Okay this story is written for my dear and amazing friend, yeah more like a little sister to me, Abby I am so happy to have you in my life...
Hope you will enjoy this story my sweet polar bear sis.
I don't own the good wife or the two songs included in this fic.
The songs are To Make You Feel My love- the Adele cover. And Somewhere Only We Know a cover from Kurt Hugo Schneider and Elizabeth Gillies
I know someone wrote an AW story using that song... but before I saw or heard of that an amazing girl Randi unknowingly had made me a birthday surprise to that song for Alicia/Peter so it is an AP song to me... and Now Abby has this song as one of her favorite songs, therefore I decided to use it for this story however I am using the cover version Randi had made to an AP song!
The story is based on spoilers and promo's for 4x18 so if you don't know those stay away. I had this dream after watching the promo.
To Make You Feel My Love
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
He spotted her as she entered the room, having arrived back from the police station. She hadn't been able to tell him why she needed to leave beforehand, just that it was work related and she was terribly sorry. She hadn't been the only one to leave, he had noticed how she left with Will Gardner, making his heart clench a little. Yes, she had come here tonight as his date, and yes they were in a better place, but when she had to leave like that with the other man he still felt the bitter aftertaste of jealousy, even though he didn't want to, even though he knew he didn't own her, she wasn't his property and he couldn't decide what she was allowed to or not. He knew all of that and it was her job, Will was her boss and she needed to do that. Still he wished it was different, that he never had screwed up in the first place so he wouldn't now be worrying over this. He admired her as she walked through the room. She was what made him complete, he knew that now and that was what made the constant fear of losing her so much worse. In the constant path he was walking these days, he knew she had all the power and all the answers and he couldn't pressure her or change the pace to something more, it was all in her hands.
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
He met her gaze and returned the soft smile he could see playing on her lips, as she slowly walked in his direction. He felt his heart skip a beat because of her smile. Since he had screwed things up that badly he hadn't been seeing much of that smile, at least not until this last year. The smile she had that out-shined everything and lit up the room. He missed seeing it all the time, like he had back when things were simple and easy, and he wished he would someday see her smiling like that again through every day and night. He started to walk to her, not caring that someone spoke to him and clearly wanted his attention, all his focus was on her. They met in the middle, she smiled softly up at him, tipping her head to the side. He studied her eyes, yes she was smiling and seemed happy, but there was also a worry and wariness painting those mossy orbs, did she already know what had gone down with him and Kresteva tonight? God he didn't hope so. He would prefer she never found out.
"Hey did you solve everything? Is everything alright?" He asked her tenderly. She nodded softly.
"Yeah now it is... did you get the endorsement of cardinal James?" She asked him.
He shook his head, no he hadn't gotten that one but giving up on that one was a small price to pay for the pain she could easily have to go through if he hadn't backed off.
"No Kresteva did..." he admitted, not sharing anything else about it.
"I am sorry, I know how important it was... and how much of a help it would have been..." He could read on her face that she really was sorry about that.
"It's okay...oh also the kids and your mother went home earlier... I knew you wouldn't want them to stay after midnight." He explained, with his words Alicia's face got a worried look. "Don't worry I called Owen to pick them up. And he promised to stay for the night." He took in how she let out a sigh of relief and was happy he had done that no matter how much he hated calling and asking Owen for anything, he also knew Alicia wouldn't want the kids to stay past midnight or to have them alone with her mother, especially when Veronica had spent more than a little time drinking. And between asking Owen for a favor and Alicia being uncomfortable he would always chose the first. Owen had luckily agreed, already having assumed it would be needed.
"So..." He took a quick look at his watch, many people had already left, others were still talking but she was probably exhausted so he should consider getting her home. He met her eyes again, she was still smiling at him. He had hoped beforehand he would at least get to have one dance with her through the night, there was nothing he wanted more than to hold her close like that. He took a deep breath before asking.
"I know it is late, and you are probably tired but I wondered if I could have one dance with you first?" He felt nervous asking her, but the soft look in her eyes comforted him, and then she nodded slowly.
"I would like that... a lot actually..." She accepted the hand he held out and he guided her into the adjoined room. Carefully placing his hand on her waist and starting to move them over the floor, their eyes locked deeply.
"You look stunningly beautiful." He whispered gently as he pulled her a little bit closer, making her blush lightly, as she whispered a soft thank you.
