I'm walking towards the hospital on a crisp December morning, hands shoved into my pockets as I watch the snow come down in light flurries. Disrupting the white scenery before me, though, a shock of red hair appears just outside the front doors. And attached to that red hair is a hand, waving frantically, at me.
I quicken my pace a bit and meet April; she ushers me inside out of the harsh wind and rubs her arms to get some warmth back on her skin.
"You're crazy," I say, shaking my head.
She tousles her hair to get the snow off. "I wanted to meet you when you came in," she says. "I didn't get to say goodbye yesterday. I felt bad."
"We texted," I say, matching her pace as we walk to the attendings' lounge.
"Not the same," she says, opening and closing the door. "Also, you need to stop using so many abbreviations. I have no idea what you're saying half the time."
I snort with laughter, setting my bag inside my locker. "You're such a grandma," I say.
"I am not," she counters. "No one in this world knows what… LMFAO, or whatever, stands for."
"April…" I drag her name out, rolling my eyes playfully. "Laughing my fucking ass off."
"God," she says, taking off her cardigan and hanging it up carefully. "So crass. And was it really so funny that you were laughing your-your ass off when I told you I accidentally washed my brights and whites together?"
I roll my eyes again. "No," I say. "It's just a saying."
"You can say LOL like everyone else," she says.
"I can't," I say. "It's overused. I'm starting a new trend."
"Yeah," she says, chuckling despite herself. "Let me know how that works out."
She pulls her camisole over her head, which leaves her in jeans and a bra as she snaps her scrub top to free it of wrinkles. She turns her head and catches me staring, and I don't even try to pretend that I wasn't.
"What?" I say. "You're cute."
"And you're a voyeur," she says.
"Whatever," I say, taking my own shirt off. "You like it." I toss it in a crumpled pile into my cubby and as I unfold my own scrub top, I catch her eyes on me. "Who's the voyager now?" I ask.
"Voyeur," she corrects lightly. "And still you." With her top in her hand, she picks up the shirt pile that I threw and folds it into a nice square. "You wonder why your clothes are always so wrinkly."
"What would I do without-"
Cutting off my sentence, the door comes open. April shoots me a look and keeps her back turned, still fixing her scrub top to put on. Just as I clothe my top half but before she can, a voice sounds that I've never heard before.
"I'd recognize those freckles anywhere," it says.
April quickly shoves her scrub top on and wheels around, her expression changing instantly as she does. "No way," she says. "Kendall? Kendall Mayer? What are you doing here?"
I screw my face up at this guy. He's tall, muscular, with blonde hair. He's clean-shaven with dark blue eyes, a dimple on either cheek. He looks like the poster child for the typical American family. It's kind of creeping me out. He's way too Aryan for my liking.
"April freaking Kepner," he says, taking a few steps inside and widening his arms out. She falls into them, and I can't help but notice how naturally. They hug for a long beat, and I stand there awkwardly, feeling like I want to become one with the wall while at the same time make my presence known. "I didn't know you worked at Grey Sloan."
"Yeah," she says. "I just recently became an attending here." She smiles breathily, fixing her hair. "Oh, Kendall. This… this is Jackson." She tucks her hair behind her ear compulsively. "Jackson Avery."
Kendall raises his eyebrows, obviously impressed. I've never been more thankful for my last name. I jut out my hand and he shakes it; his grip is firm and unrelenting, so I try and make mine even more so.
"Avery, huh?" he says. "Nice." He elbows April. "Must be pretty intimidating to work with that guy."
She looks at me, her eyes shining with something only I know. I want to bottle that look and keep it in my pocket.
"No," she says. I wish she'd touch me; wind an arm around my waist, take my hand, even, but she doesn't. And she won't. We haven't labeled whatever we're doing, yet it keeps happening. Now, I wish I would've brought it up all the times in the past few weeks it's come to the forefront of my mind. "He's my best friend."
