Author's note: I'll try to keep this short because I know that this isn't what you want to be reading (and most of you won't anyway), but I thought that I would just explain that this here is a short, pointless one shot that I've had posted on DeviantART for several months because of a writing theme challenge on the site. After much deliberation and a little editing, I have decided to post it up – as well as a couple of others - here as well so as to see what you all think. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Basically, I do not own Kung Fu Panda. Any recognisable characters and other subject matter are the property of DreamWorks Animation.
Art or Sport
By Kaptain Kitty
It was pointless. It was immature. Above all that, it was completely and utterly pathetic.
For three days they have been bickering, tossing argumentative points at one another. For three days they have been relentlessly accusing the other of being incorrect, then stating specifically why that was so. The only time that this constant arguing would cease was when one of them would grow tired of being political about their belief, thus reducing themselves to shouting at the other. Every now and then, odd – and quite solid looking - projectiles would be seen hurtling across the room. This however, was mostly when the two opponents were not within punching range of each other.
Even now as the dinner lay upon the dining table, the two continued to squabble.
"I'm telling you, Kung Fu is a sport!"
"You're wrong! Kung Fu is an art!"
Sitting at the head of the table, Master Tigress released a drawn out sigh. With her eyes lowered into slits, she glared at one agitated Monkey and one very furious Mantis sitting further along the table from her. Her fists clenched tighter. She had long since grown tired of this most absurd argument, and was currently struggling with all her will power not to leap up and yell at the two to 'shut up' before aiming an ever effective Tiger Strike to each one of their muzzles.
Thankfully, she could clearly see that she was not the only one having to endure all of this. Also sitting at the dinner table, Viper, Crane and Po sat in silence. Po, by far the most selfless within the group, had been expressing the clear look of worry towards their friends. Crane, the so called "peace keeper" within the group, stared at the two with contemplative eyes. It was as if he were trying to uncover the key within his mind that would instantly stop their heated banter. Viper meanwhile, just gazed at the two of them, observing them. Her face was emotionless.
Glaring at the simian through heated red and yellow eyes, Mantis soon put forth his retort. "Nah! Kung Fu requires agility, strength, and flexibility. It's physical! It's a sport!"
"Not entirely," Monkey replied. "Kung Fu also requires accuracy and patience. It is a delicate process which requires both mind and soul. It is an art!"
Deciding to break the boring gaze which was directed at the two squabbling masters, Tigress let a low growl escape from the depth of her throat. This was becoming unbearable. Already she could feel the onslaught of a headache which was threatening to corrupt her, one that even pinching the bridge of her nose couldn't prevent for long.
"One would think that they would have given up even speaking to one another by now," she stated, her voice lowered into a hushed growl. "I think I would prefer them never wanting to speak to one another ever again. At least then we wouldn't have to put up with all of this shouting."
Po cowed at this. "Gee… I know I'm as sick of their fighting as you guys, but… having them never even speak to each other again seems kind'a…"
"Don't worry yourself, Po," Crane soothed, offering a small smile from across the width of the table. "This isn't the first time they've argued. It'll be a cold day in the middle of summer before those two decide to lose their friendship over some petty argument."
"Mm… But can you recall a time when they have argued for this long, Crane?" Tigress asked him, sending a pointed glare towards the avian master.
Crane, looking thoughtful for but a brief moment, soon let out a soft sigh. Lowering his head, he placed a wing over his eyes in defeat. He could not think of a single time when Mantis and Monkey had fought for even half as long.
Po also was sinking lower on his chair in a helpless state. "Man… where's Shifu when you need him?"
Tigress gave the panda a short look of dislike at him having referred to their master so informally. However, she too had to ponder his current whereabouts at this exact time.
An hour into their argument, Viper and Tigress had excused themselves from training after the constant yelling had eventually taken its toll on interrupting their spar. They had snuck away to the Sacred Hall of Warriors, where they found Master Shifu releasing a paw full of blossom petals from the Sacred Peach Tree into the Moon Pool as he did every morning, carrying on the tradition of their deceased Grand Master Oogway. Together, they relayed the details of Monkey and Matis' current verbal disagreement.
