Okay so I am super pissed about the fact that Hannah is still around, I know she's supposed to be until like episode 13 but she's driving me nuts. I wrote this little story as a response to the trailer for next week's episode. I know that it won't turn out like this but I
still liked the idea and I wanted to see what you guys thought about it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bones because if I did the sniper would have shown up much earlier and taken care of a little blonde problem.
Anyway, on with the story…
The Truth in the Photo
God he hated fighting. Bickering was one thing but that was what he and Bones did, that was okay. No he could not think about Bones, he couldn't, she was the reason he was walking alone, in the rain, the cold rain. She was the reason for the fight, not the direct reason of course, he couldn't really blame her, but apparently Hannah was a little bit less of a friend than he thought. She thought she saw something between them at dinner tonight, she thought that Bones was trying to take him from her, it showed how little Hannah really knew about Bones, there was no way in hell she would ever intentionally try to ruin anything for him. She asked him to chose, honestly asked him to chose between her and Bones, something he knew would not end well for her because no matter what he was with Bones. Hannah was over reacting and he knew it, so he walked out, he was planning on getting in his car and just driving. He had told her it was because they needed time to cool down and that without it they would just end up yelling some more. She let him walk out, and so here he was trying to figure out his life and how it had ended up here on this lonely street at 11:00 at night, having long ago abandoned his car at the side of the road.
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She couldn't take this anymore. She just couldn't do it, all the walls that she had so carefully built up the last fifteen years were mere ruins of their former strength, and he had been the conquering army, teaching her how to dismantle her walls from the inside out. Then he had left her alone, left her a castle that was almost undefended and he chose then to attack. She saw herself in Lauren, knew that she had had an incorruptible objective view that Brennan would never again have a chance to have and while she mourned the loss of that objectivism, she couldn't help but feel sorrow for the woman who never had a chance to truly feel anything. Although Brennan wasn't sure what good that was doing for her because all she felt was despair, pain, and emptiness but still she realized that and in a way it was better than how she had been before. Looking up from that cold table and the bones that now occupied it, she realized that she needed to take a walk, she needed to clear her head and allow Lauren to tell her that maybe it was her turn to take a chance, to be the gambler.
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He had been walking for a while and he wasn't completely sure exactly where he was at, walking aimlessly will do that to you, when he saw someone walk into the street. At first it didn't catch his attention until a feeling of familiarity hit him, he knew this person. So he turned around and at the point when he realized it was Bones, crouching in the middle of the street, he also saw the headlights, headlights she didn't seem to see. He started to yell but his feet were faster, propelling him toward her, knowing that if anything happened he would forever blame himself. He grabbed her at the last instant and even as he was wrapping her up, she still didn't see the car, the look of confusion in her eyes alerted him to that fact. She looked up into his eyes pain and loss playing on her features, he wanted to be mad at her, wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking but the lost look on her face stopped him dead in his tracks. In all the years he had known her, she had never looked like this but this was a look that had been building and he suddenly felt an overpowering crushing weight of guilt fall over him. Whatever this was was his fault and he knew it. As he held her he realized she was shivering and he quickly shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around her, trying to warm her up. Then he silently led her to his car, hand on the small of her back.
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She hadn't been paying attention, she barely recognized the first car as it flew past her. In a way she had wished that car had hit her, at least then she would be able to be numb. Lauren was still talking to her, I loved him you know, I told him to move on, I just didn't know what it would mean for me when he said that he would have to. She had figured out cause of death, more specifically, Lauren had told her what it was, It was her, his girlfriend, she's the one he started to move on with, she didn't like our time together and she felt like I was trying to take him from her. Which was something I had thought about but could never do, I loved him too much but she didn't believe me, she stabbed me in the heart but it didn't matter because I was already dead. The irony was not lost on Brennan, she knew that this is what her life had become, thankfully she didn't have to worry about Hannah, they were friends. At least that's what she said, but she wasn't sure how true that was.
