I'm sorry guys, I guess I couldn't post properly or write anything.
Because on July 19, my heart has been ripped out of my chest and shredded to pieces. I feel anger and remorse but I can't bring myself to move on.
Now, I'm feeling numb, and I can't feel anything. I don't regret when I goof off or be sassy. I don't know what happened.
For now, I'm just writing broken drabbles until my mind clears enough to write DDaughterofAthena's prompt.
Disclaimer:
"Look, I'm broken right now, okay?" Louise muttered as her fingers lazily typed out a random drabble, with no care for how messy her idea was. "So if you're gonna blame me, do it quick. I already feel like a failure and you guys can tell me I'm one too."
"By the way, I do not own which fandom my muddled mind tries to type about."
"Reyna" was the first thought to strike Jason's mind, the name slipping from his mind to the tip of his tongue, a small smille tugging at the corners of lips as he whispered her name like a memory with a soft voice that held so much regretful longing like a memory from his childhood he couldn't recapture.
'Cause baby, you look happier, you do.
Piper blinked at him innocently, her eyes with a thousand eyes flickering with so many emotions that it was a miracle Jason actually saw them harden. "What?" She hissed, her eyes too knowing, knowing what he thought as he saw the same fierce glint in Piper's eyes.
Jason simply pointed at a table, where Reyna had been quietly playing chess with a blond man her age. "There."
"Jason, they're busy and I don't think they'll want us to interrupt," Piper quietly argued as Jason almost off-mindedly approached them both.
They made their way close, listening to the duo's bickering as they quickly took almost all pieces off the board, except for Reyna's two knights, her queen, her king and a bishop and the man's king, queen, three rooks and a bishop.
"Reyna-" Jason was cut off as Reyna abruptly put up a hand, signalling: "Wait."
Piper shot him a look that said: "I told you so" before tugging at his hand when the man patted the seats beside them, Piper sat in defeat on Reyna's side while Jason mutely sat on the man's side before surveying the keyboard.
The dark-haired beauty inspected the chessboard with the seriousness of a general commanding soldiers into battle. Her lips curved into a smirk as she plucked a white queen off the board and moved her knight. "Checkmate," she savored the word in her mouth as her opponent's bright grey eyes carefully analyzed the sudden move. "Not today, Reyna," he said with a smile as removed her knight and replaced with a rook. She gave him a small sly smile in return as she moved her bishop and knocked off his rook. He snorted as he moved his king to the far right, forgetting Reyna's guarding knight. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Checkmate." She smirked once more as she slowly moved her knight near the king. "Nowhere to run, Pace."
His eyes swept the chessboard, knowing clearly he had nothing to run to. "Fine," he sighed in defeat, giving his king to Reyna, who twirled to skillfully in her fingers, her eyes twinkling in happiness as she won.
'Pace' groaned as he set up the chessboard once more. "That's the second time in a row!" He exclaimed. "How did you get so good?"
Reyna only tsked, rolling her dancing onyx eyes at him. "He can't accept it," she quietly chuckled to Piper, who offered Reyna a shy smile and a high-five. "He just can't accept defeat."
"Because my bad-ass and beautiful fiancée easily kicks my butt at chess," he fake pouted. "I was camp's best chess player," he mourned, his grey eyes twinkling.
"Fiancee?" Jason's mind caught up too slowly with the events as he blurted out the question, raising a quizzical eyebrow at Reyna, who stiffly froze.
And one day, you'd fall for someone new...
Malcolm's grey eyes dimmed a bit as he glanced at stoic Reyna, her mixed emotions swirling in her eyes as Malcolm reached out and placed a hand on her own. "Yep. I'm Malcolm Pace, Reyna's fiancée," he told them both, emphasizing the word 'fiancée' as his grey eyes carefully analyzing them the same way Annabeth used to scan her opponents, hardening as he recognized Jason's face. Who wouldn't? Jason's face was easily recognizable.
"Malcolm, don't scare them off," Reyna scoffed, her composure repaired quickly as she laughed, her laugh making Jason's heart beat wildly. "Jason was only asking a question."
Why would his heart beat wildly at Reyna's laugh? He was dating Piper Mclean, his Beauty Queen and his soulmate, so for the gods' sake, why would he get an growling feeling when Malcolm looked at Reyna endearingly.
