A/N: Many thanks to Mizvoy and Vestal Virgin for the beta assistance and kind encouragement. Merry Christmas to all my wonderful VAMBies - thank you for helping keep my whole year merry and bright!
SILENT NIGHT
By KJaneway115
It was the worst Christmas ever. Worse than the childhood Christmases when her father had not been able to get home. Worse than the Christmases when she had been serving on some deep space mission far from everyone she knew. Worse than Christmas in the Delta Quadrant.
It had been just over a year since Voyager had burst into the Alpha Quadrant via a Borg sphere. It was Christmas Eve, and Vice Admiral Kathryn Janeway was sitting in her apartment alone. Yes, it was the worst Christmas ever.
When Kathryn was a little girl, Gretchen Janeway had always done her best to make Christmas a magical experience for her girls. While Kathryn, ever the scientist, had realized there was no such person as Santa Claus by the age of seven - after all, it was theoretically impossible for anyone to visit every house on Earth in one night, even if he traveled at the speed of light - her mother had helped her to see that the factual existence of Santa Claus wasn't the issue. Children had believed in the mythical, portly, white-bearded man for centuries, long before warp technology had even existed. The issue wasn't the fact of his existence, but about one's ability to believe in magic. Hope, love, and faith in something greater - those were the magical qualities Gretchen Janeway encouraged her girls to celebrate.
When he had been with them, Edward Janeway had made the most of Christmas with his family. Kathryn could remember building snowmen and going sledding with him when she was a little girl. But as she'd gotten older, her father had been at home less and less, and there were several years that he missed Christmas altogether, instead caught up in some negotiations or secret mission. The first time her dad had missed Christmas, she had been about thirteen, and she remembered thinking that it was the worst Christmas ever. But Kathryn knew that this one was much worse.
Chakotay was missing. She had just found out about it that morning in a communique from Admiral Paris. The newly promoted Captain Chakotay had left Earth five weeks earlier on an undercover mission to gain some intelligence on the Romulan Empire. Admiral Paris informed her that Chakotay had missed his last two check-ins and was not expected to return that morning as planned. Kathryn's stomach turned just thinking about it.
A week before he left on the mission, the night of his promotion ceremony, they had dined together. This wasn't, in itself, unusual. After he and Seven had called it quits a few months earlier, she and Chakotay had resumed their habit of having dinner together regularly. But something about this meal was different.
After the promotion ceremony, she'd hugged him and wished him congratulations. In that moment, he'd looked at her, and something in his eyes had taken her breath away. She'd quietly taken his arm, allowing him to escort her through the brief reception. When she'd had about as much as she could take of small talk with the Starfleet brass, she'd leaned over and whispered in his ear, quietly suggesting that they adjourn to somewhere more private.
They'd walked along Fisherman's Wharf and found a small cafe overlooking the bay. The proprietor had seated them at an intimate table for two in a secluded corner and, having seen Chakotay's promotion on the news vids that afternoon, had given them a bottle of champagne on the house. They had sat at that little table talking until long after the restaurant had closed. It was only when they'd noticed the proprietor standing in the corner, watching them over the empty chairs and tables, that they'd realized how late it was and hurriedly excused themselves. Chakotay had walked her to her door and hugged her close before kissing her hand and bidding her goodnight. They'd made plans to see each other again two days later, but an emergency meeting had come up and she'd had to cancel. They'd spoken only briefly before he'd left for his mission. It had been early in the morning, and she'd still been at home.
"Incoming transmission from Captain Chakotay," the computer signaled.
"On screen," Janeway replied, hurriedly finishing her makeup, rushing to get to the office before she was late for a meeting with Admiral Nechayev.
"Good morning," Chakotay's voice sounded from the screen behind her.
Despite her hurried state, she paused and turned to look at him, unable to resist his dimpled smile. "Good morning to you."
His face turned serious. "I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before I left, Kathryn, but we're slated for departure at 0800."
She glanced at her chronometer; that was in 15 minutes. "So soon?"
He nodded gravely. "Starfleet feels this mission is time sensitive."
She sighed. "I understand." She stepped closer to the screen. "I'll see you when you get back?"
"I'll call you the moment we dock."
"Okay." Pause. "Chakotay?"
"Yes?"
"Be safe out there, all right?"
He smiled. "I will. Don't worry. I'll be in your apartment cooking dinner before you know it."
She grinned back at him. "That sounds wonderful. Don't keep me waiting too long."
"How could anyone keep the great Admiral Janeway waiting?" he teased.
