Yeah we don't own these character's or the books. 'Cause if we did then C wouldn't have been as obsessive. Also, really, would we be writing Fanfiction if we owned the Harry Potter books, I mean really people.
-D
Bellatrix Lanstrange Puts the "Fun", in Fundamentalist Psycho!
Hogwarts Castle, 1993
As lights flickered in the tall windows of the Great hall, three shadowy figures step into the skinny beams of light, pausing before continuing towards the castle.
Meanwhile, in the castle, Dumbledore was talking before the feast. "This year we are going to have four exchange students from America. They will be entering the third year. They will, however, be a tad late because they are traveling such a great distance to get her..." Dumbledore stopped suddenly when the Great Hall doors creaked open and in walked the three shadowy figures.
They weren't very shadowy anymore. Actually, they weren't shadowy at all, making it easy to see them clearly.
The three shadowy figures were actually three teenage girls (not that there is much difference). They were all about the same height of 5'6 or 5'7 and seemed to be arguing between themselves.
The girl on the right had dirty blond hair and was dressed in a MuggleCast t-shirt and jeans that seemed to have things written on them in different colors. On her shoulders rested a plain traveling cloak and in her hand she held a thin, red hardcover book.
The middle girl was by far the weirdest dressed. She wore a black, layered mini-skirt, a blood red tank top that went down to her hips and black tennis shoes. She also had on a simple black robe that hung open. The most surprising thing she wore was a sward, the sheath was totally black and if you had pulled the sward out you would have seen that the whole sward was black except for the blood red handle. She looked rather like a vampire.
The girl on the left had brown, curly hair, wore glasses, and looked perfectly normal. Except, she had a small handbag, with the only thing in there being a leek. She momentarily turned to the vampire girl and whacked her for spelling "sword" "sward". The leek girl was also multitasking; scribbling sentences down, and playing a random video game, and scratching her right hand for procrastinating.)
The Blond Girl and the Vampire Girl were yelling at each other, getting louder until the whole hall could hear.
"I won"
"No, I won"
"I won"
"No, I won"
"I won"
"No, I won"
"I won"
"No, I won"
"I won"
"No, I won" The vampire girl said in triumph and the Blond girl hrumped. No one in the hall could figure out how the vampire girl won, but apparently she did. The third girl just walked along next to them singing under her breath, "...s...n...o...g...g...i...n...g"
"Well" said Dumbledore, "It seems that we have three of our exchange students. Would you girls care to introduce yourselves to the school?"
"Ok" said the blond girl, "well, I'm Crystal."
"I'm Dee" said the vampire girl.
"And I am A-N-N-A" said the third girl.
Dumbledore welcomed them and told them to join the first years for sorting. Ignoring the fact that there were only three, he welcomed the new DADA teacher for this year: "Her name is Professor Burner. I hope you will all like her." And Prof. Burner stood, bowed to the hall, and put a sign on her ear, one of those things that hangs around doorknobs. Thus doing, she sat down. The three new girls laughed hysterically, and the first years around them backed away.
And, being who he was, the fourth exchange student rushed into the Great Hall. He wore a blue traveling cloak, had on a blue tie, and had a blue and black binder under his arm. He also had on a T-shirt with the picture of a wolf pack and a pair of pants, thank God. No, they weren't blue. The students noticed he looked an awful lot like Harry Potter, minus the scar. Oh yeah, and he had brown eyes instead of Harry's green eyes that foreshadowed so much.
Dumbledore asked, "Please introduce yourself."
The kid said, 'I'm Brad." And then he caught sight of the DADA teacher, and nervously pointed a finger at her. "Wh...who's she?"
Dumbledore replied, "She's the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Burner.
And with that, Brad dropped his binder and started hitting his head against the wall.
"Angst, angst, angst..." the three girls chimed in together everytime Brad whacked his head on the wall.
