AN: I will not be held accountable for any brains that are broken with this fic.
My One and Only
By outward appearances Kurogane looked calm, but Syaoran was counting down the seconds of how long that would last. The boy didn't need two working eyes to see the growing pulse point on the Ninja's forehead that heralded the coming of a generous dose of pain, torture, and (prior to the great Multiverse spanning adventure) death. This time, Syaoran couldn't really blame Kurogane for his ire.
On Kurogane's left stood the most gorgeous princess that ever graced the Earth with her presence. Her flowing black hair and mild violet eyes held all that fell under her stare captive until such time as she was distracted by a stray bit of lace or desert princess. She was slender and small in stature but that didn't stop her from towering over others with her intense aura of purple, sparkly purity. Those with the ability to see it preferred not to because it was so pure, so sparkly, so purple that it was blinding. It was also total bullshit as you would not meet a more devious soul no matter what world you traveled to.
On his right stood a tall, blond waif of a man who's smexy angst was the subject of many an Emo's wet dreams. He possessed slim curves that no man had a right to have and a single blue eye that pierced to the very soul and shattered all het under its gaze. Well, most het, Syaoran's mind was too filled with kinky images involving a desert princess, some shiny feathers, and whipped cream to have room for any thoughts of skinny blonds. At any rate, the point is that this ridiculously effeminate man hid all of his sorrow behind heartbreakingly fake smiles. Horrible, awful things happened in his past that had made him commit unspeakable acts against the one that he loved. Naturally, he was not at fault. For the purposes of plot and character development he had had no other alternatives. Sometimes he seemed convinced that he had been abused; really, it depended on something inexplicable – perhaps planetary alignment. He was a true enigma but if there was one thing you could be certain it was how deliciously gay he was.
These two wonderfully awful beauties held their ground on their respective sides of Kurogane and argued over who was his one and only true love. Each argument seemed more implausible than its predecessor. The Princess Tomoyo smiled deviously and threw her darling ninja's obvious heterosexuality in the mage's face. Fai had simply smiled as rebutted with plain and simple fact that their coupling resulted in hotter porn. Tomoyo strung out her long history with Kurogane, how through love and loyalty they had made it through difficult times. Fai asked her when the last time she had actually seen him was and how childish antics could compare to the recent earth-shatteringly angsterific experiences he had shared with the warrior.
Kurogane began to protest, but his growl suddenly turned into a deep, throaty moan. "Kurogane likes that?" his nether regions seemed to squeak. Tomoyo halted mid-word and Fai's retort died on his lips as they both stared at him in horrified fascination. Syaoran could feel his brain begin to leak out of his ears.
"Y-yes," Kurogane gasped, his cheeks going crimson. Without warning a small, white being of ethereal beauty squirmed out of the front of his pants and sat comfortably on his thigh.
"Puu!" Mokona squeaked raising a smug paw. "Fai and Tomoyo are wasting their time as Mokona and Kurogane are the OTP." Beautiful blossoms of magic fell gracefully about Mokona basking the manjuu in an unearthly glow as Mokona made his sexy face. Tomoyo could only giggle her famous Ohohohoho in denial. "Mokona is a god so Mokona can have whoever Mokona wants as Mokona's bitch."
"That's impossible!" Fai laughed. "The power of Yaoi is stronger than any other in the all the worlds."
"It is no match for Super Secret Technique #43," Mokona explained solemnly. "Super vibrator power. You combine that with Super Secret Techniques #19: Super Suction power and #71: Ultrapr0n making and you have a force unlike any other! Puu, Mokona pwns all!"
"It can't be!" Tomoyo and Fai sobbed, holding each other.
"Che! Shows what you know." Kurogane picked up Mokona and held him close. "Manjuu-chan can we please go somewhere more private? The mere sight of your incredible sexiness has made me horny as hell and I want to go make like bunnies."
"Mekyo!" Mokona hopped onto Kurogane's head and the magical petals of love swirled around them and they quickly vanished out of sight. Syaoran stared at where the two lovers had been for a second, doing his best to ignore Tomoyo and Fai's gory double suicide. Then he wiped the blood from his nose and staggered off in search of his princess, a can of Cool Whip, and a chicken in hopes of burning the day's events from his mind.
Owari