Could it be? He thought his feelings for Reyna dissolved long ago-
"Hey, Sparky," Piper was tapping his arm, her kaleidescopic eyes boring into him, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Rey-rey asked us if we could go to their wedding." She said, trying to act indifferent to how Jason was acting but poorly masking it as she handed him an elegantly decorated card.
But if he breaks your heart, like lovers do...
"Rey-rey?"
"Reyna likes it better than being called RARA." Malcolm chuckled as Reyna folded her arms, a smile gracing her lips.
How had Malcolm changed Reyna so much she actually smiles and doesn't hide as much as she used to? What had he do to melt the cold exterior and warm up the Reyna he was seeing right now?
"Jupiter to Jace. I repeat. Jupiter to Jace." Reyna waved a hand over his face.
"Mhmm?"
"Since when did you speak in one word sentences?"
"Uh, no, I was just surprised."
"Uh-huh. So are you coming or what?"
Jason glanced at Piper. "Yeah, of course we are. Right, Beauty Queen?"
Piper laughed, smacking him in the arm. "Don't call me Beauty Queen, Sparky. 'Course we are, darlin'," she batted her eyes at Reyna.
"You better be, Jason. You're best man."
"I am?" was voiced at the same time Malcolm asked Reyna: "He is?"
Reyna arched an eyebrow, glancing at Malcolm, who shrugged as he stood up, smacking his forehead. "Oh yeah, Jason is best man, I remember what it said. Speaking about it, we gotta go," he said, glancing at his wristwatch.
Reyna stood up, glancing at Jason. "Anything you want to say, Jay-jay?"
He rolled his eyes, wanting to say no but of course his mouth would betray him. "Yeah. You mind talking with me for a minute or two?"
"Of course." She tugged him to his feet and dragged him behind the cafe. "Spit it out, Jace. I won't be called your best friend if I don't recognize that look on your face."
Jason looked down, like a child who had been caught. "I'm sorry."
Reyna quizically looked up at him. "Sorry? Why would you be sorry?"
"For everything in the past, for returning to Camp Jupiter with Piper, for everything-" Reyna cut it off, rubbing her eyes, making her seem much more older.
"Are you regretting everyhting you did to me?" Her tone was friendly with a hint of reprimanding, making Jason afraid, for he doesn't know this Reyna, because the Reyna he knew, he had been friends with and he had hurt was changed by Malcolm Pace.
"Yes. Yes, I do."
"Don't." Jason was surprized to find her staring at him concerningly. "You're jealous of Malcolm, aren't you?"
Jason only nodded, staring at the distance. "I don't know. My life feels empty. Piper's helping me but I feel just a burden to her when we kiss and I suddenly-"
"Remember a hazy image of eyes searing in your mind and you smile?" Reyna spoke for him, his brows furrying as he asked her a silent message of how do you know? "That's what I feel when I kiss him. But I learned to forget. I love Malcolm now."
"Reyna-"
"Shut up, Jason," she snapped, her eyes softening. "It's been a long time since I forgave you. I don't need your pity. So stop trying to apologize, because you're just making a bigger hole! I got Malcolm now, and he's helping me fix this big hole in my heart." She stared straight into Jason's electric blue eyes that once made her a slave, once made her weak but now made her stronger and much more independent.
"Reyna! Courtney's waiting for us!"
"Who's Courtney?" Jason asked her, confused when Reyna chuckled. "Our dog. We met at a dog park, Courtney bumped over Aurum and Argentum."
"It was nice meeting you again, Jason." She said, prepared to leave when Jason grabbed her wrist. "What?"
"Just know I'm waiting here for you."
And when the happy couple drove away, Jason felt an ugly feeling in his gut as the emptiness in his heart echoed the dark-haired praetor's name. He heard the raindrops letting out a consistent drip drop as they platter on the window.
When they drove home, Jason went straight for his room, locking himself as he felt his tears drip drop into the hardwood floor, imagining what would life had been if he told Reyna he loved her.
It didn't matter now. Reyna had been happier than how she had been before, and Jason wasn't gonna ruin her happiness.
Because in doing so before, he had ruined his own happiness.
Oh. Well, what do you know? My mind was coherent enough to actually write DDaughterofAthena's prompt.
(Although it was off, but blame my irrational mood right now.)
I don't know what to do now, guys... Help me.
~Marrione & Louise