The following fic you're about to see is fictional, but also factual. DO NOT attempt to redo or reboot any scenes or styles, without express written consent.
Also, do NOT hate me for what I am about to do in this fic series.
This fic is inspired by Taylor Enterprises, for "The Courtroom of Randomness". DO NOT attempt to steal or copy his work, or face severe penalties.
Enjoy the fic.
Due to constant berating on magical girls, this contains mild language and vomit-inducing sweetness.
Viewer's discretion is advised!
Miz-K Productions Presents:
Outside, in a brisk cold afternoon, in the city of Middle of Nowhere, USA, there was a huge white marble courthouse, located in the middle of downtown.
You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Orville P. Gumball. The people are real… The cases are real… and the verdicts are final, so you better deal with it, since it's HIS rule, or else he'll send your butt to the slammer!
You're about to enter… The Courtroom of Anime!
Courtroom – Monday, June 26th, 2017 – 10:00am
The bailiff called out, "All rise… for the honorable Judge Orville P. Gumball."
A man in a black robe, with no hair, banged his wooden gavel on the podium, as he called out, "Order in this courtroom!"
The clamoring continues, as the judge pounded his gavel, again.
"I SAID, BE QUIET!" He shouted, "This is Judge Gumball!"
They sat down, as he said, "Well, welcome to the fourth episode of the Courtroom of Anime! And while I was gone, I came down with a cold. But I came back, and lots have happened, during the summer. My condolences to the great Adam West, who is now in the big Batcave in the Sky. Also, my congratulations to the Golden State Warriors, for their perfect Postseason at home, winning the NBA Finals. Now, the reason I toned down my profanity, is because of one thing: Magical Girls! And once again, Sailor Moon is suing… a well-known… Magical Girl anime."
The crowd went silent, as the judge said, "Anyways, we are here to convict… Puella Magi Madoka Magica."
The entire crowd boos in an uproar, as the judge pounds its gavel. He huffed, "Ah, fuck it. Who gives a damn about PG!"
(Penn): SHUT! THE FUCK! UP!
The crowd went silent, as Judge said, "You made me do it! This is M-rated, but you people tone the noise down! HEAR ME? Now, bring in the convict!"
A girl in pink hair, done in pigtails, wearing a white dress, was seated in the defendant's desk, while a girl in blue hair, and a pale gray sweater and blue skirt, was in the plaintiff's chair.
The judge said, "Today's case: The Magical Girl Community vs. Puella Magi Madoka Magica will now come to order. The charge: bastardization of the magical girl genre, and producing what is considered a horrid interpretation of magical girls."
Ami spoke, "That's right, your honor. I, Ami Mizuno, fresh off of my community service sentence, will defend for ALL Magical Girls, everywhere. I will be the prosecution."
Judge huffed, "No one cares. But it's good that you learned your lesson about Sailor Pluto. Who will defend Miss Madoka?"
Madoka stood up and said, "Uh, your honor… I, Madoka Kaname, will be representing myself… as defense."
A voice called, "SHE WILL NOT!"
A girl in black hair and a light purple dress appeared, in a calm emotionless face. She said, "Your honor, I will be defending Miss Kaname. My name is Homura Akemi."
The judge said, "Very good. Also, like Shimoneta, Puella Magi whatever the fuck it is has joined Miz-K Productions, as debut fodder. And permit me for breaking the almighty glorious 4th wall, again!
Anyways… Opening arguments from the prosecution."
Ami sat up and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, fellow Magical Girls, past and present, and Sailor Guardians… forgive me for the addition of my camp. But what does the Magical Girl genre represent? We are strong girls that stand tall, and fight for what we believe in. But… We also represent the proud unity of cuteness, style, magic, and beauty of rainbow colors. As a fellow Magical Girl, from the legendary Magical Girl, Sailor Moon… My group here has one thing to do, and we represent it: We celebrate the beauty and glory of Magical Girls! But… In the year of 2011, things changed… And that was before Sailor Moon Crystal! This poor adaptation of Magical Girl anime came to birth… and with it, a proud young Magical Girl that represented beauty and honor in saving the world. But at a price…"
She pointed at Madoka, "THIS LITTLE BRAT KILLS MAGICAL GIRLS, ONE DAY AFTER THEY WERE GIVEN POWERS! THIS LITTLE GIRL IS THE DEVIL!"