"Wait!" a voice yelled from across the room. Everyone looked at the Gryffindor table where Harry was standing on a bench. "THAT IS MY LINE!" he yelled. Everyone looked at Brad and Harry, confused. "Which one is Harry?" asked a random Hufflepuff.
"I can solve that," Dee said, "Harry's the one with the scar and green eyes!" But suddenly, Voldemort popped up from the floor, ran over to Brad, and doodled a scar onto his forehead with magic marker. He then pointed his wand at Brad and said, "Eyesicus Changikus." Brad's eyes turned green and everyone started hyperventilating.
"Now all we have to go by is that Brad acts like an idiot!" exclaimed Anna. Hermione and Ron groaned. "We hate to break it to you, but…"
"Anna," Crystal asked, "May I borrow your leek?"
"Sure, but first you have to fill out this 20 billion page form."
Crystal and Dee huddled together (to the confusion of everyone watching). "Anna!" shouted Dee suddenly. "Look! A bunny!"
"Where?" Anna asked, running around in circles as Crystal ran up and grabbed her leek; then proceeding to whack her on the head with it, knocking her out.
Crystal then ran up to the two Harrys and whacked both of them on the head. One of them rubbed his head (going "Ow!" like the idiot he was) while the other was engulfed in a puff of smoke. By the time the smoke cleared, the other Harry was left looking confused. And purple.
"Deirdre," Crystal said, the perfect imitation of a schoolteacher, "tell the class which one is Brad."
"That one!" exclaimed Deirdre, pointing to the purple Harry Brad.
"Can we get to the Sorting, already! I'm hungry," Ron said as Crystal walked over to where Anna was sitting and tapped her lightly with the leek. Anna woke up and glared at Crystal while everyone proceeded to ignore them.
Deirdre, meanwhile, turned to Ron and shouted, "OKAY, OKAY ALREADY! I just need to change Brad back to the right color." She then proceeded to draw her sword (which she now knew how to spell) and whacked Brad on the head with the hilt.
Voldemort, on the other hand, was wondering why everyone was ignoring him, I mean come on, he is the Dark Lord for Merlin's sake. Then he just shrugged and walked out, he needed to get some evil planning done.
"It's just that we are so much more interesting than you are!" Crystal cried after him, having used Legilimency.
Dumbledore then stood up and yelled, "SHUT UP!" Everyone stared at him. "I mean…please calm down. It's time for the sorting."
Finally, everyone was sorted except the exchange students. Dee was first. "Gryffindor!" the hat cried after a minute. Then Crystal: "Gryffindor, though you should be in Ravenclaw." Everyone was confuzzled. "Hey, we have to develop the plot somehow."
Brad was next. "Gryffindor, so we can confuse you and Harry." And last Anna.
"Wait, you shouldn't do that, the Hat will explode," Anna said.
"Don't worry, we have an anti-explosion charm on it; something else in this room will explode instead," Dumbledore said. The Sorting Hat was placed on top of her head, and a big explosion was seen at the Gryffindor table. "Ron!" Lavender Brown exclaimed, "Your head exploded!"
"I can fix that!" exclaimed Dee. She hit the square button and then the arrow pointing to the left (think Potter Puppet Pals). Ron's head slowly rolled back onto his head as Deirdre yelled, "Rewind! Rewind! Rewind!" Butterflies also randomly appeared.
Ron, once oriented, asked quietly, "Why do I have a sudden urge to follow the butterflies?"
The Hat then said, "Because you blew up Ron, Anna, you have to go to Slytherin!"
Anna said, "But no one cares about Ron!"
The Hat responded, "Then we'll do it just to spite you," and Anna was magnetically drawn to the Slytherin table.
Theodore Nott said, "Welcome to the Dark Side!" ominously.
Anna said, "Hi, guys!" Then she saw Draco and squealed, "OMG! IT'S PAPA!" and hugged him hard. Draco winced as everyone in the Great Hall turned toward him. "Can't…be friend…if unconscious."