AU. Kagome, Sango, and Miroku have been 'grave robbers' for years now, and their lives have been pretty tame, Even with their…err… "Flamboyant" boss Naraku. Will their newest team member Inuyasha, shake things up? Battling the undead, Miro's lecherous lefty, and sexual tension …It'll be a wild ride! I/K M/S Ses/Kagura

Disclaimer For ALL CHAPTERS: I don't own Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashi does (what a lucky bum). So don't sue me. What/how I portray the Inuyasha cast has nothing to do with the series…blah…blah...blah. You get the picture, right?

Crash
Chapter One- Welcome To The Team And The Homo Hanyou Naraku.

Tanaka Higurashi, founder and lead Archaeologist for BTDYDF Inc. passed away on July 15, 2001, authorities say rabid pygmies brought him to his death. That's what the obituary in the NY Times had read two years ago when Kagome Higurashi was 17.

Kagome sat hunched over in leather waiting room chair, running a hand through her black shiny hair. From an early age Kagome had been introduced to the world of demons and the occult…so it was only natural for her to follow in the footsteps of her father. They both shared that certain affinity for digging and sniffing out artifacts.

Tanaka was a workaholic with Tourette's syndrome. He founded Bite-The-Dust-You-Dirty-Fucker Inc: A company based in Maui that moved' certain artifacts' to both private investors' and museums around the world. That's what the public knew. The company was really a bunch of glorified grave robbers, but no one ever complained; especially not the highly paid employees. Life in the office was sane…most of the time.

Some where along the 6 odd years from college to creating his own company, Tanaka wised up and married his research assistant and resident chef, Kaiyo. Soon they had Kagome and her little brother, Souta. He stayed in the business despite his and became obsessed with finding remnants of the shikon no tama. It was because of his obsession that he got careless, and found him self-victim to a group of rabid midgets with cannibalistic tendencies.

Kagome glanced around the room the room was still blue, and decorated in various artifacts. Next to her Kagura Onigumo, sat behind an oak desk, flipping through Victoria's Secret and nursing a martini. Kagura was worked in the field like Kagome, but was filling in as secretary' for Naraku on her day off. No wonder the woman was already drunk. It was well known that she was living off a million-dollar settlement from a clients payoff to keep quiet', well, known that is by everyone by the government. So Kagura worked for her brother, Naraku Onigumo, who had given her a job to keep the IRS out of her hair. She was one of their best field agents, but she couldn't staple to save her life. Kagura downed the last of her martini buzzed his office.

"Kagome's here, I'm taking my lunch break." She checked her watch. "I'll be back at 4." Kagura said smoothly, picking up her handbag

"ITS ONLY 10 IN THE MORNING!" Naraku's angry voice came over the intercom

Kagura unplugged the intercom smiled at Kagome, drunkenly gesturing toward the door.

"The bane of my existence will see you now" She said irritably.

"Kagura, The doors that way." Kagome said to her, pointing in the opposite direction.

She nodded and giggled. "Right."

Kagura walked out through the doors, as Kagome entered Naraku's lair.

The office was decorated with black and gunmetal gray; the picture of a corporate mogul's domain. Too bad that inside was housed an insecure perfectionist. She approached Naraku's desk and sat down, staring at the back of his office chair ruefully. The chair turned, and large, sharp gray eyes penetrated hers.

The man looked like Satan in a suit. He had long black deadlocks hair, tied back in a neat ponytail. His lean build was a product of too much Jazzercising. Naraku's presence commanded everyone's attention in the room, and as long as he kept his mouth shut, people thought him to be a cold, calculating genius.

Naraku roughly tossed her a file folder.

"Your newest case." He said vehemently, doing a little hop he sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his legs, as he began to file his nails.

"Homo on the warpath" Kagome muttered with a giggle, thumbing through the file.

"You know, bitter doesn't really go with that outfit… but then again nothing does." Naraku spat at her placing his hands on his hips.

"What's got your panties in a bunch? And if you say one word about man-candy' I'm leaving the room." Kagome said brushing off her short gray skirt absently.

"God! Did everyone take their bitch-pills today! Do you know what kind of morning I've had!" Naraku whined as he stood and slammed his manicured fists down on the table.

