It's that feeling that someone
Is standing behind me
And I turn around and there's no one there
And it's the sensation
That someone just whispered
And I still hear your voice but you're not really here
Your memory is like a ghost
And my heart is it's host
She stepped off her broom, body instantly sagging into the closest seat available. This was how it always was when she returned from an assignment. These long, tiring days working towards something she believed in, something worth fighting for.
She felt a ghost of a smile cross her features. But the work would pay off in the end
If only that same work had not separated her from those she cared about. Bringing her gaze to the calendar that graced the far wall, she sighed in disbelief. Had it really been two years? It didn't even seem possible. Two whole years had passed since she had been a simple college student. Since she had hopes of a bright future, since she had left her friends behind.
Two years since she had left him behind.
And yet, the funny thing was, she still felt his presence. In obscure, random moments, it would seem like he was right there with her. It was crazy it even contemplate, she knew. He was where he was meant to be-at Shiz with Glinda, making a life for himself. Why in Oz would she even think he was here?
Because somewhere along the line, she had allowed herself to something she swore she never would.
She fell in love with someone she could never have.
The whole ordeal had begun with the rescue of the lion cub. The moment she had grasped his hand, an unfamiliar feeling spiked through her body, causing them both to stop and stare. If he had felt anything, it never showed, but she couldn't help but wonder if he had felt it too.
Preposterous, she thought. And yet there were times when she thought she could hear his laugh or see his teasing smile in her dreams at night. The happy memories they had made as a small group were held closely in her heart and she found herself thinking of him more and more each day.
And she couldn't help but wonder, did he ever think of her?
I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
Who had ever known that a life could change so much in so little time?
He certainly hadn't. Until this point, he had been able to get by with his good looks, insatiable charm, and a sultry smile. Until now, he had been happy-at least that's what everyone seemed to be telling him.
According to them, he had the perfect life. He was Captain of the Guard, engaged to the most good-hearted person in Oz, and had a bright future in the Wizard's service. How could he not be happy?
They didn't know the whole story. They had no idea what, or rather who, he had given up to have this life.
But did he really? After all, she had never been his to lose in the first place.
And that was where his biggest regret lay.
It was funny, he realized. The only chance he ever had to admit how he felt, he had run away before he had the chance to utter a word. That single day was all it took for him to fall head-over-heels in love. He simply realized it too late.
Sometimes it seemed like she was still there. When he was alone with his thoughts, sometimes he would feel the touch of a hand on his shoulder, only to look up and see nothing. Other times it would be in the ballroom. He could be speaking with his men and swear he would feel someone brush past him, just as she used too. Sometimes it would be nothing, other times it would simply be Glinda requesting his hand for a dance. Of course, he agreed; what kind of gentleman would he be if he didn't. He would simply push any thought of her to the back of his mind, hoping and praying they would cease.
But they never did.
The worst came when he was at home. At any moment, he would glance up and expect to see her walk around the corner, talking with Glinda, ready to toss some sarcastic barb in his direction. And then Glinda would appear alone, a smile plastered on her lovely face to recount her day to him and he would listen as any attentive lover would, but his mind would be a million miles away.
With the woman that he could never forget.
He knew she loved him. Deep, deep down in his heart, he knew that she cared. In that short time, she had been able to reach a part of him that no one else ever had. She had given him the desire to change, to be better. Her love had awoken something in him that he couldn't quite identify and now, he had only one desire.
To find her and tell her that he loved her too.
He only prayed that she felt the same.
You said you'd love me forever
Then you said it's over
And left me without the missing link
I thought I'd forget you
But I guess I forgot to
And lately I've been too confused to think
When I reach for someone new
It's like I'm touching you
When had the definition of perfection changed?
That was want she wanted to know. How could it not have? How else could it be explained?
He was perfect. She was perfect. Hence, they were perfect together.
Or so she had been foolish enough to think.
She had never even seen it coming. Life had been going fine. She had a wonderful job, an adoring public, and a scandilicious fiancé. Well, alright, so the fiancé had been a sort of set-up, but still….he had eventually agreed to marry her.
Looking back, she realized that she should have seen it coming. He claimed to be happy, but there was always a sadness in his eyes that she couldn't quite figure out. In public, he had played the part of an adoring and attentive love to perfection, but when the cameras and crowds were gone, it seemed as though his mind was in a different place altogether.
He would disappear almost immediately walking through the door and lock himself in his study for nearly an hour, sometimes two. Many times, she was able to smell the brandy on his breath when he emerged, but she never said a word. It wasn't her place to get involved.
Now she wished she had.
It was a difficult situation, to be sure. The epitome of goodness in her wished him, both of them, well. All she had every wanted for any of them was to be happy. If that was what it took, then so be it.
However, the human part of her wanted something else.
She had loved the man, for Oz's sakes! Wasn't she good enough for him to love in return? Tireless times, she had asked herself that very question and every time, she came up with the same answer. He had loved her. He loved her in the best way he knew how.
He had simply been in love with someone else.
The sad thing was, she had never even been able to say good-bye
She had tried to move on, tried to see other people. But everywhere she turned, it was his face he saw, his voice he heard, and his hands she felt. It had become too much too soon. Not able to handle the trauma, she had resigned herself to fighting for the cause Elphie had worked so hard to fight. Perhaps in this small way, she could let them know, both of them, that she had remembered them.
That she had forgiven them.
And that was all she could ever do.
I can still feel you