Best friend. I mean, that's something.
"Best friend, huh?" Kendall says. "Nice. I was the boyfriend."
If I was perturbed before, I'm seeing red now. The boyfriend? The boyfriend? April never told me she once had a boyfriend. For all I know, she might have had twenty. I had wrongfully assumed that she'd never dated anyone, which would explain why we haven't put a name to whatever we're doing. Guess I was wrong on that front, and now I feel stupid.
"Oh," I say, clearing my throat and trying to keep cool. "Um, when?"
April rolls her eyes and swats Kendall on the chest. With the hand that always swats me on the chest.
"College," she says. "Before I even declared my major. Back then, I thought I was gonna be a journalist."
"That red notebook you always carried around…" Kendall trails off.
"I know that red notebook," I say, chiming in.
"Oh, no, not that one," April says. "I got a new one since then. He's talking about this ratty old dilapidated one he got me for Christmas our freshman year."
"Used it 'til we graduated," he says. "Even after you decided to become a hotshot doctor."
April giggles softly, then says, "Hey, you still never told me why you're here."
"Oh," he says. "Well, I'm thinking about transferring."
Great.
"Aw, Avery, do you have your knickers in a knot?"
"Leave me alone, Yang," I say, practicing my sutures in the skills lab. "I'm not in the mood."
The door swings shut behind her. "Obviously, you're not in the mood," she says. "Else you and Kepner would be off banging in an on-call room. Doesn't seem to be the case today." She sits down next to me, chin in her palm. "So, you're pouting in the skills lab."
"I'm trying to practice," I say.
"Practice away from everyone else, where you don't have to see Keper frolicking around with her little boyfriend."
The movement of my hands stops. "He's not her boyfriend," I say.
"But he was," she continues. "And you can't stand that, can you?"
I go back to suturing. "I don't care what he was or wasn't," I say. "That was college. That was a long time ago."
"Wonder if Kepner ever let him see her…" Yang pushes. "Lord knows she didn't hand over that precious V-card. You can't fake those virgin superpowers. That she used to have." She elbows me and I mess up a stitch. "But, it does make me wonder. How far did they go? Second base, maybe? Hey, Avery, think he ever saw her naked?"
"Will you just leave me alone?" I snap, raising my voice.
All she does is laugh.
"God, you're easy," she says. "I start talking about Kepner and you're wound tight as a drum. Just one little button, and I sure do love to push it."
I glower in her direction. "This isn't funny," I say.
"Of course not," she says. "No, never. Somebody's finally giving pretty, rich-boy Avery a run for his money on something he thought was his. For once. Nothing could ever be funny about that."
"April's not property," I say, under my breath.
"No," Yang says. "But it was kinda an unspoken thing that she's yours, right? And you're hers?" She pouts her lower lip. "How sweet. When's the wedding?"
I roll my eyes and pick up my needles again. "Go away," I say.
"I'm going," she says. "I'll leave you to fester in peace. Nursing your wounds, while Kepner turns on the charm with Kendall Jenner, or whatever his name is."
Later that day, I catch April alone for the first time since the locker room. She's standing at the board, studying the surgery schedule.
I bluster over to her, not stopping until I'm barely an inch away. "You had a boyfriend?" I hiss.
She turns her head slowly to look at me. "Hello, Jackson," she says. "Yes, I'm having a nice afternoon. I had a turkey sandwich for lunch. Oh, you had potato soup? That sounds lovely." She looks back towards the board, rolling her eyes. "Nice to catch up."
I make a frustrated sound. "Excuse me if I'm a little upset," I say.
"Excused," she says.
"But seriously," I say. "You had a boyfriend?"
"Yes," she says, turning on her heel to face me. "Is that so hard for you to believe?"
"No," I say. "But you didn't tell me."
"I'm sorry I didn't fill you in on my whole life story," she says. "But when was I supposed to do that? During foreplay, or after, during the two seconds of pillow talk we get?" Her face flushes a brilliant red. "It's not like you care."
