I seriously don't remember how I got the idea for this thing. O.o Anyway, I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or Harry Potter in anyway. My friend HopelesslyFlawed helped out with the Harry Potter part, since I'm not addicted to that. I am however addicted to Final Fantasy 7. x3 Now then, I'm going to say this all at the beginning, so don't get pissy and tell me I never said it just because it's not in the other chapters. This story obviously does not follow the FF7 storyline, so things are different, such as characters like Cloud and Tifa did not know each other as kids, and other various things. This is purely for fun, so if you can't handle changes to practically everything, please hit the back button now. :3 Also, please don't get mad at me if your favorite FF7 character is not in here, or if your favorite Harry Potter character is not represented at all. I'm not going to change it, for I am quite happy with the characters I've chosen. Also, I've tried to use practically every FF7 character that people like, and I'd think that matters more than the HP characters represented since this is an FF7 fic. O.o Now that all that's out of the way, please enjoy my parody!

ShinRa School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...and Mako

A Strange Invitation

Once upon a time, there lived a young boy... Well okay, he wasn't young, more like about 17 years old. Anyway, this boy was special. He had the legendary mako green eyes, all because of an incident in his childhood. When he was nothing more than an infant, the great SuperSoldier of ShinRa, Sephiroth, came and destroyed the boy's hometown of Nibelheim. Killing many people, including the boy's father, Sephiroth had also tried to kill the infant, but somehow failed. However, as a result, the young boy was infused with some of the mako in Sephiroth and gained the mako green color in his eyes as a mark left behind. After that Sephiroth disappeared and was not seen again for the next 17 years. Since then, the boy had grown into a strong, handsome and responsible young man.

"CLOUD, GET OUT HERE AND WASH THESE DISHES!!!" Cloud's mother, who'd unfortunately survived Sephiroth, screamed from the other room.

"I'm polishing my buster blade right now Mom, GAWD!!" Cloud screamed back. So two out of three ain't bad... Well, he had good hair, and that's all you really need.

"CLOUD!!"

"WHAT, MOM?!"

"BRING ME A SODA!!"

Cloud growled lowly, his eyebrow twitching. Everyday since he could walk it had been like this, him doing everything for his mother while she sat on the couch and most likely grew fungus between her toes. Well, he'd finally had enough. It was time for him to spread his wings and fly out into the world!

"Screw you Mom, I'm going outside!" Cloud yelled, doing just that and slamming the door behind him. He didn't get far until a moogle suddenly smacked into his face and clung to it.

"AHH!!" Cloud shrieked, pulling it and ripping it off. He blinked at it in confusion.

The moogle blinked back. After a few moments, it finally spoke.

"I have a message for you, kupo!"

Cloud blinked again, then took the letter out of its hands and tossed the moogle, walking back into the house. I never get any mail, he thought as he turned the envelope over to see who it was from. ShinRa...? he questioned in his mind.

"Hey Mom, I got a letter from ShinRa!"

At that moment, for the first time ever, Cloud saw his mother run. She darted up to him from the other room and snatched the letter from his hand at the speed of light. Cloud nearly fell over backwards from the shock of seeing her move so quickly. She tore the envelope open, shreds flying everywhere, then quickly read the letter. After a moment, she tore that up too.

"MOM!!!" yelled Cloud, unable to stop her. A few shreds landed in his hands and he clutched them to his heart, tears filling his mako tainted eyes. The first letter he'd ever gotten had been murdered right before him.

"It was just junkmail, don't worry about it!" his mother told him before stomping back to her couch. Cloud sighed and trudged to his room to sulk.

The next day, Cloud was washing the aforementioned dishes while grudgingly mumbling things about running away...someday.

"CLOUD, REMEMBER TO USE THE SOAP!!"

"I KNOW MOM!!" Cloud shouted angrily, grabbing the soap and squirting it onto the soapless dishes. At that second, a moogle flew in through the window and latched onto his face, causing him to scream and flail which in turn caused dish soap to go all over the room.

"I have a message for you, kupo!" it announced, not letting go of his face. Before Cloud could pull it off, a second moogle zoomed in and grabbed his arm.

"I have a message for you, kupo!" it also said. Cloud finally detached the first moogle and went to do the same to the second when several moogles shot through the window at once and all seized him.

"I have a message for you, kupo!" they all simultaneously declared.

"Where are you all coming from?!" Cloud cried out, desperately trying to free himself. He looked up at the window and his eyes widened dramatically. Moogles were pouring in through the window nonstop, and they began flying around the room all chanting "I have a message for you, kupo!" in their own seperate tempos.

"MOOGLE ATTACK!!!" screamed Cloud as he frantically tried to escape, but slipped on the soap-covered floor and fell on his face. His mother picked that time to come rushing in.

