DE NILE AIN'T JUST A RIVER IN TAHOE
Damn it.
Lab mice don't have names. It's all her doing. It is illogical to name animals used in scientific research. It isn't like I harbor affection for them. But I still can't look at mouse number twelve and not think 'Cabe, Jr.'. I also never fail to remember every detail of her smile when I named it to amuse her. Having an eidetic memory is often as much a curse as a gift.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes in an effort to alleviate the headache throbbing at my temples. Stupid mouse. Stupid maze.
Right now her flight will have just reached cruising altitude. She and Tim are probably enjoying their beverage service…
Okay. I'm okay. Breathe. Focus on what's important. Back to research. The greater good. Compartmentalize it.
This is precisely why entanglements at work are inadvisable. It interferes with concentration. And it's not like I should care if she is involved with someone else. She deserves to be happy. And even if I once wanted to entertain the idea of becoming involved with her myself, I can't offer an iota of what Tim represents. At least he can identify what she is feeling, share what he feels. I have improved in that area marginally, but I'm still not good at understanding or identifying emotions in myself or anyone else.
Of course I can usually mute anything with logic, concentrate on science or other more important subjects. I just need to fixate on something else. Anything else. Like I need to be doing now.
My chest hurts. Maybe I should call Toby. He could recommend something. But he wouldn't shut up about her. Thinks he knows everything. And I really don't want to talk about her. At all.
I refuse to consider let alone discuss what they will do in Tahoe this weekend. It's none of my business. She seemed more shocked than excited when I offered her the tickets. But once again, I can't read people. I mean, I actually thought Linda liked me, enjoyed being with me.
I just need to stick with science. Math. Computers. Those things never leave you. Never let you down. Never hurt…wait, I'm NOT hurt. I'm fine.
Back to the data. Extrapolate the data. Enter the data. Examine the data. Then run the stupid mouse again. Why did I go back to working on this project? Megan is gone. Nevermind that.
Wait. Who's here?
"Hello? Walter?"
Paige! What's she doing here?
"I'm in the lab," I call out, flooded with an inappropriate amount of intense relief.
I start down the stairs and the sight of her is like a fist to the abdomen. Oh, boy. I have the irrational urge to embrace her, so I stuff my hands in my pockets instead.
"What are you doing here? You should be gone already."
"It was nice of you to give them to me, but I transferred the tickets to Happy and Toby instead."
I'm confused and ask in a sharper tone than I intend, "What? Why? Why would you do that?"
She can't meet my eyes, tugs on her scarf and tucks her hair behind her ears before answering, "I thought they would appreciate a get away more."
"But what about you and, uh…," His name sticks and I can't choke it out.
She shakes her head, "There is no me and Tim. I thought I could, but I guess I can't. You shouldn't date someone when you are in, um, l-lo… Well, when you have strong feelings for another person. Its not fair."
Inexplicably, my pulse is racing, the blood is rushing in my ears.
"That does seem unethical," I answer but my voice sounds squeaky to me, like the mice in the lab.
She steps toward me, pulls my hands from my pockets and holds them in hers.
"Are you still opposed to this? Against us being together? I can give it time, but please tell me if I don't have a reason to hope."
Suddenly the memory of our awkward, fumbling, marvelous kiss floods my mind like a torrent file downloading. "What if I ruin it? What if I can never be what you need?" I blurt out unfiltered, "I'm not any good at these things."
She smiles and drops one of my hands to move closer and touch my face. I actually enjoy it when she touches me. I find it soothing and exciting both. Very confusing.
"Let's look at it like an equation to be solved then. One I can actually help you solve for once."
I'm overcome. I can't come up with a reasonable argument even though I'm sure one exists. My throat feels tight, so I nod.
I'm breathless while we both hesitate. Giving into the irresistible, I kiss her like I always find myself wanting to.
AN: I wrote this because of the article in TV guide. It really hurt my Waige feelers. The preview for next week is giving me hope, though.