Note: This is something that I started working on ages ago, and I thought about beginning to post it on December 1 (the date'll make sense in a minute), but I wanted to get a bit more written before I began to post. Now, after watching The Normal Heart, I've decided to post the first part. I don't know how long it'll take to get out my next chapter since I'm mostly focused on my Reversebang Fic, but I figured I'd take advantage of the increased visibility of this topic. I am in no way a medical expert, so that's all bullshit or stuff learned from simple google searches. If anyone's interested in beta-ing in the future, shoot me a line.
Warnings: spoilers only through season 4 of glee, infidelity, like five seconds of poorly written sexytimes
This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to have happened.
But it did, Blaine's brain reminded him traitorously. You let it happen. This is your fault.
Blaine has always chosen to see the good in people. Some say that's naive, but he insists that he simply believes that everyone is inherently good and that they all deserve the benefit of the doubt. That's why he'd been so oblivious to Sebastian's less than honourable intentions last year. That's why he hadn't noticed Kurt was distracted by someone else when he was texting Chandler - he merely thought that Kurt was practicing for next year, too.
And that's why he would eventually end up in the too-clean waiting room at the clinic. Alone.
It started in September, or at least, that's the easiest point to begin the story. You could argue that it started when Blaine transferred to McKinley to be with Kurt, or when they got together, or even the day they met and Blaine serenaded his future lover with Teenage Dream.
But September is easier, and it hurts less than to think much further back, to think back to how happy he had been only a few months earlier.
September.
September, Blaine started at McKinley - without Kurt. September, Blaine questioned if he belonged there without his other half. September, Blaine sent Kurt even further away so the older boy could be happy.
September.
Things at McKinley stayed the same. It was slow and it was petty and it was nothing exciting or new, so it made sense that anyone there faded into the background when compared to the lights and sounds and smells and sights of New York City.
Blaine understood that Kurt had a demanding internship and couldn't spend all his time talking to his high school boyfriend back in Ohio. He understood that the internship was a million times more interesting than anything happening at McKinley could ever be. He just wished that sometimes Kurt would pretend it wasn't.
He wished that Kurt would listen to him again. Or at least, let Blaine talk and pretend to listen.
Or even pick up his calls.
In elementary school classrooms, children are instructed in stranger danger. They're taught to never accept candy from strangers, unless it's halloween, and that you should only talk to people you know.
In middle schools, bullying becomes the main issue.
But in high school, it turns back to stranger danger, oddly. Not in the same way, of course. No, instead out-of-touch speakers come in and lecture the internet generation on how dangerous the world wide web can be. Most kids shrug the warnings off - they would never be that stupid. Then they go online - to twitter, or to tumblr, or facebook, or even myspace if they're also out of touch - and they broadcast their lives to the entire world and never even think about the consequences.
Blaine never met Eli before he was added on facebook, but the first time he met the other boy virtually was only a few days after he won the school presidency. A friend request pinged, and he studied the name hard before choosing to message the person rather than outright rejection. Maybe he was a McKinley student trying to connect with his new president.
Blaine Anderson: sorry, but do I know you?
Eli C.: god, are you not the right blaine? now I'm embarrassed.
Blaine Anderson: no, it's okay, it happens to the best of us. I was just hoping that you weren't someone I go to school with that I had forgotten.
Blaine Anderson: and your pro pic isn't really much to go on
Eli C.: sorry about that, my parents don't really like me spreading too much info online so i keep everything to a minimum.
Eli C.: but right now im really glad i sent the wrong blaine a request because you seem really nice, and you're pretty easy on the eyes ;)
Blaine Anderson: um
Eli C.: oh my god, i did it again. you're not even gay, you're just polite, and im an ass. I'll go now.
Blaine Anderson: wait - no
Blaine Anderson: I am gay. And, I guess you can go if you want, but it's nice to have someone to talk to. My boyfriend's been really busy lately.