That's what she was thinking about when she leaned down, something had gleaned in the puddle under her feet and for whatever reason she decided she needed to find out what it was, because no matter what, in all this confusion of feelings and emotions, figuring out this small thing was something she could still control. She never saw the car, a small part of her brain was calling out but she ignored it, she couldn't deal with anything else, and maybe part of her just didn't want to anymore. So instead she stayed crouched in the middle of the street figuring out that the gleam was simply a discarded bottle cap, nothing special. It was then that she felt strong arms pulling her up, she heard the blare of an angry driver's horn, and she realized how close she had come to ending up like Lauren. As she looked up to thank the stranger who had saved her life, she realized she was looking into familiar brown eyes. She saw the concern and the fear there, she had scared him and she expected him to yell and ask her what the hell she was thinking but thankfully he didn't. Instead he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders; she didn't even realize she had been shivering, before he started to lead her back to the car, his hand on the small of her back. And unbidden a small flicker of hope returned in the pit of her stomach.
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Neither one said a word the whole way back to the car but the reassuring hand on her lower back never left, it was almost as if they were back, a simple reminder of the life that they used to have, one that she should have continued. Instead it was more like a punch to the gut when she thought about it for too long. He opened the car door for her, and she crawled inside, she would have to apologize for getting the seat all wet, something she feels like she would have never needed to do before. He wordlessly opened his door and stepped inside, turning on the engine and cranking up the heat. It was then that he looked over at her, she was slouched into the seat, and she somehow seemed like a child who needed to be comforted, all he wanted to do was reach over and pull her to him, but he knew he couldn't. Instead he tried talking to her, he knew where they were going but it wouldn't do him any good if he didn't get to the bottom of this now.
"Bones…" she didn't answer, just continued to stare out the window, "Bones….Temperance." This time she looked up, surprise written on her features either because it she hadn't realized he was talking or because she didn't expect him to care, which made the weight on his chest increase tenfold. But at least she was looking at him.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing Booth."
"Bones, you never think about nothing, what are you really thinking about?"
"I'm just thinking about Lauren, and what she said to me earlier." It took him a minute to process, he didn't know that Bones knew anyone named Lauren, maybe it was someone she had met earlier?
"Bones, who's Lauren? I know pretty much everyone at the lab and no one is named Lauren."
"Lauren is the victim Booth." Now it was her turn to look at him with a confused look. "I've been talking to her, she's been helping me with the case. I know who did it."
"Who did what?" Now he was really confused, he was beginning to think Bones was hallucinating, she didn't have a brain tumor, did she?
"I know who killed her. She's been trying to explain why but I still don't completely understand that part."
"Bones, she's dead how can you be talking to her?" He was starting to get worried, maybe he should take her to a hospital instead of her apartment.
"Booth, you're the one who always says I can talk to the bones, just this time I'm talking to the actual person."
"Bones, you know she's dead, you can't talk to her."
Now she was starting to get agitated, "I'm not talking to her like she's an imaginary friend, I'm well aware she is deceased but I feel as though I'm answering the questions in my own head the way I feel she would answer them."
Booth realized that if he didn't drop this line of questioning he would end up with another fight on his hands, something he really didn't want. So instead he just asked her, "Bones, why are you taking this so personally?"
She just looked at him, conflict raging in her eyes, she knew she could tell him, that she wanted him to know but at the same time she knew that she could ruin things for him if she told him the truth. Instead she generalized it, "I don't want to have any regrets, that's the reason I started talking to Lauren in the first place I think, I see her life and it makes me realize I regret some of the major decisions I've made."
"Bones I thought you loved your life, your job has always been the most important thing."
"It doesn't matter anymore Booth, because I made a mistake, I missed my chance, I missed our chance…If nothing else that will be my biggest regret. I've realized I don't want my life to turn out the way I've always imagined it, I don't want to be alone." She looked down at her shoes completely drained, her body felt so heavy and all she wanted to do was sleep but the emotional storm that was threatening to rip her apart kept her from falling asleep in the seat.
