhood made her who she was. Is.
She was the youngest person to ever join the Turks; a record that still remains unbroken. Should she be proud of that? Cissnei doesn't know. It wasn't hard to become a Turk; all they did was fight, and fighting was what Cissnei did best.
The first real name she received was 'Shuriken', for her weapon choice. Not even a real name. Just a word. Cissnei also doesn't mind that. Something, anything, everything is better than 'girl'. Or 'brat'. Or even worse 'bitch.' She wasn't called that too often, which is good. Still, even once or twice was enough to hurt.
Joining the Turks is good for Cissnei. She learns how to act around other people. She learns about teamwork. She learns to care. She learns how to be social, although she still isn't too good at that. People accuse Cissnei of being 'too motherly' or 'too bossy' with her fellow members. She can't help being that way. The Turks are the only family she has ever know. Cissnei cares for them. She wants to protect them; make sure they all stay safe. Most of them just blow her off. They hate being told what to do by a girl half their age. But sometimes there are those rare occasions where Cissnei's protectiveness pays off. And then they are grateful. They are grateful to have her around, even though they will still call her annoying.
Cissnei likes those moments the best. When she does something good for her family.
But still, the Turks are still not truly. her family. Not entirely. Everyday, they talk about their families; mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandparents. Some people send money back to their families, having joined Turks solely to support their loved ones. Once a mouth, the Turks get a day off. Everyone goes out and about the town, meeting up with friends, family, lovers.
Only Cissnei stays behind. She has no one to see, nowhere to go. Instead, she stays behind, and continues to train. That's all she knows, after all.
The years pass. Cissnei becomes good enough to get an actual name. She does not understand why Reno is Reno, Elena is Elena, Tsung is Tsung, Rude is Rude and everyone else gets one name while she doesn't.
Is it really because names don't matter? That is what Shin-Ra tells her. Is it because she is merely a weapon, and weapons have no name? That is also what Shin-Ra tells her. But then again, Sephiroth is just a weapon, but he still got a permanent name. She doesn't know. Cissnei just doesn't know.
Time continues to pass. The older Cissnei gets, the more she dreams about a different life. A life away from Shin-Ra. A life in which she had a real name. A life is which she is allowed to make her own choices. She wants that so bad; she would give anything to get it. But that wish stays nothing more than a dream. She cannot leave Shin-Ra anymore than she can stop being a woman.
Even if she did, she would have nowhere to go. Cissnei has been obeying Shin-Ra for so long, she would feel lost if she did anything else.
So Cissnei stays with Shin-Ra, questioning, confused, alone. She wants to rebel, but is too weak. She wants to question, but is afraid of the answers. She wants to break away from the chains that bind her, but can't pick up the key.
Cissnei, more than anyone else, understands the so-called 'Angels'. They, like her, just want to be free. Free from all the rules and lies. Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis. They all want to live out their lives away from Shin-Ra. But that is impossible. Like her, those three men were not given a choice in life. They are what Shin-Ra has made them. There is no other choice. Just dreams.
Still, they have one thing that Cissnei does not. Wings. People will remember those three men, for better or for worse. Cissnei doubts anyone will remember her. How does history remember a girl who doesn't even have a name? Why would history remember a girl who fought for lies, and dreamed of freedom?
For some reason, Zack is the one who makes her question. He seemed to loyal to Shin-Ra, but then one thing, one little thing made him turn his back on the company that made him who he was. Cissnei wonders if she would do the same. If Shin-Ra ordered Elena to be killed, and Cissnei was the only one who could save the blond, would she? Even if it meant going against orders? Cissnei doesn't know.
There is so much Cissnei doesn't know.
And that is why she admires Zack. Because he does know. That's why she tells him that Cissnei is not her real name. Because she wans him to remember her. And if Zack is confused by her, then he will remember her even more. Because someone has to remember her.
Cissnei does not want to go down in history as nothing.
Even though that is exactly what happens. She has no name, no family, no friends. She is nothing. Just a weapon. A tool. Disposable.
And as she lays dying beneath the rumble of a building, Cissnei makes one last wish.
Not that she will live.
Not that someone will remember her.
Not even that she will go to heaven.
All Cissnei wishes is that she could have had a name. Just for one minute of her life. That someone could have known know she truly was.
Cissnei wishes for a name. A one, real, true name.