I'm Not Your Toy
Author- OroKabuLover
I honestly believe that this is one of the best stories I have ever written, there is also an alternate ending called 'He Wasn't Your Toy'. So be sure to read that one too! Warnings for: Angst, Drama, Character Death, and the ending might make you cry. Enjoy! On a side note, this story is written from Kabuto's POV to Orochimaru.
Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters in here!
Last night, you and I had sex. It was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. I did something that I have always dreamt of doing, falling asleep with my head on your chest, and to wake up with a different man, a different side that only I knew about, but I woke up with the same heartless man. You were furious... You called me a dirty whore and a filthy slut. You said how dare I spend the night. You told me it meant nothing, it was just lust, and that you felt absolutely nothing for me. I instantly felt a part of me die, my heart ached, it felt like those sharp fangs of yours punctured my heart, injecting that yellow venom into me, I felt pain and numbness spread throughout my body.
How was I so stupid? Someone like you would never want anything to do with me, you have strength and power, you are a God, I am a pathetic subordinate. I am here merely for your amusement, and once I am no longer of need to you, you will throw me away, just like Kimimaro. Kimimaro was something to play with, shiny and new, you played rough with your toys, breaking them, scratching them, tossing them around, stepping on them, but once you saw a new toy, Sasuke, no flaws, no scratches, all the pieces were there and all fit together into one complete piece, you threw Kimimaro into the garbage, just like a child with the latest model toy, why have a broken outdated toy, when you can have a brand new one that just came out?
You are the puppet master, just like Sasori, you tell me to jump; I ask 'How high?'
I may not have scratches or dents like your other toys, but I am damaged, not physically, but mentally. My heart aches, my chest is numb from the constant crying, my eyes are red and bloodshot, my glasses have spots all over them from where the tears have fallen onto them.
You always liked my long hair, you said it reminded you of yourself, so I cut it; it is not shorter than my shoulders. It makes me slightly happy, but yet, I cannot climb out of this deep pit of sorrow, despair, pain, and anguish. I am drowning in my own tears. Do you not know that I am suffering? Of course you do, but you don't care, you have Sasuke now.
I knew you never liked me, it was obvious, you didn't have time to waste on emotions, which a true shinobi never shows. I was stupid. I knew you didn't feel the same way back, but I hoped you would change your mind.
I never told you how I felt, you knew my feelings... probably, but I wouldn't be able to take it if you told me you were toying with me, seeing how long you could play with my fragile heart before you broke it,
You knew how fragile I was when you first got me, I was afraid; terrified you would hurt me like Sasori did. You slowly gained my trust, was it a game to you? Was it just a game to see how you could build me up, and make me feel important, before pushing me over and watch me fall?
Was there a reason to this? No, of course not. You can do whatever you please without a reason, your motives are never questioned.
Just like a true snake, you slithered around my heart, protecting it, cherishing it, you then squeezed it, tighter and tighter before it broke. Once you saw it was broken, you slithered off to another.
How many people had you done this to?
Was I the only one? No. There was Kimi, he worshipped you like a God, you gave him everything, a curse mark for power, he became the leader of the Sound Four, making it the Sound Five. You gave him promises of things, just like you had given me. You hissed sweet things into my ear as your body constricted around my heart, distracting me of the pain, every once in a while I could feel the pain, but was distracted by more promises.
You toyed with my mind, my body, and my heart.
You would yell at me in front of everyone, calling me names, criticizing my work, asking me how I could be so ungrateful, as you took me from Sasori, probably saving my life, you gave me a home, food, water, clothes, and knowledge. You would tell me to go to my room, treating me like a child, demeaning me. I would walk across the lab, ignoring the sneers, smiles, and slight chuckles from the other medics. I would lie down on my bed and cry myself to sleep. When I would wake up the next morning to get ready for work, there would be a box at the foot of my bed, obviously from you. I would remove the lid to find a plum kimono, as I picked it up and ran my fingertips across it, I noticed it was silk, which you seemed to wear on a daily basis. I turned it over to look at the back to find that my name had been stitched in bright silver; I stared in awe at the stunning kanji. I hung it up in my closet by the others you had given me, mainly yukatas. I closed the closet door and smiled slightly, knowing that this was your way of apologizing for the previous night's events. You would deny that you left the box at the foot of my bed, saying that it was someone else, that it couldn't possibly have been you, since you went to bed the same time I did. You would leave then, still insisting that you didn't do it.
