So I felt this needed to be written. I love Julia because really, right now, Claire is just pissing me off. And the only fanfics I can find about Julia are all like "Oh Claire I loved Julia once but now I love you more blahblahblahI'mmadeofbullshitblah." That, or Julia's trying to kill everyone. Why all the haters? I think she's so sweet and what they had was really special. Clare can take her purity ring and chubby cheeks to KC when he leaves Jenna's pregnant ass. *End of rant*
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. And I don't really want to. I mean Eli? Hellz yeah. But Canada? Ew. Just…ew.
I looked up at the familiar black door. He hardly let anyone in here. He once told me the room was mine too. Forever. Did that still apply? Now it was that other girls, Claire's. But she hadn't been in here yet, I turned the knob and the dark grey walls filled my vision. The red ceiling I once slept every night under, curled up to him. But…he wasn't mine anymore. He belonged to someone else. And it was killing me.
I stepped into the room and took it all in. The locket I threw at him before I stormed out of Morty that night, the letters we wrote every day for a month, everything that was once ours filled it. It still belonged to me, and a faint smile traced my lips. I walked another step, and another, stiffly as though I was unwelcome. Then all at once I threw myself to his bed and sobbed into the sheets.
Why did it all happen? I thought. Maybe I deserved to die. But I lost him. I lost everything I had and now I spend everyday just existing. For no reason other than to see the only guy I love with someone else. Was this some kind of punishment? I'm already dead!
I thought of everything we once had. Every day we spent laughing, hand in hand. Every kiss, every night together. Every night apart and how much it hurt. The day we met. The day I died. With every memory came another round of tears, until I heard voices outside and sniffled enough courage to peek out the window. Hiding didn't matter, he wouldn't see me anyway. He could only see me if he wanted to, that was the deal. I got to visit once a year, but he could only see me if he wanted to. I knew he wouldn't see me, but I came to visit anyway. Maybe, I hoped, maybe I could just pretend he knew I was here. Maybe I could convince myself. But, really who was I fooling? I pulled back the dark blinds just a little bit to see him talking to her.
I know I should accept it. I'm dead after all. And isn't that what the living does? Tell themselves this is what their dead loved one wanted? For them to be happy? Well I did want him to be happy but, couldn't he have gotten a puppy? Or…a rabbit? I giggled, a hiccup-y sound, because Eli loved bunnies.
She wasn't right for him. She didn't know his music, what he liked to do. She didn't know anything about his home life, his family, his parents or his older brother in college. She didn't know he once visited New Zealand for a full month, she didn't cry every day she couldn't see him. She didn't know how to cheer him up; she didn't know the things he did that would get him in trouble. She didn't know how to stop him. Who was this girl to come and claim her love for the only person I knew everything about?
Outside the window, they were talking. He was gorgeous, in his green T-Shirt. She was beautiful. I was jealous. Too jealous. I'm dead. What could I do?
They looked like they were arguing, but they held hands. I was overcome with sobs, knocking my head against the window. Out of habit, I ducked, so he wouldn't see me. But truth is he wouldn't anyway. I ducked just in time to see him staring at me for a brief second. He must've heard the noise. A few seconds later, I peeked at them again. They were still looking pissed. He lifted her bike, but she took it back and rode it home herself. I saw him look up again, catching my eye, and looking utterly confused. He…he can't see me though. No, he can't and I know it.
But just the same, I heard thumping, running up the steps. I heard his door fly open. I spun around from the window, my hair whipping the curtains. He threw the door open. I heard something crash to the floor. His eyes were wide. His green eyes. They stared right at me.
"J-Julia?"
He couldn't see me. He loved that girl, that Claire.
"You can see me?"
"Oh god I must be out of my mind…"
"No, no I-I'm here." I stuttered out.
He took a step, and then another. Then he grabbed me and pulled me in his arms. "you're dead. You're not real. I-I don't even care…"
And he kissed me, and finally for the night we had back what we lost. And we forgot everything, like how I'm supposed to be dead, how he has a girlfriend, and how utterly messed up this whole thing was. Because we were together. And I fell asleep in his arms.
"Eli, you-you have Claire. You love her."
"Julia I love you so much more than I could love anyone else. Claire…she's a high school crush, a distraction. I don't want her Julia I want you, but she's sweet and naive and it's hard to turn her down. Every day I wish you were here and I go to sleep wishing as hard as I can, and I wake up hoping you'd be in my arms like you used to be. Julia, please come back."
"I wish I could," I told him, "I wish more than anything. I wish I could take back everything that happened. I can't—I mean—I love you Eli. Please, don't let me go. Don't let me leave you," I was sobbing into his shoulder at this point. His room was cold, and I curled up to his arm on his bed.
"I won't let you go Julia. Never."
I'm not sure what happened after that. I guess something switched into place. Like the universe knew my death was wrong, knew we were meant to be. Because the next thing I knew I was in Morty, in a different outfit, driving down a busy, rainy highway in the dark, arguing. I wasn't sure what was coming out of my mouth. Meaningless words. He pulled over.
"Fine, whatever I don't care. I'll drive you home, it's late." I took off my locket, the one he bought, throwing it to him. I started out of the car, and then I stopped myself, looking back at him. Because this was the moment that changed everything, the one where it fell apart. I let go of my stubbornness easily this time.
"C-can you drive me home?"
He sighed. I must've seemed so bipolar. "Yeah, get back in the car."
We were driving to my house silently my head resting against the cold glass window. "Eli?" I said softly, nervously. I knew how much he was to lose. I couldn't let it all go. He sighed again, and took his hand from the stick shift long enough to run a hand through his long hair.
"Yeah?"
"Let's not fight anymore." He stared at me with gorgeous green eyes. Serious, intent, searching for some hidden meaning.
"Okay, Julia we won't fight."
"Eli?" I started again
"Mhm?"
"C-can I sleep over you house? Steph,"—my stepmom—"'s probably drunk again."
"Of course."
"Eli?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't let me go, okay?"
He smiled at me.
"Never."
"A-and Eli?"
"Yeah?"
I was whispering now.
"I love you."
He took his gaze off the red street light, looked straight at me, and whispered back.
"I love you too."
Hope you liked it. Just want to spread the Julia-love because people need to stop sippin' on that haterade. Please review, I will love you forever. And send you Eli. JK I WOULDN'T GIVE THAT SEXY BEAST AWAY FOR ONE SECOND.
The part about Eli loving bunnies. Well I think I've read a good 3 or 4 fanfics now with Eli having a love for bunnies. I thought it was adorable, so here's my contribution.
Also! If anyone had pictures of what they think Julia looks like please, by all means, put them in a review or send me a message. I can never find quite the right person for her. Hmmm.
Thanks again and review please
~TurtleMoose
