Wesley Wyndam-Pryce is my mentor. I wonder if my feelings for him is written all over my face. Do not ask me why I feel the way I do. I cannot help it. I know the heartache it will bring me. One could never find it in any of his books what he has taught me. He brings me to life. I am living, not merely existing in his world.

I do not know if this is a one-sided affair, secretly wishing what I feel in my heart for him is what he feels for me. I have come to an understanding for being in this world. Wesley is soft, kind and compassionate. He is a breath of fresh air. He taught me to live and breathe. Given a choice, I would not go home to my old life. I would choose to stay with him, to live in his world, instead of a world where I came from.

I never thought I could fall in love with him. A human, a mortal, a foreign species. I cannot see myself walking through this life alone without him. He is worth living for. I feel him even when he is not around me. When I am around him, I feel things which I have never felt before.

Last night, we stood alone outside breathing the same air. He stood quietly and nervously as if something was on his mind. A woman can tell these things. Did I, Illyria, say "woman"? What possessed me to have said that? What have I become? I am no longer the God-King.

As he draws closer to me, he nods, his eyes twinkling behind those glasses of his. I can feel that there is much more going on silently between us. Can he feel it, too?

As I turned to face him, he realized what was happening. He slowly took a step back. I am very drawn to him. He makes me feel alive. There are these jolts of electricity when I am around him.

"Goodnight, Illyria," he says softly, those beautiful eyes of his looking down into mine.

"Goodnight, Wesley, pleasant dreams."

I go to my room, while he is only a door away from me. I can only imagine what is going through his mind. What am I doing to him? What is he doing to me? I would only be lying to myself if I said I have not thought of him in a way that would make him want me. I have never slept with a man until now, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, but only in my dreams.

I dim my lights, I cannot hear myself think for the air conditioner is loudly blowing. There are many things I do not care for in this new world of mine. I did not think that Wesley would be the one I would care about. I can feel my heart smiling. When I first crept out into this world, fearing no one, he had no choice, but, to take me under his wings. I know it hurt him so, for I took over this shell of the woman he loved.

I wonder if it is she he sees when he is looking at me. Am I just a replacement of the love that was ripped away from him so suddenly? Nothing is perfect. Sometimes all I see is darkness. I can paste on a smile and fake it when it all becomes too much.

I have emotions that come from within. It is one of these things I cannot control. What I feel for him.

I want to throw my arms around him. I want to say "I love you, Wesley". I want him to confess his undying love for me. I want him to love me. But, instead, he shows no emotions.

You are a prisoner of my desire. It is the magic of you, Wesley, which I fell in love with. And I shall love you to the ends of the earth. Say you love me, too.

Watch out what you wish for. It might come true. May I suffer the consequences for just a piece of his heart.