A/N: A retelling of the science fiction cult favorite movie "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension" by a kinder, gentler audience.

The Adventures of Buck or Two Bonsai After He Goes to a Different Dimension

"How are you feeling, Daddy?" Survey Sparrow looked across from where she stood beside the form of her father, who lay on his bed with the blankets pulled up to his chin.

"I'm a little better Survey; thank you for fixing dinner." Loftus Sparrow's disheveled hair was a vast contrast to his usual immaculately kept locks; having spent much of the day tossing and turning restlessly in bed he looked a bit worse for wear. "The next time I get sick I hope you fix that special...food...again. I thought I was getting better but something must have come over me after I ate; that happens sometimes when you're sick."

Survey beamed from the compliment. "I'm really glad you liked my chocolate macaroni and cheese soup. I thought of some of your favorite things and put them together and I threw some sour gummy worms in it too; I could make it again tomorrow if you want. I know when you're sick it's not as much fun to eat sometimes."

"Thanks Survey, but if I have it too often it won't be...er...special anymore. No, it was so good I think I'll just lie down and take a nap and let my body recover...I mean rest."

"Great, then I can tell YOU a bedtime story this time. I watched it on TV and now I'll tell it to you.

...

The main character's name is Buck or Two Bonsai. He probably got his name from selling cheap tiny trees when he was younger, but now he's grown up and he's a test pilot scientist and he's trying to get across the eighth dimension.

"I have enough trouble getting across town. Did he cross all the other dimensions to get there?" Loftus asked.

"They didn't say. He probably took a shortcut."

So Bonsai had to get to the eighth dimension, but first he had to finish his day job where he was a brain surgeon. Everyone was worried because he might be in a hurry and leave his doctor tools inside the man's head, but he was the best so everything came out fine. He hopped in his rocket car which was really a truck and drove super-fast in a straight line until he went through a mountain to prove that he went somewhere else.

"Couldn't he do that out in the open?" Loftus scowled.

"They didn't say" Survey considered. "Maybe he just wanted to show off."

He was able to do this because he invented something called the oscillation overthruster to help him, and this got a crazy scientist named Dr. Emilio Lizardo mad because he helped work on the early designs and wasn't going to get any royalties; so the crazy doctor decided to use it to take over the world instead after he checked out of the mental hospital. Meanwhile, Bonsai played a concert with his rock band the King Kong Cadavers...

"He was a test pilot, scientist, brain surgeon AND a rock star? Couldn't he focus on one career?" her dad asked.

"They don't say. I bet he didn't have a very good Guidance Counselor in high school."

"I assume this oscillation overthruster was just the opposite of a stationary underbraker."

"Naturally, daddy. What else would it be?" Survey said as she rolled her eyes.

So while he's singing to a very sad woman named Penny, she gets even sadder and decides to order another shot and then the band leaves. Later on, Bonsai talks to her and finds out she is a twin to his wife Peggy from a long time ago. Then he holds a press conference and tells everyone how he drove through the mountain but in the middle he gets a phone call from the president except it isn't the president it's from some aliens that were listening to the conference. They reach out and touch someone, which is Bonsai, with some electricity and suddenly he can see aliens in the audience that were humans before.

"Maybe he was delusional. Why couldn't he see them before?"

"They didn't really say then."

So the aliens in the audience kidnap a Professor Hikita that was helping Bonsai, and then the aliens that zapped him over the phone who are called Black Lectroids sent a ship down with three of their people on it to land. The first one was too clumsy to help, but the second went to go find Bonsai who now knew that the aliens that kidnapped the professor were bad aliens from Planet 10 called Red Lectroids...

"You mean they found another planet around our sun? Or is that planet from the eighth dimension?"

"They didn't say. Wherever it is, they sit in really tall chairs."

So the last good alien on the ship that landed didn't want to get caught so he self-demonstrated the ship. The bad aliens started chasing Bonsai and it looked pretty bad but then he was rescued by Blue Blaze irregulars, who are kids and adults that seem to help out Bonsai for some reason like Boy Scouts except they tend to be para-military and carry automatic weapons. So Bonsai's band found out that this business called YoYo-something was committing fraud by creating a lot of identities and giving them all different names but the first name was always John and with the same birthday.

