Edited on May 14, 2010
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer, along with Little, Brown and Company, owns all the rights to the Twilight Saga. I own nothing and profit nothing from this story.
I looked in the mirror and could hardly recognize the woman reflecting back at me. She came across utterly beautiful, almost breathtakingly so. Her hair was pinned up with soft, loose curls falling down. Her face illuminated with a natural glow and just a hint of make up. The white dress shaped perfectly around her slender body, fitting like a perfect mold. The dress flowed out at the hips, trailing behind her. The rhinestones on the bodice shined brightly when the light hit and reflected off of them. She appeared lovely and elegant looking. It was almost like magic. I continued to gaze at her in disbelief. I still found it hard to believe how I had gotten here. After everything that I had been through, I never imagined that it would led to this day.
"Are you ready, Bella? You don't want to keep him waiting, do you?" I turned to look at my best friend and smiled. Afraid if I opened my mouth to speak all my emotions would tumble out, I shook my head.
"You know, he's going to have a heart attack seeing you like this." I simply shook my head again. No matter what magic she had worked on me, there was no possible way for me to ever be as beautiful as him. He was beyond handsome, he was perfect, a god.
"Let's put your heals on," she instructed. I held up my dress for her to reach my feet. For weeks before the big day, I had fought and lost the battle of wearing flats.
As she finished up my final touches, I thought about the last few years. Nothing turned out as I had pictured or planned it. When Edward and the Cullens first left me after my birthday, I was broken beyond repair. I had no hope for the future. Or at least that's what I thought in the beginning. Then my sun came into my life. My Jacob. I still didn't know what I did to deserve him, or any of the pack for that matter. I could feel Leah putting my veil into my hair ultra carefully. She had worked hard to get me looking like as the woman in the mirror. She had become my best friend after I officially started dating Jacob. She wasn't an Alice replacement, she was just Leah. Neither could replace the other, and I still missed my old best friend, but that didn't leave Leah as my back up or fill in. Even when some of the pack was still unsure of me, she surprisingly took me in with open arms. I had grown to love her as a sister. And I had found brothers in Embry and Quil. They were always looking out for me when Jacob couldn't. I swear they both acted like protective big brothers even though both were two years younger than me.
I didn't deserve any of them. I kept a burning fear buried deep inside that I would wake up and it would all be a dream. That at any second I could lose them all. And what was stopping that from happening, from turning it in to my reality? Absolutely nothing, that's what. Jacob could walk onto the plane for our honeymoon or even into our wedding reception and lock eyes with the woman that would steal him from me forever. I had kept this fear to myself. Not even Leah knew the extent of my terror.
Every morning I woke up next to my bronze colored god and thanked my lucky stars that I got one more day with him. I knew in my heart that I wouldn't survive losing him, but being with him was worth that price. I would rather have spent a day feeling the full extent of his love, than to have never felt it at all. I wished that I could go back in time and tell myself to not be so stupid. All that time wasted with Edward and then pining over him after he'd abandoned me needlessly. I could have been with my Jacob the whole time. The past wasted, and the future forever uncertain.
I thought about the best day of my life. At the end of the summer after he graduated from school, Jake proposed to me. We were taking a walk on First Beach, and he seemed abnormally quiet and fidgety. I stopped us from walking further when my curiosity took over.
"Jacob, are you all right, sweetie?" He looked from the sand up at me. His eyes were kind of shifty and Jacob ran his hand through his hair. I had finally convinced him to grow it back out fully, but it still only hung a few inches below his ears.
"Yeah, fine. Why would you ask that?" He said putting on a huge, but fake smile.
"Well, you're acting sort of funny."
"Funny? How so?"
"You seem nervous."
"That's 'cause I am," he said almost too low for me to hear.
"What? Why?"
"Let's just walk a little bit further, and then I'll let you know."
"Okay." We continued to stroll down the beach. He led us over to a log, our log. We shared our first kiss here, said our first "I love you's", and even made love for the first time, all right next to it. Jacob had even carved our names into the log, claiming it for us forever. We sat down on it and he still remained quiet. He was holding my hand with one of his own, and the other was tracing over our names.
