Chapter One: Falling Skies.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." -Ben Okri

Song: Tears of an Angel-RyanDan

So, I've really gotten into Criminal Minds recently and this story has been swirling and twirling in my head. It's going to be mostly about Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, and Aaron Hotch. There will be Garcia, Prentiss and JJ, but not so much Rossi because I haven't seen many episodes with him so I don't have his personality/characteristics down yet. This will be slightly AU but the general plot of Criminal Minds will remain. Sorry if any of the characters seem out of character, I've done my best. The POV's will change between Reid, Morgan, and Hotch. Umm, as far as spoilers go, there will probably be some from season 1&2 and maybe a bit from the others. I haven't actually seen past season 2 yet, I've just seen glimpses of other seasons here and there. Anyway, enough rambling. I have the first three chapters written, if people like the story I'll upload a chapter a week(maybe). This hasn't been beta-ed by anyone but myself and SpellCheck Plus, so excuse any mistakes I did my best.

I don't know what I was expecting when the phone rang at two in the morning. I guess my first thought was Hotch calling about a new case. It wouldn't be the first time he had called at a ridiculous hour telling me there was some sick unsub running loose and that the team was to meet in an hour. To say I was surprised when I answered the phone and heard not, Hotch, but the voice of my mother's doctor is an understatement. It wasn't unusual to get a call from Doctor Rhine. She tended to call at least once a week to let me know how my mother was doing medically. Getting a call from her at two in the morning had never happened before. My heart sped up knowing that something was wrong and it took me several seconds to realize that the doctor was speaking to me. I took a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm sorry what did you say?" I asked. My voice was thick with fear and my grip on the phone was tight as I waited to hear her response.

"Dr. Reid, your mother has been admitted to the hospital." She replied, speaking slowly as if talking to a small child or a very disturbed patient.

I became aware of the fact that I was breathing in short rapid bursts as if I had just run a marathon. I could hear the doctor's voice on the other line, her voice soothing, and I focused on that as I tried to get my breathing controlled.

"Is she okay? What happened?" I spoke quickly and my voice came out in a squeak. I suddenly remembered Morgan calling me a mouse a few weeks ago. I had gotten excited about a new book I had read and my voice had come out squeaky and fast. Morgan had laughed at me and called me a mouse. The next day he had brought me cheese.

My attention was brought back to the situation when the doctor began to speak again.

"I'm sorry Spencer, she…"Dr. Rhine trailed off and took a small breath, "She attempted suicide. A nurse found her in her room, her wrists slit. She's going to be okay." Dr. Rhine added quickly.

My mother wasn't suicidal was the first thing I wanted to respond with. Maybe she had been extremely depressed at times when she was living at home, but she had been better since being admitted to Bennington Sanitarium. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that my mother had wanted to die. It had to be my fault. I should have visited her more; I should have tried to do more for her, instead I put her in a hospital and wrote daily letters to her. What kind of son was I?

"I'll be there first flight out." Was all I could choke out. The doctor seemed to understand my distress because all she responded with was a small goodbye. I hadn't even realized she had hung up until the disconnected tone finally penetrated my frozen mind. This couldn't be happening. I didn't want to believe this. My first rational thought was to call Morgan. Morgan could make everything better. I looked down at my phone, but I couldn't make myself dial Morgan. This wasn't his problem, he had his own problems. I had to take care of this myself, instead I found myself dialing Hotch, hoping the man wouldn't be too upset at being woken up at such an early hour.

The phone rang four times before a tired voice answered.

"Hello?" Hotch's voice was heavy with sleep and confusion.

"Um, it's me, Reid." I said stupidly. My voice sounded far away and I was worried maybe I hadn't even spoken out loud until Hotch finally responded.

"Reid? What's wrong?" Hotch's tone changed to alert and I couldn't help but feel bad for making him worry.

"I need. My mother…" I had to stop. The words didn't want to come out right. I took a few breaths before I continued, "My mother is in the hospital. I need to go."

I heard rustling on the other line and a female voice. The guilt I was feeling for waking Hotch worsened when I realized I had probably woken up Haley as well. I didn't get a chance to wallow in my guilt for long before Hotch began speaking again.

"What's happened to her?" Hotch asked, his voice the softest I had ever heard it.

I chocked back a sob, aware of how close I was to breaking down.

"I just need to go. Please." I replied. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell anyone, I just wanted to be at my mother's side.

"Reid I would feel better if you told me what's wrong. Maybe someone from the team can go with you?" Hotch asked. I could hear Hotch moving around, maybe pacing.

"No. If a case comes up you would be down two people." My voice cracked. I would have loved to have Morgan or Hotch come with me, but it was a bad idea.

"Get ready to leave and book two flights. Morgan will meet you at your place in twenty. This is an order." Hotch's tone was stern and commanding.

Before I could respond Hotch hung up. I had mixed feelings on having Morgan come with me. I needed the support, but I didn't want anyone to know what was going on. I'm not sure why I felt this way, but I was worried that the people I thought of as my family would think I was a bad son. I stayed in my cold bed for several minutes before making up my mind. I packed a couple shirts and pants quickly before booking a flight online. I left a note on my door as I locked up and left. I could do this on my own. I had always done everyone on my own before so why change anything now?

My walk to the station was cold and lonely. The darkness seemed to close around me, suffocating me. I felt dazed and confused. I knew I was in shock, I showed all the symptoms of it, but knowing didn't change what I was going through. If anything, it made me realize even more how little control I had over the current situation. I had no idea how to deal with this. I could face down unsubs every day and manage better than this. The need for a fix struck suddenly and left me breathless. I sat down on the subway bench and rested my head in my hands. A fix was not going to do anything for me expect make things worse. I knew this and yet I still wanted one so badly. The tears began to leak out and soon a loud sob made its way through my throat. My body shook with need, fear, and tears.

Cheers.