"Of course I care," I say. "You're my best friend. I want to know about your damn life."
"Well, okay," she says. "Here's something about my damn life. I dated him all through college. I thought he was gonna be the one. But he just… wasn't, okay? He wasn't. I didn't tell you about because I thought you'd think I was silly."
"Why the hell would I think that?"
"Because you hate terms like 'the one,'" she grumbles.
I look into her eyes, fierce and green, and lose my words for a moment. "I don't know," I say, lacking confidence in my voice.
"It was serious," she says. "But I cut it off right before graduation. He cried."
"How serious?"
"Jackson, I just told you," she says emphatically. "Do you want to know every little detail? The nicknames he called me, the placed we had dates, the-"
"No!" I say. "I just… I don't know. Maybe?"
Her eyebrows raise and the wrinkles on her forehead smooth out as she realizes it. "Oh," she says, her voice rising to a normal volume instead of a forced whisper. "You're jealous."
"I am not," I say.
"Yes, you are," she says, nodding. "Jackson, you-"
"Hey, Freckles," I hear, and the voice grates on me instantly. "Wanna grab a coffee?"
I look over my shoulder and see Kendall standing there, looking eager as he always does. April nods, then looks at me. "Wanna join us?"
"And be the third wheel? No, thanks," I say.
Her face pinches slightly, and she lets out a small sigh. "Suit yourself," she says, then walks off with Kendall.
I mentally punch myself for letting that slip out. Being nasty to her isn't going to secure me any sort of position, and it doesn't do any good. Now, I feel like shit and she's probably pissed. Which is exactly what I don't need.
I pass by the cafeteria to get to the plastics floor and see them sitting at a table together. She's laughing, coffee cup in one hand, leaning forward as she does. My skin bristles and I can't help but let my fists clench.
"Down, boy," Yang says, sneaking up on me.
I jump and my muscles involuntarily relax. "Where do you keep coming from?" I ask.
"The ether," she says, chuckling. "Nah, I appointed myself to murder watch today. Making sure you don't commit homicide. Wouldn't wanna ruin those famous hands of yours."
I grimace. I'm being really obvious.
"You're being a total ass, you should know," she says. "If you'd just tell her how you freakin' feel, then you wouldn't have to worry about losing her to Aaron Carter."
"I'm not worried about that," I say.
"Then why're you stalking them?" she asks. "On their date?"
"They're not on a date," I say. "It's coffee. I get coffee with you all the time."
"Yeah," she says. "But you never saw my boobs. And I would've said no, had you asked, by the way."
"Good to know," I mumble.
"You better make a move, pretty boy," she says. "Kepner wants someone she can tie down. That's just a figure of speech, but I don't know what she's into. Ever asked?"
"God," I say.
"Hey, usually it's good girls like Kepner who are freaks in the-"
"I'm leaving now," I say, then storm off in the direction I was headed.
I'm checking on post-ops when April breezes down the hall, and as she passes I get a whiff of her floral perfume. After that, I can't resist. I trot to catch up with her, then take her by the wrist and pull her into an on-call room.
"Jackson, what the-" she begins, but I cut her off with a long kiss. "Mm," she moans, sounding half confused and half turned on. "What're you doing?"
I skim my hands down her sides to rest them on her hips, then push up the fabric of her scrub top. "Kissing you," I say.
She kisses me back, fast and sloppy. The truth is, I'd love more than anything to have slow, graceful sex with her, but we aren't ever blessed with that much time. Almost every time, it's quick and dirty inside and on-call room, supply closet, what have you.
But I want her intimately. I want her in my t-shirts, I want to wake up next to her after holding her all night. I want it all, I want the whole damn thing.
I just don't know how to say it. I was never taught how to talk about my feelings in a productive manner. I've gotten so good at bottling them, I don't know where to begin in doing anything else.
