Disclaimer: hetalia axis powers is not mine. The actual nations on the other hand, I definitely own them
Title: Leaving Russia
Pairing: onesided Ivan/Toris, implied Toris/Feliks
Rating: T for implied rape and language
For Lithuania leaving Russia was an event that continued for years after he actually got up and walked away. Leaving Russia was a combination of insomnia, depression, panic attacks and determination. Leaving Russia was crying in Poland's arms and cutting his own.
The others would have been stronger. Ludwig would have remained silent through the torture, Elizaveta would have spat blood back into Ivan's face and Alfred never would have bee caught in the first place. At least that was what the murmurs on the edge of his mind taunted. But, leaving Russia wasn't that easy for Liet. Maybe it was the pity that he felt when he saw Ivan stare off, looking so lost and so lonely. Maybe it was, as the murmurs said, that secretly he liked it. Most likely, it was fear that no one would take tiny trembling Lithuania's word against that of Russia.
Leaving Russia was seeing him at world meetings and feeling fear course through him, but ignoring it and continuing. It was as much about escaping Ivan as it was escaping his own doubts. On an intellectual level Toris knew that he couldn't be held accountable for what happened, that he was the victim, but that didn't stop him from thinking that he should have fought harder. Further more, he didn't want to be a victim.
Liet spent plenty of time trying to feel something other than a dull sort of ache, to feel the magnitude of what had happened to him. Then when it hit him he spent his time trying to block it out. He knew that he was starting to heal when he let it all wash it over him; when he was able to experience his misery fully and accept it for what it was.
Part of leaving Russia was being able to look Ivan in the face and telling him to go fuck himself and part of it was being distant enough from what Ivan did to him to get past the hate and pity any man who had to resort to being Ivan.
And then he was gone. Maybe it would never really be gone from him, but he was gone from it.
A/N: I hope that you enjoyed the fic. Please review, because it will make Lithuania happy, and lord knows he needs it.