Author's note: This is the first story of what will be a series of one-shots. Sam has adopted a daughter a couple years back, who is called Stevie. Lexie and Sam were together for some time and Sam finds herself manipulating the relationship due to commitment phobia and bad experiences from previous relationships. In this oneshot, Sam admits to Lexie that she cheated on her. Other oneshots will feature stories about Stevies adoption, Sam and Lexie's first date etc. This story is AU and I obviously don't own any of the characters, except for Stevie. Apart from that I apologize in advance for mistakes. English is not my native language. Will upload more chapters when desired. Otherwise enjoy.

"Lex, I have to tell you something. I slept with someone else while we were broken up".

I will never forget the look on her face when I told her. Her eyes looked at me first with shock and devastation, then with anger and disgust.

"Who are you? Look at who you have become during those past months. I never thought you'd do that to me, ever. I don't even know who you are anymore". With that she turned around, she just couldn't face Sam any longer. It was the absolute betrayal, from what she thought until this very moment was the women she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

- "Lexy, please, let me explain".

She didn't want to hear any explanation. She felt like bursting inside and so she turned around and screamed "Just go! I can't even look at you".

- "Please Lex, you have to understand! I thought we were broken up. I would never cheat on you. If I had thought that there would've been even the slightest chance of us getting back together, I never would have…"

- "Fucked someone else the minute things got hard?"

- "We were broken up"

- "Go. NOW!"

- "You have to listen to me"

- "No! I don't! You need to leave, right fucking now. Do you know what you are expecting from me right now. You just ripped my heart out. The love of my life has been fucking someone else and now you stand her and want me to listen to you and to show understanding for you? Don't you get that I can't talk to you? Don't you get it? Just looking at you makes me want to throw up. Standing here right now is killing me. Don't you get that?"

Sam looked intently at her, tears now streaming down her face. Lexie was right. She had managed to destroy everything. She fucked up. She did some unrepairable damage and she would have to live with that. Knowing that she screwed up her one chance at a happy ending. The whole picture. Girlfriend, Kid, Dog, House. She fucked it all up.

So, with one last look at the women whose heart she just had shattered into a million pieces, she left and closed the door behind her.

Sitting in her car she dreaded driving home. Stevie would be waiting for her and Sam wasn't yet ready to break another heart by telling their daughter her other mother would not be coming back home again. Not this night and not any other night, either.

Finally, she realized that she needed to get home and cook dinner for Stevie, so she wiped the tears from her eyes and drove home.

"Honey, I'm home"

Stevie came out of her room and fell into Sam's arms, which never failed to make her smile, even under these circumstances.

"Mummy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, sweetheart, just a long day"

"Have you been crying?"

"Just…" Sam sighed. "Lex and I got into a fight and… it got pretty ugly".

"Well… you will make up eventually, right? You always do".

"I think this time is different, Kid". New tears were forming in Sam's eyes.

"Why?"

"I screwed up big time"

"Yeah but… even so. Whatever happened, she will forgive you, I know she will. Just give her some time."

Sam took a deep breath, choosing her next words very carefully. She didn't want to upset Stevie more than necessary. Telling her that Lex would never just drop-by like she used to, or spend the night, or spend time with them during the evenings or weekends would be hard enough on Stevie. Sam was furious at herself. Not only did she screw up the relationship with the women of her dreams, she also took Lexie from Stevie, which she would never forgive herself for.

"Look, I want you to know that whatever happens, Lex will always be your other mother. You can see each other whenever you like and spend as much time together as you want. Always. You can talk on the phone every day and I will drive you to her place anytime you want to see her. That will never change."

"But we're a family"

"We will always be a family, sweetheart. Lex and I will always be your mothers. Whatever else happens, that will never change". Sam almost choked on those words and she needed time to just sit and cry and break down.

"Can you go and order us both a pizza? I will take a quick shower and be right back". Sam mustered her best fake smile, kissed Stevie on the forehead and headed to the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower. Immediately, she started to sob. What had she done? 'Just go, I can't even look at you… Standing here right now is killing me'. What had she done? What was wrong with her?

To be honest, Sam really thought that Lexie had broker up with her. It didn't even come as a surprise. The past few months, Sam would stay late at work, cancel dates, forget about scheduled dinners and talk her way out of spending time with Lexie. Sam didn't want to acknowledge the reason for her bad behavior. Superficially, she justified it by needing her space and spending time on her own. She was her on person and nobody could tell her whom to spend time with, and when, except for her daughter, of course.

Honestly though, Sam was avoiding Lexie. She realized that she was madly in love with Lexie. So much so that she would make plans for their future together. Just the three of them, Lexie, Stevie, and her. She wanted to do all that cliché stuff. Buy a house in the suburbs with a garden, go on vacation, grow old together.

Then it hit her. How could she have been so blind. How could she expect Lexie to love her back like that? What was to like about Sam anyway? No way Lexie was that serious about her. Lexie loved Stevie like her own daughter, that was for sure. The two shared so many character traits, interests, and even looks, that everybody would think of them as mother and daughter anyways. But how could she possibly love Sam? Sam, who was so full of self-doubt and underachieving? Who was tough on the outside but vulnerable and week within?

So fear got the best of her and the thought that inevitably, at some point, Lexie would come to her senses and realize what Sam already knew: Lexie was to good for her. She deserved better. Lexie would break up with her and break her heart. This was how it would play out.

From that moment on, Sam withdrew from the relationship. She did everything she could to detach herself. Telling herself not to spend too much time with Lexie. Not to get involved with Lexie's friends and especially not with Lexie's family.

Of course Lexie noticed Sam's awkward behavior. Her rain checks and her withdrawing behavior. It scared her. Suddenly, Sam would flich every time Lexie tried to touch her. She would stiffen up when Lexie leaned in for a kiss. Sam was never again the one to initiate body contact and from one day to the other they stopped having sex.

Everytime Lexie tried to talk to Sam about it, she would tell her off like Lexie was imagining things.

A couple of weeks later, Lexie decided that she had given Sam more than enough space and she was scared at the pace with which she and Sam seemed to drift apart.

After another missed dinner and an hour wait in a restaurant without Sam showing up, she just had it. She called Sam and told her that she would no longer put up with her being treated that way and that Sam was not to contact her unless she would tell her what her problem was.

For Sam that seemed like the break-up she had been waiting for. But instead of relief she felt devastated. Since Stevie was sleeping at a friend's house, Sam decided to drown her pain in alcohol, just like she used to when previous relationships fell apart. It was Sam's way of acknowledging that nobody would ever really want her.

She went out to the gay bar she used to visit quite regularly before Stevie moved in with her for good. After a couple more shots she noticed a blonde staring at her hungrily.

"Why the hell not" Sam thought to herself. "I might not be desirable enough to build a life with, but I'm still good enough for a casual fuck and be forgotten afterwards".

Drowning another shot, she got up from the bar and walked over to the blonde. They left the bar together shortly after.

t.b.c.