Eli C.: damn, i should've known a guy as hot as you wouldn't be single, even in ohio
Blaine Anderson: sorry…?
Blaine Anderson: and how do you know I live in ohio?
Eli C.: well, there was a reason i thought you were the other blaine. he was a guy i met at the mall the other day and i assumed he lived in the area. you had the right school, so i guessed. and i definitely lucked out ;)
Blaine Anderson: right, of course. where do you live? or go to school, if you don't mind me asking.
Eli C.: not at all, you deserve to get a few answers from the random guy who added you and came on to you and stuff
Eli C.: I live in lima too, but wayyy far from mckinley. and im currently taking a gap year. i might do a couple classes at lcc, but so far i've got no plans.
Blaine Anderson: okay, that's cool. listen, I should probably get back to my homework.
Eli C.: of course! thank you for tolerating me, blaine anderson. do you think i might get the pleasure of talking to you again? or even being your friend?
Blaine Anderson: let's chat again and then we'll see
Eli C.: so, not-the-other-blaine, how has your week been?
Blaine Anderson: stressful. I was just elected class president so I've got a ton of work for that on top of all my classes and applying to colleges
Eli C.: well, i'm always here to help you relax ;)
Eli C.: but i guess you have a boyfriend for that.
Blaine Anderson: yeah. I mean, kinda. He's in New York, so we don't really get to talk that much.
Eli C.: that blows. why would he ever want to leave ohio if it had you?
Blaine Anderson: I was the one who told him to go live his dream. I hated the thought of holding him back.
Eli C.: ah, of course. how noble of you. is he having a good time at least? like is your sacrifice worth it?
Blaine Anderson: I think so, I mean, he talks about it constantly. Or he's so busy living that he doesn't even really have time to talk.
Eli C.: that's rough. if you need someone to talk to, i'm literally doing nothing most of the day, so i'm always here for you
Blaine Anderson is now friends with Eli C.
Eli C.: im honoured to officially be your friend mr anderson
Blaine Anderson: well, it seemed like it was time.
Eli C.: you know, we could make this friendship more official and meet for real some time. like maybe friday night?
Blaine Anderson: I can't; I have a skype date with my boyfriend.
Eli C.: too bad. i was looking forward to seeing if you really are as devastatingly handsome in person.
Blaine Anderson: and I'd be interested in knowing if you are actually a lighthouse or not
Eli C.: lol
Eli C.: hey, i thought you had a hot date with the bf? why are you on fb?
Blaine Anderson: he had to stay late at the office, so we had to push back our call a couple of hours.
Eli C.: bummer. want me to try to cheer you up? or i could pretend to be him for you until he's ready?
Eli C.: oh blaine i love you so much. i miss you terribly in new york.
Blaine Anderson: Eli. Not now, okay?
Eli C.: sorry, i just don't like thinking about you being sad. i really like you blaine, and i know that you have a boyfriend, but i can't help being jealous.
Eli C.: Blaine!
Eli C.: blaine, I know you're there. the little green dot is lit.
Eli C.: come on, blaine, i'm not going to try to steal you from him. can we please go back to being friends?
Eli C.: if i was really obnoxious or vulgar would you come back?
Eli C.: BLAINEEEEEEEEEEE
Eli C.: hellooo sailor
Eli C.: hey sexy
Blaine Anderson: eli.
Eli C.: ah ha! so all I have to do is call you sexy and you'll talk to me? done.
Blaine Anderson: is there even a chance of that not happening?
Eli C.: nope!
Eli C.: hey sexy!
Blaine Anderson: I'm rolling my eyes at you right now.
Eli C.: whatever. how's the bf?
Blaine Anderson: working. again. he's always either at work or talking about work.
Blaine Anderson: i know I'm supposed to be supportive and I'm the one who sent him there, but sometimes I wish he would think about me again. I mean, I'm still his boyfriend and even if Lima isn't as exciting as NYC, I still should matter to him a little.