Booth on the other hand continued to feel the building guilt, he knew he was at least partially responsible for all this, but at the same time it felt like she was attacking him, like she was going to give him this hope and then planned to rip it away.
"Bones, that's not fair, I'm happy now, you can't tell me you made a mistake after you hurt me like that."
The look of pain on her face instantly made him regret that, "I know Booth, I'm sorry I should have never said anything, this is not a conversation you need to be having, just please take me home and then you can go back to Hannah." Even though she didn't intend to, the name Hannah rolled of her tongue with a taste of contempt, she had never before disliked someone to this degree for no reason.
While the inflection in his partner's voice should have pissed him off instead it just added to the guilt in his chest which was slowly drowning him, he could feel himself being pulled under and he needed to say something, reassure her she was not alone, and would never be alone.
"You're wrong about one thing Bones." He waited, hoping he could get her to look at him, when she finally tore her eyes away from her shoes he told her, "You'll always have Angela, Hodgins, Cam, Russ, Max, and me, we'll always be there for you." He was hoping for a glimmer of hope, one that showed she understood what he was trying to say. Instead he saw her face twist into a contorted pattern, one that showed him he had said completely the wrong thing, he saw the tears as they started to fall and the pain and anger that was written in her eyes. Her voice was low and intense, intimidating.
"How can you say that? Of course I have the others, Cam, Ang, Hodgins, Max, Russ, they've always been there. But you, you're the one who was never supposed to go anywhere, you're the one who was always pushing for the grand idea of love where no one ever leaves, guess what Booth? You left. You promised me 30 or 40 or 50 years and then you get over that in less than six months? You tell me how I have you in my life, if this love of yours was so strong why are you not still with me." She looked at him disgusted, studying him in a way he had seen her study killers in the interrogation room, only this time it was much more personal. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't make up anything that sounded remotely close to what she needed to hear, hell he didn't even know what she needed to hear anymore. What came out of his mouth sounded stupid to him as well.
"I haven't left Bones, I'm right here."
"No you left me Booth and the fact that I pushed you away will always be my biggest regret." She sounded defeated, tired, an almost on cue the tears started to fall. These weren't controlled tears either, they were the tears of someone who felt utterly defeated and lost, and Booth could help but feel the guilty weight crash into him, making it hard to breath. He had done this, he had completely broken the strongest person he had ever known because he was an ass. He had been doing it since he had come home flashing that damned picture and he was still doing it now, as he watched her collapse in on herself, tears falling, her knees pulled up to her chest he knew he had to fix it, he just didn't know how, he was lost, maybe it was time to start listening to his gut again.
"Just please Booth, take me home." That was the last thing she was able to croak out for the rest of the drive, she was done and she just wanted to sleep, her body couldn't take anymore, the tears however refused to stop, she felt herself pulling inward and she knew that after a good cry, she would be able to rebuild the walls, stronger this time, she just couldn't tonight, she needed the chance to release all her emotion before she started to build them back up this time.
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She cried herself to sleep in the passenger seat of his car, the ride had only taken about twenty more minutes but she was just so utterly drained. Booth looked over when he heard the crying stop, the silence echoing through the car and slicing at him more intensely than even her crying had. God he couldn't do this anymore, he felt sick to his stomach, twice he almost had to stop because he felt like he was going to be sick, he wasn't this person, how could he not see what was happening to her. How had he let it get this far, how the hell had he not done the one thing he was born to do, to protect her? He needed to make this right, needed to prove to her that he wasn't this person, but then there was the issue of Hannah, what could he tell her? He loved her but she was easy to love. The love they shared wasn't anything special and honestly it was more of a physical love than anything else. He knew it would always be Bones, and now it looked like he was really going to have to prove it, he knew he couldn't leave her tonight, he needed to be there.
