I have no idea where this came from. Completely different than my usual that's for sure.
Kiss Me
One-shot
Remus J. Lupin shuddered violently, his movement made the knife skid further than he intended, beads of crimson rose fast on the pale white bed of his arm, almost mocking a red paint on a white canvas, a twisted sort of paintbrush, a steel sharp paintbrush. He winced, but made no more noise as he dabbed a white sterile towel on the wound. Effectively staining the virgin white with his blood. His dirty blood. The reason he was doing this treacherous act in the first place. Tears ran down his cheeks like rain on a car window. They dripped onto his arm and he wept, the knife falling to the floor with a wild clatter.
Remus buried his head in his lap and sobbed bitterly, he couldn't even do such a feeble task. He was a mess. He used to be able to grin and bear the gruesome task he called life, but when his mother died, he just couldn't. He didn't have her constant letters telling him it would be okay, that she was proud of him, that he was needed to keep her warm on the long winter nights.
Then she died.
Actual death, not like the fake stories he came up with to keep the rumours at bay each month, actual literal ending, sort of death, the type that stayed with you for years after it, that racked your body with solent so bed until you had an ache in your stomach were she belonged. It had affected him worse than most, leaving him with only his father to fall back on when clearly John Lupin was unable to void any human feeling let alone take care of a grieving 16-year old boy.
Remus racked a hand through his hair, matting it with a mixture of blood,perspiration and sweet tears, pulling at to make sure that yes, he was alive and yes, he can still feel things.
"Remus?" A bleary voice asked from the doorway, Sirius Black was squinting at him through the dim light the bathroom had to offer, obviously not seeing the knife or the tears flowing freely down Remus's pale face.
Remus didn't answer, instead wiped his eyes with back of his hand, wincing when the salt of his tears mixed with the blood.
'Rubbing salt in a wound' he thought, bitterly smiling through the cruelness of the world he lived in. Oh how fate hated him, his bleary childhood, lythrocapthy, the death of his twin brother, the early death of his mother. It was all some twisted sort of joke to life.
Sirius spotted the blood and chuckled "Did you try and shave again Moons?" He switched on the light and saw the glint of the metal against the smooth surface of the tiles.
"Moony? You didn't do this right?"
Remus didn't answer, he was too busy trying to remember who he was, what he felt, could he feel? Was he even capable of emotion.
"Oh Remus." Sirius said, tears welling in his eyes as he watched his closest friend lose an internal battle. He sat down next to the sick boy and wrapped his arms around the fragile teen, as if he was made of the finest china to be taken care of.
"Sirius?" Remus whispered, somehow coming to the realisation that there was another person with him.
"Yes?"
"Am-" his voice shook precariously, and Sirius clutched him closer, "Am I okay?"
Sirius didn't know how to answer. He didn't want to lie and say yes, the boy would think he was fine and carry on hurting himself to the point of death but, if he told him no then that could tip him over the edge, confirm his thoughts of insanity.
"I-I don't know Remus."
"Me neither."
Both boys sat in a blank silence, each filled with their own fears and personal dread.
"Sirius?"
"Yes?"
"Don't let me fall?"
"I'll never let you fall Rem, never."
"Never?"
"Ever." Sirius said confidently.
"Sirius?"
"Hmm?"
"Kiss me?"
"Always Rem. Always."
I'm not going to say Remus John Lupin got better. Because that would be lying. He always had this small niggling in the back of his mind that he wasn't good enough, he didn't deserve to be here. But then, he found Sirius and both boys held on to each other. Relied on each other. Made each other feel needed, wanted.
Made them feel loved.