Forgive- Mayajane
A/N: So here's a piece about Hermione and Harry. I hope someone likes it and reviews. Just a one shot.
I could hardly believe it had been five years since the war ended. I was Kingsley's assistant, the minsters assistant. I had been an Auror for about two years and I had excelled but chasing dark wizards was tiring. I needed something calmer. So this job was perfect. Kingsley was a good man and he was kind to me. I knew he wanted more from me and I had considered it but decided not to go there. He was married or he had been. We didn't really discuss personal things like that. So I kept the lines bold. He seemed put out every time I put them out there but didn't push me. He was an attractive man and I did like him but he had a complicated life and I'd had enough complicated to last a hundred years.
Harry and I had been together for about six months three years ago. I had been happy but he hadn't been. I suppose I always knew I wasn't enough for him. Or for anyone. Another reason I ignored Kingsley's flirting. Harry had kissed me on new year's as a dare from Ron who I had broken up with shortly after the war. I liked it. I hadn't ever considered Harry as someone I would sleep with but it happened. Ron was pissed. I guess he still wanted me but I put that aside because I was happy. Once I thought I would marry Harry. I was wrong. He got back together with Ginny and they married and now had a daughter named Lily. It smarted quite a bit but I was a big girl. I could take a heartbreak. Harry didn't know but I had been pregnant for about a month before losing the baby. No one knew but my mom. I had cried for weeks. No one could get me to tell them what was wrong. I didn't want to upset Harry. He couldn't hurt over it if he didn't know. I knew Harry he would be very upset with me for not telling him.
Right now I was heading home from work. Kingsley had let me go early which was rare. He worked late but I think he was putting some distance between us because I kept pushing him away. I didn't want to get into anything right now. Not with him at least. Maybe I just needed to be alone for a little while. There was nothing wrong with that, right? It made me lonely though. I put my key in the door of my flat and sighed seeing the dishes I hadn't done the night before. I waved my wand and they started to wash. I should keep my flat cleaner but I was hardly ever home. Now I was starving and ordered take out. My favorite.
I was eating when the floo roared and Harry stepped through with Lily in his arms. I smiled but was confused.
"Could you please watch her for just two hours? Ginny and I have an event I have to go to last minute. Please? Ron and I are still fighting." He begged. I set my food down and took a sleep Lily from him and he said thank you before flooing away.
I laid Lily down in my bed and curled up next to her. She only one but a big girl. Chunky. Ginny was constantly chasing her around trying to get her to lose the weight. I tried to explain to her that it would go away on its own the older she got. Ginny still fused over her about it though. Harry seemed to think she was adorable this way. Lily had learned to walk just a few weeks ago and was still unsteady but trying her best. I pushed her red curls out of her face and stepped out of the room to put the food away.
When I came back she was sitting up and trying to get off the bed. I picked her up and twirled her around and around like she liked. I spent lots of time with her when Ginny and Harry needed a break. I was jealous that Ginny had gotten her baby but I had lost mine but I never let that show. Ginny was a good woman and she deserved to be happy. But still it hurt. I would watch Lily a little less for a while. It wasn't good for me.
Lily said water so I got a bottle and helped her sip it. She began walking around every inch of my place and I was constantly picking up things that she couldn't play with and taking things out of her mouth. There was a knock on my door and I opened it with Lily in my arms.
"Mom?" I asked and she looked surprised to see Lily in my arms.
"Honey why do you torture yourself like that?" She said sadly and took Lily from me. I felt my heart clench. Mom knew me so well. It had been over three years since I lost the baby but I wasn't sure you ever completely moved on from something like that.
"He had no one else to watch her. It's fine."
"I still think you should have told him. You still love him don't you?"
"I don't know. Maybe." I admitted softly. I watched Lily pull on my mom's necklace and try to eat it. I was having baby fever.
"I know that look. I know you aren't seeing anyone know but you have the means to have a child if you wanted to honey. You have options. I will support you no matter what."
"You mean get knocked up?" I said incredulously. She grinned and smothered Lily with kisses. I closed my eyes hearing her giggles. I was torturing myself.
"Yes. I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to have a child. I know it won't replace the one you lost but I think it would help you. I would love to be a grandmother too."
I smiled. "Of course you would. I'll think about it."
"You already know what you're going to do sweetie. How does it work in your world? Do they have sperm banks like in the muggle world?"
"I have no idea. I'll look into it. What would daddy say? If he were here?"
"I think he would want the best for you. You need more in your life. So do this. I was going to suggest it a while ago but I know you're still hurting. I know you wanted to have his child and I know you still do. I'm sorry he chose someone else but maybe it was for the best. You'll find the right one for you."
"I thought he was right for me. I was so sure. Then he…you know what happened. I've forgiven him but I haven't forgotten."
"Honey you never told me what happened." Mom said and I frowned. Hadn't I told her?