"Cloud, did you blow something up again?!" she accused, then shrieked at the increasing hoard of moogles. "I knew this day would come!! I'LL GET THE SHOTGUN!!" she yelled before running into the opposite room. Cloud grimaced under the weight of the moogles that had piled on him, managed to grab a letter, then screamed as loudly as he possibly could,

"ALRIGHT, I GOT A LETTER, YOU CAN LEAVE NOW!!!"

The moogles stopped whatever they were doing and left out the window, one of them taking a jar of cookies with it. Cloud sighed and dusted himself off as he stood up. His mother ran back in with the shotgun locked and loaded, a look of pure insanity upon her face.

"Time to burn in hell, moogles!" she spat, taking aim.

"Uh, Mom? The moogles kinda...left," Cloud said slowly. His mother lowered the gun.

"Oh." She stood there staring at him, then noticed the letter in his hand.

She stared at him some more.

He stared back.

They stared at each other.

"DROP THAT LETTER!!!" his mother screamed, jumping at him wildly. Cloud dodged past her and dashed into the next room.

"BITE ME!!!" he screamed back, running up the stairs with his mother close behind. He sped down the hall and opened the closet door at the end of it, stepping out of the way. His mother, unable to stop herself, crashed into the closet, allowing Cloud to close the door and lock her in. He ignored her muffled yells of rage and opened the envelope to read his letter. It was written in neat, cursive writing, and read as follows:

Dear Cloud Strife,

I and my money invite you to attend our academy, ShinRa School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...and Mako. I wanted to originally name it ShinRa School of Soldiers and Mako, but my underlings said that Witchcraft and Wizardry would be more family friendly. Of course, I, being superior, put Mako at the end of it anyway because I like that word...and my money... mmm...

Anyway Mr. Strife, you have much promising potential, and my money and I would love for you to become a slave... lowlife... student of my school, and graduate as a full-fledged Soldier! Maybe even a SuperSoldier if you pay me... work hard enough!

Loves money,

Rufus ShinRa

Cloud blinked at the letter in his hand. What kind of name is Rufus...? he asked in his mind.

"Hey Mom, what's this ShinRa school??"

"It's a secret school that only Soldiers and those who are attending to become Soldiers know about. You learn how to fight, then forever serve the ShinRa company as a part of its army of Soldiers."

"...Cool, I always wanted to kill stuff!" Cloud said happily.

"There's more!" his mother continued. "Your father was actually killed by a man named Sephiroth who came and destroyed Nibelheim and also gave you the mako green tint in your eyes. He was a SuperSoldier from ShinRa who became evil and wanted to destroy the world!"

"...Maybe I'll run into him and get some revenge or something," Cloud said, shrugging his shoulders. "Kaythxbai!"

"At least open the friggin' closet door you ungrateful son!"

Cloud leaned back cautiously, unlocked the door, then darted down the stairs and out the front door as fast as he could. "I'm finally free!" he rejoiced, throwing his hands in the air. He stopped. "Wait...how am I supposed to get to this school??"

He suddenly heard a horn sound and turned to see a long, bulky, RV-like vehicle driving toward him.

"The brakes won't work!!" the man driving cried out frantically. Cloud simply stared as the man drove straight into the side of his house creating the loud sound of snapping wood and scraping metal. The man, tall, black-haired and wearing a strange blue suit, stumbled out of the vehicle and walked over to the blonde teenager.

"Are you Cloud Strife?" he asked.

"...Maybe," Cloud answered, glaring at the stranger.

"Well that mako green in your eyes just gives it away, doesn't it?" The man chuckled joyfully, as if he hadn't just plowed into Cloud's house. "My name is Reeve Rubius Hagrid Tuesti, but call me Reeve!"

"...Kay..."

"Come now, we have lots to do! We have to go all the way to Midgar, where Diagon Alley is." Reeve shoved Cloud over to his vehicle. "Into the Shadowfox!" he chirped, pushing Cloud into the passenger seat. Reeve jumped into the driver's seat just as Cloud's mother came running out of the house.

"WHO PUT THAT HOLE IN MY WALL?!?!" she screamed furiously.

Reeve's eyes widened. "Time to go!" he said, putting the Shadowfox in reverse. However, it went forward anyway, and Reeve drove straight through Cloud's house, out the other side, and continued through Nibelheim. Reeve laughed nervously.

"It'll be fine," he assured. The house then collapsed behind them, and Cloud simply stared at the empty space where the building had once been. "No time for grieving, there's fun to have!" the older man said quickly, driving over all the destruction of Nibelheim. No one had ever really bothered to clean up after Sephiroth left.

Off to quite a slow start. x3 It'll get better though, and the chapters will get much longer once Cloud actually gets into the school. Once there are more characters, I'll make a list of which FF7 character is who in the HP world, so it's easier to keep up with them. Please review, I'd really like to hear what you have to say! Chapter two is coming soon, though it's still a bit short. Chapter three is where it starts to get long, so if you don't like it so far, at least hold out hope until Ch. 3! X3