I sat watching all the couples dance by. Everyone looked beautiful besides one or fifty of the school slags. I sighed and looked at my shoes. I must admit, I do look quite nice tonight. I'm wearing a midnight blue dress with my hair done in a neat/messy bin with a few curled pieced falling upon my face. I looked back at the dancing couples, I could see Frank and Alice, they looked wonderful, I sighed as I thought of Alice. We barely spoke now days. She was too busy wrapped up in her relationship with Frank… She didn't even sit with me at lunch or in class… But here I was, sitting alone at a table, watching everyone else dance. I never thought I, lily Evens, would be that kind of girl. I turned and saw James Potter dancing with Emily Gray, she looked gorgeous, and they both did. How cruel life is, just as I fall for James... he moved on. The same day I went to go and tell him of my feelings... finally doing something after what had happened during the holidays...and he tells me he is over me and never wants to talk to me again. I feel tears well up in my eyes as I remember the conversation.

I stand up and quickly walk out of the great Hall. That conversation had happened over 2 months ago, and James has never spoken to me since... unless it is because of heads business. I walk outside and sit next to the lake. Once I'm alone, I let the tears fall. How could this happen? How could I feel for him? I am now sobbing hard. My life isn't worth anything anymore, I have no one. My parents were killed at the beginning of the year... but no one knows. Alice barely talks to me now that she has Frank and James... well you ready know how that is going. I wish I could close my eyes and make it go away.

I hear a sound and turn to see James and Emily walking along the lake, holding hands. My hearts breaks a little more and something snaps. No, I can't do this anymore… I have no one worth living for. I take of my shoes and slowly step into the cold lake. I start walking towards the middles, slowly getting deeper and deeper. I turn and look at James, he doesn't even notice, but I think Emily may see me. I keep walking; I'm now swimming as my feet can't reach the bottom. I think I hear splashing, but I pay no attention to it I stop swimming and feel the cold water over take me. Falling, sinking, slowly I'm falling, my lungs hurt, I'm numb, blackness, and it's all I see. I think I'm dying.

I open my eyes... where am I? I turn and see professor Dumbledore and Madam Terssil, the healer. They are looking at me with sad eyes and I feel myself break. I cry and it hurts so much. My chest s on fire, my body is aching. Dumbledore takes me in his frail arms and rocks me back and forth. At least I have someone.

It's been a week since the incident at the lake, and everyone still looks at me with pity. I also found out it was James that saved me... oh the irony. Speaking of James, Here he comes. "Lily... I need to talk to you" and he walks into an empty class room... I follow. "What is it Potter?" I ask.

"Why, why did you do it?" his eyes are empty, nothing, blank. "I don't think that's any of your business Potter so if that is all, I'm going to have to go, I don't want to be late for charms." He looks angry, oh no... This isn't good... "NONE OF MY BUSINESS! I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO FUCKING PULL YOUR LIFELESS BODY OUT OF THE LAKE! I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO BREATH INTO YOUR LIFELESS COLD LIPS! I AM THE ONE WHO HAS NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS! CAUSE YOU MADE IT MY BUSINESS THE MINUTES YOU JUMPED INTO THAT LAKE AND I SAVED YOU!" he is breathing heavily, I just stare. I take a deep breath and reply. "My parents are dead, killed by death eaters a few months ago. Two days later I get a letter from my sister telling me that she hates me and that it's my fault. She never wants to see me again. Alice barely talks to me now that she has Frank. I get teased and bullied from not only Slytherins, but from Black and Lupin too. You don't talk to me... no one does. You look at me, like I filth... like I'm a mudblood. Because of you, I lost the respect of everyone. And the sad thing is. I still like you for some god forsaken reason. I hate myself for loving you. And knowing that you hate me just makes me feel soo much better. They all know you hate me, the rest of the school. So they hate me. I'm over it. I can't do this any more, I just can't. So that's why James Potter, that's why I did it. You reckon you nightmares are bad? Try re living the death of your parents every time you close your eyes, seeing there bloodied on the ground... their blood sprayed everywhere. .. no leave me alone. Next time, don't save me. Then you won't have to worry about the nightmares which I have horribly put upon you. How hard your life must be." I stopped breathing hard, tears flowing down my cheeks. I turned and walked away, I kept walking, and I had no idea where I was going. I just kept walking. I ended up at the spot besides the lake, the spot I walked into the lake. I sat there and stared at it and then I started sobbing, my vision blurred by my tears. I was cold shaking, but I didn't move. I didn't even notice the sun go down and the moon rise. I heard footsteps behinds me but I didn't look.

Then they were in front of me. Black, Lupin and James. Their eyes full of pity and regret... guilt. I glared and looked away. "What do you want? Piss of would you, I kind of don't want your company right now" I said with no emotion what so ever. "Lily...i..." Black trailed off. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to make you feel th-"bullshit you didn't. I know you did," he looked down, "you all mean it! THAT WHY IT HURT! DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT I'D JUMP INTO THE LAKE AND TRY TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE IF I KNEW YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT? NO! I WOUDLN'T OFF CAUSE IT WASN'T MY PARENTS DEATH THAT MADE ME JUMP! IT WAS ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU JAMES!" I was now crying again, sobbing my heart out. I had no one. I felt someone take me in their arms and held me tight, I heard footsteps slowly get softer till there was no sound but my sobbing and crickets. Then the person spoke

"I was with Emily... we were walking around the lake, she was telling me about her family... then she saw you. She didn't know what you were doing... then you kept going... deeper and deeper... I started after you... then you were gone and I waited and waited... and you never came up... then I saw you and I grabbed you... you were so cold..." he looked down at his feet... "Your lips were blue... like your dress and you weren't breathing, Emily had gone to get help but you needed it now so i saved you... the whole time all I could think of was please survive.. So i could tell you…" I looked up at him "tell me what?" "That I never gave up on you... I just... needed space... to think it over... at the beginning of the year I noticed how pale you were and then we had the fight and after that I saw how you were drifting away.. And no one noticed. I swear I told Remus and Sirius to back off, I hexed every single Slytherin that spoke to you." I looked up at him tear filled eyes "I love you Lily Evans. Always had, always will. And if you let me... I want to help you, become the person you used to be. To be better… to be you." He looked deep into my eyes and I knew he was telling the truth "Wh..att abou..t E..Emmilyy.." I trailed of. "She was nothing Lily, just a distraction from you. My heart broke on two when I said how I never wanted to speak to you again. And every time I saw you sitting by yourself, never eating, I just wanted to take you onto my arms and hold you forever. But I had convinced myself I didn't need you… that you didn't need me. It wasn't till I saw your lifeless body that I Realised I was wrong. I need you more than anything else in the world, more than water and air. You, Lily Evans are my everything." I felt the tears fall again... but for the first time in a while... tears of joy. I nodded and he pulled me against him once again. He lifted my chin with his hand and kissed me. Sealing his promise. Knew that I would be alright, that I wasn't alone, I had James. Maybe Alice and I could work things out… same with Black and Lupin. But one thing was for sure, forever and always, would I be James Potter girl.

well, that was kinda depressing.. sorry about that.

wrote this story late at night.. after finding out something similar happened to my friend.. and none of us knew. i guess i had to let some of my feelings and out... this is what happened :)

i realllyy love Lily and James storys! so here one is,

please R&R

but no spam.. helpful criticisms is welcomed!

xx

Tara