Title: A Day of Peace
Author: Obi the Kid
Rating: G
Summary: Yappy Obi story. Qui-Gon gets a gift from Obi-Wan for Winter Festival.
Obi: Master, what do you want for the Winter Festival? I need to buy you something. What do you want?
Qui: You aren't supposed to ask me what I want, Obi-Wan. It's supposed to be a surprise.
Obi: But you told me yesterday that nothing I ever do anymore would ever surprise you. So why should I try to surprise you?
Qui: That's not what I meant.
Obi: But it's what you said.
Qui: It is, but it's…never mind. Aren't you supposed to be at the mall with your friends?
Obi: I have no friends, Master. Only you.
Qui: Guilt trips won't work, on me, Obi-Wan.
Obi: They got called out on missions, last minute. So, it's just you and me now. Tell me what to buy you.
Qui: No.
Obi: I'll tell you what to buy me.
Qui: I've already bought your gift.
Obi: But I didn't get to tell you what I wanted!
Qui: Again, that's the point. Now, go shop or something. Leave me alone.
Obi: I can't. You know how much I hate public transportation. Remember the last time, that blue blobby thing with eight eyes and four arms tried to eat me?
Qui: He asked to sit next to you because the other seats were full.
Obi: Yeah, and when he sat down he almost accidently ate me.
Qui: I know! Go buy something from the Jedi Gift Shop.
Obi: Who came up with that idea anyway? Do visitors to the temple really want or need a Master Windu Bobblehead? And if so, why? Or what about that poppy-eyed troll doll thing? You squeeze its body and the eyes bug out. Who is the sicko who invented that one?
Qui: The Council actually runs the shop.
Obi: 'nuff said.
Qui: Okay, do you really want to know what I want for the festival? The one gift that will best all others?
Obi: Oh, tell me tell me tell me!
Qui: I want one day, just 24 hours of peace and quiet. No talking. No mushing. No begging. No Lima vids. No OMMMing. Nothing but quiet. A day of peace.
Obi: In other words, you want me to go away for an entire day.
Qui: It's easy and it won't cost you a single credit of your hard earned…well, it won't cost you a single credit of the allowance of credits that I give to you just to keep you from whining about not having any money.
Obi: Hmm…what would I do for an entire day alone?
Qui: I didn't say you had to be alone. Just away from me.
Obi: You really want to spend Winter Festival without me?
Qui: No. Even I'm not that mean. You can pick the day.
Obi: And you don't care what I do as long as I stay away from you?
Qui: You can bungee jump off the temple communications tower if you like.
Obi: Attach a giant rubber band to my feet and do a suicide swan dive from 180 floors up? I don't think so. But, okay. It's a deal. I will buy you one day of Obi-less-ness-ness-less…ness.
Qui: Just call it blissful freedom.
Obi: Tomorrow.
Qui: Tomorrow it is.
(Tomorrow)
Obi: Master, it's tomorrow! I'm leaving for the day. I'll be back at 8 tomorrow morning. Don't miss me too much!
Qui: Bye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes)
Qui: Qui-Gon Jinn.
Bren: Hey, Stretch, you do know where Obi-Wan is, right?
Qui: Not a clue. I am home, alone and enjoying his gift to me. A day free of my apprentice. I am totally at peace.
Bren: Yeah, that's what he said. So, the fact that he's sitting outside the Council chambers hugging every one of them each time they enter or exit the room, isn't of concern?
Qui: I've warned him in the past about hugging those people. Not my fault if he doesn't listen. Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes again.)
Qui: Qui-Gon Jinn. And yes, I know what Obi-Wan is doing.
Yoda: Know you do not. Babbling he is. Huggable I am not.
Qui: He's harmless enough. He'll tire out eventually. Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes yet again.)
Qui: Qui-Gon Jinn here. Tell me your Obi-Wan story.
Mace: Damn it, Jinn. He sprayed my head with wax and rubbed it with my robe. Now I can't be in the same room with anyone else, because of the glare. I'm blinding everyone. Call off your beast, Qui-Gon.
Qui: He's just a kid. You can handle one 13-year-old kid, can't you, Mace?
Mace: Damn it, Jinn! If you don't…
Qui: Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes once again.)
Qui: Blissful Jinn at your service. And your Obi-Wan tale for the day?
Valorum: Qui-Gon, you are a friend and I respect your ability to negotiate peace and eliminate evil from the galaxy, but you need to come get your apprentice. I am trying to meet with the Council and he's in here levitating each of them and dropping them, he claims by accident. Then he hurries over to hug them to make sure they are okay.
Qui: That's sweet of him to make sure they were unharmed.
Valorum: And he keeps calling me Chancellor Valium.
Qui: He has a hard time with your name.
Valorum: Come get him, now. That's an order.
Qui: Not until my entire day is up. Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes one more time.)
Qui: Hello there this is the relaxed Qui-Gon Jinn. What is it about Obi-Wan that you would like to discuss?
Terran: Qui-Gon, Mace tried to strangle your apprentice with Master Gallia's hair. That didn't work so he tried to stab him with Master Tiin's horns. Obi-Wan tried running away from them
but got hypnotized by Master Poof's long neck rocking back and forth. He fainted and was dragged out of the room and left in the hall until I came and got him.
