Tap Tap Tap
He knocks the wooden door in front of him, still telling himself he couldn't do this, wouldn't do this. He'd been telling himself that the whole way over here, thinking of all the many reasons why he couldn't do this, shouldn't do this. Yet here he was standing at the door, the door which stood between him and the one person he just couldn't stop thinking about.
He heard the sound of movement inside. Footsteps. Coming closer and closer. He felt his heart beat speed up with…nervousness? Excitement? He wasn't quite sure. Again he told himself that he couldn't do this, wouldn't do this. He tried to convince himself he would just turn on his heel and walk away, but he knew very well that he wouldn't.
The door handle turned, and once again apart of him screamed at himself 'You can't do this! You won't do this!' Then he saw him, the one person he just couldn't stop thinking about and he felt all that inner turmoil fade away. He just stared, he couldn't even move his mouth to form words, never mind expect any to come out.
He just stared straight back, surprise, maybe even shock clear on his face. In his deep blue eyes though, there was something else. Not shock or surprise, something a little like joy but more.
'Teddy?', he asked as if he wasn't really sure whether or not he was hallucinating. Teddy stared a little more, before realising he should probably say something.
'Um..I..uh', he couldn't seem to form a proper sentence. You're an idiot, he told himself. '…Hi, Ian'. This was the first time he'd spoken his name, having not allowed himself to even think it since…that night. It felt good the way it fell so easily from his lips.
Ian smiled, and Teddy couldn't help but smile back just a little.
'You're really here?', Ian asked, again seemingly still not sure this was real. Teddy laughed a little.
'Yeah', he murmured. They were staring into each other's eyes now and Teddy felt so calm, so content, like he could stay this way forever. Ian looked away first.
'You shouldn't be here', he whispered. His voice wasn't harsh or angry if anything a little sad but they caused Teddy to flinch, just a little. 'You should never look at me again, never mind speak to me after what I did'
Ian was looking at the ground, but when he looked into Teddy's eyes, despite his words Ian knew how glad he was that he was here. He hadn't seen him in so long, too long.
'I needed to see you', Teddy said. Ian couldn't help but smile, realising they both felt the same. He didn't ask Teddy to elaborate on what that meant or what he planned on doing while he was here, he just gestured for him to follow him inside.
As Teddy followed him through the familiar house he knew why he was really here, he'd realised why as soon as he had seen Ian's face. He didn't need to see him, he just needed him.
Teddy needed Ian, it seemed so clear and simple now. Deep down he knew it wasn't, and it never would be. Ian turned to face Teddy.
'I'm sorry', he said, his troubled eyes full of guilt ad remorse, 'I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that's not an excuse and it doesn't make it better'. He looked away. 'I just need you to know that', he whispered.
He wasn't sure if it was the look on his face, the guilt in his eyes and the conviction in his voice but Teddy just couldn't deal with seeing Ian in pain. He needed to make it better.
He leant in pressing his lips against Ian's gently, he paused for a moment before kissing back. Their kiss was consoling, loving and sweet. Teddy's lips were on fire and as he pulled Ian closer everywhere their bodies touched seemed to explode. Just like before, they seemed to mould together perfectly like one was made for the other.
When they broke apart they were both a little shocked. Ian looked at him questioningly, but Teddy could see his eyes shimmering with happiness and the barely concealed smile on his face. Teddy smiled too, he just couldn't hold it back.
But then Ian looked away, his face becoming guarded. 'What are you doing Teddy?', he looked at him pleadingly, 'Can't you see you can do so much better?'.
Teddy was shocked, shaking his head.
'I want to be with you Teddy. Of course I do', he said, 'but I don't deserve you, not after what I did'. He hung his head in sorrow. Teddy, lifted his chin, staring at him until he met his eyes.
'I know you're sorry, I can see that', he told him, 'I can't completely forgive you…not yet. But I'll get there'. Ian started to protest, but Teddy placed a finger on his lips, smiling as his eyes widened.
'We can do this', he murmured, their faces only inches apart now. 'I need you'.
'I need you too', Ian whispers, staring at his lips intently, just before they met.