AN: This story is very personal to me as relates to my own feelings of worthlessness I had in middle and high school. Although I was thankfully never raped I was sexually harassed on my way to school by older men who liked preying on my insecurities. It still haunts me to this day since I could never press charges against them since I didn't know their names and was afraid that something might happen to me even if did. So my therapist told me to write a story with a character who felt similarly to me and that was how this fanfic was born. Hope you enjoy Hope is Scary!
Dedicated to Icypinkroses, Jylener22, Gwendlynn Rose, and all of you ichihime fans
Chapter One – My Built Up Wall
"I wanna go home" he cried
"Stop crying, this is your home now" A feminine voice yelled at him.
He cried more as the woman brought that steel pipe probably as punishment for crying. She would beat him with it until the pain was unbearable and tearsstopped. As poor seven year old Ichigo didn't know why he cried anymore it was an everyday occurrence for two months so he should be used to it. After all it was his fault that he was here Chiyo-San would always say. If he not had been born beautiful his mother would still be alive and he would still be with his family. Eventually people got suspicious about her so she moved to Kyoto quickly to avoid being found out.
"I would not have to move Kyoto to keep you if were not beautiful. I have you now so will do what I say and you will obey. If you defy me I'll make you regret it." Chiyo-San replied in a raised voice to instill fear in Ichigo.
He only gave a slight nod to indicate that he understood.
Over the next six years he came to accept his fate of having no worth other than being Chiyo-San's tool for pleasure in fact he no longer cried. For it was much easier to accept this fate he was given than to try and defy it.
Most days went the same way she was tired from work and he would ask if she wanted relief. She replied yes and he removed his clothes slowly to please her. When that was done he would lay down as he allowed her to take him. One day it went almost the same way until the new landlord came barging in about herlate rent unfortunately he barged in during their fucking. More unfortunate was that he recognized Ichigo as one of missing children from seven years ago.
"Well, Now I know why you Horie-San why you always made many of the tenants sons uncomfortable. You are obsessed with young boys so obsessed thatyou have a young boy here as a sex slave."
"You wouldn't understand I need him his mother took him away from me I had to kill her just so I could have him." She yelled at her landlord. The yelling match was so loud that the other tenants heard and called the police who arrived quickly to arrest Ichigo's captor for six years. Ichigo was then taken to be analyzed by the forensic psychiatrist Dr. Aki Mifune. Unsurprisingly Ichigo found the conversation awkward.
"I know it must be hard for you in this situation but you have to answers some of my questions in order for me to help you."
Ichigo than knew it was useless to be silent and realized that it was better to answers the questions given. He gave Dr. Mifune truthful answers in monotone without hesitation until he was given the last question. "How do you feel about yourself?"
"I… I don't know h…how to feel anymore." He answered with a stutter for the first time in his life.
With that answer and Ichigo confessing to indulge in self destructive behavior to cope with his years of sexual abuse he knew that Ichigo wasn't stable enough to go home. Therefore came to the conclusion that Ichigo had to be hospitalized although luckily it was close enough for his remaining family to visit him.
The trial was over quickly as could have been with Chiyo Horie being charged with many charges of rape and was put into a lifetime solitary confinement which many found that fate much crueler and more fitting than the death penalty.
He was assigned to Dr. Kisuke a compassionate psychiatrist at Karakura psychiatric hospital. Although at first glance you wouldn't know that. For the three years that Ichigo was there he often continued to indulge in his self-destructive behavior. Dr. Kisuke concluded that he did this to avoid leaving as he fearedthe outside world. Eventually leading to this current discussion between them and both were trying to end it.
"Ichigo, I know you are deliberately sabotaging your chances of ever leaving this place because you feel safer here. I can sympathize with how you feel but I'm not going to let your destroy life. So me and the board had a discussion and decided that you should go to a regular high school with the guidance
counselor keeping tabs with you. "
Ichigo grunted "ass!"
Dr. Kisuke heard it but choose not to acknowledge it. "Either way you have no choice but to go because despite what you think I care for as a patient andmany other people do too. So at least try to form connections because how you can be right if didn't you try to prove it."
"Fine, I'll go if it will make you shut up" Ichigo sighed getting tired of this already.
"Good you can go back to your room now the nurse will escort you there"
The nurse came over to bring him back to his room and he had on his usual scowl. Reluctant to show anything that would make him seem vulnerable. Than a figure caught his eyes she seemed to be unreal a vision of Guanyin who shined love, compassion, and acceptance. She seemed to notice his dumbstruck expression and gave him a warm smile that seemed only for him.
As he came into his room all that was in his head was she the image of Guanyin. Somehow he felt that for a moment the world wasn't so bad. Thinking of her made him smile truly for the first time in years.
Orihime came back home to her Aunt Murasaki modest mansion that she had lived in since 13 when her Aunt a bestselling light novelist moved from Kyoto to Karakura for a slightly less hectic home life. She entered the hallway and quickly ran to her room. As she unusually didn't feel like watching her shows today and just wanted to count her blessing. Since many others didn't have the blessing of decent life and being surrounded by people who love you.
Orihime's mother Nakatsukasa a famous singer had retired due to death of Orihime's father Eiji Inoue. Since Nakatsukasa being diagnosed with Type I Bipolar Disorder broke down and knowing that she could no longer take care of Orihime and her older brother Sora. She left them under the care of her Aunt who felt glad to do it for her sake.
Nakatsukasa checked herself in Karakura because her husband was born and buried there so Orihime often visited her mother when she could and was happy that her mother was doing very well and soon might be released. However as she was leaving she noticed that boy who seemed to be always sad. Even though she didn't know who he was she could feel a connection to him and wanted to ease his pain if only for a moment. Deciding to give him a smile that her family said could melt a heart of a demon which she thought was ridiculous as even she knew that not everyone could be saved. Still she held on to that hope you could always move on from your past no matter how dark it was.
"I hope you will be happy someday" she whispered as prayer to him.
I am sorry if I didn't go into too much about Ichigo's rape but I honestly wanted focus more on his recovery from it. To Orihime fans I am sorry you didn't get to see much of her now but we will in the next chapter.
No, this won't be a tragedy and I promise that things will get better for Ichigo you just have to patience. Also I am sorry to people if got some things wrong here I am more concerned about emotional impact here than complete accuracy.
Fact: Guanyin is a BODHISATTVA a figure from Buddhism. As why I compared to Orihime to her instead of an angel there are 2 reasons.
One: Most of Japanese people are not Christians so it wouldn't make sense for Ichigo to describe her like an angel.
Two: I wanted to be different and Guanyin is known for being the Bodhisattva of compassion. Since Orihime is known to be compassionate comparing her to Gunyin made perfect sense.