"ah…Apparently one without your Prozac?" Kagome offered innocently.

Naraku leaned his face down to Kagome's and their eyes locked. He bent his head and pointed to his hair.

"Look at this mess! They gave me MOCHA instead auburn Highlights. AND that's not the half of it. They had this new girl, Yura or something that RAZORED my beautiful ends into shards! WHO DO THEY THINK I AM CHER?"

Kagome sighed as Naraku went on with his tirade about the oppression of Gay half demons; or as she liked to call them, Homo Hanyou's. she fought a giggle at her own joke as her eyes traveled back up to Naraku, who was waving his hands about wildly.

God, he's like the thing that wouldn't shut up' She rolled her eyes.

"And to top it all off…. some Christina-Britney-JLo bitching beauty queen bumped into me at Starbucks and said…and said." Naraku took a deep breath, holding back a whine

"Excuse me…MISTER! I mean do I look like a MISTER to you! I'm barley 35!" He sobbed

"39." Kagome corrected.

"WHATEVER!" Naraku exclaimed.

As Naraku grabbed a tissue and dabbed at his eyeliner lined eyes, Kagome stood to leave.

"Well this has been…interesting, but must dash. Talk to you later Naraku." Kagome oozed with false happiness.

"Waiiiit! I haven't even gotten to the GOOD part of my day!"

"Naraku, really can't we do this another time?" Kagome pleaded.
The man ignored her and kept talking.

"His name is Jakotsu, and he works at Wacdonalds." Naraku said dreamily as he stared off into the distance. "Mm mmm MM! I'd love to see his golden arches." Naraku giggled. Suddenly his eye twitched at his own actions.

"Evil does not giggle." He muttered to himself. Shuffling papers on his desk.

Kagome sighed the man was a delusional fruitcake, but he was harmless.

"Can I go now?" She asked.

Naraku faced her. His mouth was closed and he was back in serious, genius mode'. Kagome was about to ask again when he spoke

"Oh fine! But we're going to discuss Mr. Golden Arches at the next meeting!" He gushed harshly as Kagome gave him an eye roll. "I think I'll make him vice president." he mused as he twirled around in his rolley chair. Kagome sighed, straightened her blue ¾ blouse and walked out of the office. The guy was just plain weird sometimes.

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As Kagome pushed the door open she heard a loud thud, followed by several choice words. She looked down to see a girl with long black hair on the floor, rubbing her head.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry Sango, I didn't even see you coming" She had helping the older girl up.

"Its fine!.. It's fine…but explain to me why Naraku loves to have 600 pound solid oak doors around here!" Sango hissed dazedly. She was dressed similarly to Kagome, in business clothes, consisting of black and hot pink. Her hair was down and reached just above her mid-back. She wore no jewelry and no makeup, save for her hot pink eye shadow.

"Ah one of the 8 wonders of the world my friend." Kagome commented, dusting off Sango's shoulder gingerly.

Kagome and Sango had been partners for BTDYDF for two years and best friends since age 5. Sango's had father worked with Tanaka and Kaiyo, while her mother had died giving birth to Sango's little brother. The girl's childhood had consisted mainly of hanging out at the office, or playing in the dirt, so it came as no surprise to anyone when they both went into the Tomb Raider business'. The girls were ruthless in their work. They were the dream team, the miko and the demon slayer.

"Naraku's got us headed back to Egypt. " Kagome said nonchalantly as they passed the various offices.

"And what does he expect us to find? The thing is just a big litter box full of shithead tourists." Sango complained rubbing her temples.

Kagome quirked an eyebrow. "What are you complaining about, you hate office work."

"I know, I'm just not in a rush to head back out with-"

"THERE are my lovely ladies!" A smooth voice called out to them.

Sango's shoulders drooped in dismay, and she hung her head. "Speak of the Devil" she muttered

Kagome turned around to see Miroku, the resident lecher, striding towards them.

"Guess he got Egypt too." Kagome whispered teasingly to Sango

Sango turned around glumly and stared. Miroku was in his usual office get-up: dark wrinkled jeans, and a slightly rumpled (but well fitting) dark purple button-up shirt. His hair pulled back in its ever-present, mini ponytail; while a two gold hoops hung from his left ear and a singular from his right.