"Jake?"
"Hmm."
"You're starting to worry me, babe."
He looked up at me with only love and devotion. "I love you," he breathed.
"I love you too, Jacob. Is there something going on with the pack? Why are you acting so weird, Jake? It's freaking me out."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It's just I'm freaking out a little myself."
"Why?"
He shook his head slightly. "You don't know who much I love you, Bella. I love you with every ounce of my being. I'm so grateful for you every day. The past two years has been a dream come true for me. I never thought you would want me, like I want you. And now that I have you, I don't want to ever lose you. I want to protect you, and take care of you, and make you as happy as you make me every day for the rest of our lives."
"I feel the same way, Jake." I didn't include that I lived in fear that he would change his mind with a simple glance.
"That's good," breathed out and nodded, "because I wanted to ask you something kind of important."
"Okay." He dropped off of the log and onto one knee, never letting go of my hand.
"I promise to love you forever. Will you marry, Isabella Marie Swan?" I was speechless. I knew he wanted to get married, but I wasn't expecting it so soon. That didn't matter to me.
"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you, Jacob Ephraim Black." He pulled me into a tight hug and a long, passionate kiss. After I broke away in need of air, he swung us around, twirling in a circle, my feet never touching the ground.
"You just made me the happiest guy on earth, Bells." He leaned into kiss me again. I was hoping this would work. That if we were married, that somehow he was mine, permanently. He wouldn't leave me if we got married, right? Vows had to mean something, even when it comes to werewolf magic. I prayed that it was true. Of course I wanted to spend forever with Jacob, and marriage was a way of doing that. I just hoped against all hope that it also meant that I would get to keep him infinitely without someone else trying to steal him away.
This memory led me to another, when we announced our engagement to Billy and Charlie. I was deathly scared to tell them both, Charlie for obvious reasons. I knew he would say we were too young, especially Jacob. He didn't want us to make the same mistakes he and Renee made. Billy was a different story. I was petrified of him telling me that I shouldn't marry his son. I was sure that he and Sam would be furious with me for even considering it. Almost every wolf had imprinted. Jacob and Leah were the only two left who hadn't. It was only a matter of time before they imprinted, too. It only made since, particularly with Jacob having Alpha blood running through his veins. Of course, his inner wolf would want to continue that strong bloodline using an imprint. I knew I was being entirely selfish wanting to keep Jacob for my self and I knew that Billy and Sam probably felt the same. By marrying Jacob, I would put the pack in potential danger. Once he imprints, it will tear him apart to leave me as Sam left Leah; that would tear the pack up, too.
Instead of glaring or yelling or anything negative after Jacob proclaimed our engagement to the men over dinner, they both laughed. Then Charlie handed over a twenty dollar bill to Billy.
"What's going on?" Jacob asked wearily.
"You won me twenty bucks, son," Billy answered with a big smile.
"And how did I do that?" He asked confused.
"Me and Charlie here, made a bet on when you would finally get the balls up to ask her." Jacob turned a small glare on his father. "I said before summer's end. You got be a little worried that I might lose. Only a week more and Charlie would have won." Both men wore wide smiles.
"Thanks for the confidence, Dad."
"Congratulations, kids. The two of you make us proud," Charlie said with a gleam in his eye. "Just remember, I'm still too young to be a grandfather. And the two of you are definitely too young to be parents."
"Not a problem, Charlie. I'm too selfish and I don't want to share Bells just yet. I want her all to myself as long as I can get her. We have plenty of time for kids later. We have forever."
It had thrilled me to no end to have both of our fathers' blessings. The following night the pack had a huge bonfire in our honor as well. For those few hours, I felt like I was actually part of the pack, that I was an imprint. Everyone welcomed me with open arms, even Paul. We celebrated late in to the night, Jacob never leaving my side. But it was inevitable, he would, eventually. Would it really be better to be married when I lose him? On one hand, at least I could call him mine for whatever time we had. But on the other, marriage would make things that much more difficult––the paperwork, the looks, the pity. I would be a divorcee. Do I really want that?
