Charlie was in her room drawing when I came in.
"Hey Char whatcha doing?"
Charlie didn't answer and I knew something was wrong. Charlie didn't really talk to people but she and I could normally find something to talk about even if it was only for a short period of time.
"Charlie are you ok?"
Charlie still didn't answer she kept drawing on her sketchpad. I sat beside her.
"What are you drawing Charlie?"
Charlie stopped drawing and looked at the floor.
"Am-am I a r-retard mom?"
"What no! Who told you that?"
Charlie drew her knees into her chest and rocked herself a little.
"A-a boy at my school…he-he called me a r-retard and-and laughed. Then he-he pushed me...I...I don't w-wanna be a-a retard... You and-and mamma won't-won't want me if-if I'm a retard."
I was stunned who had the balls to call my little girl a retard. Charlie was just…she was a little socially awkward yes but she was smart. She loves math and drawing and she's really good at it.
"Cha your mama and I will always love you no matter what and you're not a retard."
"Then why does-why does mama go and-and cry all the time? Y-yesterday she w-went…she went around t-the-around the wall w-when she didn't t-think I was l-looking and she-she just s-started crying. She was-she was really quiet b-but I heard-I heard her. I didn't-I didn't mean to make her s-sad…I just…I just…"
"Oh Charlie it's alright baby, that doesn't mean mama doesn't love you. She just get frustrated sometimes. It's not your fault." I put my hand on her back rubbing it slightly to calm her down.
"Aunt Brittany won't-Aunt Brittany won't like me if-if I'm a-a retard."
I laughed a little, Charlie always liked Brittany she always brought down her favorite drawing.
"Char there is nothing wrong with you and Aunt Brittany already loves you."
Charlie looked up from the spot on the floor that she'd been focusing on "so-so I'm not a r-retard?"
"No Char you aren't."
"O-ok." Charlie seemed satisfied with that answer and resumed her drawing.
"How was your day Char?"
"F-fine..." Charlie didn't look up from her paper.
"Why are you wearing your special shoes Char?"
"It's-it's Friday."
"I know...but you're wearing your steggie shoes. I know those are your favorite."
"I-I was taking-taking a math test-a math test today and I-I really like-I really like math."
"Oh how was your math test?"
Charlie didn't say anything, she frowned and scrunched her nose. Uh-oh I know that scrunch…
"Charlie…" I said slowly trying not to make any sudden movements, "are you ok?"
Charlie didn't answer instead her eyes began to water and her grip tightened on her pencil.
"Charlie? Can you look at me please?" She won't look at me, I know what's next so I brace myself. Charlie throws her pencil across the room and crumbles up the piece of paper she was drawing on. Her breathing becomes faster and harder. She throws away the sketch pad and bangs her fist on the floor.
"It's not-not right! I-I can't do-I can't do it right!" I don't move away from her or closer to her I remain still.
"What's not right Charlie?"
She doesn't answer me she just keeps banging her fist and yelling but she's not using words she's just screaming. I'm a little scared but I know she won't hit me she's never hit anyone even when they invade her space. I sit there for a moment then kneel in front of her.
"Charlie," I say in a normal tone Charlie doesn't answer her hands must hurt she's slamming them down pretty hard. I try again, "Charlie." But this time I put my hands on her knees, Charlie freezes her hands drop to her sides but she still won't look at me. She isn't yelling or crying as loud now, tears are still running down her face but not as many. I want to hug her and tell her that it'll all be ok but I know I can't do that she won't respond well to that at least that's what her teacher says.
"Can you look at me Charlie? Please?" My voice is shaky it hurts me to see her like this. She still won't look at me so I reach for her face. She still doesn't move but when I put my hands on her cheeks, she tenses and I stop moving. Slowly I take her face in my hands and wipe her tears. Charlie still isn't looking at me slowly I raise her face with my hands. "Charlie please…" Charlie looks at me finally, her eyes are red and her lips are trembling. I inhale deeply, "it's ok Char it's ok." She relaxes a little and I continue "Charlie can you use your words and tell me what's wrong?" Charlie looks at me for a few seconds before dropping her eyes again.
"I-I couldn't-couldn't do it right."
"Couldn't do what right baby girl?"
Charlie didn't say anything she looks around for the paper she was drawing on earlier and straightens it out in front of me. She doesn't say anything for a minute because she's straightening it out. It's a drawing of a T-Rex. To me it looks perfect you can't see the eraser marks and the teeth look jagged and it's it just looks good to me.
