DISCLAIM IT: I don't own Naruto or its characters. All belongs to Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

WARNINGS: Shounen-ai, eventual yaoi, and TobiDei, SasoriDei. Other pairings to come, but it gets sort of boring putting all the pairings up.

A/N: Enjoy!

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In The Beginning…

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Tobi was having a bad day.

And as far as bad days went, this one was possibly, if not probably, worse than the other bad days combined. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was crushed underneath a pile of rubble! Oh goodness no!

It was possibly the fact that he was under a pile of rocks that ticked him off. For the life of him, Tobi couldn't fathom how or why he had gotten there in the first place.

All he remembered was being a Good Samaritan and--WHAM! A big pile of rocks collapse all over the cave that he had probably tried to explore, before the whole 'Ahh, I'm buried under four feet of stone and can't remember a thing' incident occurred.

It was the principle that counted.

Tobi wiggled what was left of his not-so-very-crushed toes, then went on to checking the rest of his very-very crushed fingers. Ouch. That didn't feel too nice.

"Hello? Is anyone out there?" he called out, in a rather subdued voice. He learned from personal experience, that if one yelled too loudly in a cave, rocks would plummet and try to crush you alive. Not a very good religious experience, if Tobi had to be honest. It had happened to him twice, before he gave up on trying to yell himself hoarse.

"Hello? Hello?" he said again.

"--What do you want? Dumb brat," came a raspy voice that distinctly reminded Tobi of grating nails.

"Could you—I don't know, possibly get me out of here?" he asked, doing his best to sound like a pathetic little boy who didn't know what he was doing. Everyone liked pathetic, right?

"I'm sorry, but I don't know where you are. Can I eat you once I find you though?" said the stranger hopefully.

"Uhh—" Tobi looked vaguely horrified at the prospect of getting eaten by anything in particular.

The stranger sighed. "Nevermind. You probably taste nasty anyways."

Tobi immediately brightened. "Uhh—yeah! I'm nasty-flavored, so don't eat me—SAVE ME!" Tobi flailed desperately. "Save me, and all your wildest dreams will come true!"

"Really?" The man seemed dubious.

Footsteps reached Tobi, and he peered his one good eye up at the plant-like man who was named Zetsu.

Could he really say no to a person like him?

"…No," Tobi said. "But I can help you achieve them?" He sounded entirely too hopeful, giving the man a smile that made his bruised cheeks hurt.

Zetsu appeared thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. "Good enough for me," he said, and helped Tobi out of his relatively (un)comfortable niche. It took a terribly long time until Tobi could actually feel the blood rushing back into his body, and magically, as if he was never under a pile of rocks for x amount of time, stretched.

And almost popped sixteen ligaments.

"Ouch! Ouch! YOUCH!" he yelped, plopping bonelessly to the ground, right where his crushed body belonged.

"You're dumb," Zetsu said pointedly, doing some fancy hand seals and saving Tobi from an ultimate amount of pain. Even with the insult, Tobi felt something flutter in his chest.

It was official.

Tobi loved him and would have his babies.

Struggling to stand up, Tobi draped himself all over the plant-like man, then jumped back, hand over his nose.

He took it back. He didn't want to have Zetsu's babies! What kind of mother would want to have a father that had perpetually bad breath?

"Uh—what did you eat before coming in here and saving me?" he said, edging away from Zetsu. Tobi was later picked up like a bag of potatoes and slung over his right shoulder.

"Food." Zetsu walked them out of the cave, coming to pause in front of the cave's mouth and taking in the sunlight. Similar to a plant, Zetsu liked the sunlight a lot. In fact, he liked it better than eating humans, but he wouldn't tell anyone that. They'd probably tell him to grow roots or something.

Tobi was decidedly uncomfortable at Zetsu's silence.

"What kind of food?" he asked.

"Plant food."

"…Did that happen to be a stinking carcass?" Tobi found himself squinting at Zetsu, who shrugged.

He squinted again, this time at Zetsu's green hair, then squinted even more at the flies buzzing around the man's head.

"…"

Tobi certainly didn't put it past the man.

"Hey, do you know where you're taking me?" he asked IT, because he truthfully didn't know if the thing was human or not. He hoped it was.

"Yes. Back to Base Four." Because everyone knew that Base Four was better than Bases One, Two AND Three; but definitely not better than Base Five. That upset Zetsu, because four was his favorite number, and in his mind, should've been better than five.

"Oh," he said, and paused for a terribly long time. Then Tobi said, "What's your name? I didn't catch it earlier." Though he was perfectly comfortable hanging upside down, Tobi knew that there was nothing better than blood rushing to your brain. Okay, well, blood rushing to certain other body parts was better, but that was okay! Tobi could handle it!

"Zetsu," answered Zetsu. He walked a little way to the south and into a large misty area.

"Okay Zetsu, wanna know a joke?" Tobi asked it casually, only a teensy bit queasy from all the moving and jostling about.

"No."

"Are you sure?" he pestered.

"Yes. No."

"Yes or No?"

"…No." Zetsu looked pensive.

"Okay then!" Tobi giggled to himself. "Why is six scared of seven?"

A confused expression flit across Zetsu's multi-colored face and stayed cramped there. "Because six is smaller than seven?" he tried.

Tobi chortled. "Nope!" he said brightly. "Because seven eight nine!" he exclaimed, suddenly howling with laughter. His joke was a genius—no, he was the genius! A Grade A genius straight from Heaven!

"Wanna know another joke?" he asked him.

Zetsu shook his head.

"No? Well too bad, here's another!" Tobi giggled. "What does a blond say after walking into a bar?"

Inside Zetsu's head, he was wondering if he was too old for jokes.

"……"

"That's right, 'ouch'!" Tobi guffawed, his laughter ringing out and about their silent area. It was all right for Zetsu to listen to the idiot boy giggle, but when it came to full-blown out laughter, that was just pushing it.

A vein popped.

"For the love of Jashin…"

In the blink of an eye, after Tobi had settled down from his second fit of laughter, a hand pinched his nose and nothing he could do would get it off. He tried biting the limb, sneezing on the limb, and spitting on the limb, but nothing worked. Tobi panicked.

Oh no! He couldn't breathe! He was gonna die! He wasn't going to ever have babies! He wasn't ever going to have a mid life crisis! He was just going to—sleep now…

Eyes growing heavy, he heard Zetsu grumble:

"And good riddance."

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A/N: oO Yeah. Pretty cool, huh? I wanted to make it a funny but serious fic. Er, well, rather witty, but I hope anyone can catch that, right? –Is hopeful-