A/N: So I have decided to re-post this story for all you people who never
read it. I hope you all like it!
One Sweet Day
A songfic by Ella
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Handle it Lucy!"
That phrase kept replaying in my head. Handle it. . . . She had tried to handle it. If only I had been there to help her. . . It was my fault. I don't care what everyone else says. "It's not your fault John." "You couldn't have done anything to prevent it." "You didn't know." If only it was that easy. It had been my fault. If I had only supervised my student; if I had looked out for her. . . She deserved at least that much. Lucy would have been a great doctor. She was so compassionate, and caring, and talented. Some people even said that she was like me in a lot of ways, but I think she was better. She was the best, most dedicated, hard working student I had ever had, and I never gave her credit for what she deserved. I never showed her how much she meant to me. I don't think I even knew how much she meant to me. . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say.
But now it's too late to hold you
Because you've flown away,
So far away.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"John. . . John, are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, why?"
"You were tossing around in your sleep."
"Abby, I'm fine. I just have some things on my mind. Sorry if I woke you."
"John, please. You can tell me."
"It's. . . . It's Lucy. I don't know why, but she has just been on my mind lately. I think it's Valentine's Day coming up that is doing it. I'm sorry, really. . . I don't want to drag you into this. I'll figure it out - "
"No, if it's bothering you, I want you to talk about it. Please. You'll feel better."
She started rubbing her perfect, soft hand on my back. How could I tell her? What would I say? 'Oh, Abby, I killed Lucy, and I feel like a murderer. I never told her that I loved her. Not loved her loved her, but that I loved her like I would love a sister.' How would Abby possibly understand this? All I can ever do is pray, and ask God to let her know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I talk to her all the time, knowing that she's not there, but hoping that somehow she hears me. . . . Abby kept rubbing on my back, waiting for a response. When she came to that rigid place on the lower left side of my back, she took her fingers to her mouth, kissed them, and placed them back onto the scars that held the memory of that horrible, terrifying night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Never had I imagined living
Without your smile.
Feeling, and knowing you hear me,
It keeps me alive.
Alive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I told Abby the whole story, or all that I could explain with words. There is so much emotion inside of me that I can't possibly even begin to explain, or even understand. And that scares me so much. I hate this. . . . guilt, hate, love, sadness, fear. It's all there balling up inside of me, and I don't know how to get it out, how to explain it to the people I love. I know that I should be over this by now, but I am not. I don't think I will ever be. It was just so horrible seeing Lucy there on the floor, dying, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do to help her. Oh, God how I wanted to help her. That's all I could think about, but I couldn't move, I couldn't get up. I felt like there was this ever-powerful force pulling me down to the floor, and I couldn't get up, I couldn't get help for her. I just wish I could have at least been there for her in her last moments and seen her before she died. I never even got to say goodbye! All I can do now is wait until the day when I will see her again. I was never sure that I believed that there was a heaven or a God, but now, there is nothing else I can lean on. If I don't believe that we will see each other again in some sort of 'eternal life' then I don't know how I could get through life, knowing that I lived, and Lucy didn't.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"John, come here!"
"What?"
"I'm taking you somewhere. Call it a. . . a Valentine's present."
"Abby, I really don't feel like - "
"No, come on, you're coming. Trust me, you'll like it."
"Okay, fine."
We drove along in the car for about twenty minutes until we came upon a beautiful little garden- looking place. Abby took me out of the car and led me closer to our destination. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized where we were. She had taken me to Lucy's grave.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
Took your presence for granted.
But I always cared.
And I miss the love we shared.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Abby, I - "
"John, I know how much Lucy meant to you. I'm so sorry about what you had to go through, and what you still have to go through, and I thought you might want to see her on, well, Valentine's Day."
"Abby, this is. . . This means so much to me. Thank you so much."
After I gave my beautiful girlfriend a big hug, she left me to talk to Lucy alone. That's exactly what I had needed, and Abby knew that, even if I didn't.
"Lucy? Lucy, it's John. I miss you so much, and I'm so sorry. I should have saved you, I should have watched out for you more. I never gave you my attention, or support when you needed it, and I am so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could sacrifice my life for you to live, I would. You had so much to live for, and you didn't deserve to die like that. You never could deserve that. You were the best student I ever had, the best I'll ever have, and you are such a wonderful person, and I love you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Although the sun will shine the same,
I'll always look to a brighter day.
And Lord I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You will always listen as I pray.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I stood there for hours it seems like, just crying. Crying for Lucy, and what she had to go through. Crying for her family, and how much pain they went through. Crying for not being able to save her. There were so many things that I wanted to say to her, so many things that I would re-do if I had the chance. But I knew that I would never have that chance. I just wanted her to forgive me.
"Luce? Will - Will you forgive me? I'm so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?"
Trying to talk to her through my sobs was not working anymore. At that point, I thought I would never stop crying. I lifted my fingers up to my mouth, kissed them, and brought them back down to her gravestone. 'Lucille Marie Knight. May your dreams come true. We will always cherish you.'
"Forgive me?"
I looked back up to the stone, where there was a beautiful butterfly that had landed on my hand.
"Thank you Lucy. Thank you."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I never told you.
