Lost
By Shadeless
I listened to 'Talk' from Coldplay when a plotbunny bit me. And I kept on listening to it while I wrote, about 3 hours now. I pledge temporary insanity.
Well, I just finished this songfic (oh my… it's 3 a.m.)
Disclaimer: The Transformers don't belong to me (unfortunately) as well as 'Talk' which belongs to Coldplay
He didn't remember how long he had been staring at the cube of energon in front of him without seeing it. Ironhide had carefully seized his arm and pulled him to the rec. room, seating him where he still sat unmovingly. The warrior had mumbled something about the narrow emergency corridors and the tortures Ratchet would bestow on him if he didn't move out of the way, not that he had listened to him.
The red mechs attempts at comforting him had gone unnoticed, as well as anyone elses. Not that many had tried. He didn't care either way. His whole being was zoned in on a place deep inside his chest, but too far away at the same time.
Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
He was so far away… He had never been so far gone. Always had he been there, close to his spark, no matter what distance separated them. It had been enough to reach out sightly and he had been there.
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Now he barely felt him. A faint echo of the bond that had supported both of them since their creation was all that was left. So weak…
Oh I wanna talk to you
He didn't dare test it in fear of causing his brother to –
No. He couldn't bring himself to think of it. Though he had done nothing else but skirt around the thought for… Since he had seen the look in Ratchets optics when he had seen his brothers injuries. The way he had cried for First Aid and Skyfire, securing the other Autobots medical provision and immediate transport.
How he had abandoned watching the fallen 'bot for mere seconds, locking optics with him, out of curses and out of wits for once.
You can take a picture of something you see
He should have radioed someone the second Skywarp separated him from his brother. He should have known they were planning something. When he had realized what was going on it had been to late. All he could do was watching his twin fall, trailing smoke. The image had imprinted itself into his memory stores. Whatever he tried to think of it always came back.
In the future where will I be?
At the edge of his consciousness he could hear the other occupants of the room talk quietly, could feel their optics dart towards him every now and then.
They were worried about him. Or worried about him going berserk. But they didn't understand. None of them. Except for their medic, maybe.
It was the first thought he was really aware of, for what seemed like eternity. If Ratchet can't save him…
"He will." Had he spoken aloud? It seemed like it.
Void blue optics parted from the sight of swirling color. It took him astro-seconds to recognise Jazz. Somehow he seemed to be far away, too. Labelling his face with the name was a mere automatic reaction of his cranial unit.
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Returning his attention to his untouched cube, he felt himself unable to contain the sentence now that the beginning had been released.
"If Ratchet can't save him… I'll go too." A part of him noticed that the meager conversation around him stopped. He didn't pay attention to it.
"Sunny…"
Or write a song nobody has sung
His voice lacked his usual melodic quality. It sounded strained.
Odd, how he suddenly noticed things that wouldn't spare a second thought normally.
Or do something that's never been done
Sideswipe was the social out of the two of them. He himself could never grasp how his brother handled all the notions one had to take into account to manage getting along with other 'bots. Most of the time he shrugged it off. It wasn't as if he needed anyone beside his twin. He was the one who kept him going, always full of energy and up to mischief. Always scheming…
Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Not now.
It felt strangely empty without the buzzing of his brothers thoughts at the back of his mind.
Lonely.
Tell me how do you feel?
Had their connection just dimmed further?
No. He couldn't tell.
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
His re-enacted stillness seemed to alarm the others. Blaster and Bumblebee joined Jazz in his efforts to distract the yellow twin. Everyone else in the rec. room had stopped to watch them. As he had known they were there before, he recognised their attention know, but everything was so dulled… "Ratchet's the best, man."
And they're talking it to me
Words of comfort mingled to background static. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to listen.
So you take a picture of something you see
Fascinated he watched as the surface of liquid he was so focused on began to ripple.
Crystal clear pink drops slushed over the rim and onto his hands. Beautiful.
A distinct crack was accompanied by a ignored warning of pierced armour. He loosened the hold of his fingers. Glittering shards, pure pink mingled with the darker shade of partly-processed energon and traces of oil and hydraulic fluids, all accented by his own color of armour. The artist admired the way dimmed light played over the display.
The self-preservative routines screamed.
In the future where will I be?
Deeper embeded cognitive functions ignored both. His spark gave another jolt that made his servos clench again. He watched as the relative peace of the assembled Autobots broke like the energon cube in his hands. The sensation of a hand grabbing his shoulder faded into nothingness.
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
His sensors alerted him that someone was yelling, but he wrote it off as a glitch. After all, he would hear it if that was the case. As it was, sound faded like touch had.
His spark sputtered. Or was it Sides'?
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Sideswipe…
Losing all inhibitions of reaching out he held onto their bond.
Soft stirring.
Sunny…
So faint. Still, his brothers soft voice was music to him. Though he sounded slightly scared. He wrapped his being anround the other half of his spark.
Don't worry. We're together now.
Or do something that's never been done
Ratchet was elbows deep in Sideswipe chassis when the door burst open. He didn't even dare to flinch. If Decepticons had invaded their base right now and run throug that door, he wouldn't have reacted to them. He didn't need to look at the intruders, though, to know what was going on. "Get back to the task at hand!" He snapped at First Aid and Wheeljack.
There was no time for apologising to his young assistant, who snapped out of his stupor immediately, only his optics betraying his surprise and fear. The poor youngling had only now realised that they were fighting for two lifes. And how close they were to loosing.
Do something that's never been done
The rec. room was eerily quiet when they returned. It seemed as if no one had moved. Jazz flopped onto an empty seat, derma plates a thin line. Clenching and unclenching his hands he tried to work off his frustrations. It didn't work.
His snarl made the others jump. As did the sound with which he put his fist through the table. He took off his visor and rubbed his optics.
So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
When hands touched the base of his doorwings he didn't need to turn. He merely slumped. "He fraggin' offlined on me Prowler… Just like that."
"You could do nothing against that." The voice of reason, as always.
"Ah never expected that ta happen. Ah thought at least one was save."
Slim fingers clenched lightly. "With plotting with Sideswipe so often, you should know that between the two of them is no 'one'."
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
Ratchet felt desperation gripping his spark. They were going in circles. Every time a leakage had been closed another was revealed, every system safe of red-lining immediately replaced by another.
He knew all to well how most of the medical battles ended, when they were past this point…
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
The deafening silence covered them like a blanket. Though nearly the whole base was assembled, each seemed to be on his own, fighting thoughts and fears alike.
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Sunstreaker was floating. At least it felt like it. The feeling of nothing but the soft echo of his twin spark to lead him on left him dead to the world.
Something twitched.
Weird… He had lost the connection to his sensors, how could he determine that?
The feeling intensified.
Let's talk, let's talk
Sunstreaker?
Sides? His brothers presence seemed to grow closer. More intense. Was that what it felt like to join each other in the matrix?
Let's talk, let's talk
Pain set every circuit in his body on fire. But the last thing he felt before everything went black was the security that, damn, nothing felt quite like Ratchet kicking your aft back into the land of the functioning.
Ratchet stretched and groaned as he felt how his joints re-aligned properly. Dragging himself to his office he regarded his med bay one last time. The two bots lying next to each other on repair tables recharged peacefully.
For a moment he wasn't sure wether he would burst into tears. He fraggin' well felt like it.