Setting Sun
By JackTheVampire
Edward crept through Bella's window silently, unheard and unseen, searching for his beloved meal-I mean girlfriend. She hadn't shown up at his house that evening like the good little slave whore-I mean girlfriend that she was. He was worried about her. Concerned to the point of being unnerved. His worry creased his beautiful, magnificent, gorgeous, Godly sparkle brow.
She wasn't there.
"Bella? Oh, Bella dear? My lovely Swan? The love of my life? Tasty cheeseburger?!" He looked all over the room for her, and found nothing but a soaked through mattress. "Hmmm. What is this?" He said. "It smells like...dishwater!"
Edward was suddenly enraged. There was only one reason for there to be dishwater on her bed... well, a couple. Either Bella had been fornicating with a turkey baster, or Jacob Black had been in her room...and somehow left behind dishwater.
He snarled a beautiful snarl and sprung to the window.
"Not so fast, you sexy beast." Another sexy, luxusious, velvety smooth, kitty cat prowl voice said from behind the door. It pushed itself closed and revealed a magical ball of fire and a cup. It was the Goblet of Fire!
"Ohs noes!" Edward meant to scream. Instead all that came out were muffled, sexy, cotton and silk sounds. Sounds that were cookies and cream being poured over a nun in a bikini good. "WARBLE SCROGGLE MIFFLEMIFFLE MAH!!!"
The magic words turned the sexy Goblet of Fire into the sexier Victoria!
"That's right, Edward!" She said, cackling. "It is I who did this to you!"
He stared at her with sexy cool hot topaz eyes that smoldered and burned gorgeously and all that crap. "What did you do?"
"I created Bella out of dishwater to kill my mate and end up here so I could tie you up and rape you and junk."
Edward raised his sexy, sculpted eyebrows of sexy horny perfection. "That makes little to no sense."
"Neither does Nessie! Who gives a fuck?!"
She was right.
Edward and Victoria then fornicated on the windowsill...
and outside in the tree, Mike and Eric held hands!
The End.