We make it to the bed, stripping as we go, and are soon left in just our underthings. She's lying below me, moaning and sighing as I kiss her neck and rub my palm rhythmically between her legs.
"April," I say, my insides jittery with nerves. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I know it needs to be said.
"Hmm," she says, hugging my shoulders closer.
"I…" I stammer, pulling away from her neck. I look at her in all her mussy glory; fiery hair fanned out on the pillow, lip gloss smeared onto her cheek, eyes clouded with feeling, and my heart beats ten times faster. "I want more with you."
Her eyebrows come together. "More?" she asks. "Like you want me to do more, d-do you want me to give you more oral? Because I can try, I just didn't think-"
"No," I say, kissing the corner of her mouth. "I mean… I want us to be something. Like have a real label, be able to call each other… something."
This is coming out all wrong. But for some reason, her eyes still emanate warmth.
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" she asks.
"I'm trying to, yes," I say.
She bites her lower lip. "This isn't because of Kendall, is it?" she says. "Because if you're only asking because you're jealous, then that's-"
"I've wanted to ask you for a long time," I say. "I swear. I even tried writing it down, it was so stupid. It's in a notebook in my desk drawer at home, I have proof. I'll let you read it, even though it's super fuckin' embarrassing. I just didn't know how to get it out."
She frames my face in her hands and takes a deep breath that expands her chest. "Yes," she says, swiping her thumbs over my cheekbones. "I'll be your girlfriend."
The smile on my face nearly breaks it in half. "Thank god," I say, then get back to kissing her.
I make my way lower, my mouth finding the soft tops of her breasts, and she gasps when I rub my thumbs roughly over the middle of her bra cups. I feel her nipples harden underneath and her back arches towards me, so I open my mouth on the fabric while looking up at her through my eyelashes.
"We can… go out on dates," she pants, skimming her fingertips over the back of my closely-shaven head.
"Anywhere you want," I say, lips lowering to her ribcage.
"You can stay over at my place…"
I grin. "And you can stay over at mine."
"Sleepovers," she says, with a smirk. She opens her eyes fully, then lets her head fall back to rest on the pillow. "We're gonna do this right."
"Better than anyone else's ever done it," I say. "And you-"
The door comes open, interrupting my sentence. Without bothering to look, April grits her teeth and says, "Come back later, Alex. It's occupied."
"Wait, so you'll sleep with him, but not me?"
It's not Alex, it's Kendall. And I've never been happier to get walked in on in my life.
"Kendall!" April shrieks. Luckily, she doesn't have much to cover up since my body is almost completely overlapping hers. "Please, leave!"
After some unintelligible grumbling, the door shuts again and we both crack up laughing with our foreheads pressed together.
We don't hurry because of him. We take our time, and she's loud. Louder than she usually ever lets herself get, complete with moans, sighs, and whimpers. All of which I savor.
When it's over, I hold her face and kiss her for a long time. As I'm weaving my hand through her hair, she relaxes against me and trails her fingers down my chest to rest on the side of my hip.
Then, ruining the moment, both of our pagers go off at once.
She groans and pulls away from me, letting her neck flop as she pouts. "Why do they need us now?" she whines. "I was getting ready to go for round 2 with my boyfriend."
I pop a boner just hearing those words come out of her mouth. "Come over for dinner tonight," I say, kissing her as we sit up. "And I'll have you for dessert."
A visible shudder runs through her, and she nods in assent. We pull our clothes back on and head out of the on-call room; I'm smoothing down wrinkles and April is smoothing down her hair.
And for some reason, Kendall is still standing there. I can't help but linger on how creepy that is, him listening to us have sex.
"So, I guess the dinner invite is off the table," he mutters, sounding like a petulant child.
April looks at me and takes my arm, something I've been wanting her to do all day. As she nods, she says, "Yeah. Sorry, what I've got is pretty serious."