Eli C.: and how long have you been holding that in?
Blaine Anderson: I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.
Eli C.: no, it was good for you. you feel better now, right?
Blaine Anderson: a little, I guess.
Eli C.: good. you know, you can always talk to me when you're feeling stressed.
Blaine Anderson: do you mind if I rant again? I feel like since you don't know him, you're the only one who won't judge when I complain about this.
Eli C.: of course, sexy.
Blaine Anderson: still rolling my eyes.
Eli C.: it's still true.
Eli C.: what's up, sexy?
Eli C.: shouldn't you be in school right now?
Blaine Anderson: yeah, I'm just having a bad day. Missing him, and he doesn't even seem to miss me.
Eli C.: you want to come over?
Eli C.: like, totally innocently, or whatever. i'm just here to listen.
Blaine Anderson: why not. I doubt my skype date tonight will happen anyway.
Eli C.: great, i'll get you my address.
The first time Blaine met Eli, he was surprised. It wasn't a pleasant or unpleasant surprise, just a surprise. The man looked nothing like the vague image Blaine had created in his mind, and that was okay, because Blaine wasn't there to see how good Eli looked.
"Hey, Sexy,"
"God, you're even going to do that in person?" Blaine joked.
"And you're even rolling your eyes, aren't we cute," Eli joked back.
Blaine grinned nervously as he followed Eli over the threshold and into the house. It was a modestly sized place, and felt very clean and homey - but still somehow wrong.
"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Eli asked.
"No thanks, I had dinner on my way over."
"Great. Well, do you want to go to my room to talk or hang out or whatever?"
"Sure."
Blaine ignored the voice in his head that was shouting at him that he couldn't be in another man's house. It was totally platonic. He was allowed to have male friends. Even other gay male friends. Kurt couldn't deny him that.
"By the way," Eli said as he held open the bedroom door for Blaine, "your ass looks delicious in those jeans."
Blaine flushed deeply, and didn't know quite what to say - so he opted for silence instead.
Blaine was shocked when he looked to his phone and saw that nearly three hours had passed since he'd arrived at Eli's house.
"Time flies when you're having fun," the older boy joked.
"Yeah," Blaine said grinning. "This was really great, Eli."
The boys had moved closer and closer together over the course of the night that when Blaine looked up to shoot a smile at Eli, their faces were nearly touching. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes were captured by Eli's. And in that moment, it occurred to him just how attractive Eli really was.
"I - uh - I have to go," he said quickly, trying to stand. But Eli stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"Stay, Blaine, please."
"Eli - "
"Come on, you can't deny the sexual attraction here. And anyway, I thought you were just telling me how your boyfriend basically dumped you in the past couple of weeks."
"Well, I mean, he hasn't said it in so many words -"
"But he hasn't told you he loves you either, has he?"
Blaine didn't say anything, but his dropped gaze was answer enough.
"Come on, one little kiss won't hurt."
Blaine looked up, fully intending to leave, but then he thought about everything.
Kurt was gone and and had practically forgotten about Blaine. When he did find the time to talk to his boyfriend, he didn't even listen - or let Blaine talk. And Blaine couldn't even remember the last "I love you" that had been returned.
So he leaned in a captured Eli's lips with his own.
They weren't Kurt's. They weren't as smooth, but they were softer in a way - plumper. They were stronger, more forceful with the kissing. They didn't feel right, but they didn't feel wrong either.
And then when Eli started to pull back, Blaine pushed forward again.
As soon as he got to his car, Blaine started sobbing and dialed Kurt's number. Of course there was no answer.
Halfway home, his phone pinged, and Blaine hoped that it was Kurt, even though he knew it was unlikely.
Eli: I'm sorry if we went too far tonight, blaine. I really do like you, and I promise you that I'll give you the attention you deserve.