The crowd shouted in hollers of "OHHHHHHHH!" and "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!", and the ruckus rambled on, as most of the Magical Girls were armed with pitchforks and torches, with signs that say "KYS, Madoka!", "Die, Madoka, Die!", and "Disgrace!".
The judge banged his gavel and said, "ORDER IN THE COURT!"
Ami continued, "How, you ask, this little brat decided to make magical girls die, in a snap? Well, thanks to a creature that grants contracts, the girls can become magical girls… for a price… Their own life!"
The crowd was shocked, as Madoka was crying a bit. Homura said, as she comforted her, "It's alright, Madoka…"
Ami said, "Weird. You've become out of character."
Homura said, "That's because it's a 6-year old anime. And a cult classic."
Ami continued, "Continuing! That's why, for over the past 20 years, all of us Magical Girls, before and after, are taking a stand to this phenomenon of a cult classic cutie, and a horrid horror of a whore!"
The crowd went into their rekt hollers, again, as the judge banged his gavel, "WATCH YOUR TONE, MIZUNO! Madoka's 14!"
Ami said, "I'm 16, by Sailor StarS."
She added, "But that's NO EXCUSE! We saw this horrible anime, and we say, for the benefit of fan hatred… ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"
The girls cheered on, "YEAAAAAAAAAH! MA-DO-KA! GO AWAY! MA-DO-KA! GO AWAY!"
Madoka was shivering, as Homura held her. She thought, "Wretches."
The judge banged his gavel and said, "Miss Akemi, your turn!"
Homura said, in a quiet voice, "Did you know that the term Magical Girl is another word for witch? Sailor Moon is a princess, not a witch. But then again, you don't see newer anime girls walk around in broomsticks. Madoka is a savior to the land. She protected the world, from an evil deity, and then disappeared. But it's her magic and glory that keeps her alive. And I, a fellow magical girl-."
The crowd boos, as Homura continued, "…have had enough of the hatred towards all of us."
The judge said, "Who will call to the stand?"
Ami said, "Your honor, prosecution calls out Madoka, and her responsibilities of the deaths of her friends – Mami Tomoe, Sayaka Miki, and Kyoko Sakura; ALL deceased. Your honor, the defense chose to restrict from countering from our cross-examinations. And we shall explain what, without causing a rabid ruckus."
Ami explained, holding up papers, "As you know, all Magical Girls have agreed to take down this felon, by hook or crook. Miss Tomoe was decapitated by a monster made of cake. Miss Miki was a lifeless husk. Miss Sakura was sacrificed."
Homura shouted, "Objection, your honor! She's not going in full detail!"
The judge said, "Sustained! Miss Mizuno, get to the point."
"These three girls are not here, because they're dead." Ami said, "And I have videotape proof… or rather DVD proof."
She played the DVD of the deaths of each girl. Starting with Mami's death. She was a girl with blonde hair. She shot a small rabbit-like monster, but the monster grew and bit on her neck, biting off her head from her body. And then devoured the rest of her body. Kyoko was next, a girl with long red hair, as she slashed off a monstrous mermaid queen, who was Sayaka. She sacrificed herself, in doing so. The video ended, as Ami requested that the rest of it is graphic.
"And this is supposed to be Dark Fantasy? You're horrid people, Madoka Kaname! We, the entire Magical Girl Community, request that Madoka Kaname is put to the death penalty!"
They hooted and hollered, "DEATH! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!"
He banged the gavel, again, and called out, "HOLD IT! We haven't heard their side of the story!"
Homura said, "Yes, your honor. Miss Kaname is guilty of being a devilish magical girl. But… But do you know who gave the magical powers to our former friends?"
She stated, as she viewed a picture of a white cat-like creature with small red eyes and hoops on its ears. Homura said, "This… is the popular mascot for this series… the REASON why we were given powers, in the first place! Kyubey!"
The BND TV theme played, as the girls were shocked. Homura continued, "This beast, this… abomination… was the reason why Kyoko, Sayaka, and Mami are not with us… I chose this power from it… because it's to protect Madoka."
