Hell everyone im sure someone will read this since only true fans are gonna look it up. This is my first ever public writing and also fiction writing
i know i need lots of work but please help me if i can get this fantasy stuff down then history should be no problem. Oh yeah im a history major and i do want to write storys on that stuff one day.
But fantasy allows way more breathing room. So PLEASE HELP ME ANYWAY YOU CAN. and did i stay true to the characters.
Kitchen Bucket
"Welcome folks to another day of Irwin fun with your host Shaun Mason"
Shaun was standing with his foot firmly planted on the back of an armless Zombie, with his award winning smile slapped across his face. The Zombie was doing an impersonation of...well and armless zombie that wants nothing more in the world than to eat the foot currently imbedded in its' back.
"As you can see today were gonna play catch with armless jack here" (looking down and talking to 'Jack') "Isn't that right Jack were gonna have a nice game of catch. I shoot the bullets and we see how many you can catch-"
"I thought that was called target practice" said a rather bored George. She was sitting on top of three walled garage that had some how maintained its roof. George was field checking her gear AGAIN, with a not very legal personal semi-automatic lying beside her.
"Only if he didn't have legs too, feel free to hack them off if you want" Shaun sang. George just throw him a dirty look, not that anyone else would notice on account of her thick prescription sun glasses.
None of this had stopped shauns' performance (he was a professional at poking dead things and annoying the living things)
"Well are you ready Armless Jack this is your big moment" The zombie gave off a long low level moan, which was either get off me so i can eat you or i am so gonna eat your ass when i get up. Unfortunately zombies lack facial movement on account of their face mussels aren't needed anymore or they lack some of their face.
"Okay so just a heads up on how this will work I'm gonna run around in a circle so AJ has time to get on his feet then its time for the obstacle course, which in-"
"I thought you were playing catch with shinny hollow point cylinders that make a big mess?" Yelled George, while some how eating, drinking, getting updates on her phone and no doubt proofing some poor underlings work with fire and brimstone retorts (because hey if the boss is unhappy just be thankfully she's not standing in front of you with a gun)
"If he doesn't run in a zig-zaggy way it'll be to easy for me. and stop interrupting your making AJ nervous." Said Zombie had in fact seemed to of given up trying to turn around and eat Shauns foot and was using its upper teeth and legs to try moving out from under said foot.
"And you think zig-zags will make it harder" George deadpanned
"It'll be funny" Said Shaun his eyes shinny with mischief.
"huh" George new something was up, but if hes hadn't told her by now chances were it was good for ratings, something she would of said no to anyway and quite possible illegal.
"OOOOKKKAY! On the count of 3. ONE! TWO!" George smiled as Shaun took off on two, they'd been doing that for years.
Shaun ran in a circle waiting for the AJ to get up and either he was upset at Georges' comment about him not being a hard enough target or Zombies could now die if you just argue over the top of the, but the CDC would love to hear about that.
George was now very interested, Shaun was frowning and had resorted to the Irwin classic 'poking dead thing with stick' or in his case a golf club.
"Hey AJ? you still with me buddy?" AJ suddenly flung his head back and gave off the loudest shiver inducing moan that could probable be picked up for at least three miles, and seen as how there weren't enough buildings to allow echos some of AJs' friends must of herd him and had come to help make the game a little harder.
"O goody just what i was waiting for" Bounced Shaun as he clubbed AJ out of existence (again if you want to be technical) and ran off to the bike they rode in on to get something that looked like a bucket. George had instantly grabbed her semi checked off the safety made sure they had a clear exit and was gonna get down untill she heard Shauns' happy comment. Now she was really worried.
"Shaun what is that and why are you happy about a Zombie hoard?" Shaun just wiggled his eye brows and gave a cheeky grin. There was a reason why he was one of the most popular Irwin among not just the female but the male viewers. He new how to get you hooked.
"This my dear sister is a bucket, but not just any bucket, its...A kitchen sink bucket!" 'crick' 'crick' Shaun frowned when George activated the cricket noise app on her phone, she just grinned.