"Bella, why are you crying?" I was pulled out of my thoughts to see a very worried looking Leah. I reached up and felt the tear drops on my face. I hadn't even realized that I had started crying. "Bella, tell me what's wrong."
"He's going to leave me," I all but sobbed.
"No he's not, Bella. Jacob loves you more than you know. He'd die before he left you."
"Sam left you; Jacob will leave me too."
"That was different, Bella."
"No it was not!" I yelled. "He'll leave me and I'll be broken and alone and there will be no one to put me back together. Fuck, I won't want to be put back together. I don't want to live without him, Leah. I couldn't. I need him."
"And you don't have to, Bella. Just walk down those stairs and say 'I do' and he'll be yours."
"That won't fix anything. Marriage can't stop imprinting, Leah."
"Well, no I'm sure it can't, but-"
"What am I doing? This is all a huge mistake. I shouldn't be here, doing this, getting married. I need to leave. I'll leave before he can, then maybe it won't hurt as much. Help me out of this dress, Leah."
"No." I looked up at my best friend. She stood firm with her arms crossed against her chest.
"Leah, please, I don't want to be broken again. And I will if I stay, if I go through with this sham of a wedding. Those vows won't matter to him once he sees her. I won't matter anymore. I love him too much, Leah. I don't want to be around to see that happen. I want to pretend that he'll love me forever, without end, without someone else taking my love away from me for good. I'm leaving even if you won't help me." I tried to take the dress off and was having trouble. I may just have to leave in it and worry about getting it off later.
"He is so stupid," she muttered under her breath. "Just hold on for two minutes, Bella. Trust me. You need to just stay put. You don't go anywhere just yet. I don't want to have to track you down in these heels I'm wearing." With that she left out the door. I debated how far I could get in two minutes and decided not far in these dress and heels.
I was staring out the window of Sam and Emily's spare bedroom. It was an unusually sunny and beautiful day for Washington. It had been a perfect day for a wedding on the beach, a wedding at our spot, at our log. I heard the door open slowly and then the sharp intake of air. I turned to see Jacob staring at me with glazed over eyes and jaw open. He shook his head a couple of times.
"You look stunning, Bells. Now tell me what has you so upset, baby." He looked so concerned. I couldn't hold it in any more. The small tears that escaped earlier were nothing compared to the sobs that overtook me then, looking at the man I wanted more than anything. All the fear and pain I had held in over the past three years came boiling over. He quickly came to my side, pulling me to his warm body.
"Bells, baby, tell me. Leah wouldn't say anything other than I really needed to speak with you. You have to tell me what's wrong, Bella, for me to fix it."
"You can't fix it," I managed to get out.
"Let me at least try." I pulled away from him, and wrapped my arms around myself like I did when I was getting over Edward. I saw him wince with pain. He recognized the gesture.
"You're going to leave me," I muttered.
"I am never going to leave you, Bella. I'd die without you, honey." He reached for me, and I stepped back. I could see the pain in his eyes. "Bella, tell me what this is about. Please, I'm begging you."
"You'll imprint and then you'll leave me for her." He face displayed shock for a few moments before he started laughing. I pulled my hands away from my face to look at him in disbelief. The love of my life stood in front of me on our wedding day laughing at my greatest fear. Most people would think that losing him to death would be greater, but I begged to differ. Watching him cast me aside like I was nothing and living my happily ever after with someone else before my very own eyes would be way worse.
"It's not funny." I growled out through clenched teeth. He stopped laughing and looked at me with apologetic eyes.
"I know. I'm sorry, Bella. I just thought you would have figured it out by now. I guess I gave you more credit than you deserved." He was still smiling. I wanted to pry it off of him with a crow bar. I continued to stare at him with a hard glare without a word. He sighed, "Bella, I imprinted a long time ago." I felt my blood run cold and my stomach drop as my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"I don't understand. How could you marry me if you have imprinted? It doesn't work like that."
"Well, actually it does when the woman I'm marrying is the one I imprinted on."
I stared at him for a few minutes trying to digest what his words exactly meant. At first I felt confused, and then shocked, next I felt relieved, and lastly I complete outrage look over my senses.