Madoka giggled, as Homura continued, "Anyways… I pledged that I would protect her, to the very end, and because of this being, three of our friends are dead. This monster gives contracts to other girls, chosen to be magical girls, and they ended up in grave misfortunes."
She shouted, "That is the reason why… That's what kills our friends, because of that… And to add, this anime is a horror anime! Do you honestly think we spoof our own kind? We're not cutesy! We're serious hard workers!"
Ami boasted, "OBJECTION! She's leading the witness on!"
The judge barked, banging his gavel, "ENOUGH! I don't want to hear this! Do you have anything to share with the rest of the courtroom?"
Ami said, "Yes, your honor."
"I was talking to her!"
Homura said, "We have but one witness… Defense calls Kyubey to the stand!"
Two policemen appeared, with a metal cage of a white cat-like creature inside. Kuybey was locked inside, with a muzzle and its ankles were in chains and shackles. The cage was placed in the seat, as Kyubey spoke, "I have no regrets. I need no muzzle, since I speak without mouth movement."
The judge said, "Kyubey, normally, we'd ask if you swear to tell the truth…"
Kyubey said, "I'll admit many things, yes."
He asked, "Contract, your honor?"
(Moe Howard): OH, NO, YOU DON'T! POOF!
(Kyubey is pushed away)
The judge banged its gavel, "If you offer me a contract, again, I'll find you in contempt of court! And there shall be NO NEW Magical Girls, thank you! Especially from YOU!"
He added, "Also, if you offer a contract again, to any girl in this room…"
Kyubey said, "I can assure you, I won't. I am defending Miss Madoka, the magical girl."
Homura said, "What is your name?"
"Kyubey."
"What are you?"
"I am an Incubator. I am simply an extraterrestrial being. My goal is to gather energy to counter entropy. My goal is to simply evaluate mankind's very existence, and also to grant powers to other girls."
Homura said, "And how do you offer contracts?"
Kyubey said, "I take their soul, and infuses them into a Soul Gem, giving them the abilities to become a magical girl. Since I can only be seen or heard from Magical Girls, including you, Miss Akemi, my only wish is to learn of their potential."
Homura said, "And why did you let them die?"
Kyubey said, "Their emotions got the best of them… especially since their Grief Seeds would be birthed. And that is why her friends die… Because they have potential… but not enough. Madoka has much magical potential, and like the main heroes, they are that strong. Miss Madoka is full-on potential."
Homura huffed, "Nothing further."
Ami said, "As a fellow Magical Girl, Kyubey, may I ask a personal question about you?"
It said, "Go ahead."
Ami said, "Let me be clear… Why would you harvest souls from innocent girls?"
It responded, "Because-."
Ami shouted, "NO! Shut up! I'm not finished!"
Kyubey said, "No! YOU shut up! The souls inside you perform a magical potential. As I told Sayaka, humans aren't even aware of your souls. They exist in your neurons, in the still-beating heart. If the body dies, your spirit is destroyed. I took these souls and gave them a form so they'd be easier to keep safe."
Madoka whispered, "Kyubey…"
Kyubey continued, "That way, fighting witches would be safe. Becoming a magical girl, or as I call it Puella Magi, is a safe bet. No one has ever stopped me. Do you actually feel pain, when fighting? I recognize you, Sailor Mercury… You're a popular Magical Girl, but you died twice, in my estimation… yet you still live…"
Ami growled, as Kyubey continued on, "All of you are simple girls with magical prowess. You are your own kind, but there are sacrifices. You're not immortal."
Ami roared, "NO! BUT YOU'RE FUCKING IMMORAL!"
They all gasped, as Ami shouted, "NO FURTHER QUESTIONS! AND GET THAT BASTARD OUT OF HERE!"
The judge banged his gavel and cried, "Miss Mizuno, compose yourself!"
Ami seethed, as Madoka asked, "Wait… Does this mean… we won?"
Homura said, "Not yet. It seems there is one more trick left…"
Madoka said, "Homura, let me speak! I know you're helping me and all, but I am a magical girl, and that the others know about my own fate."
Homura replied, "No. We can't. We not only produced a cult classic, but it sealed what is considered a horrifying destiny…"
Madoka cried, "WAIT! YOUR HONOR! I can't handle this lie, any longer! Yes, we were given contracts, but I am a goddess of all Magical Girls."
