Hey! This is my first Doctor Who fic, so reviews are most definitely welcome! And to all my Star Wars readers, don't fret, I am working on the other stories!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Doctor Who, though I'd love to cuddle and hug the poor Doctor.
Seashores could bring about many different moods, and this one was no exception with its array of natural and picturesque features. When he looked at this one, he saw wet sand that was soft as a pillow and smooth as a river stone. Lumpy rocks protruded occasionally, speckling the light brown sand with a gray tone. The gentle sound of the ocean hugging the beach was heard, a constant lullaby to those who listened. Tall rocks and sheer cliffs bordered the shore, cutting off the beach front that spread in both directions, and giving a sense of protection to those who sought shelter there. The blowing sea breeze brought the calming smell of saltwater, filling his nostrils with the wonders of the sea, and as the suns painted the sky with a deep, encompassing reddish orange, their reflections danced on the surface of the ocean. Truly, the mood for this seashore was in a word: peaceful.
He had never been one to stand around for too long and stare at the scenery. While beauty tickled and tantalized his senses, he would always ache to move, to see more. He could never get enough of it all.
But now… for once in his long life, he wanted nothing more than to let this picture enfold him. He wanted time to freeze. He wanted it so much. He couldn't bear to think about what would happen next.
He knew. They knew. In their bones they all knew. It was set inside him so deeply it was whispering constantly into his mind. The voice was soft, soothing, but determined and stubborn. Whenever he went to this beach to simply forget, it wouldn't let him.
He breathed in through his nostrils, letting the burst of sea air fill them and tickle his senses. The seashore he was watching occupied him for only an instant and then he turned away, unable to bear the sight. He knew what he had to do… but he had to see them one more time, before it all ended.
He walked down the shore for a time, letting the sand push between his toes, the rough sensation a small comfort for his clouded mind. As the lullaby of the ocean sang to him, he heard a high melody added to it.
A young girl ran to and fro, screaming and throwing her arms in the air as she defiantly ran headfirst into the crashing waves. Her young round face was brilliantly lit, her eyes closed against the salty seawater spraying everywhere. Her tangled masses of wet, clumped chocolate brown hair reached down to her shoulders, dripping wet and barely moving in the gentle breeze. When she paused after once more bravely diving into a raging wall of water, she saw him and her smile, if possible, widened so her eyes wrinkled with delight.
"Great-grandfather!" she called in a high voice.
He smiled at her and walked towards the girl as she ran out of the ocean and headed straight for him, her small arms opened wide in an embrace. When they reached each other, he placed his hands underneath her arms and lifted her into the air, twirling her as she screamed in delight.
"What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked her as he lovingly held her close to him.
"I saw you leaving," she replied matter-of-factly. "I wanted to go with you. You looked so sad, great-grandfather…"
Tears stung at his eyes, but he closed them so his angel wouldn't see. So he wouldn't see her. He couldn't do it…
"Aren't we going to make a great big dinner tonight, great-grandfather?" she asked him. Her innocent voice was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.
He nodded as the tears began to fall. He didn't dare say anything for fear of his voice quivering. She merely giggled in a bubbly fashion, her eyes sparkling, dazzling him even more than the seashore had.
When he had finally reclaimed his voice, he said softly, "Come on. Let's go back to the house."
She had been watching him so carefully since he had regenerated. He was still new in that body; it had only been four days since the regeneration… the regeneration no one was there for. He had been grazed by a Dalek gun and had dragged his smoking body out of harm's way in order to regenerate safely. No one had been there. Not a soul had seen his previous incarnation die.
Not even her.
The thought of it still haunted her. She had missed all of his previous regenerations because he had been off-world, but here… here he had been home and he still died without her.
And now he was completely different. He no longer smiled. His eyes were cold and empty. He held himself in a manner that suggested he was a reluctant executioner.
And she knew why.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard the soft soprano voice of her youngest great-granddaughter, who had followed him when he wandered out of the house an hour earlier.
"Goodness, where are your shoes?" she heard her daughter ask.
"Uh, I left them at the beach," was the blunt reply.
Another voice chimed in. "Grandfather, you let her run around barefoot?"
"No," the voice responded indignantly. It was his voice, but it still sounded so foreign. "I carried her."