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
She smiled at him as he pulled her in closer, still feeling a little shy over his compliment but allowing it. She slid her cheek against his, enjoying the feeling, eyes closed so it was only the skin on skin contact she was focused on as she leaned her head on his shoulder, slowly opening her eyes again. This night had been an emotional mess, one that was a mix of happiness, turned to worry, turned to fear, turned to bad consciousness. Her client that had been killed, the client that was practically the reason her parents had divorced. Of course she hadn't known it back then but she had learned later when he had gotten in contact with her through her mother, and she recognized him from back then. Recognized him as the man she had seen sneak out of her mother's bedroom, the man she had found wandering around naked in their kitchen in the middle of the night. Now he had died, been killed, in a horrible manner, and the police thought the killer might go after her mother. They had found evidence indicating the killer had a history with him that went far back, that far back that it was at the time he knew her mother and they were involved, with a likelihood of her mother having picked up or heard things connected to why he was murdered. Things the police were now trying to find out in the hope that knowing the reason why he was killed could lead them to the killer. They thought through Alicia's and Will's work with him as her client, they would know details about him that could tell them more on what his motive could be. So they had been asked to break confidentiality. She hadn't wanted to, but at the same time the fear that the next victim of this killer could be her mother had lead her to do so.
She sighed a little and felt Peter pull her even closer, and she sank into it. Enjoying his hard body pressed against hers like this. She listened to the words of the song for a few seconds.
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
She swallowed a little nervously, the words in the song seemed so fitting for them in this moment. If anyone had asked her a few hours ago she would have denied it. But through the night she had been confronted with memories of different kinds, some that lead her to more than one realization. She knew she had been treading dangerous waters the last month ever since she kissed Will. And she had considered if what she felt for him might be more, and if it was worth giving it a try, but thinking back tonight to the time they had had together had made her realize that it wasn't the case. She hadn't been able to recognize that place as one she wanted to go back to. Further added to thinking about her mother and the life her mother had gotten over the years... Months ago her mother had asked her if she was happy, and she had answered there were more important things in life than that. And her mother had said the older she got she would realize happiness really was everything. Alicia smiled to herself, well that might be because she loved this moment and she was happy right now, Peter's arm protectively around her waist, guiding her. Her mother might find herself happy in most moments but Alicia also knew she drank, and she probably had never found true happiness she was willing to fight for, because that was the other thing she had realized through the night, she could probably go back to the place she had with Will, the dream and fantasy that was, and it would probably be good once more, but she also knew it would fade. Love and passion were not the same. If she went back to Will she would end up leaving him like her mother had left Mathew once the passion had run its course. Her mother left everyone and everything when the fun of it ran out and moved on to something new and better. She had never realized what Alicia was feeling in this very moment, that true happiness was built slowly and stable, over a long time, and it wasn't about being happy all the time through the day, and only doing what made one happy it was about having moments through the day like this one that made you happy. Like the ones she had shared more and more of with Peter over the last year, that was happiness but more than that it was love. The happiness she felt in those moments was because of love, deep, hard, painful and all consuming love.
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
Yes, she couldn't deny it she did long for a time where things were simpler and less complicated and in no need of a definition, a time where she didn't have to worry that loving Peter would leave her open to deep pain as well. A time where she didn't have to fear that pain. But yet here she was tired of resisting him, of trying to hold back, tired of being scared of what tomorrow would bring them. Yes her and Will had been good together but it was in the past at a place she had used to dream of, a place where passion and brief happiness ruled. Here with Peter it was the real thing, happiness but also all the rest, all the rest of the emotions life had to offer her, emotions that would outlast passion. They could be passionate for sure, and with work they could make sure it they didn't stop that, just like they could make sure the happiness they felt together could last. But the only reason they could make sure of that was that they had stronger things holding them together. Things that they could rely on, meaning that if they had bad days and days with no happiness or laughter they would still go to sleep in the same bed angry or sad, but also wake up together, still together and able to work through it, because it wouldn't just be built on a second of passion but on 21 years of knowing and counting on each other.
She sighed again softly.
"Are you okay?" She heard Peter whisper into her ear.
"Yeah... I am... Just been a long night." She answered softly, as she continued to let him guide her over the floor. It felt almost like she was floating. She felt him nod softly, and his hand on her back caress her slowly up and down. His hand, she had completely forgotten about that again, as he guided her out onto the floor she had noticed, it was red and swollen, like he had hit something or someone, but she had forgotten to ask him.
"Peter... what happened with your hand?" She whispered softly feeling it twist on her back.
"What do you mean?" He whispered back softly, clearly not happy she had asked.
