I have nothing to offer in my defence. I fully expect a few people out there (and you know who you are) will be out to lynch me.
As always, I own nothing.
Comments, blasts and death threats welcome.
LIVING
Sometimes I think I will live forever.
All because of a promise.
This is the longest I've ever kept a promise, me, who usually watches them break like soap bubbles, has held on to this promise for longer than a lifetime.
Maybe longer than several.
And sometimes, just sometimes, I have to stop and remember back to the day I made the promise that keeps me here, keeps me going…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tsuzuki hurried around a corner towards the infirmary, skidding to a stop when he saw Watari coming out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"Watari!" Tsuzuki rushed over to the blonde shinigami who served as Enma-Chos' unofficial doctor. "How is he?"
Watari seemed to cringe at the sound of Tsuzuki's voice, he sent a glance in his direction before looking away, avoiding Tsuzuki's hopeful eyes.
"Watari?" Tsuzuki reached out to touch his friends shoulder. The absence of his customary smile and the way his hands were fisted at his side were an indication of how serious the situation was. "Watari? Please?"
Watari finally met his eyes and Tsuzuki drew in a sharp breath at the pain and grief he could read there.
"I'm sorry Tsuzuki."
"Sorry? What?"
"I…I can't stop the bleeding, and he's not healing. I'm sorry Tsuzuki, there's nothing I can do." Watari let his gaze drop, unable to watch comprehension dawn in the violet eyes.
Tsuzuki stared at him slack jawed. For a wild moment he expected Watari to look up and grin and shout 'April fools!'
"But Watari… you can't mean…"
Watari gripped his hands together. "He's lost so much blood already, I don't know how much longer he can hold out…"
Tsuzuki swallowed hard. "Does he know?"
"I haven't told him if that's what you mean." Watari let out a harsh laugh. "But yeah, he's gotta know. He won't let me give him anything for the pain, anything that might let him fall asleep." Watari looked up, meeting Tsuzuki's eyes for a second time. "I think he's waiting for you."
Tsuzuki let out a choked sound and nodded. He moved past Watari to the door of the infirmary, placed his hand on the knob and hesitated.
"Watari?"
Watari turned slightly.
"I don't know what I'll do without him."
Before Watari could think of a response, Tsuzuki had pulled open the door and entered the infirmary.
Tsuzuki crossed the room, his eyes lowered as he approached the bed where his partner sat propped up against a few pillows. He looked up into surprisingly clear green eyes.
"Hey."
Tsuzuki felt his eyes sting at Hisoka's softly spoken greeting. "Hey yourself." He took a seat beside the bed and let his eyes trail over the slender form. There were white bandages wrapped around one shoulder and similar bindings around his chest and abdomen hiding deep puncture wounds. Already there were dark patches showing through the thick gauze.
"Tsuzuki…"
"'Soka…"
They both trailed off, eyes darting away before Hisoka finally let out a sigh. "What is it? You first."
"No, you first." Tsuzuki insisted reaching out to take one of Hisoka's hands in his own.
"Did we kill it?"
Tsuzuki nodded, his attention on their clasped hands. "We killed it."
"And the souls?"
"Freed."
"Good." Hisoka breathed softly, letting himself sink deeper into the pillows, his eyes closing briefly.
"Are you okay? Does it hurt? Watari said you wouldn't let him give you anything…"
Hisoka shook his head. "It's not that bad, I feel more numb than anything."
At that Tsuzuki really looked at his partner. There were fine lines around his eyes and his features were slightly strained, despite his best attempts to hide it. One hand lay slack between his own, but the other was fisted in the sheets, and as he looked into Hisoka's eyes, he could see exhaustion and pain in the emerald depths.
"Hisoka…"
"Tsuzuki, remember Kyoto?"
"What?" Tsuzuki started at the sudden change of topic.
"I asked you to exist for me, to give me a place to belong, in your heart."
"Hisoka, what?…"
"I'm asking you again Tsuzuki, to live for me, because whatever happens I will always be here with you, here in your heart where I belong."
Tsuzuki swallowed heavily, violet eyes locked with pleading green ones.
"I will. I promise."
A small smile showed itself on Hisoka's face as emerald eyes slid shut for the final time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And so I live. From day to day, from minute to minute. Old friends have gone, some in the course of their duties and some by choice. New friends are made, but eventually they disappear as well.
And I'm still here.
Because here is the only place left where he still exists. The only place where green eyes still flash with annoyance, or shine with suppressed amusement, where a blush still brightens pale features that never learned how to laugh…
Because as long as I live, so does he, here in my heart.
But it's been so long…
And I am so tired…
And sometimes, God help me, I wonder if maybe, just maybe, it's time I let him die.