He's always dressed like he rolled out of bed and just threw something on!' Sango thought rolling her eyes.

A little voiced sounded in of her head… But what a way to roll out of bed.' Sango blushed at her own thoughts and pushed them to the back of her head.

His sleeves were pushed up to the elbows and the wrap covering his kazana could be seen (AN: Its just like the one in the series only it's black with blue rosary beads). Sango often wondered how such a measly wrap could hold back such immense power, then normally she felt a hand on her ass and her brain would quickly revert back to a state of rage.

"Here he comes to wreck the day…" Sango's natural alto toned singing carried through hallway.

"My lovely Sango! Oh how your words burn me!" Miroku cried, grabbing his chest in mock pain. "Is there no relief from your sweet torture?"

Sango softened slightly and almost laughed. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy. Just a little misguide- Suddenly her eyebrow twitched as old lefty went at it on her behind. Miroku sat there smiling innocently at her, like a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. She drove her Knee into the amorous monk's crotch and stormed into the briefing room. Miroku's body went down in a heap of pleasured pain.

Kagome raised an eyebrow at him. "You know she doesn't like that."

"I can't help it. It's soooooo sooooft." Miroku's eyes glazed over with impure Sango-filled dreams.

"Maybe you should try flowers or something." Kagome said, ignoring his last comment as she stepped over his fallen form to the briefing room.

Slightly wincing through his pain Miroku stood, and grinned to himself.

"Nah. I'm more of a hands-on type of a guy." He said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Kagome rolled her eyes and followed where Sango had gone. This mission was going to be interesting.

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"Right then so we have the bone boomerang, a set of purity arrows, two sets of semi-automatic pistols with extra ammo, a staff, repelling gear, parachutes, three bed rolls, two tents, an idiots guide to uncovering evil curses and three days worth of food/med supplies." Kagome listed off to her partners.

"Sound good guys?" She asked turning around.

Kagome sweat dropped as she saw Sango giving Miroku his third beating of the day with her boomerang.

"YOU FLITHY SCUM!" Sango yelled to the bleeding holy man lying on the floor.

Miroku's eyes remained glazed in Sango-induced perversion. "I love the way you talk dirty my sweet." He purred.

Kagome turned back around rolling her eyes. At that moment, Shippo the mail boy, bounced in with his wild red hair flying. His bright green eyes glowed with excitement.

"KAGOME! KAGOME! Naraku needs you three right away!" He said happily. Seeing Kagome was always the highlight of his day.

Sango looked up from beating her groper. "What for?" She asked.

Shippo smiled at the three of them like a little kid who knew a secret that no one else did. His adjusted his green shirt and stood out with his chest puffed up proudly.

"Naraku told me to inform you that we're receiving a transfer from Sagura Artifacts Inc., and that for lack of numbers he will be placed on your team." He recited fluidly with a grin. The boss will be so proud of me!' he thought. Maybe I'll even make it out of the mailroom this week!'

"Wow. Sagura's pretty high up." Kagome thought outloud as they started down the hall.

"Quite so Kagome-sama, but not as us of course!" Miroku grinned, wrapping his arms around Kagome and Sango with a bright grin. The young monk was dismayed when his female partners shoved him away. He regained his composure and quickly re-fell into step. "Sagura is quite known for its demon raiders, think he'll be a yuokai?" the Monk commented, his hands in his pockets.

"Well hopefully he's not another conman" Sango said glaring at Miroku

Miroku looked at his two female partners and whined grumpily as if the fact that their new partner was male, had just dawned on him. "I better not have to share."

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Inuyasha sat in Naraku's office next to his half brother Sesshomaru, looking bored. The Hanyou was not having a great day either. Life was just shitty. The one chance he had to move up to better company and what does his employers do? SEND SESSHOMARU WITH HIM! His half brother sat coolly in his black Armani suit eyeing something across the room.

"I can't believe your wearing that trash." Sesshomaru said growing bored, the older demon glanced down and shook his head. "Would it have killed you to put sandals on at least? Be sanitary man." He complained as his delicate fingers went to rub his temples.