"Who did you beat up? I know it is not Will as he didn't have any signs of having been in a fight as he showed up at the station and he has been with me the rest of the time, so who?" She asked him, more than a little sure his hand was hurt from punching someone rather than something. She started to run over people beside Will she could see him beating up. There weren't many, Jordan maybe? But she had a hard time seeing that. She saw the Cardinal move through the room and suddenly it struck her with what Peter had told her of not getting him but that being a small price.
She stiffened in his arms, this could only mean one thing.
"You hit Kresteva?" She asked in half shock and half amazement, she didn't like physical violence, but truthfully she had been tempted to slap Kresteva more than once. Peter wasn't one to actually use physical violence, yes he could get ruthless and hard and angry but it was done with words. If he had actually done something as risky as hitting Kresteva she knew there had been something really wrong. "Why?" She whispered. She felt Peter's hand twist again. And pulled back so she could look into his eyes, that was all the answer she needed. She didn't know precisely what Kresteva had done or said, she would get that out of Peter tomorrow, but she knew it was about her. That whatever it was, was hurtful to her and Peter and had gotten him so angry that he had hit the other man to defend her honor. She really wasn't a fan of physical violence yet Peter hitting the scum of Kresteva for her was highly erotic to her. She smiled at him before leaning in and placing a sweet gentle peck on his lips before pulling back and leaning back into him so her head was resting on his shoulder once more.
"Let's get out of here..." She whispered, she wanted to be somewhere alone with him where she would give him more than a quick peck on the lips. She felt him sigh deeply again.
"You want me to take you home?" He asked her gently, making her realize why he had seemed sad for a moment.
"I don't want to go home... if with that you mean taking me back to my place... I have a better idea of where..." She whispered, and pulled back her eyes twinkling at him. "Didn't you say Owen was home with the kids? Leaving us a night alone?" She asked teasingly, taking in the sight of him licking his lips while realizing what she was hinting.
"Alicia..." He started. But she smiled at him, reaching in and giving him another kiss, this one just on the edge of what was proper with the setting they were in before she stepped out of his arms. She kept holding his hand as they walked through the room, in the direction of the entrance and coat room.
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
She was glad they had a town car and neither had to drive, it gave her a chance to sit so she could rest her head against his shoulder through the whole ride. His arm wrapped around her shoulder, she was soaking up the comfort being in his embrace gave her. Enjoying how he placed light kisses on the crown of her head, and a couple of times she titled her head up so they could share a real kiss. He had looked more than a little surprised when she had told him to take her back to the house for the night. Looked like he really couldn't believe her words. She understood that, after all since they started sleeping together again she had been very persistent on never going there with him, they had mostly used the campaign trailer, his office, hotel rooms at overnight events, his apartment and a few times her apartment, but never the house. The thought of them like that in their old bedroom was too much, something she hadn't been ready for so far, yes the last month they had been dating and seeing each other more on a deeper level, but still their old bedroom had been off limits, just like sleepovers had been, and now not only was she going back to the house, she intended to spent the night with him. This made her incredible nervous and she could feel Peter was nervous, too, and that was making her feel a little better. He got out of the car first as they arrived and helped her out, tipping the driver, and guiding her up to the house, his hand on her lower back, his own special place, at least it used to be once. The spot on the small of back so low that it was almost inappropriate but not quite that. He opened the door for them and guided her inside, closing the door while she took off her coat, handing it to him. She turned around to him waiting as he took off his own coat and hung both up before turning to her.
"Would you like..." He started to ask her, clearly nervous on the next step, now they were here and together alone. She shook her head, he would probably have asked her about wanting something to drink or eat. Instead she stepped closer, giving him a gentle smile. She felt scared, this, here in this moment wasn't about anything but the two of them, and it was her choice for real. He looked at her gently, again letting her be the one in charged and she appreciated that, but she also knew that for them to work fully neither could be the one running the show alone, they each needed to do it together and take turns. She moved in so close there was barely an inch left between them, but she didn't kiss him, just smiled, giving him the permission to kiss her. His eyes flickered from hers down to her lips and she saw him swallow deeply, she smiled in return titling her head a little and finally he brushed his lips over hers, that was all she needed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Moaning deeply in the back of her throat as his tongue ran along her lips, begging to be let in. She opened her mouth for him, meeting his tongue with hers in a soft and gentle exploration. They were standing there in the front hall kissing gently for what felt like hours, but probably only were bare minutes. Their arms wrapped around each other tightly only ever breaking the contact between their lips when both were breathlessly panting for air. She met is gaze again and could read how he was asking her permission to go further, and again she nodded softly.
"Yes..." She whispered, and Peter bent down, picking her up bridal style. Many years ago he had carried her like this for the first time into the house and up to their bedroom, and now he carried her in the same direction. She rested her head on his shoulder wrapping her arms around his neck.
He placed her gently on the bed and kissed her again sweetly before moving back and shedding his jacket. Alicia stood up from the bed and walked over to him. She kissed him gently while helping him undo his bow tie and shirt, removing both, leaving him in his pants only. They kissed deeply and she pressed herself against his bare chest, feeling him fumble with her zipper, and wince lightly clearly his hand not cooperating, and making her remember that the hand was probably still swollen and hurting. She pulled back from him and looked at him gently. She could read that he right away feared she was regretting, and shook her head.
"No I am not... but your hand is hurting... it needs to be cleaned up first." She whispered tenderly stroking his cheek meanwhile, before she took the unhurt hand in hers, pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
If he had thought dancing with her had been intimate and erotic it was nothing compared to this, sitting on the toilet lid while Alicia had filled the sink with hot water and soap, and damping a water cloth in it before returning to him and gently applying it to his hand washing it off while gently scolding him for not having put ice on it right away to keep it from swelling up. She changed the warm cloth for an ice-cold one, gently holding it on his hand applying pressure there.
"Can you hold it yourself?" She asked him gently with a sweet smile playing on her lips. He nodded, still astonished how sensual she was doing this. He watched her as she turned away from him again, and looked in the mirror as she started to pull hair pins out from her up do, placing them on the counter. He took in how her curls started to fall around her throat and shoulders once more, caressing her cheeks. She looked over at him and smiled while she rubbed her hair line a little.
"Headache?" He asked her gently and took in her nodding.
"Yes... I am not used to having it up like this for such a long time anymore..." She admitted.
"It looked amazing but you know I like you with it down..." He admitted, making her smile.
"Thanks, but up was most fitting for the occasion it is not as long anymore that I can make styles of it hanging down as easily as in the past." She smiled, while taking up another watered cloth. He admired her as she started to wash her face, with no makeup remover at hand she used just warm water and soap. He had seen her do it so many times before that he had lost count but it seemed like forever he had last watched her do this. However her doing it now in this moment meant she intended to stay the night and that made his heart beat faster. As she was done he took in how she moved to find things in his medicine cabinet like cotton pins and some kind of cleaning thing he had for wounds that he didn't remember ever using but he still had it just in case.
He watched her wet the pins in it and come over to him again, she took his hand gently and removed the by now warm cloths and swiped the pin along his knuckles, where the skin was broken from the meeting with Kresteva's jaw. It stung a little, but he guessed it would be far worse if the skin hadn't already started to heal, so he was kind of glad a few hours had passed by now.
"You need it cleaned, or you will risk it getting infected. Is your hand hurting much? Maybe we should have gone to the E.R. To have it x-rayed..." She fussed lightly and was really worried and that made his heart swell, this meant she actually cared a lot more than he dared believe most days.
"It is okay... really Alicia it is not broken or anything, doesn't even really hurt." He told her gently. She nodded and placed the things on the counter before lifting his hand and kiss him where he was hurt. He stood up and pulled her in so he could kiss her gently on the lips. He needed her more than he could remember needing her before. He guided her out of the bathroom while his hands found and pulled down the zipper on her dress, before he helped her step out of it, placing it on a chair. He lowered her gently onto the bed while kissing her passionately, exploring her mouth, shoulders throat and the skin above her breasts. She was moaning softly, whispering his name in soft pleas. He carefully removed the rest of her clothes, while taking his time caressing and tasting her soft skin. He removed the rest of his own clothes and rested above her once more kissing her lips softly.
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go?
Their eyes locked, bodies pressed fully together though not connected completely yet. She could read his love for her painted in his dark coral orbs, and suddenly her own feelings were as clear as daylight. She knew he was the one she wanted, the only one she wanted. And she knew he had always been in her heart, never completely leaving it. That was why she had never put an end to their marriage that was why she kept moving further and further back to him, allowing him closer and closer into her life and heart again. She placed her hands on his face, smiling gently as she whispered the words she knew he longed to hear.
"I love you..." Her voice was soft and loving. She saw his face light up and change and break into a smile before he kissed her deeply, returning the same words against her lips as he slid into her, connecting their bodies and souls completely.
"I love you... I love you so much..." He whispered against her face and lips as they moved together. She whimpered the same words and his name while moving with him. This time their pleasure was slowly built, as he made love to her in their old bedroom and for the first time in 4 years they were truly making love, and it was within the walls of where they had built their lives together once and would now be rebuilding it once more. There was no hurry this time. They both knew they had the rest of their lives together.
So why don't we go?
Oh, this could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know