"LIES!" A voice cried, "ALL OF IT!"
The Closet Killer theme hits, as a girl in long red hair and big breasts appeared, wearing a purple shirt and skirt, with a white jacket. It's Mizuki Takase.
"Miss Takase?" The judge asked.
Mizuki roared, "I've had enough of this bullshit! You people can't see to dare brag about magical girls. Even I know how to transform into one, not without powers, but with cosplay style and killer moves! Being I'm The Gang's keyboardist/saxophone player, I, too, learned about cosplaying magical girls. I learned from Reiko Haga, one of the best. In fact, thanks to my training, I became the real-life Magical Girl – Card Master Peach!"
She added, "OH! I didn't add Asahi, since she voices the character."
She pointed at Ami and said, "YOU, Mizuno, you're just covering the true story, because you're pissed off about this brat's horror story! I mean, grow up, and grow some D-cups in your flat chest, you water hazard!"
The girls hollered in a rekt fashion, as Mizuki halted the fracas. She turned to Homura and said, "And YOU! You're the shy one, and suddenly, after Madoka gets sued, you suddenly act like a lone protector!"
Homura said nothing, as she turned away. She said, as she was angry, "And what do you care… old lady?"
Mizuki gasped, as the crowd roared, yet again, in a rekt fashion. Mizuki barked, "In case you didn't notice, I'm 29!"
Ami said sarcastically, "Keep telling yourself."
Mizuki said to Homura, "Do us all a favor, when Madoka gets a reboot, and minus the blood and gore, grow some girth and balls, and come back and see me, when you're all grown up!"
Madoka pleaded, "Miss Takase, wait!"
She offered to plead to the court, as Mizuki said, "How can you plead? NOBODY LIKES YOU! Your fans do, but not these girls. But I'm defending on what's right and wrong! I'm defending yourself, you stupid idiot!"
Madoka said, as she pleaded, "Your honor, I know she's defending me, because this is getting out of hand… but if I may… the only reason I wanted to be a magical girl was to protect everyone. I wasn't even given the powers, until the end. I am NOT the grim reaper of your kind!"
She proclaimed, "When I finally became a Magical Girl, my life changed, for the better. I didn't care what I wanted, as long as other people are safe and alive. And I chose to prevent this from happening, since I'm a godlike magical girl! I chose to lead a world of happiness, minus the witches in the world. I refused to see everyone die, because of me. My wish finally came true. But you're forgetting…"
She barked, "I wanted to make it peaceful, in the first place, for Mami, Kyoko, Sayaka, and Homura! I would never berate of deceive my own kind, being I am a new goddess! I'm nowhere near that power! My glorious power isn't for show and tell! I'm considered the greatest warrior who's saved the city, long ago. Yet, you people ignore me, saying I ruined the anime world. BUT THAT IS ALL WRONG! Magical Girls are for peace, love, understanding, and cuteness! Without magical girls, we'd fade away, like the forgotten lore of history that we are! We're not just Magical Girls… We're people, too!"
They went silent, as Madoka said, "And to add, your honor… There will be no sequel or reboot. Because, that is my choice. Madoka Kaname is remembered as a herald… NOT a devil."
Kyubey said, in a smile, "Amazing. You actually let it go."
Homura smiled, and hugged Madoka. The crowd silently applauded, and grew into a huge roar of applause. Mizuki then smiled and said, "Miss Kaname, you're indeed a worthy magical girl…"
She winked, and then walked off. She later huffed, in a mean whispered, "Fucking pubescents."
Mizuki had already left, as the judge said, "Your words impress me, Madoka. And I beseech you that you're a very cute girl."
He boomed, "But your anime still sucks!"
BANG!
He banged the gavel and shouted, "Court will now go to recess for 20 minutes! I'll be back, in a bit, for the final verdict. Jury, you may proceed."
The jury left, as the judge went to his chambers.
Twenty minutes later, the judge returned, and said, "Miss Kaname, stand up!"
Madoka and Homura stood up, as the judge said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how do you find this brave young Madoka Magica Misfit?"
The jury said, in unison, "GUILTY!"