Inuyasha looked down at his own board shorts and tight red teen. 'What was his deal? we already had the job'. Besides he rather liked the barefoot look, it kept his claws from getting cramped.

"Yes, it WOULD have killed me to put sandals on! Forgive me for not wanting to go all French Poodle like you!" Inuyasha snarled at his brother as he crossed his arms over his chest."Little brother, when one attends a job, one is expected to dress of success…not for scooping out under aged females tourist at the beach" Sesshomaru stated. His masculine features remained the picture of stoicism, while goading his brother.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, but before he opened his mouth the door flew open. Naraku breezed in and shook both of the brother's hands.

"Welcome to Bite The Dust YDF." Naraku said smoothly, handing both of them each a manila folder of information. "I understand you've both worked in the field of …" Naraku checked a paper on his desk. "Forceful removal tactics?" The homo hanyou eyed the taller of the two demons with a deep stare"That's correct." Sesshomaru answered for them, feeling quite nervous getting such disgusting looks from his employer.

"And what pray-tell is that …exactly?" Naraku said motioning with his hand, and knocking his pretty shiny paperweight off his desk. Naraku dove into action, under his desk and popped back up with it in his mouth.

"Well we-" Inuyasha raised his eyebrow at his boss, but was cut off again by the door. An angry woman in pink and black stormed in and stood next to Naraku's desk, followed by a dark haired man who was bruised but smiling. The last woman caught his attention though. Her petite form and those blue eyes made his breathe catch. Inuyasha blushed to himself. The guys at Sagura told him about all the beautiful women that worked for Naraku, and he was surprised to see they were right.

"Ah just in time. Guys this is Sango, Miroku, and Kagome." Naraku popped his shiny toy out of his mouth and introduced them as the three sat down.

The three tomb raiders eyed their demon newbies in there own way. Kagome smiled warmly, Sango waved calmly, and Miroku picked a Sango induced scab on his arm and muttered a "Hey."

Kagome was discreetly eyeing the two men. The younger one to her right entranced her. His body was lean and muscular. And that white hair with those ears, she just wanted tweak them!
"Kagome!" Sango hissed elbowing her friend for staring.
"What!" Kagome blushed and hissed back. She tried to smile innocently at her co-workers, but the thick air of awkwardness, reached everyone. Everyone but Inuyasha that is. The young hanyou sat in blissful ignorance to the fact that he was being sized up.

"Anyway…." Naraku said breaking the ice and resituating his paperweight "Inuyasha you'll be with Miroku and his girls…" At this mention Miroku sat there grinning egotistically with the girls rolling their eyes.

"We're not objects, Naraku." Sango piped up, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Of course your not sweetie." Naraku said condescendingly and continued. "Sesshomaru…hmm lets see" Naraku ran his finger down a list of names as Kagome had to restrain Sango from beating him. "Ah yes! You'll be with Koga's team. He's accompanied by Hiten and Kagura."

Sesshomaru raised one prefect eyebrow. "Your secretary? You're pairing me up with your secretary?" he asked in disbelief.

"Kagura's just playing secretary today." He commented, "Aren't you sweetie?" The Homo Hanyou beeped out to his sister's desk where he knew she was eavesdropping. He clapped his hands together in a menacing way and continued. "She's normally a field agent. One of our best in fact" Naraku said matter-of-factually.

"I hardly see how a woman of that sort of intelligence could possibly be any use to me." Sess remarked coldly.

"Oh today…well…you see, she has a little drinking problem." Naraku continued, trying to cover his ass.

"A little drinking problem? Don't you think your belittling her disease? I mean she was stuck in the twirling glass door for twenty-five minutes this morning." Kagome piped up.

"Higurashi, honey do see want your doing? This 'Big People' talk time. Not freaking Oprah; hush it!" Naraku said condescendingly before turning back to Sesshomaru.

Kagome leaned over to Inuyasha and whispered. "He's only bitter because his hemorrhoid cream expired today."

Kagome's words reached the half demon's ears and caused him to blush at her closeness. Her scent teased his nose lightly with whispers of vanilla and jasmine. He felt a contented growl roll sweetly off his lips.