"Probably because the name John is so common it wouldn't be noticed" her father surmised. "I bet it makes their tax returns confusing."

"Either that or because it's too hard to keep typing the name 'Zechariah' over and over again; they never really explain and some guy named Orson Wells doesn't show up to tell us why either."

Then the good alien delivered a recording to Bonsai, telling his people that the bad aliens had been given a timeout in the eighth dimension and that they were going to steal the overthruster and use it to escape. The good aliens weren't happy about that, and said if Bonsai couldn't stop the bad aliens then the Earth was going to have a permanent time out. This concerned Bonsai, so they all decide to go visit YoYo-something which really is convenient because the Red guys kidnapped Penny and killed Rawhide with a spider thing that made his body go to sleep.

Then Dr. Lizardo...

"Who?" Loftus asked, puzzled.

"The crazy scientist that wanted the overthruster. I know, he disappeared in the story for a long time but he's back now and he has a red alien inside him named John Worphin. Well, he had one to begin with but no one knew at first."

"Oh, that guy. What was he doing all this time? Oh wait..."

"...they don't say" Survey finished before her father could answer his own question.

Dr. Lizardo...er, Worphin tells Bonsai he'll trade Penny for the overthruster but he doesn't know she actually has it. Bonsai tells the President, but all he does is talk to some people and worry even though everyone seems to know and trust Bonsai for some reason; he ends up sending his Defense Minister to help. Worphin holds a pep rally and then tortures Bonsai to get information from him by hooking him up to an unsafety helmet. While he and Penny were being tortured, the band, Defense Minister and some rug cleaners helped raid YoYo-something to stop Worphin and the other Red Lectroids. They shoot a lot of them, but when they find Penny then Worphin starts to take off in a ship he was pretending to build for the military. He has his own overthruster, but it doesn't work because he's crazy and when the ship takes off it has Bonsai and the good alien who both snuck inside and were hiding in a small ship that was in the big ship. So when Worphin throws the little ship out, Bonsai flies it...

"He's a spaceship pilot too? When did that happen? Never mind Survey, don't answer."

So Bonsai and the Black Lectroid fly the ship (which looks a little like the head of that ALF guy we saw on TV) and blow up Dr. Worphin's ship right after he makes an appointment to see him later in an office that probably doesn't have air conditioning. That saved the planet, and Bonsai parachuted out so he wouldn't have to spend so much time at the airport even though he didn't have any baggage. All the good guys get back together again, but Bonsai finds out Penny died from the torture. He tries to give her a last kiss, but jump-starts her instead and she comes alive again and is pretty happy about it.

"But what about his wife Peggy, the first twin? What happened to her?

"Everyone knows, but no one says" Survey shrugged. "Maybe they took out that part of the movie."

So the Black Lectroids were happy and didn't destroy the Earth, the movie teases you about something called the World Crime League and then they all walk down some dry canal, including Rawhide who must have gotten undead but I don't remember Bonsai kissing him so it must be something else they don't show. The End.

"Well, that was certainly an interesting story, Survey" Loftus said, smiling as he relaxed in the bed. "Bonsai sure sounds like a good guy to me."

"I think he is, even if he isn't a daddy. I hoped you liked the story and I'm sorry if I forgot some parts; this story was different than the ones you tell me because people died in it but I think I got the important stuff."

"The most important part was that you took time to make me feel better. Even as good as that...dinner was, your story was more important and I WILL say that. Good night Survey, I'll check on you later."

"And I'll check on you too, Daddy. Goodnight."

The End

A/N: Yes, Buckaroo Banzai was a movie that was constantly elbowing us in the ribs with the inside joke that we're supposed to know things that we can't possibly know, and be familiar with characters we've never heard of before. That was part of its charm, albeit a charm that rubs some people the wrong way.