"Sam told me to beg. He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to. He wants you home, Lee-lee, where you belong."- Jared, Breaking Dawn
Lee-lee. I'd been called a lot of things in my life. When I was little, my parents would call me Blossom. Before he could talk properly, Seth called me Ee-hah. And then of course, there were the other names, names I pretended not to hear, names I pretended didn't hurt. But none of those came close to causing the ripping agony that that name did. Lee-lee. That had always been Sam's, from the very beginning, from the first day.
.
First period. First day of high school. He'd sat down beside her, tall and gangly, with the biggest grin on his face.
"I'm Sam." His hands and feet were too big for him, but his brown eyes were warm and inviting, and she was more than just a little shy.
"Le-" she stumbled slightly over the introduction. "Leah."
"Le-leah?" The words might have sounded cruel from another boy, but this one was staring at her so kindly, she couldn't feel hurt. "How about just Lee-lee, then?"
"If you'd like."
.
It hadn't been hard to love him, not until he didn't love me back. We started dating shortly after that first meeting; we shared so many interests and classes that it was hard to stay apart. He might have called me 'Leah' when he got angry with me- I wouldn't know, because we never really fought.
.
"So, Lee-lee, did you like the movie?" he asked as they walked from the theater, taking her hand in his. She nodded, but in all honesty, hadn't watched much of the film. It was their third date, and her girlfriends had teased her endlessly the night before: 'Third date? He has to kiss you on the third date!'
"Lee-lee, are you okay?"
"What? Um, yeah. Yes. Fine."
"Good. Because, uh-" He'd stopped walking, and turned to face her. Her heart began to pound furiously as he stared down at her, determined yet uncertain.
It was quick, a tiny peck against her lips, his eyes tightly closed. He didn't get it exactly right- he'd misjudged and it hit closer to the corner of her mouth than the middle.
But Leah didn't care. To her it was the most perfect first kiss imaginable, a brief moment of heaven on the dirty sidewalk just away from the glare of the street lights. It was perfect.
.
When he called me Lee-lee, I had always been so sure nothing could go wrong. When he would hug me, tickle me, promise that we'd always be together and happy, I was naïve enough to trust him. I couldn't help but to blame him for everything that had gone wrong- after all, I had never broken any of my promises to him.
.
"I love you, Lee-lee." It had been an unseasonably warm November evening the first time he'd said those words. They were sitting by the cliffs as the sun was setting, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. She curled up to his side.
"I love you too, Sam."
"Forever, Lee-lee? Because you know I'll love you forever."
"Forever and ever," she swore, and he kissed her.
.
Jared had all my happy memories as much as I had his, and he knew exactly what those words meant to me. That he would use them like that was horrifying; I told myself that it was solely his manipulation, not Sam's, not my Sam's. He might not love me anymore, but surely he would never hurt me like that. He would certainly never tell anyone to repeat those words, not to me, knowing perfectly well the first time he used them…
.
The first time they made love, it was in Sam's bedroom. She'd clearly seen the desire in his eyes, felt his need, but still he paused to ask, "Are you sure, Lee-lee?"
She'd told him yes, and he'd whispered that he loved her.
When it was over, they lay tangled in his sheets, breathless and glowing. Neither had wanted to move, but Leah knew her mother would worry if she stayed out too long.
"I should go home," she murmured into the darkness. Sam had held her closer.
"You are home, Lee-lee. Exactly where you belong."
.
I knew, as I snarled and growled at him, even if he could understand my words, he wouldn't be hurt, wouldn't comprehend my pain. I roared every foul name I could think of, I cursed him and told him I wished he would lose Kim, and maybe realize some of the despair I was feeling. Although I was a wolf, he clearly read my fury, if not my words. I wished desperately that he would hurt.
.
"Sam! Sam, you're alive! Sam!" Leah could not control the tears streaming down her face as she flew towards him, relief so strong it was nearly suffocating. "Sam!" she screamed, throwing herself into his arms. He staggered back, and she looked up at him fearfully. "You're burning up. And you look-" Awful. Haggard. Starved. "Exhausted. And you're… naked. Sam, have you gone to see your mother? Where have you been for the last two weeks, Sam?"
He held her for a long time, cradling her tenderly, rocking slightly.
"Something's happened, Lee-lee. I can't…" he sighed, burying his face in her hair. "I love you, Lee-lee." His voice broke, and he held her even more tightly.
.
It was hard, after that, but things were working out. I trusted him despite all my suspicions, despite all the rumors. I was sure things were going to get better.
How wrong I was.
.
"Em!" Leah squealed, rushing out to greet her beloved cousin. "Em, this is Sam…"
.
If I live to be two hundred (which I may very well) I will never forget the look on Sam's face the first time he looked into Emily's eyes. It will forever be burned into my mind, and although I would do anything to erase it, it only grows stronger with time. It's the same look every time he sees her. Beyond his control, I know now, but I don't have it in me to forgive either of them. Part of me wants Sam's happiness more than air, and I know he's found it, but that part isn't strong enough to make a martyr of me, strong enough to look at them and genuinely smile.
.
"It's different now, Leah. It's not something I can help. I'm sorry Leah, I truly am. I wish you could understand…"
.
With those words, Lee-lee died. After that, I was just Leah, Leah to everyone. My father was dead and my bitter attitude kept me from being my mother's Blossom any longer. Seth, my brother, wasn't a baby, and I heard what they whispered when I went by, 'harpy', 'shrew', and 'bitch' being some of the kinder, easier to bear ones.
But Lee-lee was dead, long gone and from another lifetime. For Jared to use the name was unforgivable.
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Leah belongs wherever she wants to be."- Jacob, Breaking Dawn
(A/N: This is the scene from BD when Jared comes and tries to talk the new pack into coming back. When I read the part where he begged Leah, I believe my mouth literally fell open in horror. Because Leah doesn't have enough problems. I kinda hate Sam. Just a little.)