Blaine: I'm sorry for leading you on, Eli, but tonight was a mistake. This whole friendship was a mistake. I'm sorry.
Blaine collapsed in his bed and sobbed as the details from the night washed over him.
Eli grinned and pushed deeper into the kiss. His hands sneaked down Blaine's back and began pulling his shirt from his waistband. Items of their clothes were strewn on the ground as they rolled on the bed covers and made out. Eli pulled out a small bottle of lube and began stretching Blaine as the other boy laid on his stomach. Eli pushed in, and even though he knew it was wrong, Blaine couldn't help but revel in how good it felt, to feel so close to another. He and Kurt had never even been that close because of the condoms. But if Eli hadn't put one on, that had to mean he knew he was clean.
Blaine shook his head, almost surprised to find tears streaming down his face, and shuffled to the medicine cabinet to grab the bottle of sleeping pills. Before taking one, he booted up his computer and booked a flight to New York for the weekend.
Eli C.: sexy, you there?
Eli C.: sorry. Blaine.
Eli C.: please talk to me.
Kurt hadn't been listening to Blaine for the past month, so why should he listen to him now?
Blaine had hated seeing that broken look on Kurt's face, especially knowing that he was the one who put it there. He kept trying to talk to Kurt, to explain what had happened, but Kurt wouldn't listen, and Blaine should have expected it because wasn't a lack of two-way communication the root of the problem in the first place?
Eli C.: blaine i know you said you didn't want to talk and this was all a mistake but i miss you
Eli C.: no one else even compares to you in any way - sexually, physically, or socially
Eli C.: im sorry. im really sorry. can you ever forgive me?
Back in Lima, Blaine was miserable. Everyone knew about the breakup, and why, and although they didn't persecute him for it, they certainly weren't as warm as they had been only a few days before. As the week passed and Grease auditions were announced, Blaine tried to devote all his energy to that. He was practicing so much that he was always tired, and just rehearsing dance moves made him ache for days at a time - but perhaps that was still phantom guilty pain from his encounter with Eli.
Eli C.: im going to take your silence as a no. so, once again, im sorry, blaine. i really enjoyed the friendship that we had going, but i get the message. i'll stop annoying you now.
Grease's opening night was only days away, and Blaine was freaking out. He only had a small part, but he still had to do his best. After all, that's what Blaine Anderson would do, right?
But all the rehearsing and time spent moping over Kurt was really taking its toll on him. He was almost constantly tired and achy all over from running dance routines constantly. He even was developing a bit of a sore throat, probably from over rehearsing his song.
Blaine's stomach was twisting as he waited in the wings for his cue. He'd been on stage plenty of times before and never had stage fright, but maybe it was all different now because Kurt was sitting in that audience. He took a deep breath, ignored the building nausea, and walked over to his place in the blackout.
When the Warblers decided to start a war with the New Directions, Blaine got some of his old energy back by running around dressed as a superhero with Sam. But it all came crashing back to the ground when he woke up in the middle of the night covered with a cold sweat. Blaine couldn't remember anything else, but he must've had a bad dream.
When Kurt called him at sectionals, Blaine was over the moon. He almost cried when he heard Kurt's voice, and he couldn't help but profess his love and regrets for cheating.
He went home from regionals with a lighter heart - despite their disqualification - and hoped that this was the turning point.
But Blaine still woke up drenched in sweat, joints aching as if he'd been running for hours rather than lying asleep in his bed.
Blaine was exhausted from everything that had been going on, and was thrilled for it to finally be winter break. He was even more excited when Burt proposed that he come to New York to surprise Kurt.
He felt slightly nauseous again as he waited for Kurt at the ice rink, but just wrote it off as nerves. After all, Kurt might not actually want to see him, and then Blaine would have ruined his true love's holiday.
Blaine returned to school with a slight cough, but was feeling more well-rested than he had in months.