"He came over and we slept together and while he was holding me he said he didn't want to see me anymore and that he was getting back together with Ginny."
"I thought he was a better man." Mom said and my eyes stung. I had felt so used for weeks afterwards. It had come out of nowhere.
"It's over with. He can't help that he doesn't love me. I think I'm mostly over it though. It's been years. I wish I had never let him kiss me that new year's. But then I wouldn't have had those wonderful six months. I had never been so happy."
"I know honey. I'm sorry. Someone as special as you isn't meant to be alone forever I promise."
"We'll see." I said shortly. Lily started to cry and mom rocked her to sleep. I was thinking of my own baby. I could do it. I had the money and the space. I could do it. If I wanted. I did want.
I was doing it.
"I'm gonna do it." I said aloud and Mom grinned over at me. I explained that in the wizarding world you could chose the gender of the baby you wanted. There may be something similar in the muggle world I wasn't sure. I wanted two. Could they give me twins?
"Are you sure you can handle two honey? By yourself?"
"I proved to myself years ago that I could do anything I want. There's nothing I can't handle. I want a boy and a girl."
"Wonderful. When will you do it?" Mom said but I could sense her excitement.
We talked a little longer about and then she dropped a bomb.
"I've been seeing someone for about three weeks now. His name is Adam. If things continue to go well I'll let you meet him. He's a wonderful man."
"I'm happy for you. I know Dad would want you to be happy too."
Mom smiled and I saw a few tears fall. "I do feel guilty sometimes but when I'm with Adam I'm not thinking of your father. I'm just thinking of him. I feel badly afterward."
"Oh mom don't feel bad. Dad told me himself he wanted you to find someone else one day. You know I'm right. So keep seeing him and I'll meet him when you're both ready. Okay?" I said with a smile.
"You're such a good girl." She told me and I beamed at her. I tried to be a good daughter.
Harry flooed in and paused seeing mom holding a sleeping Lily.
"Hi. I see you are my daughter's bed." He joked and flopped down beside me. His hand brushed mine and I subtly pulled away. My mom's eyes narrowed. I thought it would be nothing but mom surprised me.
"Keep your hands off my daughter Harry." She said calmly and handed Lily over to him gently. Harry looked shocked. Then he looked over at me. I shrugged.
"I'm sorry Hermione. I didn't mean anything by it." He promised. I didn't believe him. He touched me sometimes like he used to and I always ignored it but it was hurtful. I still wanted him I hadn't been with anyone since that night.
"It's fine Harry. Just pay more attention is all. Lily was a good girl."
"Thanks." He whispered gazing at me.
"I think Hermione that you would feel much better if you told him what happened. I think it would help you."
"Mom!" I snapped horrified. Harry looked curious. I flushed red.
"I can't mom. He'll be upset with me. I can't handle that." I explained to her. She sighed.
"Three years ago while you were together Hermione got pregnant and she lost the baby shortly after. I encouraged her to tell you but…I think you know why she didn't."
"Hermione." Harry said. I didn't look at him. He said my name again.
"Just go Harry. There's nothing you can say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you wanted Ginny and I didn't want to ruin that for you. I just wanted you to be happy. I couldn't make you happy."
"Oh Hermione. It wasn't that you couldn't make me happy it was because Ginny got pregnant. That's right. I cheated on you. I'm sorry. I really am. Ginny never knew about you. I'm so sorry. You did make me happy but I had to do the right thing. Hermione don't cry." He pleaded but I was in tears. I didn't want to hear those words. He couldn't be mine.
"Go Harry. Just go. I'll talk to you soon." I whispered and he sighed. I heard him floo out with Lily and mom's arms encircled me.
"I really thought he was a better man. I was wrong. He used you. I think you need to rethink your friendship with him honey. Maybe put some distance. Stop doing so much for him."
"I would do anything for him. He's been my best friend for twelve years mom. He was my first friend ever. You know no one liked me as a little girl. He was different. I guess I knew he cheated on me. I should have known."
"You didn't want to believe it. It's okay. I'm gonna stay with you tonight. Come on." She said and pulled me into the bed room. I was still crying and she held me while I cried myself to sleep.
I woke the next morning and was glad it was Saturday. Mom was making pancakes and I smiled. My face had dried tears so I washed up and came out into the kitchen. Mom smiled over at me and I was suddenly struck with how much I loved her. How thankful I was for her.
"Want to go with me today?" I asked as I helped myself to pancakes.
"Where honey?"
"To pick out a donor. I want babies. I think you're right that I need something else in my life."
"Of course I'll go with you." She promised and I let her shower and pick through my clothes.
When breakfast was cleaned up I called my friend at St. Mungos. She gave me an address of a place that had a good reputation and I apparated mom and myself there. There was a pretty girl at the desk and she gave me paper work to fill out.
I filled it out honestly and handed it back to her. She led me to a room where someone would be with me shortly.
A man came in and he was so handsome in a kind of shocking way.