She rolled her eyes. "You just leave rank out of it, now, mister. That's an order."
"Now who's pulling rank?" he asked with a laugh. Something pulled his attention away for a moment, and he nodded at someone she couldn't see before turning back to her. "I have to go, Kathryn. I'll talk to you soon."
"Soon." She pressed her fingers to her lips and extended her hand towards the screen, and he mirrored the gesture. Then the screen went to black and he was gone.
If only I had known that might be the last time I would ever see him, she thought, and the unease in the pit of her stomach grew. She and Chakotay had been friends for a long time, and there had been a period during their journey when she had felt certain that when they got home, they would be together, as more than just friends. But the Delta Quadrant had been harder on both of them than she ever could have imagined, and by the time they did arrive home, their friendship had been severely weakened, and he had started a relationship with Seven of Nine.
Chakotay's liaison with Seven had been brief, and they had ended the relationship by mutual decision. By then, Kathryn missed her best friend and the man who had become her closest confidant over their seven year journey. She knew that their waning friendship had been due in large part to her own withdrawal from him, and as she settled back into life in the Alpha Quadrant, she found that she wanted to repair that friendship. She was the one who had suggested resuming their weekly dinner tradition, but she had never imagined it would lead to anything more than a renewal of an old friendship. This was why the look in his eyes on the day of his promotion ceremony had surprised her so much. Were the feelings really still there between them? Did that spark from long ago still burn? Could their friendship, once again strong and thriving, grow into something deeper? She wanted to discover the answers to these questions; now, it looked like she might never get the chance.
The doorbell rang. She looked at the chronometer, puzzled. It was 1600 hours on Christmas Eve. Who could be calling? A small part of her hoped that she would open the door and find Chakotay standing there, but instead, it was Seven of Nine and her latest beau, Dr. Aiden Brown. Janeway had met Dr. Brown at a couple of social functions. He was a researcher at the Daystrom Institute and seemed to adore Seven. From what she could tell, the feelings were mutual. "Seven! Dr. Brown!" she exclaimed. "Please, come in. What brings you here?"
"We wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, Admiral," said Seven. Obviously dressed for a party, she wore a sparkly blue v-neck sweater and grey slacks with a pair of silver high-heeled shoes.
"Thank you! You could've done it over the comm, you know."
"We're headed to meet Annika's aunt in New York City," said Brown. "It was just as easy to stop by on our way to the transporter station."
"Well, please come in. Can I take your coat, Dr. Brown?"
"Please, Admiral, call me Aiden!"
"Well, then, you must call me Kathryn - both of you. Seven, I've told you before, when we're off duty, there's no need to stand on ceremony."
The young woman blushed. "Of course... Kathryn. Old habits can be difficult to break."
Janeway hung up her guests' coats in the hall closet and ushered them into the living room. She had a small Christmas tree set up on top of a table, and a garland of pine adorned the fireplace mantle in her large San Francisco apartment. "Can I get you anything to drink?" she asked. "Some spiced wine? Apple cider?"
"No, thank you, Adm... Kathryn," said Seven. "We can only stay for a few minutes. My aunt is expecting us."
"You said you're meeting her in New York? I thought your aunt lived in Sweden." Janeway sat down on the chair near the sofa where the couple had sat.
"She's rented an apartment in the city for the holidays."
"It'll be Annika's first trip to New York," Brown added.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy it very much." Janeway paused, taking in the two of them. "You didn't have to stop by just to wish me a happy holiday."
The two exchanged a glance, and Seven spoke, cutting right to the point. "I heard about Captain Chakotay."
Aiden put his arm around her. "We were so sorry to hear."
Janeway stiffened. "Yes. Starfleet is planning to send out a search party if he doesn't check in by tomorrow."
Seven extricated herself from Aiden's embrace and reached out to touch Janeway's knee. "I know you and Chakotay are very close friends. I wanted to make sure you were all right."
Janeway was touched, not only by the young woman's concern, but by the way she was expressing it. Seven had come a long way. "That's very thoughtful of you, Seven. I'm worried about Chakotay, of course, but I'm fine."
"Aunt Irene has invited you to join us for Christmas Eve dinner if you would like."
"I hear she's cooking up a storm," Aiden added. "Potato sausage, cranberries, ham, potatoes, and a whole slew of Christmas cookies."
"Please thank your aunt for the invitation, Seven, but I think I'll just stay here tonight. I'll be going to my mother's early in the morning."