"Char what's wrong with it?"
Charlie doesn't answer me again she just looks at the drawing. I can't read her expression.
"The-the eyes…the eyes are-are too…small. I-I didn't-I didn't do it right."
"Honey it looks perfect as it is. Did you name it yet?"
Charlie frowns and shakes her head.
"You should name him Charlie what do you think his name should be?"
Charlie looks thoughtful and stares at her drawing. It really is quite good.
"Quinnasouras- Quinnasouras Rex." she says smiling. "I-I already have a-a Rachasouous," she's excited now and I sit down in front of her my smile is genuine and loving. "See look mom I made-I made mama a Dino."
"I see that," I say looking at the picture of the stegosaurus "it looks great Charlie." Charlie's smiling now.
"Do you want to come downstairs and watch Sleeping Beauty?" Charlie loves that movie she loves the dragon. She draws it a lot and she thinks it's hilarious when the fairies fight over the color of the dress. Charlie's face twist and I'm worried that another breakdown/fit will happen but she nods. I smile and stand up. Charlie looks at me then picks up her sketch pad and a pencil she did not hurl across the room and looks from the pad to me.
"Can-can you watch-can you watch it with me?"
"Sure thing baby girl."
Charlie is silent then she nods her head and leaves her room. I sigh and put my head in my hands.
When Rachel and I adopted Charlie...we knew that she was different. A lot of people thought we were crazy taking her. And we were scared but I can't imagine my life without Charlie. It wouldn't be whole.
When I get downstairs I sit next to Charlie, Charlie is smiling so big it looks like it hurts. I pause the movie.
"Char bar I need to ask you something." Charlie turns and looks at me, "I am going to order pizza for dinner tonight what kind would you like?" Charlie is silent but she doesn't look upset.
"I want- I want pineapple."
"You want pineapple what?"
"I want-I want pineapple…Please."
She looks for the remote and pushes play. Charlie really has come a long way ten years ago when she was four she didn't talk or make eye contact with anyone. She didn't play with other kids. She had fits whenever something wasn't right or she didn't like it and a lot of people thought she was just unruly and behaved badly. But Rachel and I knew something else was wrong. We took her to the doctor and when the doctor told us she was different, we read every book and article we could find about children with special needs. We put her in a school for special needs kids. With the help of her teachers, Charlie was speaking at four and a half. She didn't say complete sentences until she was five and she stuttered over almost every word.
Back then, we still didn't know what set her off. So when she was six and she screamed whenever Rachel moved things in her room. Or whenever I didn't take her to school at a specific time we didn't know what to do. Then her teacher told us that kids like Charlie need a specific daily routine we began to understand what was happening in Charlie's world. We did our best to keep everything the same every day. She got up at seven and brushed her teeth then took a shower and picked her shoes and clothes, then breakfast and school. Normally this routine went smoothly and Charlie was happy. But one time I took her out of school to an amusement park. She was fine for the first few hours then she had a fit because the viper rollercoaster was closed. When we got home I had a busted lip, Rachel of course wanted to know why. Charlie never hit anyone during a fit normally she just screamed or cried. I then told her about the viper ride, that Charlie was having a fit, a woman passed by and said something about controlling your stupid kid, and I lost it. I don't think she has ever been more proud of me. Since Charlie's fourteen, she doesn't have fits as much and she talks much more. She still stutters but it's turned into a lovable trait. We are still working on saying please and thank you .But when she does have a fit we are able to calm her down in less than five minutes instead of half an hour or more. She's able to have a conversation with others…well kind of… She maintains eye contact with us but not really anybody else. And if she is having, a fit or a hard time expressing what she wants we say "use your words Charlie" and she can tell us what's going on.
She can go out and be around people like Rachel's parents and some of my friends. She likes most of them, she really likes Brittany probably because Brit talks to her about dinosaurs she even brought over her Jurassic Park DVDs. We ended up buying them for Charlie on her birthday because we felt bad for borrowing Brittany's so much. She and Santana got along alright Charlie didn't really try to talk to her she told me that Santana scares her. But she says hi to her whenever she's with Brittany. She hates Finn with a passion. I think it's because he said dinosaurs were stupid at one point. She wouldn't come out of her room until he left and if we were able to drag her out she never said anything to him or looked at him I don't think she's seen his face more than once. She says Kurt's voice is funny and laughs a lot when he talks. Mercedes…well she normally brings candy so she's good in Charlie's book. She thinks Puck's Mohawk makes him look like a roster but she says hi and hi fives him sometimes. She and Sam are able to talk because Sam never really understood algebra and Charlie knows it like the back of her hand. She's not really able to explain what she's doing to Sam but she writes down the steps so he can follow along. He credits her for passing algebra with a B+.