"I see you are after some babies Miss Granger." He said sounding jolly. I smiled his mood infectious. Mom was grinning too.
"I am. Can you help me?" I asked and he said he absolutely could.
"Let me do a few scans to make sure everything is in order. You did put on your paper work that you had a miscarriage a few years ago. So let's take a look.
He pulled out his wand and did some scans.
"Everything is in order. And you're ovulating so now is a good time to do this. We can do it now if you would like."
"Yes. That would be great." I said feeling my heart race with excitement. Mom took my hand for a second and he gave us a large book to pull through. Mom and I searched for about twenty minutes before deciding on donor 516 and I was happy with my choice. He was intelligent and handsome. His hair was red which I had always liked.
He came back in and I told him my selection. Everything happened quickly and mom stepped out for the procedure.
Because they used magic they could tell me within twenty minutes if the pregnancy took and I burst into tears the moment they told me it had worked.
"You are now pregnant with twins and it should be a boy and a girl as you requested. Make an appointment with a doctor for the duration of your pregnancy and good luck Miss Granger." He said and I thanked him. Mom was waiting for me and I hugged her excitedly.
"I take it it worked." She said and I just hugged her again. We went out to lunch and discussed names.
"I know. I want Aspyn for the boy and Avery for the girl."
"Those are wonderful sweetheart. I'm so happy for you."
"I should be thanking you. I couldn't have gone through with it without you." I told her seriously. She smiled and our food finally came.
Mom said she had a date that night with Adam and I wished her luck and apparated her home. When I was finally back at my place Harry was there waiting for me.
"You've been gone all day." He said softly. I nodded. "I had something I needed to do."
"What was that?" He said curiously. I decided there was no reason to not tell him.
"I'm going to have two babies. I went to a bank this morning and I'm pregnant now."
Harry beamed. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. I'm here because I need to know we're going to be alright. I know I fucked up bad and I'm sorry. I loved two women at the same time. I didn't know what to do."
"You did love me though?" I asked in a small voice.
"Of course I did. I still do." He said a moved closer. I held still. I was dying to be touched and to be touched by him but what about Ginny? Ginny was my friend I was the godmother of her daughter. His daughter. He was married!
He surged forward and kissed me hard and my mouth fell open. I kissed him back for just a second because I needed a last kiss.
"Harry you're married to Ginny. I made my peace that I would never be with you years ago. Go home to your wife and forget all about me."
"I love you."
"And I love you. But like you said you have to do what's right. Ginny is my friend. I'm sorry. Go home. We're going to pretend this didn't happen. I know you're happy with her."
"I am. But I'd be happier with you. I'm going to leave her. Take me back Hermione and I'll never leave you again. I promise I won't."
"I couldn't do that to Ginny." I whispered and my heart hurt so badly because I wanted him back.
"It wouldn't be you it would be me." He explained and took my hands. He kissed me again and it had been so long since I'd been kissed.
The floo roared and we didn't separate in time. Ginny came through with Lily. I put distance between us and sank onto the couch with my head in my hands.
"I always knew I think. You kept it a secret but I knew. I'm so happy I had your child but…I don't want to be with you Harry. I haven't for a long time. We only married because I got pregnant. I've been seeing someone else which makes me horrible I know. But I think our marriage was doomed from the start. I love you Harry but…not like that."
Harry was crying, "What about Lily?"
"She's ours that will never change no matter who we are with. She always comes first. Can you promise that?"
"Yes!" He exclaimed and I kept my face covered. I had never felt worse expect for the day I lost my baby.
"Then you have my blessing. Hermione look at me."
"I'm so sorry." I whispered and she smiled.
"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. We're okay I promise. Get over here and hug me."
I went to her and she wrapped one arm around me tight.
"You have my blessing too. I love you both. Harry you can have the house if you want it. I'll get the paper work started okay. We'll work out Lily another time. See you." She said and I thought she looked like a weight had been lifted. I watched her floo out and turned to Harry. He pulled me into his arms and held me tight.
"I won't disappoint you again I promise."
"Good. I love you." I whispered and pulled him to the bed room. I wouldn't get those painful years back or the baby I lost but I had Harry back and I was having a family. It wasn't how I thought my life would turn out but I didn't regret my decision. It would be weird having another man's baby while being with Harry but when I asked him he said it didn't bother him. If it was okay with me then they would be his children too. I took him to bed and we touched like we hadn't in years. I thought I would never get to touch him again. He looked into my eyes and rested our foreheads together.
"I'm sorry it took this long to get here and that I messed up so much but if you can forgive me I'll make it up to you for the rest of my life."
"It's forgiven. I love you Harry."
I closed my eyes and fell asleep on his warm bare chest and wondered if this was real. But I knew it was because I could feel him under me and I felt in my heart that I was finally, finally getting what I wanted. Harry was mine now. He wasn't going anywhere. And that thought helped me drift to sleep with ease.