"I understand," Seven said.
Dr. Brown glanced at the chronometer. "We should really be going, sweetheart. We don't want to miss the glog."
Seven stood, and Aiden followed her. Janeway got their coats from the closet and hugged them both. "Merry Christmas!" they wished her on their way out.
"Merry Christmas. Enjoy your party." And she was alone again. The gust of wind that had come in from the outside when she opened the door was chilly, even though San Francisco winters were mild compared to those in Indiana. Kathryn decided to make herself a cup of Chakotay's favorite spice tea and light a fire in the holographic fire place.
She sat down on the sofa with her tea and dimmed the lights, allowing the fire and the Christmas lights to cast their warm glow around the room. Other than the colored string of lights, she only had a few ornaments on her little tree. Most had been gifts from her parents or grandparents when she was a child. Her mother had kept them in storage all those years when she'd been in the Delta Quadrant, and this was the first year they'd been out of the box. She had enjoyed decorating the little tree, each ornament filling her with memories as she had placed it on a branch. As she sipped her tea and gazed at the tree, one ornament in particular caught her eye. It was the one decoration that hadn't been given to her by a family member.
"Here's that report you asked for, Captain."
"Thank you, Harry," she replied as she took the PADD from his hands. She looked down at it and began to read, but then realized the young ensign was still standing in front of her. "Was there something else, Ensign?"
"Yes, uh, Captain. Well, Lieutenant Paris and I... uh, that is, a few of us have decided to have a little Christmas party tonight in Sandrine's. You know, with it being Christmas Eve and all. I know not everyone celebrates the holiday, but enough do, and, well, I've always felt that Christmas was a holiday for everyone. It's a time for everyone to be together and be happy; at least, that's how it always was in my house."
Janeway smiled. "Relax, Ensign. It was like that in my house, too. My mother made Christmas absolutely magical - even for her overly scientifically minded daughter."
Ensign Kim stifled a nervous laugh. "Well, Captain, I know you're probably busy, but I wanted to invite you to join us."
"Thank you, Ensign. That's very thoughtful of you."
"The party's starting at 1900 hours."
"Thank you, Ensign. You're dismissed."
Harry nodded and left the ready room, leaving Janeway to contemplate the invitation. It seemed Harry and Tom would be good ringleaders for social events aboard ship. And if she knew him at all, Neelix had gotten wind of the party and was probably already cooking up a storm. This crew needed moments of levity. They needed moments of magic. They needed moments of happiness when they could forget that they were stranded 70,000 light years from home trying to cooperate with people who were supposed to be their enemies. Yes, this Christmas party was a very good idea indeed.
When she finished her shift, she returned to her quarters to change. Her options were limited, and they didn't exactly have the luxury of replicating new clothes whenever they wanted them, so she chose a simple, straight black skirt and a dark green sweater. She'd had both items of clothing for a long time, but this was the first time she'd worn them in the Delta Quadrant. She settled on a pair of black patent leather heels and made her way to the holodeck. She noticed the crew's heads turning as she walked through the corridors; it was so seldom that any of them saw their captain out of uniform.
By the time she entered Sandrine's, the party was in full swing. Christmas carols were playing softly in the background and crew members in festive dress meandered through the bar, drinking wine and stopping to talk to each other. She noticed that several of the Maquis had congregated in one corner of the room, and several Starfleet personnel were gathered around a group of tables in another area. Tom was meandering back and forth between the two in an effort to get them to mingle.
"Come on, B'Elanna," Paris was saying. "Just one dance."
"Klingons do not dance, Paris. Don't ask me again."
"Okay, okay," he replied, throwing up his hands in a defensive posture. He moved on to another woman at the table. "Seska, what about you? Care to dance?"
At that moment, Harry noticed her arrival. "Captain!" he exclaimed. "I'm so glad you came."
"Thank you for inviting me, Ensign. This is wonderful. You and Tom did a great job."
"Thanks," Kim replied, beaming. "You can get a drink at the bar, and Neelix and Kes are walking around with some food trays." Harry paused, looking around surreptitiously. "But stay away from the green stuff. Tom and I think it tastes like rotten eggs."
"Thanks for the warning, Ensign." Harry nodded and was immediately distracted by Megan Delaney asking him to dance. Janeway made her way over to the bar, and as she approached, she recognized a familiar form. "I didn't know you celebrated Christmas, Commander."
"I don't," Chakotay replied, turning to face her. "I'm surprised to see you here."
"I was going to say the same thing to you."
