What it Feels Like for a Girl: Chapter One
Narcissa Malfoy screamed in pain, it was excruciating, breath robbing, intense pain. Sweat poured from every pore, the normally smooth hair looked worse for wear.
Narcissa Malfoy was giving birth.
She felt alone, cool tears trickled down her burning cheeks, except for the midwife, she was all by herself. She grabbed her bedpost, a hand may have been more soothing, but that was beyond wishing for. Lucius Malfoy was at a bloody meeting, besides, birthing and the such was a strictly womanly affair.
The midwife started speaking, yet Narcissa was deaf to the world, the pain was so unbearable. At one point, she really thought she would die, but, as quickly as the pain had come, it was now over.
She now felt exhausted and barely aware of the dull throbbing that was now overcoming her body. Her breathing was short and rash, again the midwife said something she didn't understand.
The child was now being laid in her arms, it was a girl, a reddish-purplish screaming thing. She put the baby on her breast to nurse. Oh, the joys of motherhood.
As the midwife left her alone with her daughter for a little while she looked down at the feeding child in her arms and smiled meekly.
Rome. The name had already been decided on.
With the last bit of energy she had, Narcissa spoke, "Rome dear, I love you dear. With all my heart, I love you."
Then, with her golden hair in tangles around her pale face, her cheeks flushed and baby in arms, both fell into a deep sleep.
***
Rome paced in circles around her nursery. Really quite silly, she thought, a nursery for an almost eleven year old girl.
Yet she stopped pacing after catching the eye of her stern-faced nanny.
"It isn't proper for young ladies to hop around."
"But ma'am, I-" said Rome but was silenced by older woman.
"None of your excuses, miss."
Rome looked at her and smirked, the old bat really was something, really.
Again the old nurse caught her eye, this time she wasn't lectured, instead she was slapped lightly on the cheek.
The nanny looked at her again as Rome silently sat in a chair and began stitching, this time the nurse looked at her with a little more affection.
"Put down your needlework, miss, it's time to prepare you for this evenings' event." The nurse got up and proceeded to Rome's chamber, a dress had already been laid out for her by her mother.
Rome stepped into her room and could not help but gawk at the dress that had been placed upon her bed, although accustomed to the finest of riches, she had never been allowed to wear something like this.
This dress, this gown, was like something her mother wore to one of the many social events she always seemed to be attending.
The dress was deep burgundy, with small pearls sewn onto the square neckline. An intricate pattern was sewn in gold thread on the breast, and it was of silk. Even the small slippers were a perfect match to the pearls that inlaid the collar.
She was snapped out of her amazement by a sharp "It's not polite for ladies to stare" from her nurse.
She looked at her nurse, "I-Is it f-for me?" The nanny nodded, and was about to say something else but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Yes?" said Rome.
The door slowly opened and the slender build of Narcissa stepped in, "Thank you Ingrid, I will see to her now."
The nurse did a short kind of bow and then left the room.
Rome then looked at her mother and realized she was carrying some sort of box. Her mother looked just as nervous as she was, thought Rome. She just continued to stare at her mother admiring her beauty until she realized what she was doing then quickly looked away onto the floor.
Timidly her mother approached her and placed the box on the vanity.
Don't look away from me, thought Narcissa, I'm your mother, for God's sake, your mother. But I'm just as bad, afraid to touch my own daughter.
Narcissa continued to stare at the girl and the beauty she had become. Speak, Narcissa, speak. Don't just stand there, speak.
Slowly Narcissa held out her hand and pushed Rome's chin up toward her.
Rome looked into her mother's eyes, between them was a silent understanding, a silent trust.
"Thank you for the gown, mother."
"Thank your father."
Rome nodded, and stared at the ground.
"Sit down Rome, we need to speak." Rome obeyed her mother and sat down on the stool of her vanity.
"Tonight Rome, is your social debut." Rome looked up at her mother and nodded, this didn't come as a surprise to her, she had been expecting it. "Your father expects you to be on your best behavior and so do I, this is very important to us, to the Malfoy family. As his second child and only daughter... it's very important."