Until Tina proposed the Sadie Hawkins dance. Flashes of the last one he'd attended kept Blaine up at night, and he walked the halls in a perpetually nauseous state, even vomiting a few times. He could barely eat his food as he worried about the upcoming dance and what could possibly happen there.
In classes, Blaine had difficulty concentrating on the lessons on the board and the books in front of him. More than once, he was faced with a teacher's disappointed face after failing to answer a question.
But Sadie Hawkins passed and Blaine survived. He made it through the night with no incidents, other than a quick run to the bathroom to puke about fifteen minutes in.
It wasn't until all the boys began posing for the calendar shoot that Blaine realised how much weight he'd lost since the breakup. His skin seemed duller, and he'd really let go. What with spending his weekends asleep instead of working out, barely eating, and the few bouts of nausea he'd encountered in the past few months, Blaine didn't look nearly up to his old standards.
Everything came to a head a week later. Blaine woke up one morning feeling worse than he had in weeks. Everything that had been bothering him in the last few months seemed to come back to haunt him at the same time.
He could tell that he had a fever from the way his skin radiated heat, and his joints all ached. He was so tired that he could barely lift his head, and once he did, Blaine was hit by a wave of nausea.
Taking his time to get ready, Blaine gingerly went through his morning routine, skipping breakfast since he knew it would probably just come up later.
"You look awful," Tina greeted Blaine at his locker.
"Thanks, Tina," he said, words muffled by his stuffed nose. "It's just a cold, no big deal."
"Are you sure, Blaine? There's been a flu going around, and you look pretty bad."
"I'm fine, Tina. Really," Blaine said, although he wasn't sure he made his point too well when he succumbed to a coughing spell at the end of the sentence.
Blaine managed to make it through his Freddie Mercury performance and back home before he collapsed on his bed. He didn't even realise that he had fallen asleep until his mother shook him awake several hours later.
"Dinner time, honey," she said gently.
"I think I'm going to skip dinner tonight, mom," Blaine said. "I've got a cold, and all I want to do is take some NyQuil and go to sleep."
"Do you need the doctor?" she asked, always concerned about her youngest son - especially since the attack several years ago.
"No, mom, it's just a cold. I'm sure it'll clear up in a few days."
When Blaine's symptoms only got worse over the next few days, however, he decided that he should probably go see a doctor at the very least. So after school, he hopped in his car and drove to the clinic near his house. He sat in the sterile waiting room, alone, until his name was called.
"Alright Blaine, what seems to be the problem?" a kind doctor asked as he entered the room. His nametag identified him as Dr. Sheldon.
"Um, well, I think I might have the flu or something. I mean, I have a fever, headache, I've been sweating at night but the fever's not going away, I'm tired all the time," he trailed off as he tried to think of what else had been paining his body in the past few days.
"Anything else you can think of?"
"Um, I guess I've been a little nauseous. And I haven't had much of an appetite."
"Okay, well it sounds like you've got the flu, but just to be sure it's not anything more serious, I'm going to do some bloodwork, alright, Blaine?"
Blaine nodded and held out his arm so the blood sample could be taken. Then he left with Dr. Sheldon's promises of a call with the results in a day.
Blaine was in calculus when his phone began vibrating. No one ever called him during the day, so it had to be important. Raising his hand, Blaine asked for a pass from the teacher before escaping from the room and answering in the hallway.
"Hello?"
"Is this Blaine Anderson?"
"Yes."
"Hi, I'm calling from the Westerville Health Clinic on behalf of Dr. Sheldon. Your bloodwork results just came back and he'd like to talk to you at your earliest convenience. He has several appointments open this afternoon, if you're free."
"Um, sure," Blaine said, growing concerned. Surely the flu wasn't this urgent, was it? "What times are available?"
He ended up choosing an appointment in just three hours, knowing that he wouldn't be able to focus the little concentration that he was able to muster up at all if he was wondering about his appointment. Instead, Blaine hopped in his car and drove back to the clinic.