"Kes convinced me to come."
She smiled and pointed to herself. "Harry." After an awkward pause, she asked, "So, what do you think of Christmas?"
He shrugged. "I've been around it, of course, at the Academy and in my Starfleet career. It just wasn't something I ever really celebrated." He paused. "But I'm glad I came tonight."
"I'm glad you came, too. I think it's good for the crew to see us here."
"To see us together, you mean," he said.
"I think we can set an example for them, yes." She gestured to the room. "We're one crew, not two."
He nodded. "A lot of people are starting to see that, but there are still those who don't trust Starfleet."
"You mean they don't trust me."
"Only because you're part of Starfleet."
"They would trust me if I wasn't?"
"It's the institution they don't trust. Don't take it personally."
"I don't." He looked at her skeptically. "All right, well, sometimes I do."
"They will all learn to trust you, Captain. It just might take some of them longer than others."
She nodded. "I understand." She paused and diverted the subject. "So, what holidays did you celebrate when you were growing up?"
He told her about an annual gratitude festival that his people had, and some of the other traditions he had observed growing up. "Unfortunately, I didn't appreciate a lot of those traditions at the time," he admitted. Then he asked her about Christmas in the Janeway house, and she told him about her mother, about their tradition of giving ornaments to each other, about her sister Phoebe. It was the first time they had ever spoken of such personal matters. They talked long into the night, and as the party wore on, the crews began to mingle more, seeing their commanding officers getting along so well.
The next morning, Christmas Day, Janeway entered her ready room and found a small, wrapped package sitting on her desk. Curious, she opened it, finding a Christmas ornament inside - a delicate, shining crystal star. The card had no signature, but there was no doubt in her mind who had left the gift. The card read, "Captain, In the ancient legend of Christmas, even the wisest men need a guiding star in order to find their way to salvation. Let this star be a symbol for the powerful forces which guide us in our long journey towards home."
As Kathryn gazed at the star ornament on the tree, her eyes filled with tears. That night in Sandrine's had been eight years ago. She and Chakotay had barely known each other then; yet somehow, he had understood her. She stood and walked over to the tree, running her fingers over the crystal star. The old Christmas carol ran through her mind. Star of wonder, star of light. Star with royal beauty bright. Westward leading, still proceeding. Guide us to thy perfect light. She stepped away from the tree and turned toward the window, looking up at the night sky, the bright stars shining down from above. Guide him home, she thought, looking up at the stars which had been her trusted companions for so long. Bring him home to me.
The doorbell rang, startling her and making her jump. Afraid to hope, she rushed to open it. She tried not to let her disappointment show when she saw who it was.
"Were you expecting someone else?" Tom Paris asked.
"No, I wasn't expecting anyone, but I'm glad to see you!"
"Auntie Katrin!" Miral exclaimed, squirming in her mother's arms. "Bring presents!"
"Shh, Miral!" B'Elanna scolded. "You're not supposed to tell her. It's supposed to be a surprise."
Kathryn laughed and took the squirming one-year-old from her mother. "Well, I have a present for you, too!" she said to the little girl.
"Presents!" Miral exclaimed in delight.
Janeway set her down and let her waddle into the living room. The little girl had been to her Auntie Kathryn's apartment many times and knew her way around. "I swear she's grown since last week," said Janeway as she helped Tom and B'Elanna with their coats and bags.
"I think she has!" agreed Tom.
"And I feel like she's learned more words every time I see her. Wasn't her birthday party only a week ago?"
B'Elanna nodded. "A little more."
"I'm surprised you had time to stop by tonight," Janeway said as they made their way into the living room where Miral was gazing with rapt attention at the tree. "I thought you were heading over to the Paris' tonight."
"We're on our way there, but we wanted to stop by and see you," B'Elanna said, putting an arm around Janeway. Without the burden of a command structure between them, the two women had become close friends. "How are you holding up?"
Janeway sighed. "I'm fine, I guess. I haven't given up hope on him yet, B'Elanna."
"Me, neither. He'll pull through somehow. He always does."
"I hope so."
"Look, but don't touch, honey," Tom said to his daughter as she reached up to grab one of the ornaments on the tree.
"Give me one second," Janeway said. "I'll be right back."
Miral looked over at her auntie hopefully. "Presents?"
"Maybe. You'll just have to wait and see," Janeway replied with a twinkle in her eye. A few moments later, she reappeared with two wrapped packages, one for Miral and one for Tom and B'Elanna.