"Ahem! i called it that because they only thing not in it is the kitchen sink. This little baby is loaded with bleach, drain-o, nails,
your toe clippings chlorine, motor oil all kept separate of course and a little something to make it sticky."
Shaun placed the bucket in the middle of the clearing, then did something that from Georges' angel would be considered offensive, stupid, leave them open for law suits, but would be one hell o fa jump in ratings.
Shaun backed away from the bucket and it now resembled a pre-rising cartoon bomb, boom had been written on the side and there was a long wick standing out of the had gone running off TOWARD the hoard, George couldn't decide if she should stop him or just leave him since clearly he wanted to challenge Darwin's Theory today.
"Well i can at least get the bike warm." She sighed jumping of the roof. In the time it took to pack and start the bike which wasn't all that long (there was a Zombie hoard on the way, you know) Shaun was half way back sweaty and white. NOT GOOD!
"Goodnews-" Shaun panted "Got..huh...Got me some new playmates"
" And the bad news" George cocked an eye brow.
"Some off them may be a little fresh."
"Damit! Shaun, OUT WITH IT."
"You remember those Irwins that where begging to do a broadcast with me, say a week ago?...(George nodded) Yeah well looks like they got their wish." George just stared at him.
Shaun completely unfazed by his sisters silence hoped on to the back of the bike but had George keep her hand off the accelerator.
"We gotta wait till just the write moment, i need the main body to pass through."
"Pass Through what you ? cause i will be long gone before they make it with in firing range."
"You are such a newsie." Shaun scoffed "Look here they come just wait till the fresh ones or at least 20 meters."
"This had better be worth it." huffed George as she jammed on her helmet, that's when she hear her intercom going off.
"Buffy! WHAT HAVE YOU AND SHAUN BEEN UP TO?" She yelled. Buffy was a grade A computer genius, complete with inventing capabilities of cause the down side was she was a little insane sometimes. Not Irwin insane, but she did have a habit of making dangerous stuff look safe and safe stuff look dangerous.
"Hey, why is it every time Shaun does something you think i had a hand in it?" she almost sounded genuinely hurt if she hadn't of been masking a laugh towards the end.
"I can understand the contents of the bucket but the art work is all you and i know Shauns got a detonator, and if he can make on of those on his own you'd be out of the job." George said it so sweetly it was as if she were talking to a lover. Buffy was just laughing.
"I just wanted to make sure you get some good shots. i want a view from the front mounted camera. and I'm gonna use one off my zoomers to get the two of you in the shot." The clacking of keys could be heard all the while Buffy spoke.
"i hate the both-"
"GEORGENOW!" Without thinking George gunned the bike and was off leaving a trail of dust behind.
"Son of a Bitch i can't see anything." Shaun yelled
"would you like me to drop you back off? I'm sure they would love to do bit of zig-zagging for you." George jibbed.
"Thanks but unlike AJ, i have a hard time fitting in with those guys, they just can't wait to take a bite out of me." George could feel Shauns' grin.
"Stop at the rock" Shaun pointed to a small cluster of rocks ten feet ahead. George remembered to, to spin the bike so they could get some front wheel footage What happened next was...well Shaun pressed a red button, a mini earth-quack went off fireworks launched into the sky and the Zombie hoard where shuffling around looking like lazy fireflies.
"What was that.?" George asked not taking her eyes off the, well burning zombies.
"I told you, A Kitchen Sink Bucket" Shaun stated
"And what did you use to make it sticky?"
"Marshmallows" "Marshmallows?"
"Hey their sticky and you can't have a good fire without them."
"Right can we go home before the toasted dead decide they want to try a revers s'more on us please.?" Whined George as she shook her head.
"Why i thought you'd never ask" And with that Shaun looped his arms around Georges' waist and they rode off, all the while Buffy was cakkeling in their ears cause she had yet again diabled their intercom controlles.