Yay! My new inspiration! I had wanted to make these for how long, but I didn't know where to start. Okay, so as said in my summary, this is based off me and my anime-loving friends. We also are very odd, so don't be surprised if I have to translate stuff XD
I was searching through my E-mail like I did every week, deleting spam, spam, and more damn spam.
God! I have to deal with telemarketers; I don't have time for spammers!
However, I stopped to one, as it had caught my eye. Its subject read 'Are You A Hetalia Fan?'
Of course, I am, so I clicked it.
Then you had a link, and I clicked that.
I soon came to a webpage that said 'Congratulations, you have won free Hetalia units!"
Now I was confused; what the fuck is a Hetalia unit?
But since curiosity got the better of me, I clicked OK. Let's face it; I thought maybe they were like Dollfie dolls, which are ball-jointed dolls and to me looked adorable as hell.
That or Pullips; those are good too.
So I inserted my name, address, all that crap.
Once I clicked the Finish button, it came to a list of the units I was to have. However, after I read the header that made suspense of what units I was to get, the page exited out without me even telling it to!
What the fuck?!
"Great…Now I am going to get surprises…" I groaned in disgust.
Now, I know I had no reason to worry, because I was on my own. Well, maybe I can call my Hetalia-obsessed friends for help if I need it. I mean, how hard can this be?
These units are probably just little collector Barbie dolls people often keep in the box as they are so sacred they are only for decoration and just sit and collect dustbunnies…
Well, maybe I should call my friends, and then at least they know what they are up against…
Well then, that's official; I'll call them tomorrow! Besides, how can a unit show up randomly on my doorstep in twenty four hours?
The next morning I had gotten up to hearing a knock at the door. I headed to the door, there being the FedEx guy right there with a tall and heavy as hell crate. "Delivery for Tiffany McDonald." The guy was dull as always.
"Okay then…Whatever…" I signed the paperwork.
The scrawny guy managed to wheel the crate in, and left.
I sighed, shutting the door. "For the love of god…What the flying fuck is-" I stopped, noticing what seemed like a manual taped to the box. Carefully I took the tape off and then got the booklet into my hands.
"America? For the love of all things holy!" I said as I continued reading, only to stop at the 'Length' description.
It read…
Length: He's the world's biggest superpower.
"What. The. Fuck." I felt my face turn really red. Damn, was this company full of perverts or something, or was this to give some of those crazy-as-hell fan girls some ideas?
I was not wanting to find out.
"Let's see, how to get him out of the box?" I stared at the tidbit confused.
Removal of your ALFRED F. JONES from Packaging:
Your ALFRED F. JONES unit is a happy, energetic unit - for the most part - and there are rarely any problems with waking him up. It is impossible to accidentally knock him into a dangerous mode when removing him from his package; the most you need to worry about is him being too happy and energetic. In order to avoid that, we have provided you with a few ways that you can wake him carefully and get right to work on any reprogramming you might want to do!
1. Play the American national anthem, or any patriotic American song. Loudly. Your unit will respond immediately, singing horribly out-of-tune until the song is over; you can reprogram him during this time, and the faster you do this the faster he'll stop singing.
2. Put on a kid's superhero show or movie (preferably Superman or Batman) loud enough to be heard down the street. Your unit will whine for you to let him out of the box, and will run to the television as soon as you do. While he watches, you can reprogram him; however, be warned that if your chosen superhero is prone to striking heroic poses, your unit might jump up and do them as well.
3. Speak with a British accent or in Russian. ALFRED F. JONES will reply positively to the first one, and a little coldly to the second, but he will get up anyway.
4. Turn on his Tony unit. He'll insult you, ALFRED F. JONES will wake up shaking with laughter, and you'll be able to reprogram him then.
"Hm…So many great options…" I sighed. "Let's see about four…" I suggested to myself.
I managed to get the Tony unit out of the box. "Oh boy…this thing better not keep insulting me by the end of this…" I sighed and hesitantly turned on the alien unit…thing…whatever! Moving on!
Once I did this, the alien looked at me, the red eyes almost seem like they are piercing into my soul.
"Fucking Brit…" He stated. Once he said that, I heard an unmistakable laughter from the box.
"I'm not British…" I sighed hopelessly.
"Woah, awesome!" the unit of America sat up from in the box, scaring the complete crap out of me because I was not expecting that.
"Please for the sake of my underwear don't do that…" I told him.
"Sorry." He smiled childishly.
Holy crapola that makes him sexy…
Quit the perverted thinking!
"Yeah…I am Tiffany, so now if you will please excuse me, I have to make a phone call to a friend of mine, okay?" I told him.
"Alright!" Alfred smiled, earning a total sweatdrop of uncertainty from me.
"You did what?!" Sam shouted across the phone to me.
"Hey, don't blame me, blame the PC." I told her.
"So you are saying you had just clicked some random e-mail, and then bought this…unit thingy and thought it was just going to be like a Dollfie or something, but instead you get a life size version of Alfred F. Jones, the personification of the United States of America from Hetalia?" She assumed the whole thing correctly.
"Yeah, and Tony."
"Who's Tony?"
I face palmed. I forgot to mention Tony to her.
"Well, this unit came with a Tony unit thing, you know, the gray alien thing America has in the anime?"
"Oh, the potty mouthed yet cute alien thing?!" Sam asked, ecstatic.
"Duh. Now for the love of god can you and our other friends help me out…Because knowing my luck, they will send me Russia or something…" I sighed.
"Wait, I thought you only got one?" Sam asked me.
"Well, when I placed the order in, a list came up of what units I was to get, but after I read the heading that said 'These are the units you will receive…', the page exited out on its own." I explained.
"Fine then, we will help…" Sam sighed.
"Yay! Thankies!" I smiled, glad I was going to at least be helped in this situation.
Let's hope nothing crazy happens…
You like? I hope so; it's short, but more shall come soon! So how will my friends (other than Sam) react to my unit and his unit pet...alien? O-o' I don't even know about that last part...
And what's the next unit going to be shipped in? Only to be revealed in Chapter Two my comrades... ^J^
America's Manual tidbits are from 0ptimuspenguin's Manual for America's Unit.