Disclaimer: Of course I own CSI and everything that goes along with it…well, just as much as everyone else on this site does. I'm not greedy; I can share the joy of owning something so superbly badass. Oh, and I stole my title from one of my favorite groups- Goddamn Electric Bill.

Spoilers: Oh, I'm sure that I've probably ruined something for someone out there, so when you see it on TV, just act surprised. Basically some drabbles of a couple previous seasons and the entirety of season 7 so far.

She's not into me. It's fine, I get it. Don't rub it in, though. Salt in the wound, people. Salt in the wound.

Every time I see her or muster up some courage to ask her out again, it's the same situation. One of those 'Hey, see that dead horse over there? Well, I'm going to go and beat that son of a bitch with this here stick' situations. It'll never happen. That doesn't mean the effort won't be made on my part, though.

I understand the resistance on her part. This lab is not exactly lacking in the 'good looking' department. No, I'm not gay, but I am comfortable enough to say when other guys are good looking.

Some of us have the looks and the personality. Nick sure as hell does, Bobby and Archie aren't completely hopeless, and I'm pretty good looking and funny. Some women would even go so far as to say I'm hot. Not only do I have the personality and the looks, but I'm pretty smart, too.

I know, humble aren't I?

So…with the endless possibilities of looks and personality around the lab, what the hellis up with her pick?!

I don't hate her for not picking me. I'm severely disappointed in who she did pick, but I could never hate her. It's Sara for Christ's sake; who could hate her? Even on her bad days, like when she snapped on Ecklie (though we all considered it hilariously good), she can turn around and be a total sweetheart at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, I went to a damn good school. I was barely into my thirties and I was the head of the DNA lab in the second best lab in the country. How is that not attractive?! I know that I probably sound like a total self absorbed asshole right now, but come on, people! It just gets to me, you know. He isn't even that good looking. Okay, he isn't ugly, but hello. Grissom…me…what the hell?!

Sure, you could always argue that they have a history together. Of course they have a freaking history together! The man is fifty years old, people!! If I was that damn old, I'd have a history with a hell of a lot of people, too. It's really not that impressive. I've known her for almost seven years now; we have plenty of history together. No, I didn't lecture her while she was in college, instantly causing her to fall into a hopeless love with me forever and ever, no matter how big of a super prick I'm being, but that's because I'm not fifty!

I have been her friend the entire time she's been in Vegas with us. Nick and I didn't listen to the entire rest of the lab about her. We didn't join Catherine, Warrick and ninety percent of the others in ostracizing her. Why don't I get some points for that? I deserve points for a lot of things, you know.

When I was still just a lab rat, she never had to ask me to put a rush on her tests, it was already done. She always got my good coffee; a woman like her deserved better than the shit the county throws our way. I complimented her on how devastatingly gorgeous she is, day in and day out, even when she truly looked like crap. I didn't look at her while we were in that hazmat shower. Do you even know -can you even, ever come close to understanding- how hard it is to have the love of your life naked and literally two feet in front of you and not look at her phenomenal body?! I could have been a total bastard about it and took advantage of the situation –but- I didn't. That's gotta be, like, a million points…right?

I know that she cares for me, but it isn't in the way that I would like. She listens when I have a problem. She comes to my defense when her…man is being a supercilious prick towards me. When I was attacked, she showed up to the scene. She wasn't there to get evidence. No, Sara was there for me.

That was the sweetest damn thing any woman had ever done or said. It was the sweetest thing any person had ever done or said actually. She went out of her way to get me the best Mexican food and brought it to the hospital for me. Warrick was there with her, and in a way, I appreciated the fact that Grissom was there, but I knew he was there with her. She made them give her time alone with me. She might not admit it, but she does love me. Might not be in love with me, as I am so desperately with her, but she loves me all the same.

I'm babbling aren't I?

So anyway, a few weeks ago I'm walking past the old- I'm walking past Grissom's office. It is way too late, but I had things to do, overtime…whatever, Sara was in there with him. He threw her some Thoreau line about a pumpkin- typical cryptic Grissom. Know what she told him? She told him that she 'wouldn't wait up.'

A woman of Sara's…hell a woman that is in the slightest way similar to Sara Sidle should never have to wait for a man. He should be ready and willing; right there with her for whatever she needs, whenever she needs it.

Now he's left on sabbatical. He's gone away for four whole weeks. Did the two of them honestly not think that we would notice that belly of hers? This is going to sound like a total dick thing to say, but I hope he lets her down. It's just...we've all seen what happened in the past. I can be a makeshift dad. Second best won't hurt me any, because even then, I would still be with her. He did nothing but let her down; true to his old form, Grissom will fail her again, and when he does, I will be there.

And no, it's not like I hate him. He's my boss, and I respect the hell out of the guy. I can't, for the life of me though, figure out why the hell she went for him. If you like balding, fifty-year-old, socially retarded, emotionally stunted, bug obsessed workaholics, then yeah, Grissom's definitely your guy. She deserves so much more and better than that. Sure he deserves someone as well, but not someone like Sara.

She dances around me all the time. Not physically like all twirly and swirly dancing. Dancing like she says things and does things that get me chasing her again, dancing after her until I ask her out again and she says no…again. She does to me what Grissom did to her. It hurt her so badly; I don't know why she does it to me.

In the end, through all I've done, said and shown to her, she will never be mine. I don't have what she's looking for, not that she's looking anymore. She's happy with that…odd man, so I guess that makes me happy.

After the Thoreau thing, he went home to her. When he returns to Vegas from his sabbatical, he will be returning to the family he left; he'll be returning to Sara in his home. They are happy, so…like I said, I'm happy.

When it comes to Sara Sidle, I am forever the hopeless; forever awaiting the chance with her that I know will never come. I will always need to look up at down.

-Tear- Totally joking. Like? Yes...no? This was written from two hours of sleep in three days, as you can probably tell. Generally, as many of you have pointed out, the deprivation aides my comedies well, but this showed up instead. I don't even know if it makes sense, and aren't tenses a bitch? I'm sure you'll let me know! I'm simply astounded that on two hours of sleep in three days that, well for one, I still use words like astounded, and two, still have the ability to function. Insomnia blows!

I sleepily adore you all, and still sweetly demand the reviews while standing by my claim that the damn review button is purple…damn rainbow conspiracy I tell ya…

thegreatbluespoon