Qui: Is he alive?
Terran: Very much so. And recovered. And talking. A lot. Please come and get him.
Qui: I have another ten hours before he is due back. You can keep him. Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes, two calls at once.)
Qui: Please hold. Qui-Gon Jinn, can I help you?
Mari: If you don't come get this blasted kid out of my archives, I will personally implode this room and everything with it.
Qui: Hmm, I thought Obi-Wan was with Terran. Hold on, please, I've got another call. Terran?
Terran: I called to tell you that he's gone. Sorry. Bye.
Qui: Bye. Mari?
Mari: Don't everput me on hold, Jinn. Not when your child is turning my archives into a mush fest!
Qui: He's not my child, just my apprentice. Is he hugging all your visitors?
Mari: He's reading to them out of the damned mush book he has. The one with the title that's about 50 words long. What's it called? Ah…oh… The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?
Qui: Awww, he loves that book. He'll be okay. It'll put him to sleep in about an hour. Then you can have your archives back. Goodbye.
(Qui-Gon's com link chimes…again and again and again.)
Qui: Idyllic Jinn here. How may I assist you with your Obi-Wan problems?
Cyan: He's chasing all my ladies away from the pool! I need my ladies, Qui-Gon.
Brazo: Why is he asking me about my manicure? What's wrong with a man wanting a little pampering? Huh? And tell him to stop touching my new hair, I just had it permed!
Yoda: Call me a troll again he will not!
Mace: Damn it, Jinn! He stole my head buffer!
Poof: Boo!
Mari: I am lighting the fuse as we speak!
Terran: I have a syringe of valium ready to inject the next time he steps through this door.
Valorum: Please tell him to stop calling me Chancellor Valium! I have dignitaries to kiss up to and amuse without his assistance.
Bren: Hey, Stretch, me again. I'm on my way over.
Qui: Bren, good to see you. Come for some alone time with me?
Bren: No. I came bearing gifts. Obi-Wan, come here.
Obi: Hi Master. I'm home. It's early. I'm sorry. I tried to give you an entire day, but I couldn't find anything to keep me occupied for more than a few minutes. Sorry. I did try. I tried really hard.
Qui: I know you did, Obi-Wan. I um…heard all about how hard you tried. I'm proud if you for putting so much effort into this. It's okay, you can come home early.
Obi: But your gift.
Qui: I'll live without the full 24 hours.
Bren: Good because I can't toss water on one more fire around this place - literally in the case of Mari. This temple is full of nuts. The kid here is the least of the problems.
Obi: So, what do we do now? Winter Festival is tomorrow. I should probably stay inside our quarters for a little while. Archives Mari and Master Mace were plotting together and against me, which is almost impossible to figure because they hate each other. He thinks she's a possessive lunatic and she thinks he's buffed his head one too many times and his brain oozed out his ears.
Bren: For you, kid, mortal enemies will come together.
Obi: I bring people together. I am a true peacekeeper.
Bren: Yes, you go with that thought.
Qui: But he's right, he shouldn't venture out right now. It's not safe. How about we call for some take-out, pop in a Lima vid and stay up all night?
Obi: YOU watch LIMA?
Qui: I'm not a complete stick in the mud.
Obi: Only sometimes, right, Master?
Qui: Don't ruin my mood, Obi-Wan.
Obi: Can we watch The Trolls of Narnia?
Bren: Nah, how about Clash of the Trolls? That Kraken monster thing eats all the trolls at the end.
Obi: Yeah, and there's blood and guts and…
Qui: You know the ending?
Bren: We've seen all the Lima's multiple times, Qui. Where've you been?
Qui: Oh, just doing my Jedi thing.
Obi: I got a better one, Master Bren. How about K-19: The Trollmaker!
Bren: Nice, kid. Go get your sleep clothes on.
Qui: You encourage him too much. He'll be high as a kite all night long.
Bren: Did you see him? He's exhausted. It takes a lot out of a kid to harass an entire temple full of powerful Jedi. He's got a unique ability, Qui. He'll be out cold halfway through the movie. Then you and I can…uh huh…
Obi: I'm back! And stop that. No adult mush talk around me, remember? It's nasty. And I bet you that I won't fall asleep either. Just watch.
(Ten minutes later…)
Bren: Well, I was wrong. He didn't make a quarter of the movie. Poor kid. He'll sleep all through the festival tomorrow if we let him.
Qui: We can't do that. He loves Winter Festival. If nothing else, we'll have to wake him just to torture him.
Bren: You two are so made for each other. Now, let's leave him on the couch and go to your room and…
Obi: Hey!
Bren: Damn it, kid, don't do that! You're supposed to be sleeping.
Obi: I was, but I know what you two were about to sneak off and do. And no. No. No. No. Not while I'm conscious.
Bren: Awww, okay kid. No problem. Qui?
Qui: (pressing fingers to Obi-Wan's head) Goodnight, Padawan. See you in the morning for Winter Festival.
Bren: We are so good. Finally we beat the 13 year old at his own game!
Qui: Seems like he's been 13 for a very long time.
Bren: Only because you want 13 to end so badly.
Qui: Think 14 will be any better?
Bren: No. Better enjoy right now's quiet while we can.
Qui: Right. He's out cold. Let's go!
The end.