"You, what!" I roared at my, apparently idiotic, fiancé.
"I imprinted on you, Bells, years ago."
"And you're just now telling me, Jacob Black."
"Well, I guess, but-"
"No buts! Do you know what I've gone through for the past three years, Jacob? Hell! That's what. I prayed every day that that day wasn't the last I got to spend and be with you. Everyday I feared that she would walk into your life and steal you away from me. I have felt so wrong for marrying you while your soul mate remained out there waiting for you. I felt selfish that I didn't care what pain it would bring you and the pack when the day came that you would imprint. I wanted you no matter what, and it nearly killed me on the inside. How could you not ever tell me? Didn't you think that I would want to know? Didn't you think that I deserved to know?"
"I'm sorry, Bella. I really thought you would have known after three years. I wouldn't ask you to marry me if there was a possibility that I would leave you like that. I would never have gotten us in so deep if that could have happened. Even before the imprint I was in love with you. I almost didn't even know that I imprinted on you because I was already so crazy in love with you. Sam had to be the one to tell me after because to me you were always the one I belonged with. Wolf magic or no wolf magic, you were and always will be my soul mate, Isabella Swan."
I took in his words and had to focus on the part where he didn't tell me, because everything he had just said made my knees weak. I wanted to run into his arms and know that he would always remain mine. Though, I needed to know the full truth of the situation before I could do that.
"But why didn't you tell me after you figured it out?" I asked meekly.
He sighed loudly. "For multiple reasons, Bella. First of all, when it happened you were still hurting from Edward leaving, and I knew you weren't ready for a new relationship. You needed a best friend, someone to build you back up, and that was what I became for you. Second, I was scared that you wouldn't love me as much as you loved him. That even knowing about the imprint and what it meant, you would still pick him over me, even if all you got from him was a memory. I would rather sit by as your best friend with that bit of hope of you not knowing, than to completely lose all hope if you did know and rejected me. Lastly, if you did pick me and if you did love me, I didn't want it to be just because of the imprint. I wanted you to love me for me, just as I have always loved you for you. I didn't want to wonder if you picked me to love because you knew I would never love another; that without you, I would be alone. I only wanted you if you truly loved me and wanted to be with me, with no strings, no obligations, and no magic."
"I can see your reasoning, Jacob, but you after three years have to know that I love you more than I thought humanly possible. What I felt for Edward doesn't even begin to compare with how I feel for you, Jake. You should have told me. You don't know how much I needed to hear this."
"I am so sorry, Bella. I know I screwed up. Leah has been harassing me to tell you since I proposed. I thought you knew, but she said that I should be sure of such a thing. I should have listen, now I'm never going to live this down with her. She said you always avoided talking about anything remotely close to imprinting with her, but I shrugged it off. I thought maybe you did it out of respect for her, since, well, she's the only one not to imprint."
"No it was too painful to think about."
"I know that now, and you don't know how much I regret not coming straight out and telling you now. Please, forgive me, Bella." I walked over to him and wrapped myself around him, and he held me close.
"Of course I forgive you. I love you, Jacob. I was just so scared of losing you. I'm sorry I made such a mess of our wedding day." I felt him kiss the top of my head.
"You have nothing to apologize for. And you won't ever lose me. I'm yours forever, Bells." We stood there for a minute just holding one another. "Can we get married now, Bella? I'm not sure if I can wait any longer to officially make you mine."
"Yes, we can get married now." After a long kiss, he left the room and Leah filtered back in. She had a smug look on her face. I needed that crow bar again. She helped to fix my make up and put my look back together.
"Thank you, Leah."
"Not a problem. It's easy to make you look beautiful."
"Not for that, for everything. You single handedly saved the day."
"Not a problem." I could see a bit of sadness in her eyes.
"You'll find him, Leah." She gave me a small, sad smile.
I followed her out to the beach and married the love of my life, my soul mate, my sun. During the reception, Leah caught my cousin Kyle's eye and imprinted. Everything and everyone was complete. And my forever was no longer uncertain.