Narcissa stared at Rome, it hurt, it truly did. It felt like a crime, she was introducing Rome to it. To the world of the Malfoys'. To its lies, scandals and reputation. She was ripping her daughter out of innocence. Rome had been sheltered from everything, yet as a young lady in the Malfoy family, that was also how it was supposed to be, Narcissa told herself. Then why were all her instincts telling her to tell Rome to run? To flee?
An uncomfortable silence settled between the two.
"Come Rome, let me help you dress."
She looked away as Rome unrobed herself and after she slipped into the dress, Narcissa turned back around and began to help her with the complicated ties in the back.
After her mother was done Rome looked into the mirror and gasped, Narcissa resisted the urge to fondly run a hand through Rome's wavy pale hair, she was beautiful.
Giving away to the urge Narcissa ran a hand through Rome's hair. Shocked by this sign of affection Rome looked at her mother big-eyed, "Come Rome, let me fix your hair."
Rome waited patiently as Narcissa fixed her hair, with the help of magic trying many different buns and braids until she found something she liked- an elaborate bun surrounded by small braids- and pinned it with pearls.
Narcissa then took the box off the vanity and withdrew a beautiful gold necklace, inlaid with stones the same Bordeaux color of Rome's dress.
She then put it on Rome. "I also wore this by my debut," she said, almost in a trance, mesmerized by the fact that Rome was growing up, and she had spent so little time with her, soon she would be off to school.
The necklace was the finishing touch, Rome truly looked like a princess, as they stood side by side in front of the mirror, Narcissa was in a nauseating state of deja vu, it was like seeing herself about twenty-five years ago. It was true, although Rome's coloring was a little different, very Malfoy, she was becoming Narcissa. Was she also destined to become just another so-called trophy wife for the rich and famous?
Narcissa refused to think of it anymore and quickly said, "Draco will come and pick you up at around eight. I'm going to go get ready."
Rome then came to her and gave her a very brief and very formal kiss on the cheek, then Narcissa scurried out of the room.
Rome, confined to her room when not with her nanny- father's orders- sat on the window bank and thought about the events that were to take place, he social debut.
She felt like she had just swallowed ice... to be a disappointment to her father was defiantly not on top of her list of things she wanted to be.
Narcissa Malfoy screamed in pain, it was excruciating, breath robbing, intense pain. Sweat poured from every pore, the normally smooth hair looked worse for wear.
Narcissa Malfoy was giving birth.
She felt alone, cool tears trickled down her burning cheeks, except for the midwife, she was all by herself. She grabbed her bedpost, a hand may have been more soothing, but that was beyond wishing for. Lucius Malfoy was at a bloody meeting, besides, birthing and the such was a strictly womanly affair.
The midwife started speaking, yet Narcissa was deaf to the world, the pain was so unbearable. At one point, she really thought she would die, but, as quickly as the pain had come, it was now over.
She now felt exhausted and barely aware of the dull throbbing that was now overcoming her body. Her breathing was short and rash, again the midwife said something she didn't understand.
The child was now being laid in her arms, it was a girl, a reddish-purplish screaming thing. She put the baby on her breast to nurse. Oh, the joys of motherhood.
As the midwife left her alone with her daughter for a little while she looked down at the feeding child in her arms and smiled meekly.
Rome. The name had already been decided on.
With the last bit of energy she had, Narcissa spoke, "Rome dear, I love you dear. With all my heart, I love you."
Then, with her golden hair in tangles around her pale face, her cheeks flushed and baby in arms, both fell into a deep sleep.
***
Rome paced in circles around her nursery. Really quite silly, she thought, a nursery for an almost eleven year old girl.
Yet she stopped pacing after catching the eye of her stern-faced nanny.
"It isn't proper for young ladies to hop around."
"But ma'am, I-" said Rome but was silenced by older woman.
"None of your excuses, miss."
Rome looked at her and smirked, the old bat really was something, really.
Again the old nurse caught her eye, this time she wasn't lectured, instead she was slapped lightly on the cheek.
The nanny looked at her again as Rome silently sat in a chair and began stitching, this time the nurse looked at her with a little more affection.
"Put down your needlework, miss, it's time to prepare you for this evenings' event." The nurse got up and proceeded to Rome's chamber, a dress had already been laid out for her by her mother.