"Leave them as they are," he had told them, waving a dismissive paw towards the two females. "We can not prevent them from disagreeing on one another every once in a while, for we all have different beliefs. Nor can we prevent them from expressing their disagreements aloud. All we can do is have faith that they will sort out their own argument in time. Their minds should settle sooner or later. "
With this, he turned and promptly left the Hall of Warriors. No one had seen hide or hair of him since.
"Kung Fu isn't like painting, Monkey!" Mantis squalled. "To do Kung Fu, you need to have energy! You need to be fit! You don't need to have energy or be fit to do art because you're barely moving anything apart from the arm that's holding the paintbrush!"
"There are more forms to art than just painting! What about the performing arts, like dancing or acting? They require fitness and energy, but they aren't classed as sport. They're classed as art!"
"Oh yeah? Then why is the practice of acting sometimes referred to as 'Theatre Sports'?"
"That may be so. But Kung Fu is referred to as a 'Martial Art'!"
"Martial art or not, it is still a sporting activity!"
"No, it is an art!"
"Sport!"
"Art!"
"Sport!"
"Art!"
That was it. Tigress had had enough. She raised her already bawled fists to cover her suffering ears, trying to block out the now screeching tones of the two warriors. The headache which had been slowly developing before now pounded with such intensity that it forced her to clench her eyes shut. Her teeth were bared as she ground them together, gritting them to help bear the pain. Her mind screamed. She was now fighting a losing battle with her own self control. She was about to crack. About to yell aloud. Feeling the build up inside her, the force of a roar like a lump creeping up her throat which she would be unable to stifle. With a deep intake of air, she prepared to scream to the Heavens. To get those two idiots to finally be-
"QUIET!"
Then there was nothing.
All the pent up anger, the struggle from restraint… all seemed to have been relieved from within Tigress. Ever so slowly, she opened her eyes and lowered her fists from her ears. Within moments, a slight wave of shock coursed through her. Had she screamed?
No. She couldn't have. If she had, the eyes of all who sat around her would be trained on her. Instead, everyone's attention seemed focused in another direction. Even Mantis and Monkey were staring wide-eyed towards that one particular spot, their mouths agape.
Tigress followed their gazes, and she too was soon stunned.
Viper, the ever patient master who never raised her voice or allowed her temper to get the better of her even in battle, had been the one who had shouted. To further surprise the five already thunderstruck masters, she wasn't finished yet either.
"For crying out loud! You two are acting like immature children!" she accused, raising her body to loom over the now cowering insect and primate, glaring upon them with piercing blue eyes. "Seriously, if you are going to take an argument to this extreme, at least make it about a topic worth getting this fussed over! Kung Fu is a form of self defence that requires a balance of both physical and mental strength. It is a martial art that is practiced as a sport! There! Are you both happy?"
Sliding off her chair and onto the floor, Viper slithered her way towards the kitchen door. Shortly before excusing herself into the hallway, she stopped. Her stern eyes softened as she turned her head back to face the table.
"Thank you for the dinner, Po. It was lovely, as always."
A thick silence lingered within the room even after her form had disappeared out of the kitchen. No one; not even Po, seemed daring enough to breathe a single word. It was as though everyone were in fear of striking up another eruption.
Fortunately, the awkwardness of the situation was soon overcome as Mantis silently picked up his set of chopsticks to take a bite of rice from the plate in front of him. Cringing, he placed the chopsticks back onto the table.
"Blech! Cold rice doesn't taste very good."
"I agree with you on that one, my friend," Monkey agreed, setting his own chopsticks down and pushing the dinner plate away from him.
All Tigress, Po, and Crane could do was look at one another in confusion.
END
Alright, so how was that for a first attempt at a Kung Fu Panda fanfiction? I'd love to hear your opinions!