"Hi Blaine. It's good to see you again."
Blaine nodded stiffly, but he couldn't quite reciprocate Dr. Sheldon's greeting over his growing nerves and nausea.
"From your bloodwork, it looks like you have a minor case of the flu, however there is a more pressing issue that I think is exacerbating your symptoms," Dr. Sheldon explained. "Can you tell me how long you've been experiencing these symptoms?"
Blaine scrunched up his face. It had only been about a week, right? No, his brain answered, it's been happening for much longer. Ever since you broke Kurt's heart and your own, you haven't been okay.
"Um, I guess since October, but that was when my boyfriend and I broke up and I was really bummed about it and I took it kind of hard, so I don't think I've had the flu that long."
Dr. Sheldon's eyes flashed with something Blaine couldn't quite identify, but it certainly didn't help to quell his ever-growing worries.
"And are you sexually active, Blaine?"
Blaine immediately flushed pink at that question. "Well, not - not anymore. I mean, I used to, but no - not since we broke up," Blaine rambled.
"Okay, and how many sexual partners did you have?"
"Just Ku-" he froze, remembering Eli again. "Two," he whispered.
"Did you ever have unprotected sex?"
Again, Blaine thought of Eli, and his insides dropped even more. He could taste the bile in his throat. "Just - just the one time."
"Hmm," Dr. Sheldon hummed, writing a few more things on his clipboard. Blaine waited with bated breath before the man finally looked up. "Blaine, I could be wrong about this - and I hope I am - but you're currently displaying all the correct symptoms. I'm going to refer you to a colleague of mine who - "
"Wait, symptoms of what?" Blaine asked.
"Well, we'd have to run another test to be sure, and those results would take about three days, but I'm worried that you may have contracted Human Immunodeficiency Virus from one of your sexual partners."
Blaine couldn't hold back the bile any longer, and he darted across the room to the bin in the corner, emptying the contents of his stomach as he coughed. Once he was finally upright again, Dr. Sheldon began talking again.
"As I was saying, I'm going to refer you to a colleague of mine in the sexual health department of the clinic. Of course, we'll run the HIV test today and get the results to you as fast as possible. Since it's been several months since you potentially contracted it, we want to get you started on a drug regime right away."
"So, what am I supposed to do?" Blaine asked. His voice trembled, and he knew he was on the verge of tears.
"Well, for one, I'm going to prescribe you some medication to take care of the flu that you have. We really can't have you getting any sicker if your immune system is compromised. In the meantime, you can pray that you are clean and my suspicions were incorrect. You should also probably contact both your sexual partners so they can get tested as well."
Blaine Anderson: Eli, when was your last std test?
Eli C.: what? did you give me something?
Blaine Anderson: other way around, i think. I mean, Kurt and I only ever had sex with each other and always used condoms.
Eli C.: shit, it's been over a year I think. Why?
Blaine Anderson: and how many people have you slept with in that year?
Eli C.: a lot.
Blaine Anderson: you should get tested. and then never talk to me again.
Are you sure you wish to block Eli C.?
Yes.
Blaine had never been more thankful for the weekend, knowing that he had two days before he had to face his friends at school again. But that also meant that he had nothing to distract his mind from the terrifying prospect of the call from the clinic.
It came at 9 on Sunday morning.
Blaine hadn't really been sleeping, just lying on his bed in a sort of daze. The moment his phone began to ring, he answered it.
"Hello?"
"Blaine, this is Dr. Sheldon. Can you please come down to the clinic soon?"
"I'll be right there."
This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to have happened. And yet it had, and now Blaine was alone in the clinic's waiting room on a Sunday morning as he waited to hear his sentence.
The moment Blaine saw the other woman, Dr. Segal according to her name tag, standing next to Dr. Sheldon and wearing a matching somber expression, Blaine knew what the piece of paper in her hands was going to say.
His life was over.