When they got to her apartment he didn't bother waking her, instead he just moved over to her side and opened the door and sliding his arms under her knees and behind her shoulders he cradled her to his chest. She seemed lighter; he made a mental note to make sure that she was eating. He carried her up to her apartment and let them in, and then he moved into her bedroom. Nothing seemed to have changed, everything was where it normally was but it still felt alien to him and he realized how long it had been since he had been over to her apartment with Thai food or how long it had been since they had done anything after work, he was always going home to Hannah while she came home to an empty house. He laid her down in the bed and he realized that while he really should get her out of her still soaking clothes, him doing it would probably not be a good idea right now, so he woke her up.
"Bones, baby, you're gonna have to get up, you need to change." She looked up at him, a sad expression in her eyes but she got up to comply. He walked out of the room waiting for her to come out when she was done, after about twenty minutes he figured she might have just gone to bed so he went in to check on her and he found her sobbing into her pillow. When he touched her shoulder she jerked up to look at him, her beautiful blue eyes rimmed with angry red puffs of skin, "I thought you had left Booth. Won't Hannah wonder where you are?"
"Bones you need me more than she does right now, I'm staying."
"No Booth, you should go I'll be fine, I'm just going to go to bed, I'll see you tomorrow." He knew it was a lie knew it was an out that she was giving him, realized for the first time that she had been giving him outs in their relationship for the last six months. This time he wasn't going to take it.
"I'm not going anywhere Bones, I'm here to prove to you that you're not alone. Scoot over."
To her surprise he climbed into bed with her wrapping his strong arms around her, like she had wished for so many times before. He pulled her close, to make sure she knew he wasn't planning on leaving, and strangely enough it wasn't awkward. She didn't pull away like he had expected her to, instead she curled into him and he marveled at the way their bodies fit together, some of the weight was instantly lifted off his chest.
"I'm never going to leave you again Bones, I'm sorry." He kissed her hair, "I'm so sorry."
She turned to face him. "Why did you do it? Why did you promise me that and then decide differently." Doubt flicked through her eyes, she didn't think he was really going to stay.
"I don't know, you hurt me, wounded my pride, and instead of fighting and telling you that you were completely wrong on all counts I felt like it was more important to lick my wounds because at the time they were threatening to kill me."
They fell silent for a moment before Booth spoke again.
"Bones, you were talking about regrets earlier, do you want to know what mine is?"
She looked up at him expectantly.
"I never once told you I loved you, I have replayed that night in front of the Hoover a thousand times and I realized that I never once told you how much I loved you, how much I still love you."
"You still love me? But what about Hannah?"
"Bones, Hannah is great but she's not you, the reason I was walking on that street earlier was because we had a fight about you. She thought you were trying to steal me from her, she didn't understand that was something you would never do, she asked me to choose and I know now that no matter what it's always going to be you. I should have waited I should have tried harder and I know that it's going to take a lot for you to forgive me, but I'll do it right this time, I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready again. Just please don't build the walls back up."
She looked at him, studying him, like before but without the look of pure disgust in her eyes.
"Booth…" she started slowly, almost as if she was unsure of herself, "I wanted another chance, that's what I wanted to tell you that night we met after our respective trips. I was thinking in Maluku and I realized I was wrong, I think I noticed my regrets then but I thought I could fix them, then when you came home with Hannah, I just, I didn't know what to do. But I would have to say that if I was going to qualify my feelings for you, the best description I could find would be love. So in that case, I love you too Seeley Booth, I think I always have."
He looked at her in surprise and then his face lit up, the smile she had grown accustomed to was back and she felt herself break out into one of her own. He couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was. Then he had done what he had wanted to do since that night at the Hoover, he captured her lips with his and he kissed her passionately but gently wanting to convey as much love and apology as he could. The weight that had settled in his chest earlier evaporated, he knew he could fix this. When they broke apart she snuggled into him and his last thought was of what they could be, Hannah although she should have, didn't even register.
So what did you guys think?