Kagome heard what sounded like a purr and looked at quizzically at Inuyasha. His smooth tan face was tinted slightly pink. 'What in the hell?' she thought to herself, 'Was that Inuyasha?'.

Inuyasha felt someone's eyes on him and looked up to see Kagome staring at him. 'Whoops! I knew that was too good to last.' Inuyasha's cheeks burned bright. He had to think of a cover. Luckily he spotted a small kitten nearby Sango's feet. He looked at Kagome and nodded toward the fire cat.

"Damn thing must be in heat, better keep it away from the upholstery" He whispered.

Kagome raised an eyebrow at him and gave a look that said 'well you lying sack of shit, that's only the weakest story ever made.' Of course it probably just meant 'Whatever'…but Inuyasha knew you could never be sure with women eyebrow-talk. Especially with ones who smelled so …so. Inuyasha mentally kicked himself. 'Its nothing ' He thought to himself as Naraku went on about supplies. 'All girls smell nice, it's genetic.' Inuyasha convinced himself as he tuned into Naraku's speech. Naraku went on with the lecture that eventually continued into a discussion about 'Mr. Golden Arches'. The tomb raiders sat on the edge of boredom, as their employer's flirtingly disgusting voice droned on about Jakotsu.

"I really think he's the one ya know! We totally connect over his Wacflurry skills!" Naraku giggled.

"I bet you did." Miroku muttered, making those around him chuckle at the thought.

"What was that Hoshi!" Naraku snapped, clearly back in his cold genius mode.Miroku sighed. It was never the girls that got caught. NEVER. Not that he resented that. Especially Sango. He stole a glance at his favorite demon-huntress. Actually, she was probably the ONLY demon-huntress he knew, but that didn't make her any less special.

"MIROKU I'M WAITING!" Naraku snapped, drumming his nails on his mahogany desk.

"Sango's is having my kid!" Miroku let the words slip before his brain could catch up. Sango blushed red and found her feet very interesting. Naraku's eyebrow just twitched.

"You guys are so selfish! What about me!" The homo hanyou whined.

Now it was Miroku's turn to twitch. "Ah…I prefer a feminine touch that's not attached to a man part boss." Miroku said, scooting closer to Sango.

"I MEANT ATTENTION WISE! Besides, you could only be so lucky monk!" Naraku said haughtily. "Meeting adjourned. You're pissing me off!" Naraku waved a dismissive hand towards them and swiveled his chair around to face the window.

The group filed out into the hallway in an disturbing silence. "Does anyone else feel dirty just listening to him?" Inuyasha was the first one to speak.

"You don't know the half of it" Miroku replied shuddering
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After the meeting Kagome, Sango, and Miroku led the two newbies in a tour of the building. Pointing out their 'lovely' working facilities, the group ended up by a dark green door labeled "K. Onigumo"

Sesshomaru inwardly groaned. First he had to deal with the homo hanyou from hell, now the rich bitch. As soon as the dog demon had heard of his transfer, he'd went to work on a background check of his 'soon-to-be' co-workers at BTDYDF. As far as Sesshomaru was concerned, one could never be too careful, or too paranoid.
The file on K. Onigumo was a most interesting read. She was the top grossing agent at the company, quickly followed by Kagome and Sango. She was the solo act of her team…while her other partners covered the perimeter and technology; she was only one to brave the caves. "How odd" Sesshomaru thought as his brain recalled facts on her file. That billion-dollar settlement was a tempting feature to read on, but why the woman still bothered to work was a mystery to him. Sesshomaru didn't like mysteries. Mysteries lead to trouble, and trouble he did not want around his life, unless he was causing it of course.
The older dog demon glanced at the bodies around him to find his brother's form tense and rigid. Following the hanyou's emotion-racked gaze, his eyes came to rest on Kagome. So that's what the brat was mulling over. Frankly Sesshomaru wasn't surprised; 'Like Father, Like Son…lucky it skips a generation' he mused rolling his eyes.

"Sesshomaru I presume?" The lord of the western lands whirled around at the mention of his name. He locked eyes with dark cherry eyes that held almost a sinister glint to them. It was as if he was caught in wave of a burgundy ocean that lapped heat from his toes to his head.