One night I pretended to sleep after you yelled at me and sent me to my room. I sensed your chakra as you slowly pushed my bedroom door open, and checking to make sure that I was asleep. I fooled you. You came into my room, walking slowly so your footsteps wouldn't echo or wake me up. You placed the box at its usual spot on my bed and pulled the blanket over my arms. You had noticed my Goosebumps, which were from the frigid cold air slithering into my room from the hallway. Even my small fireplace couldn't keep the cold air away. Why keep the door open? Had you always done so? Was it left open so you could make a quick escape if I suddenly woke up? Or did you do it on accident? Of course not, you would never do something so careless. As you pulled the thick fleece blanket over my arms, your fingertips brushed against my shoulder, just for a split second, but it felt like eternity. You blew out the single candle in my room, which was on my bedside table. To be honest, I don't even know why I had it; I had the fireplace, which sent an eerie glow into my room, casting dark shadows. Which one did you lurk in? I could feel it, your eyes were obviously on me. I shuddered, not sure if it was from the cold, or the thought of you watching me. I heard you close my door, and then your slowly quieting footsteps down the hallway, which eventually faded into nothing. I closed my eyes, silently longing for you to come back. Why would you? I have nothing that you could possibly gain from.
Next thing I know, you are shaking me and screaming something. I open my eyes. You are holding me upright by my shoulders, shaking me uncontrollably. My neck ached, whiplash. How long had you been shaking me? Would you have stopped if you broke my neck? Or caused brain damage? No, certainly not. You screamed at me for sleeping in, I was to be in the lab by 6, it was now 8. Why? Why didn't you wake me up when you saw that I wasn't present? Did you not notice that I was even gone? Were you worried? If I hadn't seen you somewhere when you said you would be there, I would automatically assume the worst. Did Sasuke kill you? Or are you simply training him and did not feel the need to inform me? Had Itachi found you? Or Konoha perhaps? Had you gone out for a walk and got lost? Had you slipped off of a tree branch and injured yourself too severely to call for help? Had you fallen in the bath and drowned? Or were you merely sleeping in?
I am sure you noticed, you had to... didn't you? If I wasn't wearing my typical purple outfit, would you be able to pink me out of a group of medics so easily? Was the purple clothing like a target on me? Was my heart the bulls eye? How many times would you stop and reload, then take another shot at my heart before you ran out of ammunition? Or did you have an endless supply? How many hits to the heart could I take? I suppose you intended to find out.
You continued to yell at me, louder than usual, but I was used to it. You pulled the covers off of me and pushed me to the floor. Then, you took notice, my once long hair held back with a ponytail, was gone. You stopped yelling, probably thinking of something to say, or deciding whether or not to ignore it. You bluntly asked me why I cut it, I said that I wanted to try something new. You glared at me, and then told me to get to work, to skip my shower and breakfast, and to work in the clothes that I slept in, which were the clothes from yesterday. You walked out of the room once again.
Didn't you see it? Could you not see my suffering and pain? You liked my hair, and I cut it. I put my glasses on, only wearing them for one reason... to reflect the light off of them, so you couldn't see me crying.
Later that day you came in to check our progress, you few more and angrier as you went table to table, asking each individual if they had any progress, and you heard the same answer each time, no. You yelled, no... Screamed at us for not working hard or fast enough. We all watched as you went over to the nearest table, which had beakers of various medicines in them and the records of the experiments. We all watched in horror as you flipped it, the beakers broke, creating large glass shards. The medicines seeped into the paper records, causing the ink to run, ruining them. You screamed some more about how ungrateful we were, and then left. Everyone began to clean up from your breakdown, I checked the records, and declared them a total loss.
No one had seen you for hours after that, which was odd. Not even Sasuke had seen you. I decided to go look, assuming the worst, as always. I went to your bedroom, where you seemed to spend your spare time. I pushed the door open slightly and called out your name, when I didn't hear anything, I pushed the door open more and walked into the large room, I still didn't see you. You walked into the room and asked why I was in there. I told you that people were concerned about you, since you had seemed to go missing. You apologized for worrying us, then you came over to me, face to face, and told me that it was all a lie, that you did have feelings for me, but you wanted to be sure that they were real before you confessed them; you said it was killing you inside to see me so broken. You held my hand and sat me onto your bed, you sat beside me. You looked me dead in the eye, and you kissed me. My hands grip tightened on yours, my eyes closed and my other hand found its way to your shoulder. You pulled back slightly.
Tears of happiness fell down my face, I told you that I loved you too, and that I always had. I smiled and hugged you, resting my head on your shoulder; you rubbed my back and told me that you didn't mind that I had cut my hair. I smiled more knowing that you meant it, I was glad that it didn't upset you. I released the hug and smiled at you. You asked the date, I had forgotten, I hadn't looked at a calendar in weeks; I actually didn't even know the month. I told you that I didn't know and apologized. You nodded and said that it didn't matter; you smiled gently and said three words that changed my life forever.
April Fools Kabuto.