Madoka was shocked, as the girls cheered on in a huge rowdy party roar. The judge called out, "THAT IS ENOUGH! NOW, PAY ATTENTION!"
He concluded, "Miss Madoka Kaname, the court finds you guilty! Now, normally, we'd give you a proper sentence, but we have no choice but to give you… the DEATH Penalty."
They gasped in horror, as the judge said, "However… This applies to this Incubator Jonesy, over here. Since that little thing is responsible for the deaths of many magical girls… Kyubey, how's this for a contract?"
(Mr. McMagnus "formerly McMahon"): YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!
(The crowd roars in protest)
The judge roared, "KYUBEY! ALL THE MAGICAL GIRLS WILL HAVE YOUR PARTS CLEAVED OFF, POST HASTE!"
Kyubey said, "Do whatever you want. If you kill me, more of us will reemerge. Even if you wound me, you cannot make us bleed out and die. If you troll me, saying to go kill myself, I must, and another will take my place. I am an endless alien race that never dies. NO ONE defeats me."
The judge said, "Not this time! I have made your sentence rather bulky and super bloody. The tools Miz-K made are rather superior, and can easily exterminate little cat-like bastards like you! EVERYONE! Grab a pitchfork and torch, grab the little fucker, and lambast the freak!"
Kyubey gasped, "WHAAAAAAAAT?"
Ami smirked evilly, "With pleasure…"
The entire Magical Girl lynch mob grabbed a pitchfork and torch and said, "Okay, you contract-toting furball! Do you know what happens when you kill off innocent girls-?"
She stopped, and looked around. Kyubey had disappeared. She asked, "Hey, where did that cat go?"
Outside, Kyubey was running for dear life, and shrieked, "HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!"
The entire all-female mob chased after it and shouted, "FOR ALL MAGICAL GIRLS, YOU'RE A DEAD PUSSY!"
Kyubey was running away from the huge riot, running off into the midafternoon clear sky and near 90 degree heat.
Back in the courtroom, Madoka and Homura were all alone, as the judge said, "As for you two, you're free to go. But you are to NEVER appear within 500 yards of ANY Magical Girl series, or any Magical Girl-based anime, ever again! Understand?"
Madoka said, "I'm sure of it. Thank you, your honor. This will never happen again."
Homura blushed and said, "I knew you could be safe… as I promised."
"Thank you… Homura…"
They blushed, and they went closer. They started to kiss each other and make out. Madoka and Homura shared their first kiss together, as Homura made up her promise to protect Madoka, despite that she lost the case. But she did survive. Tears flowed down Homura's eyes, as Madoka whispered her name to her, while in a lip lock.
Miz-K NOTE: Madoka and Homura shipping, I bet… MY fic, MY rules!
The judge sighed, "Ah, young love. I just don't know… Anyways… That's the way the magical girl rolls along."
He banged his gavel and called out, "Court's adjourned! Cue the End Label!"
Thanks for reading!
Meanwhile, in the courtroom, five hours later, Madoka and Homura remained, still kissing each other. They kept lip locking, all day, as Madoka stopped, "Wait… Homura… Shouldn't we leave, right now?"
Homura said, as she held her hands, "Five more minutes…"
They resumed making out, as the lights went out.
Miz-K NOTE: Personally, I'm not a fan of "Puella Magi Madoka Magica", but I have known to learn more about each girl, vaguely. Though, not a great anime, but it's considered a cult classic. And when I said that it bastardized the Magical Girl genre, I was only making a point. The anime is simply a horror anime, and evolved into numerous manga adaptations, which I will NOT mention.
Plus, I hated the series, after the gory events that took place, and only saw 6 episodes of it, and said "NOPE! Fuck this! Fuck Madoka, I'm out!" But this is only because I've lost interest in this anime. I would never bash at her, or not hating on her. It got to a boring moment, then a bloody moment, then decapitation, then emotional problems, and so on, and so on, and you get the idea.
No matter what YOU say, or what I say, "Puella Magi Madoka Magica" is an anime gem, whether you guys like it or not. Personally, Sailor Moon's better. And don't get me wrong, because… Sailor Moon will ALWAYS be better than Madoka Kaname. I mean, Madoka got to become a Magical Girl… IN THE FINAL EPISODE! WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE!