Disclaimers: I do not own FAKE by Sanami Matoh and I never will and could!

Author's notes: HELLO! Anybody missed me? (meets with crickets and frogs) oooook, nobody...anyway, I was rereading the last volume of the manga and I just had to write something, this time, in Ryo's POV in the events concerning his emotional conflict with Dee. I hope this will be worth it, people! This is the first part to it, this takes place when Ryo spends the night at Dee's place after the little encounter with Leo.

Warnings: DEFINITELY SPOILERS TO THE MANGA (and dun flame me for it if I din warn u, I explicitly said it in the summary and now!), graphic scenes, fluffiness and romance. Shounen ai CANNOT be flamed here, it's one of the main themes in this manga.

The Me I Never Knew

What Do I Really Want?

"The next thing I knew, I was standing at the door of your apartment, Dee..."

I could practically feel the intensity of Dee's eyes on me as I took a deep breath to calm my heart and suppress the emotions building up in my heart. Finally I managed a small albeit weak smile as I gazed up to my partner, the man I had grown to care for deeply. His face was unreadable as usual but his eyes said so much more.

"I wanted to see you."

All at once, I could see those emerald irises soften like starlight as concern and gentleness sweep in waves to radiate me in warmth. It was the quiet side I saw in him and I was caught off guard when I could feel his fingers sliding to my neck, softly cupping the nape and pulling me close to his chest. He tucked my hear under his chin and placed his hand on mine. I could smell the familiar musky cologne lingering on his olive tanned skin. I could see how smooth it was...how soft...yet strong it felt...a billowy cushion against my cheek coupled with the half damp towel he had around his neck. The warmth was threatening to overtake my senses. There was no possessiveness or brutality in the embrace, it was just...tender.

I could feel his chin on the top of my head, softly tapping onto my sandy colored locks. My eyes twitched as his lips touched the top locks of my fringe. My lips trembled when he kissed my forehead softly as an angel's feather's touch. Tears materialized at the corner of my eyelids as he trailed the kisses down near my nose.

The events came back full force and the tears threatened to fall unbidden as my emotions nearly broke free of self control. I gritted my teeth to prevent Dee from hearing my impending sobs, but he drew back quickly to see back to see the tears.

"Shhh..."

The sound was barely audible but it spoke volumes that Dee wanted me to break free of the stress of the encounter. My tears finally descended as Dee pulled me for a long kiss fired by his passion, his tenderness and his love. In my mind, it was a dangerous gamble. I can finally face about everything I am and fall further into our intimate bonding or risk and lose everything on what I had believed in, for the sake for this kiss and perhaps...I couldn't ask for more, it would be selfish of me...oh kami sama...his tongue...so hot and wet...

"You are scared that you'll fall head over heels for him, Ryo," I could hear Diana's voice ringing in my subconscious, "That you will have to face everything that you are."

Diana was right. I was scared. Scared to face who and what I truly am. The kiss had ended and I didn't realize that I was lying down among the pillows until I found myself staring up at him. My top has been unbuttoned, when was it unbuttoned? How did his towel end up on my stomach? I didn't care as he lowered himself gently onto me and buried his head in the crook of my neck and shoulder. I sighed and sobbed as I clung onto him as tightly as I could. This felt so right...it couldn't feel wrong to be right. This was where he belonged...in my arms as I was in his. The towel was tangled in my fingers but I paid no heed as I closed my eyes to concentrate on the solid build of Dee's body, protecting me and keeping me warm. I could feel how similar our bodies are. He was hard yet soft, a comfortable weight...we were doing nothing and I could feel his hot breath against the nape of my neck. I shivered at the little touch, it was so sensitive there...

My arms fell to the sides weakly as Dee pulled his upper body up to prop up with his elbows to gaze down at me. Usually I would put a stop to his advances, but not this time, I was too far gone to turn back. I had been searching so much to discover so much about who and what I was...if only I could give in to what I wanted, I could find that answer...

Dee was staring intently at me, waiting for me to make a sign. I gave him the most sincere look I could muster, his green eyes held hesitance, a rare sight to behold.

"Are you sure about this, Ryo?"

It was the cue I was waiting for. There was no time to turn back and I finally gave into the urge...what my body desired and what my heart yearned for...to be bathed in this young man's devotion, kindness and love.

I cupped his face, feeling the silkiness of his black hair, "Yes...one hundred percent sure..."

I looped my arms around his neck to make him lower onto me again. I wanted him to know that I really and truly wanted it. I have finally done it. I wanted him to not hold back and give me what he had offered to me in previous times I refused.

It was slow and so surreal as I watched him remove his clothes and then tend to me. He was a Greek God to my vision, hard muscle and soft and smooth skin blended into one divine being. He kissed me softly as our tongues dueled for gentle dominance. I could feel his hands roving around my shoulders and collarbone. I arched as the top was slowly removed to cover one half of my upper body. I could feel his lips and tongue everywhere to make me break into a feverish sweat and swell further with arousal, they were on my chest, my nipples...my neck and shoulders...going lower...kami!

I felt cold air hitting my legs as the pants were removed. My whole body was limp as a ragged doll as Dee pleasured me in more ways than one. Finally I could make sense about all the things that were Dee...the intensity of his beautiful green eyes, how they were capable of holding emotion...I moaned softly as he spread my legs and encased me below in a wet molten heat, I could feel his fingertips on my skin as they skimmed across to make me whimper and beg for more of his gentle touches. I grabbed onto the comforter, a feeble anchor to reality as my body increased in temperature threatening to make me burst.

Cold air hit me suddenly as Dee pulled himself to kiss me as he held down my arms, pressing me hard against the bed, sliding in between my legs to anchor upon my lower body. I whimpered and fidgeted below him as he forcefully pushed his tongue into my mouth, I could taste a mild essence of tobacco on his lips that always dangled the butt of a cigarette. I would've been disgusted but it made me more aroused than ever. I finally got the hint to wrap his legs around his strong hips as he shifted against me, causing electric bolts of sensation to attack me to bend in a bow. Through the shifting, we initiated a gyrating rhythm as he thrust down onto me. Over his shoulders, I could see the moon in all its blue silvery glory in the night sky through the window frame, illuminating it like a real life photograph.

I was pushed back to reality as more sensations jolted through me as Dee held me steadily. He spread my legs wider and began to play my body like a gifted musician lovingly playing his instrument. It was all a blur of sweet wet warmth, mixed with pain of breaching and darkness. I cried out and moaned with him as we danced through the night on the bed. I could only cling onto to what my hands could find and hold on. Dee was my lifeline, my solid ground, my shoulder to cry on...

I didn't know how long it lasted but the sensations were beautiful to experience, and I felt that this was more than just having physical contact and passion. It was something that held and was so much more and I prayed that Dee felt the same.

We were pushed over the edge almost simultaneously and exhaustion easily crept into our sated bodies. My body felt numb and heavy but I was sure I had a smile on my face when we finished. I could hear Dee softly gasping above me, his arms embracing me as I could feel the heavy comforter covering our bodies accompanied by the familiar approach of sleepiness...

The sun woke me up slowly, giving me enough time to clarify myself where I was. The first thing I saw was the familiar crown of silky black locks tickling my nose, and my arms were embracing the strong young man who was sleeping beside me. I pushed myself up on my elbows to gaze down at him. It made my heart burst with serenity and happiness as I took in the beautiful sight before me. His soft and peaceful breathing was simple music of heaven as he slept within the circle of my arms. Why didn't I learn to appreciate of who Dee truly was? Why couldn't I really give myself more time to get to know him more than knowing that he was an orphan and an obnoxious yet courageous cop?

What Dee had shown me the night before made me realize on how big a part he was in my life. He was the center of my world and I could see myself living with him for the rest of my life in the future. My heart was beating strongly as I have come to the revelation that what I felt towards Dee was more than just friends...it was something more...I would say that it was close to love.

The revelation made me smile that it would made my heart burst into sparkles and I felt a strange peace I hadn't felt before.

But now would not be the right time to tell him just yet...we still had a case to run and it would be better if I told him the truth under better circumstances, perhaps when this one was to be solved double time. Slowly and carefully so that I wouldn't disturb him, I quickly dressed up in my clothes, took a piece of paper from a scrap pile and wrote down a short note for him to read when he woke.

Combing his hair softly, I kissed his forehead gently and left the apartment silently to return to my own abode to clean up before meeting up with Diana.

I more or less came to accept who and what I was...I knew that what I felt for Dee was way beyond the boundaries of friendship and close akin to love...now it's a matter of time when my heart would truly help me confess the deepest and most secret confession I held for the young man who had changed my life:

"I love you, Dee..."

Owari for the first part