EPOV

"Cullen!"

I flinch.

That's happened for as long as I can remember. That flinch. Oh, someone's paying attention to me. Oh, someone wants me. Oh, shit. Oh, shit shit shit.

Strung out, it's even worse. I'm a live wire. I need some weed. I need something. Anything.

I just need to forget who I am. Just for a moment.

My cell phone keeps vibrating. Stop vibrating. I pull my hair. Am I crazy?

"Cullen!" I flinch again. A hand slaps down on my shoulder. "Why are you out front? TMZ will be here any second if you stay out here."

I shrug.

I'm not so good at the communicating bit. Not ever.

"C'mon, Buddy."

I know him. I know this blonde hair and blue eyes and stylized and leather jacket and thousand-dollar jeans. He knows me, clearly. I can't remember. I can't focus. Hell, I can't even see.

My phone vibrates again. I pull it out. The screen is fuzzy.

"Someone's calling you, Buddy."

I don't know why he keeps calling me that.

My hands are shaking. They always shake. I think something's wrong with me. Something's always wrong with me.

I put the phone back in my pocket. It keeps ringing.

"Sit down." He pushes on my shoulders. I want him to stop touching me. "This is Victoria. She's clear. I know how you feel about cameras. I've got it on lock down."

I nod. Swallow. Flashbulbs pop behind my eyes. It's been a rough day. It's been a rough few years.

Victoria leans over the table. Her hair is red like fire, glowing in this dull light. I reach out and touch it. I wonder if it's hot. Instead, it's course and thick and messy. I pull back.

I really don't want to vomit.

"You want some, Baby?" Victoria's lips are as red as her hair, and just as blurry.

I nod.

I inhale and it makes me fly. I'm not me anymore. I'm whoever I want to be.

"Edward. Edward. Edward." I blink and blink and blink and blink. "Would you help me get him out of here?" She's speaking to someone else. I don't know how much time has passed. My mouth is dry, filled with cotton. I can't even spit.

"Help," I try to say, and my mouth opens but no words come out.

I blink and blink and blink.

"I need the back entrance. He can't with . . . cameras."

It's Alice.

"Alice." No noise. "Alice." No noise.

"Edward." That's me. She slaps my cheek and I smile. "Up we go."

My arm is over her shoulder. We're walking and walking and walking. It's dark and quiet and then we're on the street and everyone's screaming.

"Alice!" My voice is panicked. It cracks.

"We're almost there." Soothing.

"Alice."

"Almost there."

She says it again and again and again until she pushes me into the back of the car and the door closes and silence. I lean my head against the cool, dark glass. My eyes close.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I say.

She sighs. I barely hear it.

"You always are."