The door opens and I smile when I see Rachel holding a pack of soda and a shopping bag. I look at her with a raised eyebrow and she just smiles.
"Hey babe," I say grabbing the pack of soda and kissing her briefly on the lips.
"Hey yourself," she smiles and follows me into the house we were passing the family room when she sees Charlie sitting on the couch.
"Hi Char bar how was your day?" She says kissing Charlie's cheek.
Charlie squirms a little "it was-it was good...H-how was-how was y-your day?"
"It was good they are building a new prop for my musical. Guess what it is?"
Charlie turns her head to face us.
"W-what?" she asks her eyes wide.
"They are building a dragon clock! And I get to go inside it. If you want we can go see it tomorrow?"
Charlie looks so excited that she might burst.
"R-really? A-a dragon clock? With-with a-a r-real dragon?"
"Slow down honey," I say laughing Charlie has turned her body to face us.
"Of course we can go see it tomorrow before we pick up pop pop and grandpa." Charlie smiles again pop pop and grandpa meant presents, pizza and movies. Rachel's parents are coming out for Charlie's birthday Rachel insisted on celebrating Charlie's birthday when everyone was there together. It took some convincing on Charlie's part but eventually she agreed.
"Babe San, Brit, and Kurt will be here soon. B and S are bringing Amy."
"A-Amy's coming?" Charlie asked.
"Yes honey Aunt Brittany and Aunt Santana are bringing her."
Charlie's eyes widened and she scrambled off the couch and up the stairs. Rachel looked at me.
"I wonder what that's about I thought she liked Amy." the doorbell rang and Rachel went to answer it.
"It's freezing out there!" Santana said barging into the house. Brittany entered after her with Amy.
"Nice to see you too Santana," Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Hi Aunt Quinn and Aunt Rachel, where's Charlie?" Amy said brightly. She was a year older than Charlie and was in main stream classes but somehow she and Charlie were friends. Kind of.
"She ran upstairs she should be back in a minute or so." Amy nodded and took the large bag from Britney. A minute later Charlie appeared her hands were covered in ink and she was holding a box. She stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs and looked at Amy.
"Hi Charlie happy birthday!" Amy said smiling she walked over to the stairs. Charlie looked at the ground.
"Charlie," I said softly she looked up at me. "You're ok baby girl," I smiled at her and it seemed to help because she was looking at Amy now.
"T-thanks Amy. I-I-do you-do you remember w-when I showed-I showed you my J-Jack shoes. You said-you said you l-liked them so-so I painted you-I painted you some." She held the box out in front of her.
Amy smiled "aw thank you Charlie that's really sweet of you. I didn't think I'd be getting a present on your birthday."
Charlie looked confused, "d-did you-did you want m-me to give it-it to y-you l-later?"
Amy smiled and shook her head, "no Charlie I just meant that it was really sweet of you to do that when you didn't have to."
Charlie blushed, Amy opened the box and inside were a pair of vans slip ins that were painted with Jack Skellington's and Zero on one and Sally with the flower thing on the other one. Amy smiled and hugged Charlie. Poor Charlie stood there for a minute unsure of what to do then she surprised us all and hugged Amy back. Rachel squealed a little this was such a huge step and took out her phone and snapped a picture. We all knew they liked each other but were too shy to do anything about it. It was cute really. They broke apart both blushing, Amy smiled at Charlie, and Charlie looked at the floor.
"So why don't you kids wait in here while we get everything ready?" Santana says she is still smiling.
Amy smiled and nodded Charlie just stared at Amy with a dazed look on her face. Amy reached out her hand and almost grabbed Charlie's but looked at Charlie first silently asking permission. Charlie reached out her hand and intertwined their fingers. Amy smiled and Rachel made a weird mouse like noise. I sensed that there was going to be a private moment and cleared my throat pointing the adults to the kitchen. Brittany and Rachel trailed behind while Santana and I lead the way once we were through the door.
"Oh my god that was the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Rachel said excitedly.
Brittany nodded, "I'm glad they are happy."
"I'm glad we told Amy to pull her head out if her ass and that Charlie is crazy about her." Santana stated simply.