Miral was delighted by a toddler-safe space shuttle toy that beeped and lit up. "I fly," she declared. "I fly like Daddy."
"Oh, boy," B'Elanna groaned, looking at her husband ruefully. "We've created a monster."
"No, she's a little angel, aren't you, sweetheart?" Tom replied, swooping down and picking up his daughter, causing her to squeal in delight.
"Oh, this is beautiful, Kathryn," B'Elanna said as she unwrapped a blown glass vase. "Thank you."
"It's from a gallery I went to when I was visiting Phoebe in Seattle this fall. I saw it and thought it would look great in your living room."
"It will go perfectly in there. Thank you."
Janeway smiled. "You're welcome."
Tom whispered conspiratorially in Miral's ear, "Should we get Auntie Kathryn her present?"
"Present!"
Tom and Miral disappeared into the hall for a moment and then returned with a wrapped box, which Miral helped her dad hand to Janeway. "Thank you, Miral."
"Open! Open!"
Janeway laughed at the little girl's excitement and sat down on the sofa to open her gift. Inside were a white cowl-neck sweater and a set of gold and pearl earrings. "These are beautiful!" Kathryn exclaimed. She looked at Miral, who was beaming. "Did you help pick these out?"
"She did," B'Elanna said with a grin.
"Thank you!" Janeway said, standing to give the little girl a kiss. She hugged Tom and then B'Elanna. "These are lovely gifts. I will wear them often."
"Cookie?" Miral asked.
"No, honey," said B'Elanna. "We're about to go to Grandma and Grandpa's to eat dinner." She turned to Janeway apologetically. "We better go before she gets too hungry. She usually eats a little earlier."
"No problem," Kathryn replied, escorting them all back to the front door. "Thanks for stopping by."
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Tom prodded. "I know my parents would love to see you."
Kathryn shook her head. "I'm fine, Tom, thank you. I'm going to my mom's tomorrow. Phoebe and the kids will be there, too."
"What are they all doing tonight?" B'Elanna asked.
"Phoebe and Jeff have a big Christmas Eve party at their house, and they like to wake up there with the kids so they can see what you-know-who brought."
Janeway had lowered her voice, but Miral heard just the same and exclaimed loudly, "Santa!"
"Tomorrow, baby," said Tom. "You have to wait till tomorrow."
"Anyway, mom is with the same people she's had Christmas Eve with for years. They all still get together, with the kids and the grandkids, too. I was invited there, but the last thing I want to do is have to make small talk with dozens of my mother's friends, especially tonight."
B'Elanna nodded. "I understand." She hugged her friend and lifted up Miral so she could kiss her Auntie Kathryn. "Merry Christmas!" they said.
"Let us know if you need anything," said Tom as he enfolded his former captain in a warm hug.
"I will. Thanks, Tom. Merry Christmas."
When they had gone, Janeway's apartment suddenly felt very quiet - too quiet. She was a little hungry, but didn't feel like eating. Harry and Libby had brought over some cookie bars the day before, so she took one out of the tin and ordered a cup of coffee from the replicator. "Computer, play music. Selection: traditional Christmas carols."
The music began to play softly in the background as the taste of coconut and chocolate filled her mouth. The bar was good, especially when accompanied by fresh coffee. She just wished Chakotay were here. The music, the fire, the hot drink and the Christmas cookie provided the perfect Christmas Eve atmosphere, but it wasn't the same without someone to share it with.
O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant... Although Janeway had never been a religious person and had spent most of her life as a confirmed atheist, there was something in the sentiment of many of the traditional Christmas carols that she loved. The idea of keeping the faith, of holding fast to love, to joy, to each other - these were ideas she could understand, having nothing to do with God or the Christ child or any of the ancient stories surrounding the Christmas holiday. O come, o come Immanuel, and ransom captive Israel... The idea of clinging to what was really important, even through a long and difficult journey, was a concept she could relate to easily. And the knowledge that sometimes the truth would appear through the most unlikely source, that often the innocent and the downtrodden had unexpected wisdom, was a truth that she had seen play out over and over again in her long journey home. The first Noel, the angel did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay...
She must have drifted off, mesmerized by the music, because her head suddenly snapped up when she heard a knock at the door. She looked at the chronometer. It was nearly 2200. Who could be calling at this hour? Everyone she knew was already at a Christmas Eve party. Unless it was someone from Starfleet with bad news... She approached the door with trepidation, her heart pounding in her chest. She nearly jumped back when she heard the knock again. "Who is it?" she called, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"Ho, ho, ho!" came the gruff reply. "Merry Christmas!" As much as he had tried to disguise it, she would recognize that voice anywhere.