Those words hit me like knives, then I realized it, you had lied, it was all just a joke, you didn't have any feelings for me, it was just another game. I pulled my hand off of yours, shocked. You smiled and laughed, saying you couldn't believe I had fallen for it. Tears of sadness and anger raced down my face, I gritted my teeth, my vision blurred from the tears. You continued to laugh, laugh at my pain. I slapped myself mentally for falling for it, I was so desperate for your affection, I was blinded, it was obviously one of those 'it's-too-good-to-be-true!' moments. How many other times would I fall for it? I realized then that I couldn't let this one go, I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped inside. I put my head in my hands and let everything out, full on sobbing. You, you laughed harder, my tears bringing you amusement. I don't want to be your toy anymore, I couldn't take it any longer, you were bending me too far, and I broke. I didn't even try to stop crying or pull myself together. I didn't want to, nor did I care. You asked me if I needed a tissue, your voice was laced with sarcasm. I couldn't take being broken, I wouldn't be thrown out or casted aside, if I'm leaving, you won't be the one to do it. I opened my pouch and took out a kunai, you didn't even notice, you were too busy laughing, your eyes tearing up from laughing too hard. I held the knife to my throat, my hand shaking from my anger. I told you that I hated you, and that got you to shut up, our eyes met, gold met black, then you saw the knife, you said that I wouldn't do it, I wasn't man enough to take my own life, I knew that you were only taunting me, I was already broken in half, yet you took a piece of me and began to bend it, pushing me to my limits once again. Once my limit was reached and exceeded, I broke again, my hand jerked and I did it. You pushed me onto the floor and scolded me for getting blood on your bed. I didn't care. I smiled up at you, causing you to frown down at me, you told me to wipe the stupid smile from my face. I chuckled, causing more blood to spurt from the wound onto the stone cold floor. I opened my mouth, and told you that I will see you in hell. You glared as I died, still smiling at you. You kicked my lifeless body and screamed at me, calling me useless, pathetic, and weak.
My body was moved and cleaned up for a burial service. Surprisingly, you came to my funeral. You, just like everyone else, wore black. But while the others wore black pants and a black tee shirt, you wore a black silk kimono with gold trimmings.
You insisted that I was to be buried in something other than my usual purple outfit. I was stripped down completely, my hair was washed and my neck was cleaned and wrapped up. I was redressed in the plum kimono, the black trimmings danced along the neckline and the edge of the sleeves. Everyone got up and sat something for me, you did not. Everyone said that I looked peaceful, the medics had used chakra to relax the muscles in my face, I now had a blank frown on my face, my onyx eyes closed. They said I was in a better place, when it was your turn to do the viewing of my body, instead of the peaceful face everyone else saw, you wretched as your mind played tricks, instead of my 21-year-old self, was my six-year-old body, you looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this, instead of hearing words of suicide, you heard words of murder. Words of you not wanting me from Sasori, so he stabbed me and told you to take care of my body for him. You rubbed your eyes, hoping to fix the illusion. You wretched yet again as you saw me lay there, my normal body again, but my eyes open and my lips curved into a smirk. Your eyes shot wide open, the same face that I died with, was now staring back at you. You growled and slammed the open top half of the casket down, it clicked closed. You rubbed your eyes, rumors of you, the great Sannin, tearing up, raced through the crowd. My name was etched in kanji on top of the slick black casket in bright gold. Flowers and photos littered the grass. You watched in disgust as all the faces in my photos, were changing into a sickening smirk. You lost it as you kicked one of my pictures, shattering the glass; you pushed plants off of their wooden stands. You pulled out a kunai and eyed my casket, smiling. Just as you were about to scratch it up, three medics tackled you and carried you inside, Sasuke stood, leaning under a tree, watching you. Did you know that he was there? Probably not. He watched, horrified, as you kicked in my photos, knocked over plants and stomped on them until they were flat, he was about to tackle you, but the medics beat him to it.
The Uchiha watched as my casket was reopened, people began to leave, leaving my body available for anyone to come see me one last time before night falls, which is when I was to be buried. You never came back out. Sasuke walked out from under his tree and came over to my casket, running his hand along the edge of it. He pulled out a scalpel and slid it in-between my hands, which were clasped in front of my chest, so they were holding one another, He looked around, being sure no one was around to hear him.
"All this time, you have been chasing a lost cause." He spoke of you. "It caused you to overlook." He whispered as he looked around again. He stood up on his toes and bent over the edge of the casket, pressing his lips to mine, they were warm and soft, unlike yours. My lips were already fairly cold. Something wet fell onto my cheek, a tear from the Uchiha. Without another word, Sasuke backed up and closed the casket. He smiled as he placed a single rose on top of the dark casket. He frowned and drew his katana, before speaking again. "I'll avenge you." He said before walking, away to find you.
After I was buried, another funeral was being planned, yours. People came to yours, people spoke, but they weren't kind words like mine were. You didn't even have an open casket, which was a simple white one, no one said good bye, Sasuke said "Good radiance."
Authors Note- There is an alternate ending, with a twist to the ending! Please R&R!