All I wanted to say.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One Sweet Day
A songfic by Ella
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Handle it Lucy!"
That phrase kept replaying in my head. Handle it. . . . She had tried to handle it. If only I had been there to help her. . . It was my fault. I don't care what everyone else says. "It's not your fault John." "You couldn't have done anything to prevent it." "You didn't know." If only it was that easy. It had been my fault. If I had only supervised my student; if I had looked out for her. . . She deserved at least that much. Lucy would have been a great doctor. She was so compassionate, and caring, and talented. Some people even said that she was like me in a lot of ways, but I think she was better. She was the best, most dedicated, hard working student I had ever had, and I never gave her credit for what she deserved. I never showed her how much she meant to me. I don't think I even knew how much she meant to me. . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say.
But now it's too late to hold you
Because you've flown away,
So far away.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"John. . . John, are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, why?"
"You were tossing around in your sleep."
"Abby, I'm fine. I just have some things on my mind. Sorry if I woke you."
"John, please. You can tell me."
"It's. . . . It's Lucy. I don't know why, but she has just been on my mind lately. I think it's Valentine's Day coming up that is doing it. I'm sorry, really. . . I don't want to drag you into this. I'll figure it out - "
"No, if it's bothering you, I want you to talk about it. Please. You'll feel better."
She started rubbing her perfect, soft hand on my back. How could I tell her? What would I say? 'Oh, Abby, I killed Lucy, and I feel like a murderer. I never told her that I loved her. Not loved her loved her, but that I loved her like I would love a sister.' How would Abby possibly understand this? All I can ever do is pray, and ask God to let her know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I talk to her all the time, knowing that she's not there, but hoping that somehow she hears me. . . . Abby kept rubbing on my back, waiting for a response. When she came to that rigid place on the lower left side of my back, she took her fingers to her mouth, kissed them, and placed them back onto the scars that held the memory of that horrible, terrifying night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Never had I imagined living
Without your smile.
Feeling, and knowing you hear me,
It keeps me alive.
Alive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I told Abby the whole story, or all that I could explain with words. There is so much emotion inside of me that I can't possibly even begin to explain, or even understand. And that scares me so much. I hate this. . . . guilt, hate, love, sadness, fear. It's all there balling up inside of me, and I don't know how to get it out, how to explain it to the people I love. I know that I should be over this by now, but I am not. I don't think I will ever be. It was just so horrible seeing Lucy there on the floor, dying, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do to help her. Oh, God how I wanted to help her. That's all I could think about, but I couldn't move, I couldn't get up. I felt like there was this ever-powerful force pulling me down to the floor, and I couldn't get up, I couldn't get help for her. I just wish I could have at least been there for her in her last moments and seen her before she died. I never even got to say goodbye! All I can do now is wait until the day when I will see her again. I was never sure that I believed that there was a heaven or a God, but now, there is nothing else I can lean on. If I don't believe that we will see each other again in some sort of 'eternal life' then I don't know how I could get through life, knowing that I lived, and Lucy didn't.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"John, come here!"
"What?"
"I'm taking you somewhere. Call it a. . . a Valentine's present."
"Abby, I really don't feel like - "
"No, come on, you're coming. Trust me, you'll like it."
"Okay, fine."
We drove along in the car for about twenty minutes until we came upon a beautiful little garden- looking place. Abby took me out of the car and led me closer to our destination. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized where we were. She had taken me to Lucy's grave.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
Took your presence for granted.
But I always cared.
And I miss the love we shared.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Abby, I - "
"John, I know how much Lucy meant to you. I'm so sorry about what you had to go through, and what you still have to go through, and I thought you might want to see her on, well, Valentine's Day."
"Abby, this is. . . This means so much to me. Thank you so much."
After I gave my beautiful girlfriend a big hug, she left me to talk to Lucy alone. That's exactly what I had needed, and Abby knew that, even if I didn't.
"Lucy? Lucy, it's John. I miss you so much, and I'm so sorry. I should have saved you, I should have watched out for you more. I never gave you my attention, or support when you needed it, and I am so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could sacrifice my life for you to live, I would. You had so much to live for, and you didn't deserve to die like that. You never could deserve that. You were the best student I ever had, the best I'll ever have, and you are such a wonderful person, and I love you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Although the sun will shine the same,
I'll always look to a brighter day.
And Lord I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You will always listen as I pray.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I stood there for hours it seems like, just crying. Crying for Lucy, and what she had to go through. Crying for her family, and how much pain they went through. Crying for not being able to save her. There were so many things that I wanted to say to her, so many things that I would re-do if I had the chance. But I knew that I would never have that chance. I just wanted her to forgive me.
"Luce? Will - Will you forgive me? I'm so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?"
Trying to talk to her through my sobs was not working anymore. At that point, I thought I would never stop crying. I lifted my fingers up to my mouth, kissed them, and brought them back down to her gravestone. 'Lucille Marie Knight. May your dreams come true. We will always cherish you.'
"Forgive me?"
I looked back up to the stone, where there was a beautiful butterfly that had landed on my hand.
"Thank you Lucy. Thank you."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I never told you.
All I wanted to say.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*