Better Off Dead
By
ShadowVex1123
In the blanket of shadows above shined heaven's light through a million pinholes, Humphrey's eyes were but idle drifters. They rode the shooting stars to the corners of the galaxy, and visited world's aloof of reality and so dreamlike that Humphry often imagined them to look like their own world, for he lacked the creativity to justly interpret what those distant blotches in the sky could be like.
Tonight was the moonlight howl, of course. This now weekly event was the bane of Humphrey's existence. A bitter reminder, like a cold gust in Autumn, signaling the arrival of Winter. One year ago, he had tried to use it as an opportunity to reveal his feelings to Kate, an Alpha's alpha. However, she fell for another wolf.
Many would argue that there is a certain nobility in preserving one's joy in the wake of misery, if only to support those we care for. Many, but not all. Not Humphry. However, he recognized this dire fault in himself, and knew others did as well, but never Kate it seemed. How could he smile for her? How could he continue to wear this torturous mask, teeming with smouldering coals, for the woman who was unconsciously ripping his heart from its bony prison? He had ascertained her true feelings after their supposed "happy ending."
Their love, a soft and aromatic fruit, had become rotten and acrid, and what remained after their love withered was a stain that would never go away. This place was a shadow of a memory, laced with the vestiges of a broken dream… and humphry wanted out. But, could he really leave Kate behind? And what about his friends?
Soft breaths. A moment's rest. He closed his eyes and let the darkness envelop him, and let the sounds of the night- the crickets, the breeze and the rivers - serenade his soul and cradle his spirit. In an almost defeated way, he admitted to himself that there was no leaving. This was his home, as hollow and vacant a home as it was.
A twig snapping scared Humphry. It was loud enough that he gasped, lurching upwards and looking about in confusion, as if his innermost thoughts were public and tangible, and this trespasser was witness to a crime of passion in the form of sentiment and obsession, only known by those of aching heart and ill infatuations. He was immediately met with a familiar pair of faces: Kate and Shakey.
"Surprise. Hey, Humphry." Shakey's voice was unusually nervous, but Humphry attributed it to his being near such a creature as… Kate.
The mere sight of her set his mind ablaze in a conflagration of emotions so fervently persistent and yet so contradictory, that he found himself debating whether to pretend nothing was wrong, or tell her how he still felt.
"We're worried about you, Humphry." She spoke, her seraph-like voice carrying the spirit of sensitivity and sincerity. She stepped forward. Shakey stayed right beside her, so close to her side, as if… comforting her- no, encouraging her as well, to get closer. As if assuring she would be safe. Disregarding the implications that drove Humphry to insanity, he was more concerned with his love, Kate, being nervous to approach him about anything.
He stood up, and Kate stopped. "Is something wrong?"
"Not at all," she replied, a fake laugh forcefully interjected before she continued, "I… I just had to s-see you again, so that I-I could tell you-"
"Why are you stuttering?" Humphry inquired. "What'd you wanna tell me?" He began stepping forward. She took a step back. Humphry's heart sank. "You never seemed so cornered when I approached you before, what's going on, Kate?"
"That-that was before, I... Humphry I need to tell you something and it can't wait." She stood strong, now. Too strong, it was so temporary and wavering. She was about to tell him something horrible. He prepared himself as best he could, but nothing could have properly secured Humphrey's palpitating heart for what she said to him next.
"Humphry," she said, "I want you to be… I want you to agree to be the best man at my wedding."
Humphry was catatonic. He didn't say anything. What could he say?
"I-I'm… I'm so happy for you, K-kate."
"I know this is sudden, Humphry, but I've finally found someone my father and mother approve of." Her voice now far less broken and her stutter gone. Was it fake before? Did she just want to keep him from freaking out, like he was some kind of fucking child who couldn't handle it?
"I'm happy for you, really. I can't do it, though. I'm sorry." Humphry watched Kate's ears drop. It killed him to do this to her, but he knew what pain it would be seeing her moving on… being so happy. "I mean, shouldn't the best man be you or your groom's best friend?"
Kate's eyes widened, then returned to their melancholy state. "Humphrey…"She stopped and turned to look at Shakey, who had just been watching with a perpetual expression of disconsolation.
Shakey coughed and cleared his throat, stepping forward.
Kate's shaky voice returned. "The groom has chosen their best friend."
Humphrey's heart sank into the depths of his inner sea, the torrential storm brewing within, flooding the shallows and skewing all of his senses.
"W-what?" Humphry was practically begging for an explanation, his eyes so wide and red from sleep deprivation that he looked like he had never known the embrace of such a quintessentially sedative thing as sleep. He wanted this to be a dream. He wanted this to be a restless nightmare, so engrossing that this moment of fiction had simply convinced him and his senses that it was real. He wanted so desperately to bite his own leg, to feel the pain and experience the short burst of dopamine and that soothing euphoria, and then to be laying on the hill, asleep. Alone, but with a stronger sense of hope.
Needless to say, his silence resonated with his friends, and Kate and Shakey both sighed.
"I guess we have our answer then?" shakey asked, Kate joining his side once again.
Humphry didn't speak. He barely breathed. His heart no longer beat fast, is was slow and plodding, each beat as painful as a punch to the chest.
"Okay," Shakey said, "we understand."
The two walked off toward the deeper part of the forest that lead to their pack lands, but stopped just short of the underbrush to look back to Humphrey, who began laying down.
"Goodnight, Humphry." he heard Kate say, before the sound of their pawsteps faded into obscurity, and the sounds of the wind and the crickets consumed Humphry. He closed his eyes, pushing out the still pool of tears he'd fought not to let them see. He didn't want them to see him break.
He curled up, no longer planning to return to his home for the night. Why should he bother? What was a vacant home, with no one to share it with? What was a lonely mutt with nowhere to go? What was a hopeless soul in eternal pain?
"Better off dead…"