Rome stepped into her room and could not help but gawk at the dress that had been placed upon her bed, although accustomed to the finest of riches, she had never been allowed to wear something like this.
This dress, this gown, was like something her mother wore to one of the many social events she always seemed to be attending.
The dress was deep burgundy, with small pearls sewn onto the square neckline. An intricate pattern was sewn in gold thread on the breast, and it was of silk. Even the small slippers were a perfect match to the pearls that inlaid the collar.
She was snapped out of her amazement by a sharp "It's not polite for ladies to stare" from her nurse.
She looked at her nurse, "I-Is it f-for me?" The nanny nodded, and was about to say something else but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Yes?" said Rome.
The door slowly opened and the slender build of Narcissa stepped in, "Thank you Ingrid, I will see to her now."
The nurse did a short kind of bow and then left the room.
Rome then looked at her mother and realized she was carrying some sort of box. Her mother looked just as nervous as she was, thought Rome. She just continued to stare at her mother admiring her beauty until she realized what she was doing then quickly looked away onto the floor.
Timidly her mother approached her and placed the box on the vanity.
Don't look away from me, thought Narcissa, I'm your mother, for God's sake, your mother. But I'm just as bad, afraid to touch my own daughter.
Narcissa continued to stare at the girl and the beauty she had become. Speak, Narcissa, speak. Don't just stand there, speak.
Slowly Narcissa held out her hand and pushed Rome's chin up toward her.
Rome looked into her mother's eyes, between them was a silent understanding, a silent trust.
"Thank you for the gown, mother."
"Thank your father."
Rome nodded, and stared at the ground.
"Sit down Rome, we need to speak." Rome obeyed her mother and sat down on the stool of her vanity.
"Tonight Rome, is your social debut." Rome looked up at her mother and nodded, this didn't come as a surprise to her, she had been expecting it. "Your father expects you to be on your best behavior and so do I, this is very important to us, to the Malfoy family. As his second child and only daughter... it's very important."
Narcissa stared at Rome, it hurt, it truly did. It felt like a crime, she was introducing Rome to it. To the world of the Malfoys'. To its lies, scandals and reputation. She was ripping her daughter out of innocence. Rome had been sheltered from everything, yet as a young lady in the Malfoy family, that was also how it was supposed to be, Narcissa told herself. Then why were all her instincts telling her to tell Rome to run? To flee?
An uncomfortable silence settled between the two.
"Come Rome, let me help you dress."
She looked away as Rome unrobed herself and after she slipped into the dress, Narcissa turned back around and began to help her with the complicated ties in the back.
After her mother was done Rome looked into the mirror and gasped, Narcissa resisted the urge to fondly run a hand through Rome's wavy pale hair, she was beautiful.
Giving away to the urge Narcissa ran a hand through Rome's hair. Shocked by this sign of affection Rome looked at her mother big-eyed, "Come Rome, let me fix your hair."
Rome waited patiently as Narcissa fixed her hair, with the help of magic trying many different buns and braids until she found something she liked- an elaborate bun surrounded by small braids- and pinned it with pearls.
Narcissa then took the box off the vanity and withdrew a beautiful gold necklace, inlaid with stones the same Bordeaux color of Rome's dress.
She then put it on Rome. "I also wore this by my debut," she said, almost in a trance, mesmerized by the fact that Rome was growing up, and she had spent so little time with her, soon she would be off to school.
The necklace was the finishing touch, Rome truly looked like a princess, as they stood side by side in front of the mirror, Narcissa was in a nauseating state of deja vu, it was like seeing herself about twenty-five years ago. It was true, although Rome's coloring was a little different, very Malfoy, she was becoming Narcissa. Was she also destined to become just another so-called trophy wife for the rich and famous?
Narcissa refused to think of it anymore and quickly said, "Draco will come and pick you up at around eight. I'm going to go get ready."
Rome then came to her and gave her a very brief and very formal kiss on the cheek, then Narcissa scurried out of the room.
Rome, confined to her room when not with her nanny- father's orders- sat on the window bank and thought about the events that were to take place, he social debut.
She felt like she had just swallowed ice... to be a disappointment to her father was defiantly not on top of her list of things she wanted to be.