The woman had a petite form with shoulder length Dk. brown hair that fell in messy shards about her head. Her clothes radiated confidence in basic black from head to toe in matching tight black pants and a blouse; that was until you noticed her slight drunken demeanor. It had to be the Onigumo woman

"Miss Onigumo." Sesshomaru said professionally, ignoring her outstretched hand to shake. "Please call me Kagura." She stated smoothly. Kagura dropped her shake hand and threw off her balance slight. 'So much for professional' Sesshomaru thought ruefully.

"Miss Onigumo will suffice. I look forward to taking over operations within the team" Sesshomaru spat the word 'team' as if it gagged him to say it.

The comment threw Kagura off her game slightly. Since when did Naraku hire assholes to run HER show? Just who was this…pompous, arrogant, incredibly sexy hunk of demon male in front of her. Kagura sighed. It had become apparent to her that her lunch of Martini's had kicked in. Or was it the highballs she had. Kagura rubbed her temples; she'd lost count of both beverages after 10.

Sesshomaru could smell the alcohol on her from a mile away. The smell would have normally tortured his delicate sense of smell…if it hadn't been for the sensually light scent that Kagura herself was giving off. He stifled a growl and continued his pointless fodder with her. "I see that you have no problem turning over command of this outfit to someone who can obviously handle it then? Wonderful. I'll be in touch." Using his cold-hearted reasoning to stop himself from making a fools errand, by involving himself with such a loose woman. Although her scent still hung in the air, it was intoxicating. He'd have to decipher it later. "For professional reasons", he assured himself. With that the demon strutted down the hall towards the exit.

Kagura may have been in drunken haze, but the comment did not escape her ears. The red-eyed tomb raider started after her annoyance with venom coursing through her. He steps became stumbled as her limited motor skills reared their ugly heads.

"Now wait just a goddamn minute!" She shouted when reached him, while nearly face planting in the carpet.Sesshomaru whirled around at the challenge though the demon didn't realize the woman's closeness to his back, and ended up hair-whipping Kagura in the face with his long silver locks. Kagura blinked and was met with a mouthful Inu yuokai hair. Her eyes squinted in disgust as she spit out the offending locks. Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. Choosing to ignore the new lipstick marks his hair was sporting.

"Was there something you wanted, underling?" He said silky.

"I have ran, sweat and bled for my team over the past hiccup two years, and if YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALTZ IN HERE AND-" Kagura opened her mouth to yell more as she pointed an accusing finger at him.

Suddenly her world swirled slightly, and it became harder to focus. Kagura stressed to speak but no words would come. Her head grew heavy and her eyes closed. Kagura fell to the floor in an unceremonious heap, finally succumbing to the 'sleep it off' stage of her drinking.

Sesshomaru just rolled his eyes and hefted the woman up over his shoulder. She was light, with the scent of booze secreting off her skin, he could just barley make out her natural smell. He walked over close to the group of four raiders and placed her on the floor. Sesshomaru soundlessly turned and left the office building.
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Kagome heard her friend hit the carpet with a soft thump, and her eyes snapped up to the location of the noise. Her blue eyes rolled as she recognized Kagura's drink-induced sleep.

"Well that didn't take long" She muttered to no one.
Sango looked at the younger girl with a smile.
"It's your turn you know." Sango teased.
"Bite me." Kagome pouted, taking another look at Kagura's drooling form.
"You clean up the drunk. I'll load the plane." Sango mockingly ordered and started down the hall.
"Wait up Sango my sweet!" Miroku ran after his ladylove, in hopes of grope.

Kagome rolled her eyes and noticed Inuyasha staring at her with a hopeless cute, but confused look. She smiled at him and motioned to Kagura.

"Wanna help me hose her down?"
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Chapter one up! Chapter # 2 is already started! I promise, more IY/K fluff in the next chapters. Please review. Don't be afraid to be honest! A few things…whenever I say homo hanyou…I'm talking about NARAKU, just letting you know. This is a story I started and posted a while back, but my chapters kept getting corrupted and switched around, so I reposted it under the new title "Crash", because all of the chapters have been edited. Enjoy.
-RikuBabe