Laughter rung in the room and then they dispersed. She then entered and took a good look at him as she leaned against the entranceway.
His hair was shorter than she had ever seen it. It was dark and buzzed low to his head, making his large ears far more pronounced. He was wearing the same bleak expression as yesterday.
She gripped her forearms tightly until she lost feeling in her fingers.
He suddenly snapped back into reality and he looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. Slowly shifting his weight to face her fully, he gave her a mirthless smile, which she reciprocated. What they had seen had twisted them so badly it was a miracle they hadn't forgotten how to smile at all.
She then held an inviting arm out to him, which he took and they entered the busy kitchen where the rest of the family was bustling back and forth.
"—where's the sweetener I had out a moment ago?"
"—I put it away,"
"—why did you do something like that?"
"—can I eat it first?"
"—don't touch that, it's raw!"
"—fascinating things, these—I hear they turn blue if you leave them out to dry!"
"—no, no, don't touch that, it's not ready!"
"—eh, is that supposed to be black?"
Eventually the dinner was finished and the two long tables were set for the large family. The feast was certainly abundant; she knew, just as he and the rest of their grown children and grandchildren, that this would be their last meal together, and, for all but one, their last meal at all.
He kept a mask of cheerfulness and strength on his face, but his eyes revealed his dying hearts. She could see into his soul without even trying. The bond the two of them shared, after all, transcended physical barriers. She wished it could end differently. So did he.
Their children fawned over their own children, giving more hugs and kisses than necessary and saying more I love you's than they said in a week's time. The grandchildren accepted it and returned it, passing the sentiment onto their children. While it seemed like a happy and loving meal, it was the worst she had ever had. The food didn't even taste like anything her mouth. Judging from her young ones' expressions, they felt the same… or rather, felt nothing just as she did… nothing but pain, sadness, grief… and terror. And he, he looked the worst of it all.
Everyone ate to their fill, leaving the two of them to wash the dishes afterward as the others tidied up the dining room. The two cleaned in silence, simply taking in each other's presence.
Finally, he couldn't bear the silence any longer. He suddenly faced her and placed a damp hand to her cheek, gazing at her intently. "I love you so much…"
She stood still, letting him take in this moment, letting herself feel him one last time. She stepped forward and leaned towards him.
She knew why he had been acting the way he had been. She had heard of the Lord President's Ultimate Sanction. She knew his mother had opposed the idea and had been disgraced for it. She knew that nothing would stop the insane council, the insanity of the entire race… except him.
And she knew she couldn't go with him. There was a battle to fight. She had her own part in the plan too, after all.
She brushed her fingers against his cheek and leaned forward, rubbing her cheek against his and whispering his name in his ear. He shuddered, breathing out shakily before wrapping his arms around her. His body trembled and she held him steady.
"You know what you have to do," she whispered to him softly but firmly. Urgently. He had to do this.
"I can't leave you…" his voice was barely a whisper, but the choking emotion ate away at her. She couldn't break down; she had to be strong for both of them.
"You know what you have to do," she simply repeated, her grip around him tightening. "They implement his plan tomorrow. The enemy attacks tomorrow. You know what you have to do."
"Come with me," he held her at arms' length to look into her eyes directly. "Let's all go."
She shook her head. "Someone has to fight them… to give you time. Only you can do this."
His eyes glistened with unshed tears, but it was their emptiness and unspeakable sorrow that penetrated her shields and ripped at her soul. She placed both hands reassuringly on his face before pulling him to her. The kiss was a deep one with so many unspoken words passing between them. He brushed her consciousness as the touch between them connected them. She willed her strength to him and then released him.
"Go."
He watched her for a moment longer, and then left. She stood still as stone. Her hearts froze over and she steeled herself for what was to come. Slowly, painfully slowly, she turned and went to tuck the little ones in for the night.
The light was blinding. It dazzled his eyes and he felt something inside him snap. Losing control of himself, he collapsed onto his knees and vomited. The TARDIS' usual hum was soaked with melancholy and pain. Once he heaved himself onto his feet, he trembled violently and leaned heavily on the console for support.
"Take me anywhere," he said. "I don't care. Just take me away from here."
The TARDIS complied, and what was left of Gallifrey vanished forever.
Fin
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