Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, nor do I own this song. The lyrics are from Back to December - Taylor Swift.
A/N: This is one of the first oneshots/songfics I've ever written, so be nice! I know it's not terribly great, but hey.
I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
"Hey." She spoke softly when he answered the door.
Elena thought about calling Damon beforehand, but figured that he wouldn't have answered had she given him the heads up.
Not that she felt she didn't deserve to be ignored.
"Hey."
"Can I come in?" She tried.
Damon merely moved aside allowing her to pass over the threshold.
"Stefan's out." Damon's carefully composed mask was back in place, and she felt like a part of her was slipping away.
"I'm not here to see him."
He snorted. "Right."
"Honestly." She gave a small smile, "I'm actually here to talk to you."
Damon was silent for a moment. "So you can chew me out for feeling? I think I'll pass."
Her heart clenched.
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
At the time she hadn't thought much about what her words would do to him, and she was an idiot for thinking that he would just let them go.
In the silence that encompassed them both, their confrontation hung over them, echoing in the distant corners of her mind.
"No, I'm mad at you because I love you!"
Her controlled features dissipated into something vaguely resembling disgust.
"Well maybe that's the problem."
Everything about that night was wrong. Elena never wished she could have taken back something so badly before in her life.
The look that crossed his face moments after she'd spoken killed her inside.
For months she was telling him to feel, something if anything. And the moment he finally did, she threw it in his face with a lot less than tactful grace.
She was the world's biggest hypocrite.
"I'm sorry."
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
Elena took in a deep breath. "The night of the ball, I acted horribly. For the longest time I told you to let yourself feel, that anything was better than nothing at all." She laughed without humor. "And the moment you own up to feeling? I throw it back in your face. I don't know what I was thinking, to think that it wouldn't bother you. That you'd take my words with a grain of salt."
He only looked at her, blue eyes dim. "Yeah, well. Apology not accepted Elena."
She sighed. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Yet you did."
"That was the last thing I wanted."
He shook his head. "If that was the case you never would have said those words in the first place."
"I wasn't thinking clearly." She reasoned, "We were arguing, and in the heat of the moment I said things I never meant." Even as the words escaped Elena's lips she knew he could tell it wasn't the whole truth.
Honestly, she knew the way he looked at her. She knew that Damon loved her. She caught glimpses of it here and there, and for the most part he hid it well.
If she was being perfectly honest, his love terrified her. It was all-consuming and unconditional.
And she, she was a coward.
This was the whole reason she stuck around Stefan so long in the first place. His love was simple and easy.
Nothing compared to Damon's in the slightest.
The intensity of his eyes shocked her. "I can tell there's more to it." She opened her mouth in protest. "Don't lie to me, not to my face. I thought we agreed to be honest with each other."
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.
"If I could change that night, I would." She sighed again, heavily. "I get that you're mad at me, but you–"
"Yes, I know. I need to 'get over it'." Damon's blue eyes were stormy, "Don't deflect, Elena. Tell me what really made you say that."
"I'm not deflecting!"
"Yes you are! I know that tactic when I see it."
"But I'm not!"
He flashed to her side, shaking her gently by the shoulders. "Don't lie to me! Tell me what it really was!"
"Tell you what? That the way you love me scares me half to death? Is that what you wanted to hear? Huh?" Fire burned within her. "You don't just love the parts of me I let everyone see. You love the dark parts too. Rude and bitchy queen-bee Elena. Everything. And it terrifies me that you can see me so completely! That no matter what I do, part of you will always care. Your love is so irrevocable and intense that it scares me!"
She took a breath, eyes stealing a look at his.
"But most of all, I'm scared because no matter what I do, I can seem to shake you. You've become a part of me, and every time I see you in pain I feel like a part of my heart falls away." Her voice was barely a whisper. "And I'm positively terrified because part of me is screaming to give in to you."
His eyes were alight with hope. "Why don't you listen to it then? If this is about getting hurt…you know I'd never dream of hurting you."
She nodded, "I do."
"Then what is it?"
"What if…what if my love isn't enough?" She bit her lip. "The way you feel for me is so reckless and unabashed…what if mine can't seem to compare?"
"It wouldn't matter to me. This, this admittance of lo–" Within seconds he had realized what she said. "Love? You love me?"
Her eyes grew wide. Had she really said that out loud? As much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn't. Not when it was so blatantly clear. "Y-yes. I love you, Damon. I have for a while."
His eyes searched hers before he shook his head letting her go. "If you're saying this for my benefit you can just leave."
"Why would I lie about something like this?"
"Because you're afraid I'm going to go on a bender again."
"That's not what this is about! Can't you see that?" Her voice was quiet. "Why can't you believe that I love you?"
His undead heart pulsated. "Because hoping is something I can't afford to let myself do. In the end 'it's always going to be Stefan'. And I don't know if I'll be able to survive when you abandon me in favor of him."
It had never occurred to her how much he felt like second best. His father preferred Stefan, and according to Damon, the only person who ever put him first in life was his mother. Katherine used him, and it never struck her that maybe Damon felt that no one would ever love him.
"I wouldn't do that to you. I don't think I could if I tried. Stefan and I have been over for a long time." She crossed over to him, her hand on his cheek. "Damon, I love you. It's true, don't try to push me away. I know you don't think it's possible, but it is."
He leaned into her touch. "I wish I could believe you." He sighed. "But I've always been second best to my brother. And the fact of the matter is, I don't deserve you the way he does."
The sentence pulled at something deep inside her, and she couldn't seem to pinpoint what it was. Just as she thought she had the memory, it slipped away further from her gasp.
"Don't do that. Don't act like you're worth less than he is. You've proven to me a thousand times over that he has nothing on you. He threw away any claim he had the moment he turned his emotions off."
"He's better than I am, Elena."
He didn't know how wrong he was. All Damon ever seemed to do was defend Stefan; he pointed out everything good about him as though it excused all the bad he'd ever done. Because apparently he was pure in Damon's mind.
And that's where they differed most. While Stefan was fine with telling Elena how bad Damon was, refusing the world of good he'd done in the past couple years, Damon recognized the good things Stefan's done.
That's what bothered her most was the fact that Stefan took every chance he could to cut Damon down.
"No. He's not." Elena sighed. "You're better than he could ever hope to be."
"I-"
"Shh." Elena pulled her face closer to his. "Can you feel that?" Taking his hand in hers, she put it to the spot above where her heart was beating far too quickly. "I don't react this strongly to anybody else. I never have and I probably never will."
He couldn't bring himself to stop the hope from swelling inside him.
"I love you, Damon. You're just going to have to deal with it."
Their lips collided in a tender kiss that was at odds with all the emotions emanating from it.
And for the first time in over a century, he felt a warmth consume him.
Damon finally recognized it for what it really was.
Love.