She flung open the door. "Chakotay!"
There he stood, still in uniform, his eyes lined with exhaustion. But he was here. She threw her arms around his neck, and he pulled her to him tightly. "I came the moment we docked. I'm sorry if I worried you."
She pulled back from him to examine his face. "I was worried sick. What happened?"
He shook his head and let out a long sigh. "Complications with the mission."
"Just as long as you're okay?"
He nodded. "I'm fine." He pulled her to his embrace again. "In fact, I'm better than fine."
She took his hand and led him into her apartment. "Why don't you wash up and change into something more comfortable?" she suggested.
He wrapped his arms around her, gathering her in close. "I don't want to take my eyes off you."
"I'll be right here, I promise." She raised herself up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Are you hungry?"
"Famished, actually."
"I haven't eaten. I'll make us some dinner while you change."
"Are you sure that's wise?" he teased. "I know your history with replicators."
"That was just on Voyager. I get along with this replicator just fine, thank you." She kissed his cheek again and pulled away. "Now, get going."
He chuckled. "Aye, aye, Admiral."
When Chakotay emerged from her bedroom, he looked refreshed, wearing dark jeans and a black sweater, his hair still damp from the shower. Kathryn was mixing salad ingredients in a large bowl and didn't hear him come into the kitchen. He approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his lips to the base of her neck. She shuddered and turned in his arms, prepared to shoo him away, but she stopped when she found herself face to face with him, his eyes boring into hers. "Kathryn, I missed you so much." His voice barely more than a whisper.
"I missed you, too," she admitted. "I just kept thinking, what if you didn't come back, what we would have missed."
"Well, I'm here now." She nodded, unable to find her voice. Slowly, he inched his face closer and closer to hers, giving her ample time to pull away if she wanted to. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and the last thing she wanted was to pull away. In fact, she wanted this moment to last forever. Their lips met. He tasted of mint and spice and pure Chakotay. His tongue was soft against hers, exploring along her teeth and gums. One of his hands was in her hair and the other was supporting the small of her back. Her arms found their way around him, and she felt his damp hair, the softness of his sweater and the heat radiating off of him.
When they came up for air, she nestled into his embrace, and he held her close, stroking her hair. "I don't ever want to wonder what we might have missed again, Kathryn. I want to be with you."
She looked up at him. "Yes." He took her face in his hands and kissed her again, even more passionately than the first time, until she broke away. "Dinner will get cold. I made your favorite, mushroom soup."
"It could wait," he growled, pressing himself against her.
She laughed. "It's a tempting offer, Chaktoay, but I can hear your stomach rumbling."
Joining in her laughter, he acquiesced and they sat down together to eat the soup and salad. He filled her in on some of the trouble he had run into on the undercover mission, and she told him about all the visitors she'd had that evening. She also shared with him the memories she'd been reliving.
"That's very sentimental of you," he commented as he helped her clear the dishes and place them in the recycler.
"I have my sentimental moments, even if not very many people are privy to them."
"I know you do," he said, taking her hand and leading her back into the living room so they could sit near the tree. "It's one of the things I love about you." He heard her sharp intake of breath at his choice of words and turned to face her. The lights in the room were still dim, and the firelight cast a warm glow across her features. "I do love you, Kathryn. I want you to know that."
"And I love you." She pressed a simple kiss to his lips, sealing their promise to each other, and then he pulled her down on the sofa beside him.
He sat back with one leg up on the sofa and the other bent, to give her space to sit between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "This is nice."
"Mmhmm," she replied. After a moment, she continued, "Chakotay?"
"Yes, dear?" he murmured into her hair.
She chuckled at his purposeful term of endearment. "What are your plans for tomorrow?"
"I don't know. Being with you?"
"I'm going to my mother's. It can get a little crazy there, with Phoebe and Jeff and the kids and the dogs. But I'd love for you to come, if you're up for it."
He tightened his arms around her and spoke into her ear, his warm breath on her cheek. "Crazy Romulans, I'll pass. But crazy Janeways? Sign me up."
She turned in his arms, and he slid down the sofa so she was lying on his chest. She traced his tattoo with her fingers and bent her head to kiss his lips. "You know what?" she said softly.
"What?" he asked, tangling his hands in her hair and looking deep into her clear blue eyes.
"I think this is the best Christmas ever."
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
'Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace