Title: Contemplating Revolution
Author: Kristen
Written: May 3, 2001
Genre: general - POV
Disclaimer: Not only do I not own him, but I could be horrifically off base with him. So, many apologies.

xxxxx

I went home last night to an empty house. I still can't get used to it. For 30 years, I had a home to go to at the end of the day. Now I just have a house.

I reheated some macaroni and cheese and fixed myself some coffee. I feel like I'm in college all over again: late nights, sitting alone, eating crappy food, hoping and praying that tomorrow would be better.

I had Jenny then, though. And that made all the difference. And then, Mallory. If you think that Jed's crazy about his girls, you should have seen me before my life went down the tubes and I messed everything up.

No one ever sets out to be an alcoholic, it just happens. With me, it just 'happened' about the time that I realized that I couldn't save the world the way I was so sure I was going to. All the way through high school and college, I knew I wanted to be in politics. I saw the business of running the country as an honor. Jed and I used to stay up until all hours of the night on the phone discussing every thing from Abbey and Jenny to Keynesian economics and the mounting 'conflict' in Vietnam. We used to dream about the day that we would be in the White House: President Leo McGarry and Chief Economic Advisor Josiah Bartlet.

Oh, how things have changed.

That was before the 'conflict' changed into a war and I got sucked into it. Before Jenny and I got married and Jed and Abbey got married and the girls got pregnant with Mallory and Elizabeth. Before Jed was exempt from the draft and I had to go and we didn't talk for two years.

Before I had to go kill innocents and he got a Nobel Prize. Before my only escape from my hellish reality came in bottles: pill and liquor alike.

Noah and I were given Purple Hearts for bravery. He moved to Connecticut and went to Yale for law school. Jenny and I moved to Massachusetts and I got into Harvard Law school. Once I graduated, my military and law credentials got me a very good job as Chief of Staff for NY Senator Andrew Thompson. I worked my way up the ladder of America by making friends with rising stars. I'm the Chief of Staff for the United States of America and I've never run for any political office. I'm not big on being the front man. I've screwed up my life too much for anyone to vote for me for anything. I'm really more of a behind the scenes kind of guy.

When I was Secretary of Labor, I was already far deep into my various addictions. Jenny knew it, I knew it, Mallory most definitely knew it, but none of us would admit it, therefore, no action was taken. Until my 27th anniversary.

I hit her.

I hit my precious Jennifer.

I sobered up so fast; I could feel my hand sting from the impact.

I called President Medrow and explained the problem and he gave me permission to do whatever I had to. My assistant at the time was an older woman named Mrs. Cumberland and I had her take care of everything. I felt like the amoebas that lived in the scum of the earth.

I spent six months in Sierra-Tucson. When I got back to DC, we switched doctors, pharmacies, churches, houses; whatever Jenny thought would make my life easier. I joined AA and I worked up the guts to tell Jed.

And Jed didn't care.

He didn't care that I was a fall down drunk who was once a breath away from beating the tar out of his wife. He didn't care that I had been lying to him about it for years.

He took me back.

And he let me lead him to the White House.

Which is why I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him when he waited so long to tell me about his thing. I know all too well the reasons that people keep secrets in our business.

But the lawyer in me knew we were in more trouble than we could handle.

When Josh came into my office tonight and talked about that tobacco lawyer guy, my heart stopped. For, although we are not big tobacco, we did perpetrate a fraud against the American people. And the American people don't react very well to betrayal. In fact, we're pretty well known for revolting over it.

Smirk

Toby has been saying that we need a revolution.

Sigh

In the next week, the world will turn upside down and the most powerful and just man in the world will become the most vulnerable and possibly the most hated.

The sky is certainly falling.