dis·claim·er (d¹s-kl³"m…r) n. 1. A repudiation or denial of responsibility or connection. 2. Law. A renunciation of one's right or claim. 3. An attempt to cover one's ass.
Fist off, I'd like to say that I don't not own Tenchi (And if I did, I'd be making these stories into episodes instead of fan fiction). And the most important part of the disclaimer: I do not hate Ryoko and Ayeka or any other characters who are bashed here, nor do I hate the fans, who are bashing each other in this fan fiction. This is a
par·o·dy (p²r"…-d¶) n. par·o·dies. 1.a. A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule. b. The genre of literature comprising such works. 2. Something so bad as to be equivalent to intentional mockery; a travesty. 3. Music. The practice, popular in the 15th and 16th centuries, of significantly reworking an already established composition, especially the incorporation into the Mass of material borrowed from other works, such as motets or madrigals. 4. A fan fiction that everyone will flame because they took it too seriously, despite the disclaimers and definitions, because they are mindless idiots who wont even bother to read the fic and will go strait to flaming the author for writing it.
And if the definition isn't enough, then I'll explain. I'm writing this not only for Comedy, but also to show everyone how ridiculous character-bashing is. So let's just get on with this and bash everyone BUT Sakuya (and a few other choice characters I feel don't deserve bashing).
The Tenchi Muyo Character-bash Fest!
It started as an average day at the Masaki residence, that is, until JDHGamer decided to open the portals to Outworld, sending Shao Kahn and his minions there, who killed both Ayeka and Ryoko and stole their souls.
The next day, their souls were returned for a full refund. Apparently…those souls were SOOO unlikable, they wouldn't keep them. Then JDHGamer had a better idea, and opened the portals to Ourworld, and then all the Tenchi fans of all different types came flooding in, invading the universe they loved so much. The problem was, they hated each other, and a war began, right in front of Tenchi's house. Tenchi+Ayeka fans fought against Tenchi+Ryoko fans as the Tenchi+Sakuya fans stood on the sidelines. Then the other fans noticed the Sakuya fans and decided to attack them. But then there was a fight over which side would get to attack the Sakuya fans first. This battle became an all-out war, so the battle continued while the T/S fans just watched and ate some popcorn and hotdogs thinking (It's so entertaining watching these guys fight over silly things). Ayeka and Ryoko also were in the battle leading their respective teams. Tenchi and Sakuya were in the bleachers watching. Tenchi was a bit worried about Ryoko and Ayeka, but then again, they always got in the way of him and Sakuya, so he thought he wouldn't mind if they ended up killing each other…and that's exactly what happened. And the Sakuya fans REJOICED.
That is until JDHGamer thought that killing them twice just wasn't enough (this is a BASHING) fic, after all. And now he brought the cute little Tenchi-Sasami fans into the fray (they are also strangely violent, despite being a minority). This time they joined up in attacking the Tenchi-Sakuya people. "We hate you Sakuya!" "You're such a mother f**king whore!" "You're so ugly! You're skinny! You're thighs are too thick! And your breasts are too small!" "Slut!" "B*tch!" "Lesbian!"
"LESBIAN?!" Everyone turned their attention to the girl that said that. "Um…*blushes*…sorry, just some weird fantasy of mine." No one asked, and the battle continued.
Although the Sakuya fans were normally peaceful, they had to defend themselves. Fortunately, JDHGamer was on their side and erected a HUGE force field around them. As soon as the fans and characters touched it, they instantly died.
But that's not the end, now the Washu-Tenchi fans come in with Washu to destroy the forcefield, along with the resurrected Ayeka, Ryoko, and Sasami fans, and their beloved characters. Miraculously, the force field came down and all the fans charged in, killing not on the Tenchi-Sakuya fans, but also Tenchi and Sakuya.
They weren't at all saddened by Sakuya's death. Besides, who really cares if she dies? (Especially since all her fans are now lying dead on the ground). But Tenchi died, and not only that, but he died trying to protect Sakuya (he failed, obviously). And now the fans (and the characters) had nothing left to live for, and committed suicide. Now everyone, except JDHGamer, is dead. And JDHGamer is quite pleased with himself for orchestrating something like this. Then he realizes this story is far from over, he needs to bring in the Tenchi-YAOI paring fans!
"Tenchi belongs with Kagato b*tch!" one fan says. "What the hell are you talking about? Tenchi isn't gay?" "Oh, he is, and one sexy gay man at that!" "I'm definitely not gay!" "No, you're gay…don't deny it!" "He's not gay, he's slept with me several times!" Sakuya said. "What?!" all the other fans cried out.
"While you were at war, we got married!"
"Wait a second? Do you mean to say you didn't engage in premarital sex?"
"No, we didn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I, being a Christian, would never allow something like that in one of my fan fictions!" JDHGamer said.
"So you're the one responsible for this pairing?"
"Yes."
"KILL HIM!!! KILL THAT IDIOT BASTARD WHO IS SO STUPID AS TO HAVE TENCHI PAIRED WITH THAT UGLY MOTHER F**KING WHORE B*TCH INSTEAD OF (RANDOM NAMES OF CHARACTERS SHOUTED OUT BY VARIOUS FANS)! YOU MUST DIE ASSHOLE!"
"You didn't read my disclaimer, did you?"
"What disclaimer?"
"The one at the top of the page you bakas!"
"Bakas? What t he hell does that mean?" a few newbie anime fans asked.
"He's calling us all idiots in Japanese!"
"What are we waiting for? We said we'd kill him so let's kill him!"
They all went and killed me…I died…
But the next day I came back to continue writing this stupid story.
I went up to the sky and announced in my best booming God-like voice: "You have all been fools, and I shall now punish you all for your foolish ways by whipping you all out permanently. Except for the Sasami and Rhyo-oki fans, and their characters, because they are too cute to die, and the Sakuya-Tenchi fans and their characters because they're the only ones with more than half a brain. I said: "Let there be death" and there was death, and it was good.
The Sasami and Rhyo-oki fans went home and the Sakuya fans had a party and Tenchi and Sakuya shared yet another night of passionate lovemaking, not having to worry anymore about the other fans flaming them.
But little did they know that Ayeka and Ryoko fans were still alive in the resealed Ourworld, and were preparing to flame this very fan fic.
THE END?
I hope this turned out as hilarious and thought provoking as I wanted it to be.
And thank you for reading this and please review, but if you want to flame (and especially if you do flame me), I say: "f**k you too!" in advance.